Dear X Poetry - Fiction and the Dead

[unpredictablebijou]

This is not a typical Dear X thread - you can find those all over the place if you need to do the regular Dear X thing.

This is a Poetry version of Dear X. It is for letters to those who cannot be spoken to in the usual ways: The dead, the imaginary, the fictional, the archetypes, the unreal.

I just thought the poetry board needed something like this, and as always I'm hoping that besides good prose, perhaps it will generate some new poetic work as well.

Enjoy.

 

[champagne1982]

Dear Aunt G,

You know they didn't give you morphine the final morning you spent with us? We learned of it too late but then had a quiet word with your physician. He berated the nurse and explained to her that of course you would respond to love but that you were too deep to otherwise communicate. I knew what you wanted, your kids did too, that's why we told you to go.

I hope you're comfortable there, with your two loves and all those grandbabies that preceded your arrival. Be happy in their presence and don't worry, our lives are unfolding as they should.

Always with love...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Dear Sylvia Plath,

I'm still trying to figure you out. And by extension, myself. Is it necessary to be unhappy, to be epic, to be in pain, to write as well as you?

hoping not,

bijou

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Hi Mum
It's now been a full year since you went and though I hope you are reunited and happy with Dad I just wonder if you realise that the tenuous thread that was holding us three girls together finally snapped because you didn't make a will. That money that was squirreled away in her
ex-husband's bank account she kept it you know? Denied all knowledge at first then agreed it was there but claimed it was £600 not £6000. It did snap the thread but I won't let it ruin my life nor will I let what you did to me ruin me any longer. That was you and this is me, I made up my mind to leave it all behind me. You can't upset me anymore because I know your words were only uttered to hurt not because they were in anyway true, You were the loser not me you lost the love and respect of
Your third daughter
Annie

 

[liquorish]

Dear Janis:

Here I will not talk about your voice, but instead about your body, because I envy the beads which lay close over your small, perfect breasts, your nipples spiked and tight in the chill studio air. Your hair, thick and wild and random as your psyche, I would use to pull you to up into self-worthiness, or down into submission, though which of these directions I have yet to decide.

We're all told how unattractive you were. Bullshit. Any animal so young and healthy is someone someone wants to fuck. And if you brought half the passion to sex you brought to blues, baby, well, looks are not everything. I'll take my chances with a 4/4 beat and not so much alcohol as to soften desire. Perhaps for this one time, maybe you can be the southern comfort.

No, I don't want you to sing, though it is why I know you. I want you to be what you are, or were - a young south Texas girl with skinny legs and vulnerable eyes, a lot a lot of hair and the sex drive of an anaconda. There is so much that can be done with your basic feather boa.

So take another little piece of my heart, now baby. I've got some other peace in mind.

Lou

 

[Liar]

Dear Xun Zi,

You're forgetting something.
Malice takes effort, and man,
you must agree,

(If you ever
met a man, that is. I'll never
know for sure, if all you towering
minds sample life, or mould your own
man to study, out of papier-cliché.)

is first of all prone to sloth.
And man, don't Man know it,
that there's always room for
a little lazy, another hour
to rest your feet.

Evil is a project, leave it
to the generals.

 

[champagne1982]

Dear Secret

You should be written in paramount
silence that circles in a magnificent
plume and showers tumultuous
cascades in one thunderous
cacophony of whispering.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Dear Daisy

You were the best dog I ever had, so much honour, spirit and courage fitted into a 14 inch frame, When I first brought you home as such a tiny puppy you were smaller than Bugsy's head you sat between my feet and swore at him and he was your slave for life, You brought home cups and ribbons at shows but you were much happier bringing back muddy feet from the river. It broke my heart when I had to make the decision to let you go and I held you in my arms as you left us bereft and inconsolable. Your grandson lives on with us now into his 13th year and is all the more precious for being part of you.
Daisy dog of valour my protector, my best friend.

 

[Anschul]

Dear God,

Why would he do that?
What did the little boy do?
Why, at three, did he deserve
Red welts, blue bruises, brown scabs?

What makes a man do
The awful things he did
To a vulnerable child
Not yet old enough to understand?

Where were you?
Was this part of the plan?
Does your grand design
Include anger such as this?

How is a family to cope
With the kind of thunder
Created by an angry man
Taken out on children?

Who could be strong enough
To bear this relentlessness
In silence born of fear
That it might never end?

When does it ever end--
That which transcends years,
Carried forward in dreams
That plague an old man now?

Anschul

 

[Anschul]

Russian River 1974

Dear Jerry,

As the years pass me by,
I often sit and remember
Sunny California days,
Hazy memories of passing friends
Laced with lace and such.

Music everywhere,
Bouncing off trees,
Rolling with the river,
Drifting on the night
When we weren't playing.

Soft guitars belie the image,
Robert's beautiful poetry,
Gentle melodies of loved ones
Here or not, but always here.
We will never forget.

Times change;
Sometimes we grow up,
Sometimes we don't,
And sometimes both.
But we'll always have the music.

Love, peace, and thanks,
The Piper

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Dear George Carlin,

Did you really need to take my tetra with you? Don't they already have aquariums there, with fish in them? Losing you AND Sherman in the same day made me doubly sad.

travel safely,
bj

 

[normal jean]

Dear Daddy-

You were such an asshole sometimes. I was so afraid of you when you would come home after a night out drinking and playing poker. It was always worse when you lost, but not any better if you won because Mama was always up worrying about you even when she knew you were out with the "boys" at the Legion Hall. And when you finally came home, you would beat the shit out of her if she dared say a thing. There are times I still believe that you didnt deserve to be loved by her, she gave her whole life to you and maybe that is why you didn't respect her.

I went through nearly my whole life wondering if you really loved me and the night you died, well, the last words you spoke to me were ' I love you, honey." Somehow that made it seem better, but even now, I wonder why you never told me what was hurting you so badly that caused you to treat your family like we didn't matter. I know you were troubled, you could have talked to me, I would have listened.

We loved you. Even when you were mean and angry. Mama deserved better and the way you treated her made her old and bitter before she was old enough to be bitter, old enough to have earned it, if that makes sense.

I wanted to thank you for taking me camping, I thought I had time left to thank you. I thought you were too mean to die, really. I thought there would be a time when we would go to San Diego and then to Tijuana like you offered when times were so hard for me, when mike was beating me and all that stupid shit was going on. I knew you were sick, and I was afraid to go, I was afraid that something would happen and we wouldn't be able to get back...I suffered from the denial that you kept hidden in your own self for so long and I think I still do.

But I wanted to thank you for taking me frog gigging, even though we never actually killed any. I couldn't have done that even if a bull frog the size of Houston had jumped from the creek an mauled me. I imagined that happening many times but I didn't want to tell you and have you laugh at me but it was fun, all of us out in the creek, stomping around during the full moon, I could hear them croaking, and I think that you are the reason that I love them so much now. You are the person who taught me to be quiet and listen to the crickets and listen for the sounds of animals' footsteps in the dark. You are the one who taught me to love being outside no matter what the weather was like. You are the reason I am still with Mike because I see you in him, I keep thinking I can make him happy, but I am killing myself by staying here and being so unhappy with my life the way it is. You always said I was stubborn and you were right about that...

sometimes I hated you, I just wanted to tell you that. Sometimes I wished you weren't my daddy and I think you knew that. There were times I wished you were dead and now, when I think about that, I remember that I wanted to ask you why, when I went to the hospital with you after that huge heart attack...why did you scream and curse at me? I only wanted to be there with you and you humiliated me so badly. the doctors and nurses told me to leave. I wanted to go into the bathroom and slit my wrists. When i think about it now, I still hurt.


But what I really want to know, is why didn't you tell anyone you even HAD that heart attack? When i mentioned it to Mama after you died, she said, " your father never had a heart attack." she thought I was lying. Mama always thought so little of me and that in turn made me think so little of myself.

I know you would be so pissed off if you knew I wrote this, in a public place, where people would judge you and then judge me. I don't care. You hurt me. I still feel tiny and stupid and I have trouble even looking in a mirror. truth is, most of the time, I wish I were dead, but my girls are what keeps me here an dbreathing and I try so hard not to let them see the pain, see the misery and the awful memories I have of being young. I tell them it was great. we had fun, I tell them about the good times when you were kind and gentle. I do remember acts of kindness, but they were usually towards people not related to you. You worried what people thought of you but you were concerned with the wrong people, you should have cared about your kids and your wife first.

I hope your spirit hung around long enough after you passed to see how sad mama was when you died. Katie found you and she was only 6. Mama sat beside you on the bed and bawled like a baby. I hurt so bad for her and at the same time, I was angry at her. She divorced you, she told me so many times how much she hated you and I don't blame her, after what I saw growing up. You deserved to be hated, but you deserved to be loved. I loved you. That s what I mostly wanted to say. You were fucked up, but I loved you. Now I am fucked up and my kids love me, but I don't hurt them the way you hurt your own kids.

If you could come back, I would ask you why you even had us if we were so much trouble. But i know you were troubled and I forgive you. I'm sorry I let you down, I only know what you taught me. I hope you are at peace and I hope I can get that peace at some point before I die. I dont know how I can face you if there even is an afterlife. Sometimes I hope there isnt and then I get so afraid that there isnt and I will never have the chance to say I am aosorry for not beinbg teh beautiful daughter you wanted.

I know you thought I was smart, but I also knew you never thought I was pretty. You should tell your daughter she is beautiful just because she is your daughter. I was never good enough and you let me know. Maybe you didn't mean to, but it came through in your actions. I'm sorry I didn't make you any biscuits before you died, but I thought you would be around a while longer. I cant make up for that now. I'm sorry

I thought I had more good things to say, but I guess alll I could dredge up is pain. You would like Bijou. She is the reason I got the nerve to write this and I hope you can forgive me for baring my soul, but I never got the chance when you were alive. Please don't hate me

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You move me to tears NJ and you are beautiful

 

[Anschul]

NJ,
I'm ache for your pain as I ache for mine. The damage fathers do is so wicked because we love them so much no matter what because they are our fathers. No matter how hard we hate them somehow there is still the kernel of love. I read that in your dear letter, and I felt--feel the same way. No matter what it felt like at the time, I guess I believe he didn't hate me, it's just that he hated someone or something, and I was just there. Always guilty of bad timing, I guess. My sin then, maybe still so. But you're definitely not hated here or now.
Anschul

 

[champagne1982]

Darlings,

They didn't hate you, they hated their own demons. You were easier to hurt than that amorphous darkness they couldn't find a name for. The flaws are theirs, not yours; do not own that pain. For what it's worth, I love who you've shown me you are and no matter what the world thinks, I know you're beautiful.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

To my unborn child

Though your shade waits in the shadows it is best that you weren't born lest I also lash out in anger, for I am afraid that maybe I learnt my lesson too well. They say that many abusers were themselves abused and how would I live with myself if that turned out to be true?

 

[Liar]

Dear Grandpa,

You are dead to me.

There, I said it. Now I must wait for your ashes to get the hint,
watch them untangle from pulse and water and fall apart,
years after your words and your laughter did. I hope
you don't mind that I grieve a little in the meantime.

And I must wait for you to be dead to Grandma too.
She still thinks you talk to her sometimes, even when
words are not even words, and there's no man
behind those dust grey eyes.

I love you.
But you're dead.
I hope you don't mind.

 

[Anschul]

Darlings,

They didn't hate you, they hated their own demons. You were easier to hurt than that amorphous darkness they couldn't find a name for. The flaws are theirs, not yours; do not own that pain. For what it's worth, I love who you've shown me you are and no matter what the world thinks, I know you're beautiful.

Champs,
I knew that, and I can only hope that NJ does too, but as that wonderful philosopher Eyeore once said, Thanks for noticing.

Anschul

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Dear Brain

Why oh why do you clutter yourself with stuff I would rather forget and then refuse to tell me where I left the car keys. It's not as if we haven't had a close relationship over the years, have I let you down in some way? Not been there for you in your time of need? I can more or less forgive you for blocking great chunks of my childhood although I must say was it your right to do so without permission? I mean to say who is in charge here? But I guess you did it for my own good or that's how you see it. It's just now that I am getting older there are answers to questions that only you can provide and you continue to hold out on me, as a matter of fact you are telling me less and less these days. As hard as I try to think the more the answer slips away and is impossible to find, so I thought before you delete any more of my temporary files, I would have this talk with you and ask you to kindly ask before everything I hold dear ends up in the recycle bin and is whisked away forever.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I sent 'Dear Brain' to some friends and one smart alec replied thus:-

Answer from brain, Dear Annie as I see it you have asked me questions when I have been asleep,Or when you have sent too many messages to me at one time, and as your brain I can tell you I have been fuddled at times,
So have had to pick and chose which questions would be best to answer, Sorry if I chose the wrong ones I will try harder next time,And please can I ask you to be thinking clearly when you ask a question,Please do not drink before.

ps At least I answer. Love from yours truly your Brain x x

 

[normal jean]

Anschul, Annie and Champ. I love you all. Thanks for the hugs.

Now I go on pretending that everything is purrfect.

 

[champagne1982]

Dear Frustration,

You creep into our lives as if you belong, finding us when we are most anxious. Why do you find it neccessary to hide my keys, break my pencil and make my lover orgasm just I begin my ascent to pleasure? It hurts to be dropped from such a height, in case you didn't know. You make me late for appointments and miss noting important numbers. Sometimes, you're very hard to love.

 

[champagne1982]

I sent 'Dear Brain' to some friends and one smart alec replied thus:-

Answer from brain, Dear Annie as I see it you have asked me questions when I have been asleep,Or when you have sent too many messages to me at one time, and as your brain I can tell you I have been fuddled at times,
So have had to pick and chose which questions would be best to answer, Sorry if I chose the wrong ones I will try harder next time,And please can I ask you to be thinking clearly when you ask a question,Please do not drink before.

ps At least I answer. Love from yours truly your Brain x x

Ahh, Annie, you certainly have humour in your life. I think you're pretty danged smart and healthy, if everyone had your attitude, therapists would need to go out of business. Stay light my dear, and sometimes, if your brain hides the switch, we'll help you find it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think all those I call friend have a damn well developed sense of humour

 

[Guest]

Dear Online Friend,

I dreamed Sea Monkeys,
freeze-dried shrimps in a bowl,
reconstituted soup ala me.
We finally met, though
not face to face, spermatozoa
to ova for a zygote, baby.

We turkey basted long distance.

In nine months, I hope not
to find a legal suit,
your husband at my door and chimps
with my blue eyes. Honest,
I'm just the donor, not the father!