I lost my Sir.

[Tyr51]

I know none of you know me very well. I've not even posted enough to get an avatar, but I'm around here and there, and I write.

I met an amazing gentleman in December on this site. And in the last six months I eventually dabbled my toes in my first D/s relationship.

I'm moving across country in a few weeks. Due to several circumstances happening in our lives, we became aware things were going to draw to a close anyhow. Things going as they will go, something came up faster than expected and tonight we had the conversation that officially made my relationship with my Sir into a more conventional friendship.

Truth be told, it was probably as kind as it could be. I expect we'll stay in touch a fair bit for a bit, at least.

This is just new to me. I've broken up with boyfriends. I've seperated from someone I lived with for years and was about to marry. This is completely new territory for me. I normally have so many boundries, and they crumbled (albeit slowly) around him. It's not that I am feeling hurt, though I am sure there is some of it, but it isn't the same sort of rejection as I have felt with ending relationships. I'm just feeling a profound sense of loss... like I had a direction and now I don't.

No, I don't need the lectures on not jumping right back into something to try and fill that. I don't have a desire to. I am not sure how I can think of someone else as "Sir" at the moment.

I'm just hurting. :\

I didn't know where else to post.

Anyhow.

Time to go take a hot bath, I think.

 

[Noor]

hugs

 

[trisquel_astur]

Cut a relationship is always hard, cut a dependence is still harder.

My positive vibs and a big hug to you.

Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk.

Kisses,
Angel

 

[Desdemona]

Its never easy

I've survived the ending of a vanilla marriage as well as the end of a D/s relationship. The end of the D/s relationship was much harder because I allowed him in much closer.... as you said, the boundaries crumbled. In time, it gets better. I will always love him and I think he feels the same. He is now my beloved friend because we ended gently and kindly. Give yourselves time. It gets better. Cherish your friendship with this man. You will heal.

In the meantime, I'm sorry for your pain and the loss of this relationship. I know how hard it can be.

 

[notalwaysweak]

*hugs*

I hope you feel better soon. I've never experienced such a loss, but I feel for you anyway.

 

[rida]

{{{HUGS }}}

I understand your pain. I've had to end a D/s relationship and it was one of the hardest things I've experienced so far. I spent days crying, and I still miss him. He helped me learn a lot of things about myself, and in the short time we have been together I grew a lot. I'll always be grateful for what we had, and he will always have a special place in my hearth.

Take your time, cherish what you have shared, and mourn what you have lost.

It will get better.

 

[WriterDom]

I know none of you know me very well. I've not even posted enough to get an avatar, .

Sorry about your pain. But on the bright side, you only need 5 more posts for your av.

 

[Betticus]

Great big hugs.

 

[FurryFury]

I understand that feeling of loss so well. In time it gets a little better, particularly if you understand why it had to happen.

*HUG*

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Splits suck....... all i can say.

*HUGGS*

 

[twysted73]

~ Condolences ~

So many things could be said here but none of them will take away your pain or sense of loss.

Know you are a strong individual. I know this because it takes strength of character to even delve into oneself & discover these feelings let alone persue them in R/L. Then to connect, to bond and to give as you have...takes courage.
It is that strength within you that will get you through this.

I firmly believe we encounter people for a reason. Some briefly so that they may alter our direction just a little. Maybe by a hair. But that hair will lead us to someone who alters us in a large way such as you Sir.

He's a part of you. Of your experience. That will not change either.
Some supress this within them and never enjoy the beauty of submission as you have.
Take solice from that gift you both shared. Take strength from it.

 

[closerIam]

*hugs*

I understand... It's a profound sense of loss and emptiness. Of having no direction and no one to whom you are accountable.

 

[Tyr51]

You all really uphold my opinion that the BDSM community is the best one here on Lit. Thank you for listening and, most of all, for being in a position to offer understanding.

I'm 30 years old. Relationships have ended for me before. I'm not a child to throw tantrums over it. Do I hear unreasonable put downs in my own head? Of course I do. And I know they're absolutely unreasonable. The fact is it was clear that this could not be long term as it was, we knew real life factors were going to come up, and for my part I made a decision to dip my toes in it anyways.

I remember having a conversation with myself 6 months ago on the subject... "tyr, you know that if you let this person in the way they want to be let in, your heart is going to break, right?" "Yup." "You're doing it anyways, arn't you?" "Yup. Heart will hurt either way, lady. At least this way, I have a journey to show for it." I've been reminding myself of that conversation all day, which for the most part has helped. I'm still teary, but it helps to remind myself that I chose it, that things are evolving very amicably, that it's respectful, that it is timely, and that there is still friendship.

I think the day to day is going to take a bit to transition. I got in the habit very early of writing to him daily... first on his request. Eventually I just got used to it. There was an astounding sense of comfort in knowing that someone knew everything on my mind, that there was someone to comment on such things, and there was a safety inherent in that. If I strayed, I'd be held accountable. I could atone for things and have them be over. Someone besides myself cared for my well being. And that feeling of safety and order gave me room to grow in some ways. I found myself having conversations with him again in my head today and having to turn them elsewhere. I had gotten into the habit of "being brave because Sir wants me to be" when facing something difficult, and suddenly just being brave again because... well.... welcome to being an adult. lol

Even in our conversation last night, I know it couldn't have been easy on his end either. I know it was obvious I was crying (stupid having to blow your nose), but I think while I was sad, I was calm. I wanted to be "good" for him even in this; if it was the last thing I could do as his good girl.

You have all offered wonderful advice, and I take it to heart. Thank you for listening to me and letting me share. This is just a new challenge. I'm a very lucky girl for what I've had. And you're right, I will cherish that and the lessons I've learned from it. And I will take the time to understand this feeling of directionless as well; I'm sure there is something to be gained from it as well.

Thank you all, again.

*hugs*

 

[graceanne]

*hugs*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

The end of a relationship where genuine affection, caring, or love has developed is never easy, not even from the PYL side. Having just gone through the end of my M/s relationship and engagement with janey, I certainly understand and sympathize with your sense of loss and grief. We went about it as adults, with understanding and compassion for one another. Yes, there have been difficult days, but we get through them.

And she remains my friend, and will always be a part of my journey. And I cherish that.

 

[rida]

... The fact is it was clear that this could not be long term as it was, we knew real life factors were going to come up, and for my part I made a decision to dip my toes in it anyways.

I remember having a conversation with myself 6 months ago on the subject... "tyr, you know that if you let this person in the way they want to be let in, your heart is going to break, right?" "Yup." "You're doing it anyways, arn't you?" "Yup. Heart will hurt either way, lady. At least this way, I have a journey to show for it." ....

Tyr51 ...

It is funny ... I thought I had finally got over the sense of loss. But reading your words and the similitude of the circumstances (I too knew it was going to end eventually and yet I went into it ... and I had to end it earlier than I wished I had too)　it is just bringing a lot of those feelings back.

But the feeling now is more sweet. The sting of the loss is just a bitter-sweet emotion now. And the gratefulness for what the relationship gave me is a comforting warmth.

 

[Homburg]

I remember having a conversation with myself 6 months ago on the subject... "tyr, you know that if you let this person in the way they want to be let in, your heart is going to break, right?" "Yup." "You're doing it anyways, arn't you?" "Yup. Heart will hurt either way, lady. At least this way, I have a journey to show for it." I've been reminding myself of that conversation all day, which for the most part has helped. I'm still teary, but it helps to remind myself that I chose it, that things are evolving very amicably, that it's respectful, that it is timely, and that there is still friendship.

Brava, both for the conversation you had for yourself, and the outcome. I am a big fan of accepting consequences before acting. Many times I have done things with complete foreknowledge that the consequences were likely to be unpleasant, but that doing the act was worth the consequence.

You sound like you are on the right track.

*hugs*

 

[SubKekiLee]

All the people here are wonderful people Tyr and they all have said everything I can imagine I would have shared.. D/s is a very strong bond.. I am very sorry for your loss... BIG HUGS! I cant really say anymore than they already have with any more profound words they have shared with you...