Coming out Poly, BDSM style....

[kinkyknickers]

Okay, so I've been involved sexually in one way or another with my partners, Man and Minxie for four months now, and I haven't actually told any of my close friends.

We were friends for quite a few years before all this happened. A few of their friends know, and are accepting for the most part (at least I think they are).

Minxie tried to tell her best friend the other day and chickened out. I don't mind I've been playing Possum myself for too long now. If I don't tell my closest friends soon, they'll get suss and upset that they think I don't trust them.

Has anybody "come out" poly to their friends, or BDSM for that matter?

I'm guessing that I might as well explain them both so they understand the dynamic of the relationship and know that nobody is being taken advantage of.... if they don't wanna be that is.

I've been waiting to be sprung, but I'm too good at privacy for that, so it's out with it, balls and all.

Should be fun to see the look on their faces . Lucky, I know most of them will just say, "sounds like something you'd do, you freak!"

 

[catalina_francisco]

Do you really feel you have to tell anyone? I always think it is sort of on a par with being mainstream and agonising over whether to tell all your friends/family what positions you and your partner/s have sex in and call them every time you do it and then wait to see if they give you their approval...IOW, it is private and between those involved and really not something anyone has a right to get cut up about if they find you didn't run and tell them...not their business. Just, my 2 cents.

Catalina

 

[kinkyknickers]

It's not a case of divulging my sex life, this isn't a convinient three-in-a-bed now and then thing, it's a loving, committed relationship.

I suppose people need to know that we are more than just friends because of the same reason a girl would introduce her new boyfriend to her friends, so it's understood that they are my partners and will be treated as such.

I'm not telling everyone, just making things a little less ambiguous for those I respect and trust.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's not a case of divulging my sex life, this isn't a convinient three-in-a-bed now and then thing, it's a loving, committed relationship.

I suppose people need to know that we are more than just friends because of the same reason a girl would introduce her new boyfriend to her friends, so it's understood that they are my partners and will be treated as such.

I'm not telling everyone, just making things a little less ambiguous for those I respect and trust.

I guess I can see it from that point though it is still something I have generally not bothered making too much of a point of and known they would still be treated with the usual respect friends treat anyone with. LOL, most have picked up on when someone in my life is more than a friend as I am usually very affectionate with partners, but it still doesn't alter the relationship they have with them, nor do they feel I should have told them. Maybe it is just me in that I am fairly easy going so I don't think of making an announcement of sorts...might be my introverted nature and hating attention.

Catalina

 

[Bandit58]

Has anybody "come out" poly to their friends, or BDSM for that matter?

All our friends here know we are in a D/s relationship, that I'm bisexual and that we sometimes play with other women. Sir was out as kinky before we met so it's been easy for me to be out as well. They are very accepting although they may not understand some of it

However my family in New Zealand is a different story. I have two grown kids, a son of 25 and a daughter aged 20. I came out as bi to her last year when she was having troubles trying to help a guy friend who was confused about his sexuality. She took it in her stride and I'm sure thinks it's just another aspect of her "weird mum with the tattoos" I'm sure she's told her brother, they are very close. He hasn't mentioned it though They have visited us and seen the D/s dynamic, but nothing overt and they probably think I am just an attentive wife.

My mother? No freakin way! She doesn't need to know anything about that part of my life. My brother is very straight laced and wouldn't have a clue, so he doesn't know either. We live just like any other married couple, we are not poly in the sense that we would live with anyone else, so that isn't going to arise as an issue.

My advice - pick your battles. If anyone doesn't have to know, then don't tell them. No sense in creating unnecessary drama

 

[Netzach]

Well, when your SO and his new (male) date run into someone who's closeted at work at the local gay watering hole, it's kind of nice to maybe take a moment to explain that you're not cheating on your wife or something. But that's also TMI so....we're just playing it cool for now.

I get to relish the feeling now of "oh that poor girl" when I drop by his office if this gets around, which it will if one particular person is told.

cat, how would you like to have to pretend that F is just someone you ran into and hang out with and not tell a soul? It gets much more confusing because the world is full of assumption and doesn't know anything about your kind of relationship except what it reads in smutty magazines. I guess recently I've learned the limitation of just be cool - as you know this is not a discussion I relish with people and it's not something I explain to my vanilla friends either unless asked about my sex life. If someone asks they get one vague warning "well I'm kind of unconventional, so if you don't want to know...." and that's it.

But that has its limits. Eventually someone is going to think and say the worst about you in ways that CAN affect you unless you can do some very embarrassing damage control. And you have to decide if you want to explain or just let them think the worst - as Bandit said, I pick my battles and I advise this. If it's not going to advance your relationship in any way there's no need to have the conversation. However, sometimes you have to.

But seriously, how is that any different from telling a gay person to just stay in the closet about it? WHO you fuck does make a difference in this world, it's not the same as telling anyone in detail what you do in bed at all. If everyone acted like every gay person who did choose to be in your face about their romantic relationships was being gross I can only imagine where we'd be now. Just because I personally would probably opt to say nothing and let them figure it out doesn't apply to the rest of the universe.

 

[kinkyknickers]

Yup, won't be telling my family, it wouldn't help any concerned, and they don't need to know (we all love each other heaps, but don't live in each others pockets).

It's like Netzach said, I don't want people thinking there's something going on behind another's back. These thing have a way of getting around.

It's kinda kooky, nobody had problems with the open knowledge that I "played" with couples before, but I reckon the committed long term relationship thing will raise a few eyebrows.

Funny, init?

 

[intothewoods]

It's a tough question in my mind. I personally liken bdsm more to cat's example of discussing sexual positions, although kink and bdsm certainly can be much more than "just sex." In some contexts and some philosophical conversations about gender, identity, gender and power, etc., it feels a bit like I'm hiding something to not go there. For the most part though, I have those conversations with people who already know.

It is an intimate detail, and so I think the rule I'm starting to settle on for myself is that if my relationship with a particular friend is such that we discuss intimate details (very close friends), then I have told them. If the relationship is close but we don't discuss intimate details, then it really doesn't come up and I don't bring it up.

The thing is, if you were talking about a topic before and you suddenly clam up, your friend knows something is up. A couple of people I told just because they hammered me with questions and I didn't want to lie to them. Recently, with an old former colleague who's my friend, I said something like Netz's comment of, it's unconventional, so don't ask if you don't want to know. She didn't really press it, and I didn't offer anything else.

I see poly as less like cat's sex position example and more like being gay. It would be weird for me not to tell my friends that I'm seeing someone. In fact, friends of mine I told about Mister Man months later were pissed that I hadn't shared earlier! I don't think you have any reason to be ashamed of it, kk, and I think it's perfectly acceptable to say, I just want you guys to know that I'm seeing two wonderful people, and we're all quite happy.

I'm not poly, and never had the experience of "coming out" for that. As I mentioned above, I did tell some of my friends and my sister about being kinky. There are a few friends I'd prefer not to tell if I had to do it again, but it was very wrapped up in my divorce, and it was pretty clear there was something else going on that I wasn't sharing. So I shared. I'm a person who's pretty comfortable sharing her feelings, but that was hugely uncomfortable for me. Again, it was connected to the divorce, and I had a hard time avoiding the topic. When someone asks you repeated pointed questions, at some point you can either lie, say you would prefer not to talk about it, or tell the truth. I told the truth, and I'm happy I did with my sister, because we are very close and to not tell her was a bit like hiding a part of my sexual identity. However, I'd just as easily go back and tell a few of my friends that it's a private topic and I prefer not to discuss it.

The unfortunate truth sometimes is that friends might grow apart when the individuals start to make different choices with their lives. Sometimes it just happens -- different lifestyles, different things you do with your time, less overlap, etc. Sometimes it's because your friend is uncomfortable with choices you make, or vice versa. We can call it judgmental, and it is. In general, if the friendship was solid, and the choices the individual makes are clearly beneficial, the friendship will probably make it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

cat, how would you like to have to pretend that F is just someone you ran into and hang out with and not tell a soul?

It wouldn't bother me, nor bother me what they thought to be honest. Honestly, I am open but never in any relationship have I felt I needed to disclose anything to anyone outside that relationship, nor did people feel I should have told them anything. Similarly, I have never felt I needed to pretend anything either. I have had many a deeply sexual conversation with friends over the decades, but it doesn't exttend to having to keep them informed as to what I am doing emotionally or sexually...most who know me will guess anyway but usually have the grace to leave it at that. Perhaps it is just we have different sort of friends but neither F or I have ever been in a position (in this or any relationship) where those around us assumed anything, or asked about someone we were with in terms of what the relationship was in any context, or saw it as their right to be told or informed (well not since early high school anyway). I really can't understand why anyone would feel they should have been told if it did not personally involve them in the relationship. I also don't feel I am hiding anything, I don't feel it is a secret, it is just not anyone else's business.

As to how whoever I am with is treated by my friends, I have never felt that would necessitate telling them the dynamics of the relationship to ensure they treated them with respect....casual acquaintance, work colleague, friend or lover, I expect those around me to treat all with respect out of respect to both those in question and me, not to mention common courtesy. I get the feeling my comparison to sexual positions etc., has been taken that I am saying kk's relationship is just sex which I wasn't, just that I think relationship dynamics (even if only non-sexual friends) and sexual dynamics are not something anyone should feel compelled to go out of their way to inform others about to ensure respectful behaviour or limit possible gossip. Reality for me is if someone is going to gossip because they don't know, they are likely to gossip just as much if not more when they do know, just perhaps not to a person's face. I have no problem with someone who is comfortable with telling others, but kk's initial post to me read more like they felt they had no choice in the matter and had to tell regardless and that I just don't think should be a situation a friend puts another in....shouldn't friends trust their friends to know what they are doing and respect their privacy?

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

Ehhhh...I see both sides of it. All of my friends know about what kinds of relationships I'm involved in because we all discuss our relationships. While I'm without question the kinkiest one in my group, we're all fairly sexually uninhibited, so nobody really minds one way or the other. There was no great Moment in which I confessed or anything. It was more like, "Hey, you know so-and-so? I'm fucking him. Oh, and so-and-so-#2, also," or whatever.

My family on the other hand--don't ask, don't tell. I'm not interested in their private lives, and they're not interested in mine.

I don't think anybody's obligated to divulge any personal details about their relationships to feel accepted, however.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

From personal experience I say HELL NO to telling anybody.

 

[EmpressFi]

Honestly, I think the biggest reason you want to tell them is the reason Malin and I have told anyone at all (outside of people here)

When we first went poly. I didnt have another partner yet, so there was really no reason to tell anyone, and so we didnt.

Then sometime while planning my trip to England, a friend of mine and I got closer via IM and planned to spend some time together while I was there. But since I was going with our matron of honor and visiting another dear friend of ours, we didnt want them thinking I was cheating on Malin. So, we told them that we were poly and that I was going to spend some time with my friend. I dont think our one friend was ready to hear it or believed it, as she came knocking on our hotel room door 3 times that night and interrupted to the point that he gave up... and a few months later, when I mentioned Malin was travelling to see his girlfriend, she kept trying to assure me that he wouldnt cheat on me because he loved me.

Spring ahead a couple years and now she's the one I trust to contact Master if something should happen to me. She doesnt ask questions but she supports the relationship like a girlfriend would. She is a little uncomfortable with the idea of seeing us together as a couple because she's only known Malin and I, but that's ok, I wont force her. The fact that she supports it in her way is enough.

There is a small clutch of friends at work who know only because they're also poly/bdsm/kink and we support each other. And I came out to a longtime friend after she saw my Facebook profile and wanted to know why I my marriage was "complicated" and in doing so found out that she and her husband were into BDSM and she had been too afraid we'd freak out to tell us.

On one hand.. I can see the point of ..why share what goes on in my bedroom.. but this doesnt just go on in my bedroom. Master and I are as much a couple as Malin and I...that means..some days I want to scream with frustration and some days I want to gush over something he said or did. I was able to do that with Malin and our friends and sometimes it's quite lonely to have to hide that part because it's not "accepted" and sometimes it frustrates me that he has to be "single" to our other online friends because they wouldnt accept it.

So.. I guess.. if the situation were handled with care, I'm all for it. You can share the love without sharing the LOVE..

 

[im_a_voyeur]

It's half and half. A lot of my friends back in Chicago don't know... even my best friend since the first grade doesn't know. The 2 girlfriends from Chicago that know I told after I had broke up w/ Marquis and lo last year. They don't know that we're back together again although they know I still hang out with them alot. (They would not be happy about it and I don't really feel like being on the receiving end of the grief they would give me.) Several of my friends in Florida know about the poly situation.

Marquis decided to out me to my parents a few weeks ago. My mom was starting to get suspicious that something funny was going on. When Marquis tried to tell my parents at first, they didn't quite get it. He had to re-explain in more detail later. My parents don't really talk to me about it. I think my mom just made one comment that I was crazy. My father hasn't mentioned it at all. I can't recall how I came to tell my sister but she isn't a fan either but she figures it's my life.

I don't have any real support from my friends or family but that's mostly because they see more of the negative aspects then the positive stuff.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Okay, so I've been involved sexually in one way or another with my partners, Man and Minxie for four months now, and I haven't actually told any of my close friends.

We were friends for quite a few years before all this happened. A few of their friends know, and are accepting for the most part (at least I think they are).

Minxie tried to tell her best friend the other day and chickened out. I don't mind I've been playing Possum myself for too long now. If I don't tell my closest friends soon, they'll get suss and upset that they think I don't trust them.

Has anybody "come out" poly to their friends, or BDSM for that matter?

I'm guessing that I might as well explain them both so they understand the dynamic of the relationship and know that nobody is being taken advantage of.... if they don't wanna be that is.

I've been waiting to be sprung, but I'm too good at privacy for that, so it's out with it, balls and all.

Should be fun to see the look on their faces . Lucky, I know most of them will just say, "sounds like something you'd do, you freak!"

To be honest we have friends who know we are poly and BDSM and we have collegues who think we are just friends and some that think we are just normal boyfriend and girlfriend.. it just depends on who they are and what part of them play a role in our lives.. We do not share with everyone the dynamics of our lives.. It is a trust issue for us.. If we trust you we share it... and if we dont then so be it.. it just depends....Just like our kids... MIne know but his dont.. MIne know cause of someone else his dont cause we have been very careful.. Someday when they are all OLDER ands wiser and yes.. but for now things are good..

 

[Anne_Prospere]

i tell everyone.
i mean, that is not off limits by one of my other partners.
I dont go around flaunting my relationship, but I refuse to have to tip toe around it and feel like either of them are secret, Im very matter of fact.

it SUCKS sometimes. I was trying to explain my relationship to the girls I work with and they attacked me basically.(One skinny little 19 yr old hooker in particular who'll get a shoe to the shin when I leave this job.)

I get the whole "he doesnt love you if he has to have two of you" and "well clearly you arent satisfying him if he has to get it elsewhere" and there's "you dont love HIM if you let him do that"
how bout the old, "Im not judging but I could NEVER do that. i have too much pride."

all of these statements are meant to imply a number of hurtful things. It's tough sometimes to deflect that and remain confident in your love for the other people in the relationship. I owe it to them. They love me, and I wont stick them back in the closet (they were a secret for long enough.)

My mother knows, my friends know, my father doesnt know but we dont talk much. he'll know soon.

I've lost friends, and I've been judged.. it SUCKS. But it's totally freeing. I'd say its worth it.

 

[Anne_Prospere]

It's half and half. A lot of my friends back in Chicago don't know... even my best friend since the first grade doesn't know. The 2 girlfriends from Chicago that know I told after I had broke up w/ Marquis and lo last year. They don't know that we're back together again although they know I still hang out with them alot. (They would not be happy about it and I don't really feel like being on the receiving end of the grief they would give me.) Several of my friends in Florida know about the poly situation.

Marquis decided to out me to my parents a few weeks ago. My mom was starting to get suspicious that something funny was going on. When Marquis tried to tell my parents at first, they didn't quite get it. He had to re-explain in more detail later. My parents don't really talk to me about it. I think my mom just made one comment that I was crazy. My father hasn't mentioned it at all. I can't recall how I came to tell my sister but she isn't a fan either but she figures it's my life.

I don't have any real support from my friends or family but that's mostly because they see more of the negative aspects then the positive stuff.

i feel you on this. i know you probably dont see that cause i tell my family, but i understand what you mean about not having support. you can call my mom instead!
i love you babe.

 

[intothewoods]

I get the whole "he doesnt love you if he has to have two of you" and "well clearly you arent satisfying him if he has to get it elsewhere" and there's "you dont love HIM if you let him do that"
how bout the old, "Im not judging but I could NEVER do that. i have too much pride."

That just sucks. I wouldn't like to hear any of that. Why is it worth it to you to tell people, given that you might get that reaction?

I'm not being sarcastic. I'm really curious.

To me, the interesting question is when is sex just sex, and when is it a part of your identity, regardless of whether you tell. It just seems to keep me pondering.

 

[Netzach]

What do people honestly expect from people on this one too?

Most people have absolutely NO frame of reference for a triad other than Anna Karenina, it always has to be about misery and strife. I don't think we're going to singlehandedly undo 700 years of modernism.

 

[Homburg]

Most of my good friends know that I'm kinky. They've known it for some time, actually, as I don't particular see any reason to hide the fact that I get my freak on here and there. Some know details, as I can trust them enough not to flip out.

The poly side is a bit more widely hinted at, simply because my previous poly relationship was a bit more public. People saw what was going on, and probably just assumed I was cheating. The ones that questioned more deeply were given the usual "If you really want to know, I'll tell you, but consider yourself warned beforehand."

My take is that I will answer any reasonable question asked, so long as the person accepts that they might not like the answer. This attitude has helped me greatly in many cases, as being silent would cause problems with some people that really care about myself and my family.

Why do I say this? Because I didn't get to choose whether or not to tell my folks. I was outed to them by the wife of a good friend. Two of my friends were discussing my life while the wife was in earshot. Said friends have been hemmed up for this activity, but it can't be undone. Anyway, wife takes it upon herself to tell my mother, as she and my mom were friends. So my mom, and thus my dad, know about the poly side from the previous time I had an OSO. Very ugly situation, not in the least because I was not the one to tell my parents.

Largely, I am in agreement with Fi. I don't really care whether or not my friends know about the BDSM stuff. It is not likely to happen in front of them. The poly side is more important for them to know about. As she said, you don't want your friends thinking that you're cheating on your spouse. Case in point was last tuesday. MIS and I went out to the goth night that I occassionally frequent. As we sat in a booth and enjoyed each other's company, my buddy Frank walked up. He was a bit drunk, and wondering what the fuck I was doing. Music was loud, I wasn't paying attention, and his greeting was to slam his hands on the table and loudly ask what was up. Startled me just a lil bit. Luckily Frank knew that I'm kinky, and that I do things, but he was still wondering what the hell I was doing with this "random" chica.

So I am more likely to tell my friends about the poly arrangement than any other side of my kink simply because, as Netz referred to, I don't want to have to treat MIS like she is just a friend from work or something. Yes, there are situations where anything other than friend is innappropriate, but those situations go without saying (work, for example). In my personal life, people will know just enough so they don't freak out.

I get the whole "he doesnt love you if he has to have two of you" and "well clearly you arent satisfying him if he has to get it elsewhere" and there's "you dont love HIM if you let him do that"
how bout the old, "Im not judging but I could NEVER do that. i have too much pride."

all of these statements are meant to imply a number of hurtful things. It's tough sometimes to deflect that and remain confident in your love for the other people in the relationship. I owe it to them. They love me, and I wont stick them back in the closet (they were a secret for long enough.)

Yeah, viv got these sorts of statements from my mother. And then mom wonders why I'm not interested in her offer to talk and try to reconcile. Don't judge my gal, or my relationships, I look unkindly upon it, and, for fuck's sake, don't make my gal cry. Unfortunately, my mom doesn't seem to want to learn this lesson.

 

[intothewoods]

What do people honestly expect from people on this one too?

Most people have absolutely NO frame of reference for a triad other than Anna Karenina, it always has to be about misery and strife. I don't think we're going to singlehandedly undo 700 years of modernism.

Good point. I was going to mention one of my friends who has a pretty strong negative reaction to poly because she thinks it's sort of a shallow form of love, if I recall correctly. Anyway, I think this is part what she feels love should be, and part really bad examples that she's seen where one partner basically persuades their monogamous partner into a poly situation.

I can understand being 19 and saying, oh I would never let a man treat me like that! But I am surprised that people of a certain maturity can't look beyond that when it comes to long term relationships. I don't think there are easy answers. I do think it's natural to be attracted to other people.

Another point... there is a certain thing that sometimes happens to heterosexual women in their mid to late twenties. Broadly speaking, not everyone, of course. They start freaking out about marriage and the famous biological clock, or their friends freak out and they can't help but be a little freaked out. It's almost a side effect of all that that women become somewhat desexualized in all that. I mean, all of the heterosexual wedding trappings rest on the idea of this virginal, prim and proper bride, who wears white and writes thank you notes on embossed stationery. It's a little weird, and even if you hate all that, it does rub off to some extent. And then you get pregnant, and the process is complete. From virgin to mother. Not literally, but look at all of the imagery and media that comes raining down on you? White dress to frilly maternity wear and pink or blue baby stuff.

In all of that, I think there is a tendency to bury that part of ourselves that is sexual, and at the same time, it's very threatening to think of your husband wanting to take other partners. And also, I think a lot of women who are mothers might have that sexual interest, but don't have time or are so stressed that their sexuality is really inhibited.

It's certainly not always the case, mind you, but amongst the mothers in my suburban backyard? Oh yeah. One kinky poly dad I know has the multiple partners, and the wife has play partners, but has less time to devote to another relationship. She's the primary caretaker, she works, she does the bills, etc. A non-kinky dad I know is a golf nut and is away practically every weekend playing in a tournament. Does the wife/mom have that time? No.

 

[intothewoods]

Yeah, viv got these sorts of statements from my mother. And then mom wonders why I'm not interested in her offer to talk and try to reconcile. Don't judge my gal, or my relationships, I look unkindly upon it, and, for fuck's sake, don't make my gal cry. Unfortunately, my mom doesn't seem to want to learn this lesson.

Well, even well-intentioned parents judge their kids, even adult kids. They want what's best for them. But what's not okay is to put her issues onto you or, more importantly, viv. I don't like the idea of cornering your kid's spouse. That's really unfair.

 

[Anne_Prospere]

That just sucks. I wouldn't like to hear any of that. Why is it worth it to you to tell people, given that you might get that reaction?

I'm not being sarcastic. I'm really curious.

To me, the interesting question is when is sex just sex, and when is it a part of your identity, regardless of whether you tell. It just seems to keep me pondering.

i have a lot of anecdotes, stories about my life that i share with friends, or whatever and I just dont want to refer to my girlfriend as just my "friend" I dont kiss and tell, i just remain matter of fact about who they are to me.

as far as what I expect from people, I definitely dont expect people to be accepting, in fact I've been shocked at how accepting people closest to me have been.

 

[Homburg]

Well, even well-intentioned parents judge their kids, even adult kids. They want what's best for them. But what's not okay is to put her issues onto you or, more importantly, viv. I don't like the idea of cornering your kid's spouse. That's really unfair.

*nod* she has done this more than once to viv, and it was the catalyst previously that caused the discussion that caused me to part ways with my mother.

 

[myinnerslut]

it is easy to say dont tell a soul. it is also easy to say tell everyone and fuck what they think. its much harder to do either one. its harder still to find the right balace.

as far as the telling goes, in a poly relationship you have the opinion of one who was in the relationship first. in this case they would be telling people that they are bringing in a third person. they risk getting told they arent good enough for thier partner. they risk being accused of cheating or adultury. they risk being told that they had failed to the point where a third person is neccessary to somehow save thier relationship.

then there is the person joing the trio. they risk being told they are breaking up the relationship. that they are a bad influence. that they are a homewrecker. they get accused of trying to steal one or the other of the "original pair". they risk being told that they must not be good enough to find a "regular" sig. other. and if the first couple is married then they are likely to get berated over not being able to walk down the aisle. not being able to have kids or a family. etc etc.


when it comes to hiding it (and i do mean hiding, not just "not saying "becuase if you make the descision that you dont want anybody to know then you will undoubtedly find yourself in a situation where you are going out of your way however slight to hide your tracks and hide yourself. otherwise people WILL figure some stuff out eventually. not everyone is as stupid as you may assume and hope), its again not exactly an equal distribution of stress, strain and consequence. when it comes to the establilshed couple hiding thier relationship, they have to go out of thier way to make sure the third is refered to as a friend, treated as such, and described as such to activly prevent people from knowing the truth. this can get especially tricky with people that know you well, like family or old friends. these people know your moods, and making the extra effort under scrutny to keep the affection out of your look, touch, and interaction with the "hidden third" can be very tiring

hiding your relationship when your the third person, something i have just a bit of experience with, isnt exaclly the easist thing in the world sometimes. there are times when it just plain hurts to be sitting in a group of friends or at a picnic or at the park and to be relocated to the "just friends" position. while i know and understand and agree that those situations are neccessary sometimes, that knowladge only serves to lessen the difficulty by the smallest fraction. i firmly believe that having to maintain the "just friends facade" for too long woud break me. thankfully times like these are limited in my world.


i guess the point of this was to say that no matter who you are in the relationship, either choice can be difficult, hurtful, and problematic. for me, the benifits of the descisions i made far outwiegh the problems, but it wasnt and still isnt easy. and for sombody not in the situation to give a blanket "tell" or "dont tell" comes off as flippant.

 

[Homburg]

there are times when it just plain hurts to be sitting in a group of friends or at a picnic or at the park and to be relocated to the "just friends" position. .

This one tore me up too, kitten