Bistro Bijou

[Homburg]

So.
Damned.
Tired.

I'm so shattered that the latest post I read was on page 99, and this post is on 102, and I can't bring myself to care. If anything cool happened in the last three pages or so, could someone be a doll and clue me in?

*falls asleep in a corner booth*

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Is this joining Vox thing like Facebook which drove me crackers filling up my email box with people chucking cows at me and posting videos that I couldn't view?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Too good not to share hope the link works .. sit back and enjoy

http://www.greatdanepro.com/Western Paintings/index.htm

 

[Anschul]

Is this joining Vox thing like Facebook which drove me crackers filling up my email box with people chucking cows at me and posting videos that I couldn't view?

Hi, love. Vox isn't really a "join" place, it's a place where you could have your own website (for free) to say stuff and post stuff of interest to you. I used it to set up Chefzilla's Kitchen just so that this wonderful conglomeration of poets could have a pretty place to post recipes and talk about food, not porn, like we do here. It's of value to you if you wanted your own website, that's all. Facebook and Myspace, places like that, are meeting places. Vox is a weblog (we call them "blogs", free webspace. For example, you could see my other blog if you wanted to, HERE, where I post all sorts of writing (mine and others) that interests me, plus music and pictures and interest groups, stuff like that. If I had found Lit before I found Vox, I might not have done the Fredd's Journey blog, except that it gives me a place to post stuff that isn't porn-related or poetry-related, although I may start posting poems there, too.

Have I bored you yet?

 

[champagne1982]

Too good not to share hope the link works .. sit back and enjoy

http://www.greatdanepro.com/Western Paintings/index.htm

I am within 10 minutes drive to similar scenes in those paintings. I keep forgetting how novel that must be to someone not from ranchland.

 

[Anschul]

All right...I teased you all last week with a change in my life, and I wrote a poem about it, but for those of you who haven't a clue, or haven't heard the teases, here's news in my life. It will explain the AV for those who may be puzzled.

For reasons that have to do with my family, I will be picking up and leaving my beloved Miami Beach, my adopted home since I was eleven years old, for the very un-beachy territory of Central Pennsylvania. My wife has today accepted a position in that area, and we will pick up our two children, two dogs, and waaaay too much stuff, and move them from my wonderful 1400-square-foot waterfront bungalow to some place with a yard and a garden and no beach or no ocean for two hundred miles in any direction (sigh). The prime beneficiaries of this relocation will be children (who will get into real schools, and dogs, who will get land, and wife, who will get the hell out of this place she never, ever liked in the first place.

I plan to find a way to spin this positively, so stay tuned as the domicile search begins in earnest next week.

This will not affect my position of chief cook, dishwasher, and love slave for all the neat women here, and target of derision for the extremely talented men who dabble in Nietzsche and nautical knots. This move will be transparent to all, except on the poetry posts, where there may be some really sappy memory stuff coming out the next few months, and maybe more than a few photos.

I am so completely in love with this place that the thought of going to some landlocked piedmont village upsets me no end, but "it is a far, far better thing I do..." yeah, yeah, you know the whole quote.

That's all for now, gotta run. I've got a 30/30 thing to write. Quickly. Can't drop out now.

And do visit the Kitchen, drop a note and a recipe, or a suggestion.

BBQ ribs for dinner, Asian-style, with fried rice and saute'd spinach and garlic.

 

[Homburg]

All right...I teased you all last week with a change in my life, and I wrote a poem about it, but for those of you who haven't a clue, or haven't heard the teases, here's news in my life. It will explain the AV for those who may be puzzled.

For reasons that have to do with my family, I will be picking up and leaving my beloved Miami Beach, my adopted home since I was eleven years old, for the very un-beachy territory of Central Pennsylvania. My wife has today accepted a position in that area, and we will pick up our two children, two dogs, and waaaay too much stuff, and move them from my wonderful 1400-square-foot waterfront bungalow to some place with a yard and a garden and no beach or no ocean for two hundred miles in any direction (sigh). The prime beneficiaries of this relocation will be children (who will get into real schools, and dogs, who will get land, and wife, who will get the hell out of this place she never, ever liked in the first place.

I plan to find a way to spin this positively, so stay tuned as the domicile search begins in earnest next week.

Good luck on that, brother. Any time you want to spend some beach time, Va Beach isn't too far from me.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Hi, love. Vox isn't really a "join" place, it's a place where you could have your own website (for free) to say stuff and post stuff of interest to you. I used it to set up Chefzilla's Kitchen just so that this wonderful conglomeration of poets could have a pretty place to post recipes and talk about food, not porn, like we do here. It's of value to you if you wanted your own website, that's all. Facebook and Myspace, places like that, are meeting places. Vox is a weblog (we call them "blogs", free webspace. For example, you could see my other blog if you wanted to, HERE, where I post all sorts of writing (mine and others) that interests me, plus music and pictures and interest groups, stuff like that. If I had found Lit before I found Vox, I might not have done the Fredd's Journey blog, except that it gives me a place to post stuff that isn't porn-related or poetry-related, although I may start posting poems there, too.

Have I bored you yet?

I know what a blog is I may be blonde but I'm not completely dumb and I've seen your other one ... it's where I found out what you look like if you remember when you first started posting on here and we used to chat. I've already got a website or part of one where all my early poems and articles are. I know this is a porn site foremost but I don't reckon we talk porn as such not in here anyway, oh sure it creeps in but I think this is a place to meet friends and share quite a lot of affection.

I am within 10 minutes drive to similar scenes in those paintings. I keep forgetting how novel that must be to someone not from ranchland.

Quite a long way away lol but I just thought they were great pictures just wish I could paint as well as that

 

[Anschul]

I know what a blog is I may be blonde but I'm not completely dumb and I've seen your other one ... it's where I found out what you look like if you remember when you first started posting on here and we used to chat. I've already got a website or part of one where all my early poems and articles are. I know this is a porn site foremost but I don't reckon we talk porn as such not in here anyway, oh sure it creeps in but I think this is a place to meet friends and share quite a lot of affection.



Quite a long way away lol but I just thought they were great pictures just wish I could paint as well as that

Sorry, Duh!!, I knew that. My mind is just elsewhere at the moment.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Awww, poor Homburg! All tuckered out from his amazing life.

Let me see if I can summarize.

Angeline made bagels twice and we're all moving to her house.
Fish was discussed.
UYS had a scary moment. Her house got broken into while she was home and her beautiful dogs scared the intruder away. Yay for dogs! She wrote the poem below to celebrate her brave pooch.

Noisy sassy Chloe
not a beauty to be sure
but a heart as pure as gold
and a love that I can't cure.
We saved her once upon a time
brought her in out from the cold
and now this precious bitch
pays me back a hundred fold.

Then there was this:

.
.

Okay, so this link to the BBC isn't all that funny, but the story's headline would cause a doubletake if it appeared here in the colonies.

Great tits cope well with warming

.
.

and this:

I've got great tits .......

and a promise from Eluard:

(I'll have to see what I can do about upping the nudity quotient on the AV.)

and I must include this, since it's sorta the new Bistro survey now.

So lately, to liven up the evening when we go to The Bar, I've been passing random surveys around. Complete strangers will say the most amazing things on an anonymous survey, especially when they've had a few drinks. I usually just let the notebook float around the bar all night and then collect it at closing time, and we read the found poetry on the way home. Last night's was both productive and completely hilarious.

The four questions were:
1. Best pie?
2. Age you lost your virginity?
3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for?
4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with?

A few sample answers. To Best pie, there were the basics, cherry, apple, peach, french silk, but there was also:
American
Songbird

and Free. LOL.

The second had a couple of poignant entries too. Ages went from eleven to 24, but there was also one that said "Rape 12, Intentionally 17" and "16 drunk, 18 sober".

The celebrity question got hilarious answers: Barbra Streisand, Jeff Goldblum, Brigit the Midget, Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, Josh Dumael, Kirstie Alley, Steve Buscemi, (someone else added 'me too!' to that one) Dolph Lundgren, Earnest P. Worrel, and Pepe le Pew.

The last was of course the payoff. It's sort of a found poem so I'll try to write it as one.

Inanimate

Cucumber hand massage motor Christena
Cutup from work blow up doll

paperweight...and it got stuck Couch Plastic bone
Make-up brushes, suckers Hitachi
My numb hand Just the usual

Banana (cleans up easily!) Washcloth
The ugliest pink
phallic vibrator that
a friend of
mine gave me as
a gag gift

A grapefruit
Dildo x2
Does someone asleep count?

***


I do love those people.

bj

and of course Angeline's response:

The four questions were:

1. Best pie?
Oh blueberry, caramel apple, pumpkin, lemon merengue, coconut cream...I could go on.

2. Age you lost your virginity?
Technically? 18

3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for?
Well there was that tres odd dream I had about James Garner, but that was a long time ago. Now nobody because I wouldn't be embarrassed to admit I had the hots for any of them. Maybe Lester Young, given that he has been dead for almost 60 years. And I sort of had a crush on Zorak who is a) an alien praying mantis and b) a cartoon. Is that weird enough for you?

4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with?
Besides the standard dildoes? Uh when I was much younger I found out that candlesticks melt into really weird shapes when they spend time in a heated environment.

Lastly, and of course most urgently, there's this:

ta...daa....

CHEFZILLA'S KITCHEN. It is HERE. want to post recipes, THIS is the place.

Chefzilla's Kitchen
But let's not forget to post here to remind everyone that hey are posted at Chefzilla's Kitchen

I think that pretty much catches you up. except of course for

Chefzilla's Kitchen

how's it hanging, hat boy?

bj

 

[Millificent]

So lately, to liven up the evening when we go to The Bar, I've been passing random surveys around. Complete strangers will say the most amazing things on an anonymous survey, especially when they've had a few drinks.

We know someone who used to do something similar at parties. It was great fun!

 

[Homburg]

Awww, poor Homburg! All tuckered out from his amazing life.

Is that sarcasm? I don't have much energy, but I am sure that I can muster a really deadly glare. Okay, mildly deadly, but still...

Let me see if I can summarize.

Angeline made bagels twice and we're all moving to her house.
Fish was discussed.
UYS had a scary moment. Her house got broken into while she was home and her beautiful dogs scared the intruder away. Yay for dogs! She wrote the poem below to celebrate her brave pooch.

I saw the bit about Annies Awesome pooches.

and I must include this, since it's sorta the new Bistro survey now.
The four questions were:
1. Best pie?
2. Age you lost your virginity?
3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for?
4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with?

1) viv's cheese pie. So. Damned. Good.

2) 19

3) No clue. I don't pay much attention to celebrities, and don't tend to concieve crushes on them. *thinking* Not really making headway. Most of the possible names I could mention really aren't all that embarrassing.

Example - Jean Simmons from "Guys and Dolls". Sure, she's probably dead, and, if not, is a withered old granny, but back then she was classy and gorgeous. It's a bit odd, but not embarrassing.

4) I tried a *cough* vaginal simulator once, many years ago. Wow, nothing at all like an actual vagina, of course, and not fun. *shrug* It came free as part of some grab bag thing. I guess you get what you pay for, and, in my case, it was a neon pink socket that looked nothing like, and felt nothing like, and was apparently either of weak material or the wrong size, as it split in the midst of the initial use. I'm sure today's wayward and randy youth has access to better vaginal simulators, but I certainly could not in good conscience suggest them based on my limited experience.

how's it hanging, hat boy?

bj

"Hanging" is the appropriate term. HC is as asleep as I wish I was. Probably a good thing.

I need to figure out how to recover more quickly from these weekends. I'm great during the weekend itself, but then I'm just flattened for days afterwards.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Is that sarcasm? I don't have much energy, but I am sure that I can muster a really deadly glare. Okay, mildly deadly, but still...

Color me mildly intimidated then.

4) I tried a *cough* vaginal simulator once, many years ago. Wow, nothing at all like an actual vagina, of course, and not fun. *shrug* It came free as part of some grab bag thing. I guess you get what you pay for, and, in my case, it was a neon pink socket that looked nothing like, and felt nothing like, and was apparently either of weak material or the wrong size, as it split in the midst of the initial use. I'm sure today's wayward and randy youth has access to better vaginal simulators, but I certainly could not in good conscience suggest them based on my limited experience.

You BROKE a sex toy?

BWAH!

Okay, well there's an obvious adjunct survey question then.

5. What inanimate objects have you damaged or otherwise broken in that manner?

Angeline has obviously melted candles. (Damn girl, as a former chandler I can tell you that most store-bought candles are made with a paraffin blend which generally has a basic melting point somewhere between 150 - 180 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm surprised ee doesn't get blisters. You must use asbestos condoms or something.)

Bonus points for the adjunct category of falling asleep and letting the batteries run down.

bj

 

[UnderYourSpell]

So lately, to liven up the evening when we go to The Bar, I've been passing random surveys around. Complete strangers will say the most amazing things on an anonymous survey, especially when they've had a few drinks. I usually just let the notebook float around the bar all night and then collect it at closing time, and we read the found poetry on the way home. Last night's was both productive and completely hilarious.

The four questions were:
1. Best pie?
2. Age you lost your virginity?
3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for?
4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with?



bj

1 Just can't decide
2 16 (the legal age in England incase you think otherwise!)
3 Sir Anthony Hopkins/ Herbert Lom .. he used to be in something called the Human Jungle which I rarely got to see as it was on too late and I got sent to bed
4 I dare not say!!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

1 Just can't decide
2 16 (the legal age in England incase you think otherwise!)
3 Sir Anthony Hopkins/ Herbert Lom .. he used to be in something called the Human Jungle which I rarely got to see as it was on too late and I got sent to bed
4 I dare not say!!

YEah, at a bar it's a little more anonymous to confess stuff like that.

oh by the way, I decided it's time to change the bistro graffiti.

Today, those who wander into the Bistro see this scrawled in new fuschia lipstick on the bar mirror:

ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT​

It's just a nice thought for today.

bj

 

[Anschul]

Originally Posted by unpredictablebijou View Post
So lately, to liven up the evening when we go to The Bar, I've been passing random surveys around. Complete strangers will say the most amazing things on an anonymous survey, especially when they've had a few drinks. I usually just let the notebook float around the bar all night and then collect it at closing time, and we read the found poetry on the way home. Last night's was both productive and completely hilarious.

The four questions were:

1. Best pie?
Okay, this one's easy. My Key Lime Pie, as described HERE

2. Age you lost your virginity?
Fourteen. Not eighteen, like it says HERE

3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for?
My deep, dark secret is that I'm way into middle-aged news babes: Meredith Veiera, Anne Curry, Diane Sawyer. Grooowwwwlllllll

4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with?
* embarrassed, but willing to reveal...When I was in Viet Nam I developed a...ahem... close personal relationship with a pillow. Women were scare, you know?

Any of you other "Men" have the cajones to reveal?

 

[Tzara]

1. Best pie?

Tough question. Assuming we can't interpret "pie" as a metaphor for female genitalia (Which would, how could you doubt, be my first choice) I would probably say Shepherd's Pie.

Which is probably also skirting the intent of the question.

If I had to name some kind of traditional pie, I would maybe say pumpkin.

2. Age you lost your virginity?

Nineteen. It was a birthday present from my girlfriend.

3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for?

Uh, Tipper Gore?

The only thing I'm embarrassed about is that warning label shit she championed. She ever wants to dust Al and strike out on some free spirit thingie, I am there.

Bark for me, Baby, bark for me.

4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with?

Sheila. (Name changed to protect, well, somebody.)

 

[Eluard]

Bark for me, Baby, bark for me.
Sheila. (Name changed to protect, well, somebody.)

Oy, that must surely be a lov-erly flower of Orrrsse-stray-an womanhood you're speakin' about there, Cobber!

 

[Millificent]

I wanna play


1. Best pie? not sure...I like pie but I'm more of a cake person. I guess if I had to pick it would be my cheese pie. Or lemon.

2. Age you lost your virginity? 16

3. Celebrity you're embarrassed to admit you're hot for? None. Really

4. Inanimate objects you've had sex with? ummm....a plastic 24 oz soda bottle, zucchini, rope dildo heart, a plastic "Mondo" bottle, banana, silvery vibrator, there's probably more, but that's just off the top of my head.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I love this crowd as much as I love that crowd at the bar. Fabulously confessional.

Hi Millificent! Homburg reports that your cheese pie is unspeakably good. You might consider offering the recipe to Anschul for CHEFZILLA'S KITCHEN. I'm a big fan of both cheese and pie, so I'd be interested in the particulars.

There is now a link in the Bistro Post #1 for the kitchen as well. I keep tweaking that post to add new stuff. Don't forget if you're ever in the mood to take a survey, there are bunch of links to them in there as well.

I wonder if Sheila is any relation to the "Christena" referred to in the bar version of the survey.

Eluard, I'm still waiting for that nudity you promised.

bj

 

[Eluard]

Eluard, I'm still waiting for that nudity you promised.

bj

Hmm you mean it's not going to be enough if I tell you that Dionysus in my new AV is nude?

Tarnation, you're a picky woman!

 

[Tzara]

Hmm you mean it's not going to be enough if I tell you that Dionysus in my new AV is nude?

Tarnation, you're a picky woman!

Granted, I need better glasses, but all I see is some twisty decorationings.

Maybe I just don't want to know. Maybe I'm effing sure I don't want to know.





Oh, yeah. Sheila. That's some kinda slangy thing down there, ain't it? Warn't her name, but close enough.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Hmm you mean it's not going to be enough if I tell you that Dionysus in my new AV is nude?

Tarnation, you're a picky woman!

y'know, I squinted really hard at that, knowing that you were a man of your word and all, but I see no obvious evidence of wedding tackle there, and Dionysios, of all people, was rather known for his naughty bits.

Besides, you're the one who volunteered that you have beefcake pictures. I'd hate to think of you as a tease. ...

And yes, I have been called many things, including picky. I prefer to think of it as being exacting, or selective, or having high standards.

bj

 

[Eluard]

y'know, I squinted really hard at that, knowing that you were a man of your word and all, but I see no obvious evidence of wedding tackle there, and Dionysios, of all people, was rather known for his naughty bits.

Besides, you're the one who volunteered that you have beefcake pictures. I'd hate to think of you as a tease. ...

And yes, I have been called many things, including picky. I prefer to think of it as being exacting, or selective, or having high standards.

bj

*backing out the door rapidly*

Nononononononononononono! I did not promise nude shots of ME — I promised nude shots of SOMEONE -- someone interesting and curvy and…well…female.

 

[Eluard]

And yes, I have been called many things, including picky. I prefer to think of it as being exacting, or selective, or having high standards.

bj

Have people later in the day said to you: "You know, you're picky — but you're no Dick!"