Question 4 women

[lex8508]

I have a pretty serious question for the few ladies that are actually on here. I wanted to know what you women think about a guy thats nervous... I am 22 yrs old, never had more than 5 friends total in my life, never really had the chance to learn how to socialize with people, and all my friends and family have always abandoned me or hurt my in some way. Now I get nervous even going out in public, like going to town. What my question is, is if you saw a guy like that in person, or met one online (Im 6'7 260lbs, very short dark brown hair, green eyes) what do you think youd do? Would you thnk that theres gotta be something wrong with him and just move on, or would you think it was cute that he was so shy? I hope Im making some sort of sense.. I know alot of guys see a girl thats shy or nervous, and they think its cute as hell, or it even turns them on, but what does it say to a woman? Does it just say weakness and tell you to move on, or does it have the same effect? Im interested to hear about this, I tend to over analyze everything and Im trying to figure out what women think when the see me. Thanks for any input.

 

[Sachik]

seems fair. I mean, it really depends how you react to people. Awkwardness and shyness can be cute, but if you don't give a girl any sign you like her, then its unlikely to turn her on that you'r a shyguy.
i mean, a lot of girls find a really confident guy a bit scary!

 

[princesssexci]

seems fair. I mean, it really depends how you react to people. Awkwardness and shyness can be cute, but if you don't give a girl any sign you like her, then its unlikely to turn her on that you'r a shyguy.
i mean, a lot of girls find a really confident guy a bit scary!

I agree, there was once this guy who seemed to like me but never gave any TRUE indication that he was interested, and was very shy...which I thought was cute but didn't want to scare him, in the end....he never came out and told me he liked me...which pissed me off, and so I moved on.

Moral of the story: Even if you're shy....give some indication that you like the girl no matter how subtle, and it should work out.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I don't mind shy. In fact, it can be endearing, to a point. As the previous posters stated, at some point, we have to know you are interested. If you don't show interest we assume you are not actually interested.

 

[PhDinSB]

i know i'm not a female, but here is my unsolicited amateur psychologist opinion.

shy is not bad, as long as it comes from a normal place. the truth is, most of us are insecure when it comes to meeting women or men that we're physically attracted to.

however, if you're shyness comes from a deep seated problem, such as bi-polar, agoraphobia, or there is just some fundamental thing about your psyche that prevents you from opening up, that's what most people stay away from, because they're scared of psycho killers. in real life jeffrey dahmer was extremely shy. you being so tall can make you seem a little intimidating and not as approachable as other people too.

now given what you say about your family, although it's a bit vague, if you think you have a psychological condition, the answer is easy, get help.

but if you're just naturally shy but can open up after spending some time with people, then the answer is equally as easy, just be yourself. some chicks dig shy guys the most.

 

[wickedlady31]

u sound

like someone I know. A social introvert that was always shaking when I talked to him. He did not know how to talk to people very well. I felt bad for him. He was an only child....his mom had him on meds for nerves....I was always someone he could talk to. I was his supervisor but when I left that job....he would still confide in me. I have not seen him in about two years...he went to college...and moved away I guess.....I wonder how he is doing....You do make me think of him

 

[lex8508]

sorry for super long messages

thank you for your messages and trying to help. with me it really is about just figuring out how to aproach people. women never approach me in public, and anytime I see them looking at me, I get embarassed and try to hide. but once someone gets me talking about something I know about, or really love (cars music hockey mainly) its hard to get me to shut up, but then if its a girl, I am never able to see that hey, she migt actually like me... part of the issues I was talking about with my family, is that all my cousins growing up (and my sister) were older than me and I was sick alot, so they always pushed me away as the baby, and my parents growing up, seemed like they were more interested in getting drunk and partying with friends than giving me attention.. and on top of that, when i was a teen my father had a habit of catching me as I was... exploring myself (shall we say) and it seemed like he caught me everytime I even touched myself, and the asshole would yell at me for doing it. so needless to say I have a major negative about it in the back of my mind now.. back to my nerves.. the reason I actually posted this yesterday was because I just went to town yesterday and got my hair cut by someone I know, and for the first 30 minutes I could hardly keep control of my shaking, but after that I relaxed a bit and got control.. I think part of it is, I just dont have the way to get out in public anymore. Im out of work, having a hell of a time finding work, and dont have any friends.. so all I do is sit around all day, play WoW or sit and think.. anyways, thanks again for the advice, and I will try to force myself to at least smile if I see a girl looking at me, even if I shy away..

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Lex, what they did was wrong when you were growing up. Masturbation is natural and damned fun.

Have you thought of trying to find a way to spend time around others, in a way that it doesn't cost you anything? I am not sure what is around you.

 

[lex8508]

I live in a small town in northern california, and Im 20 miles from anywhere really, and my truck gets 6mpg... and I have no money.. Ive never been one to have been able to make friends easily, in my entire life, and the few I ever made, only ever were my friends at their convenience, and used me and abandoned me alot, and even hurt me physically at times.. as big as I am Im sure Im starting to come off as a whiny baby, but hey, Im just trying to get help the only way I can.. thank you for the continued help

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I live in a small town in northern california, and Im 20 miles from anywhere really, and my truck gets 6mpg... and I have no money.. Ive never been one to have been able to make friends easily, in my entire life, and the few I ever made, only ever were my friends at their convenience, and used me and abandoned me alot, and even hurt me physically at times.. as big as I am Im sure Im starting to come off as a whiny baby, but hey, Im just trying to get help the only way I can.. thank you for the continued help

Gas prices suck, for sure and 20 miles is too far with no job and buddy, I have been there before.

and you don't come off as a baby. You are being honest and that is OK.

 

[PhDinSB]

hey man, we all have our baggage. i don't want you to take this as a bad thing, but you should consider seeing a counselor or psychologist. seriously, just talking about these things with someone who is trained to help people cope with their issues can really make a difference in how you interact with others. like i said, don't take this in a bad way. we all need a little help sometimes and many people, myself included, have gotten it from a psychologist. most insurance plans (well, at least the good ones) include mental health treatment as part of their coverage these days too.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

hey man, we all have our baggage. i don't want you to take this as a bad thing, but you should consider seeing a counselor or psychologist. seriously, just talking about these things with someone who is trained to help people cope with their issues can really make a difference in how you interact with others. like i said, don't take this in a bad way. we all need a little help sometimes and many people, myself included, have gotten it from a psychologist. most insurance plans (well, at least the good ones) include mental health treatment as part of their coverage these days too.

I have my own baggage and have seen a counselor before but he has no job, what does he do?

 

[lex8508]

no job and no med insurance... which as me stressed for other reasons (60% of the bone in my left eardrum eroded away and I have a collapsed eardrum and cant get it fixed, and I have an ear infection again) so Im just stressed out worried about how long I have left before I wake up one morning and cant hear out of my left ear at all.. and on top of that I stress over how Im ever going to meet anyone if Im to nervous to approach them, and about jobs because i dont seem confident in the interview.... so yeah, Im a big ball of stress

 

[PhDinSB]

I have my own baggage and have seen a counselor before but he has no job, what does he do?

i'm confused....is this a riddle?

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

i'm confused....is this a riddle?

No, it isn't.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

no job and no med insurance... which as me stressed for other reasons (60% of the bone in my left eardrum eroded away and I have a collapsed eardrum and cant get it fixed, and I have an ear infection again) so Im just stressed out worried about how long I have left before I wake up one morning and cant hear out of my left ear at all.. and on top of that I stress over how Im ever going to meet anyone if Im to nervous to approach them, and about jobs because i dont seem confident in the interview.... so yeah, Im a big ball of stress

Is there a state health plan? Can you go to the health dept or ER?

 

[PhDinSB]

no job and no med insurance... which as me stressed for other reasons (60% of the bone in my left eardrum eroded away and I have a collapsed eardrum and cant get it fixed, and I have an ear infection again) so Im just stressed out worried about how long I have left before I wake up one morning and cant hear out of my left ear at all.. and on top of that I stress over how Im ever going to meet anyone if Im to nervous to approach them, and about jobs because i dont seem confident in the interview.... so yeah, Im a big ball of stress

ughhh, health care sucks in this country. i don't know what to tell you...yoga seems to work for me.

 

[PhDinSB]

No, it isn't.

so is the counselor just a friend of yours? and why does him having no job have anything to do with it? i hope i'm not coming off as snotty, because i don't mean to be. i just don't understand what you're asking.

 

[PhDinSB]

Is there a state health plan? Can you go to the health dept or ER?

i'm pretty sure that there is some kind of public assistance that you can get. i'm not sure exactly which agency it is. you might try calling your local mental health association or something like that.

 

[lex8508]

wo

wow this little thread of mine has just ogne off on a tangent... ans uprisingly, I wasnt the one to take it there.. sometimes Im called abtty (after orbin williams character in fern gully, batty koda) because I tend to have alot of times that I "change channels" or like "bzzt wrong channel" and bounce around to obscure things.... but for one it was me HAHAHA XD

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

wow this little thread of mine has just ogne off on a tangent... ans uprisingly, I wasnt the one to take it there.. sometimes Im called abtty (after orbin williams character in fern gully, batty koda) because I tend to have alot of times that I "change channels" or like "bzzt wrong channel" and bounce around to obscure things.... but for one it was me HAHAHA XD

well, first thing is first. That is a doc to look at your ear. that is important. there has to be a health department or even ER if you are hurting.

The counseling might help you with your confidence and interview skills among other things.

 

[lex8508]

redo for spelling (bad dislexia)

wow this little thread of mine has just gone off on a tangent... and suprisingly, I wasnt the one to take it there.. sometimes Im called batty (after robin williams character in fern gully, batty koda) because I tend to have alot of times that I "change channels" or like "bzzt wrong channel" and bounce around to obscure things.... but for one it was me HAHAHA XD

 

[lex8508]

Thanks

thanks again to all of you that tried to help me, and gave me advice and stories of your past. (the few that did) After reading what you said yesterday, I tried to talk to my father about my worries again and ended up getting in a fight with him (me pissed off at him for once again saying its all in my head) and realized that the only way I am ever going to be able to take care of myself mentally and physically, is to get away from him, that hes a serious part of my psychological issues, and obviously doesnt care neough to want to listen to me and believe me and help me. So, I realize the only way to help myself, is do just that, help myself cuz he and my mother obviously wont. If any of you would like to pm me and offer any other advice or stories.. Id be glad to recieve them, and Id definately appreciate any further stories about people you knew like me, or things like that. Thanks again, and I hope you all have fun filled, safe lives.