Confused and Worried

[TenJed69]

Long post ahead, apologies:

Ok so I was on the phone to my little girl tonight. We floated into some flirting and I mentioned that I had an order I wanted to give her. She asked what it was, so I explained it to her. I won't go into what it was here, so that might make things confusing but hopefully note. All you need to know is that it had two parts to it and that she has done both of these things before, both at my request (pre-D/s), my command and of her own free will. She's also done both together. My order was that she should do these things every day, unless I gave her permission to do otherwise and except at some special times which I laid out then and there.

I said I reconised that one of the two things would take time in order for it to happen, so I said it was something to work towards, not an immediate requirement. She was to do her best until such a time as she could fulfill my order completely. For the second part, I said I could see no reason why she couldn't begin straight away. I expected her to be, as usual, enthusiastic about the order. But she said that there was a reason. Intruiged, I asked what it was. She said "I don't want to."

Now, this took me aback. The only time she has ever said anything like that is for things she considers a hard limit. It crossed my mind that maybe she was just being wilfully defiant to provoke me, but she sounded generally put out that I would ask this of her. I couldn't understand why... it seemed to me like a simple, easy to complete and reasonable request. The action itself she has no problem with I don't think - she's done it before and said just the other day she'd do it again soon. Why should the frequency provoke such a reaction? It's not like, say, chastity where it gets 'worse' over time.

So anyway, she sounded quite bratish but I thought I'd find out more before I said anything.

She softened a little, however, and said that perhaps we could find something inbetween for now. I said that would be good, and asked what her problem with my request was, explaining that if I knew that then I could better formulate a solution. She got annoyed at this, and again, I have no idea why. Isn't it my job to identify problems in the relationship and to figure out how to fix them? How can I do anything if she doesn't tell me anything?

So I tried to explain to her why I wanted to know (perhaps she thought I had some undesirable motive?), and in doing so gave an example of one possible solution: that instead of every day she start off with once a week and go from there. She said that would do.

Now, this whole time I had tried to be gentle, loving, civil and caring. That is my style of dom-liness, afterall. I had even let things slide that might usually have provoked me. For some reason, however, when the conversation continued she was noticeably put out and acting quite the brat. I didn't get angry with her, for I rarely do Instead, I calmly told her to stop it. She said ok. I then asked if she was going to apologise. Usually she would then apologise to me, but this time she said "no". Again, I was very taken aback. I explained to her that I had been very good to her this evening and that she has been misbehaving constantly, that I had been gentle where I could have got angry, that I had ignored things that I might have made an issue of and that she had repaid me only by being a brat - that she had agreed to stop it and that I now deserved an apology. This is not at all unusual, I will often say things like this. Ordinarily she realises the error of her ways, and apologises (at least!).

This time, however, there was a long silence. "[name]?" I asked. After a long time she said "yes?" and sounded very small. "Why do you not speak?" I asked. Again a long silence and then "I don't know." I'm not sure what I said then, it was something like "well if you don't know, you can talk then." Again a long silence, I said her name again and after another silence she said "I don't like it when you talk like that". I softened a little and asked "Like what?", and I heard her crying. Now of course I have no desire to make my sub cry (outside of a scene at least) so I changed tone a little and tried to comfort her. I told her I didn't mean to frighten her, that I'd never hurt her, that I loved her etc, tried to find out what was wrong. She said she didn't want to talk about it now, and further questionining only made her sob more. She said she wanted to go and I said she could in just a moment. I said a few things I hoped would comfort her after she'd put the phone down but before i had finished she was begging to leave. I finished up and said she could leave if she wanted. Then she did the darndest thing. She asked, in her sweetest, cutest sub voice if she could leave please sir. I said yes.

But this has left me more confused than I can say. What the hell is up??? Was I too easy on her? Too hard? Did she somehow slip into subspace and have a 'bad trip', as it were (no idea how she would have got there!)?

 

[Calabama]

You are being way too easy on her. Your cute little subie needs her cute little ass beat desperately. If I had ever given Master an attitude about a command I was given he probably would have given me the silent treatment for a few days at least, at most I would have had a soundly bruised behind to show for.

You don't sound like you're being a dom.... it sounds a bit like you're being a lap dog. Don't apologize to her for asking her to do something she's already done before and isn't something that's a hard limit. It seriously sounds to me like you're being tested by your little subie, any sub worth his/her salt would never dream of challening Master without a damn good excuse..... like WANTING to be punished.

<---Used to do it all the time

<--------Got punished a lot

 

[be_ignited]

Not knowing the dynamics of your relationship or how long they've been going on (it seems like the D/s element of your relationship is a fairly recent development) and not having a ton of experience myself (in BDSM or the world), I can only say a few things. It could be that she's testing you as Calabama mentioned, in which case I think you were too lenient (but that again depends on the dynamic--is punishment a part of it? Have you had to punish before?) it could be that she's not ready to give over whatever control your asking for on anything more than an incidental basis (how much of an issue this is would again, I think, depend on your particular dynamic).

What is worrying is that she wouldn't talk about it. At the very least she owes you more of an answer than "I don't want to" and "I don't know." Regardless of whether or not she really understood why, she should have done a little bit of introspection. I think this is the point you should have pressed her on.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

subs have bad days too you know, this isn't fairytale land. In real life land some times a submissive just doesn't feel like doing something sometimes... it does happen we are human after all and not just robot yes girls (or boys as the case may be).

Sounds to me like your subbie was just having an off day. And when she realized what she'd done and how she'd disappointed you she was devastated. I've been there myself. And there is nothing wrong with you apologizing to her, however, that is only going to make her feel worse at this point.

Give her a little time, I think you'll find that she will apologize to you for her behavior and explain herself to you and all will become as clear as possible. Just realize that what has happened may not be rational in the least.

 

[faeriefire]

How new is she? How comfortable with being a sub is she? How long have you guys been together? Have you been training her? And has she been trained before?

Without knowing you or her this may just be blowing smoke. But I will share my thoughts since multiple perspectives are good. In many new relationships there seems to be a honeymoon phase where things seems to be going well. From what I've experienced doubts and fears are pushed aside and there's lots of positive reinforcement and encouragement. If for whatever reasons doubts start to creep in, whether from inside oneself or from outside influences I have been known to pull back and reevaluate. For me this means taking some time to process what I'm feeling and figure out why something seems off. Once I have a handle on it I share with my partner. During those thinking days I might not have a good answer, just a sense of discomfort and whirling ideas that make little sense. But once the answer to whatever question has been found then I can share and explain what happened. Like I said, I don't know her, just myself. She might be being bratty and asking for you to be firm with her. But she might also be confused and struggling with the things she feels with you, the things she sees in herself. That's not a bad thing necessarily. It might be a sign of personal growth. For me the more I know about myself the more I can give of myself. And if there's someone outside the two of you adding their perspective that's a whole other monkey wrench.

I am coming at this from the perspective of a sub who has not been trained or collared. I have played irl, have experienced subspace, have had the priviledge of loving a very special Dom, an incredible man in his own right. And he gave me room to grow, learn, discover what was right for me. My submission is not something that has been formed or shaped. It grows from within me and is not directed from without at this time.

If she has been trained she will probably expect a more exacting response. If she has not she might like me be searching for answers, processing thoughts. I hope this helps and if you would like to talk more or if she would like to say hi just send a PM and I'll be happy to respond off-thread. Best of luck to you both. And really, communicate! She might not know how to say what she's feeling but if you can find a way to bridge that gap it will probably help a lot. Take care and hang in there. Just remember that while other's can provide input only she can tell you what she's thinking and feeling

 

[FurryFury]

Many are too "nice." That can be a turn off. It's a fine line between caring and being wishy washy. I personally need an edge held against me by someone I trust and love who I believe cares deeply about me.

However in this case I believe your sub might have just hit a wall and realized she no longer wants to do certain things. My guess is she doesn't want to tell you this because she fears voicing it, confrontation or hurting your feelings.

That's just my opinion. I don't have enough knowledge of either of you or enough facts to really "know" but I've felt these things myself so it occurs to me they might be worth putting out there.

Good luck with figuring this out and righting the situation if it can be.

 

[SweetErika]

Is it possible either your conversation or something else in her life triggered a bad memory/feeling associated with some kind of trauma?

Or that she's trying to end part or all of the relationship?

Your description of it strikes me as something deeper than attention- or discipline-seeking going on. I think I'd persist with a gentle but firm communication route if I were you, telling her she's free to speak (or write, if that works better for her at this time) freely in any way, but because communication is an integral part of any relationship, not communicating isn't going to work for you.

If she doesn't start trying to communicate at that point, you may want to consider putting the relationship (D/s, romantic, or both) on hold so she has time to focus on working things out with herself. That gives you both the advantages of giving her an easy out if this is a sign of her not being into it, and an opportunity to focus on self-work without putting so much pressure on the relationship or you (I mean that as a positive, not an excuse or cop-out for avoiding difficulties). If she just needs some time to work on her issues, there's a good chance you can pick up in a better place than you left off in the future.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Many are too "nice." That can be a turn off. It's a fine line between caring and being wishy washy. I personally need an edge held against me by someone I trust and love who I believe cares deeply about me.

Agreed, I am exactly like this. In order to truly respect a Dom, my fear of him needs to be genuine.

Although your sub seems inexperienced, I think the problem here might be that you have indulged her because of her inexperience and as a result, she no longer fears you. I would never push Master if he had already said he was unhappy with my behaviour. Submission is as much mental as it is physical and her thoughts on this matter should be yours for the asking just as her actions are. If she refuses to even discuss her reasons with you or elaborate on why she became upset, she is not being submissive. It sounds like maybe she is beginning to fear the amount of control she is handing over and wondering where it will end, I've had similar moments of panic myself. More serious would be if she is questioning whether she is truly happy with submission at all. If she won't open up though, I find it hard to see what you can do to resolve things in a positive and constructive way. If you continue to be loving and supportive when she is being openly defiant, it will harm your dynamic in the longer term.

Maybe you should tell her that you're taking off your Dom hat for a moment and encourage her to speak freely and get whatever this is off her chest without fear of repercussions.

I think in the end though, issues like this all come down to trust. She should be able to trust you with her thoughts and fears and for whatever reason, she clearly doesn't right now. Until you know why she hasn't laid her cards on the table the trust can't be repaired; something of a catch 22.

 

[Adakgirl]

Now, this whole time I had tried to be gentle, loving, civil and caring. That is my style of dom-liness, afterall. I had even let things slide that might usually have provoked me. For some reason, however, when the conversation continued she was noticeably put out and acting quite the brat. I didn't get angry with her, for I rarely do Instead, I calmly told her to stop it. She said ok. I then asked if she was going to apologise. Usually she would then apologise to me, but this time she said "no". Again, I was very taken aback. I explained to her that I had been very good to her this evening and that she has been misbehaving constantly, that I had been gentle where I could have got angry, that I had ignored things that I might have made an issue of and that she had repaid me only by being a brat - that she had agreed to stop it and that I now deserved an apology. This is not at all unusual, I will often say things like this. Ordinarily she realises the error of her ways, and apologises (at least!).

Ok I put in bold some areas here that I feel could be part of the problem.
#1- Why would you let things slide that normally would provoke you? Because you were attempting to do what?...persuade her gently into submitting to your wishes? No gentle persuasion should be necessary here. She was being bratty, disobedient and trying to control the situation. Even attempting to top from the bottom. In my view...that is not a situation where letting things slide helps, in fact, I think it just made things worse. It is too easy for her to perceive your lenience, as weakness.

#2- No wonder she continued to act in such a bratty manner, you allowed her to get away with it. She felt she had a leg up on you.

#3-Maybe you need to get angry at her more often, not punish her in anger, but let her know by tone of voice and firm words, that you are angry at her behavior. Perfectly normal to become angry at times. Like was mentioned, instilling fear can be a very powerful tool.

#4- Right there...why do you have to tell her she needs to apologize? Why do you have to tell her when she owes you that? Is she so out of touch with YOUR feelings that she does not even know when she should apologize? Apologies mean nothing if they are not heartfelt and have to be asked for. If your girl does not apologize to you because she feels terrible, knows she has done wrong and honestly on her own WANTs/NEEDS to say she is sorry...then she's not sorry.

#-5 She continued being a brat..did not spontaneously apologize and tell you she would obey your wishes...because by that point...in my opinion, you had no power over her whatsoever. She was controlling you with her behavior. Too lenient, giving her mixed signals because you were letting her slide. This confused and upset her because she knew you did not have a handle on her.

I must add...these are my personal opinions only. They may be right...may be wrong. That's how I see it, given what I read in your post.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Ok I put in bold some areas here that I feel could be part of the problem.
#1- Why would you let things slide that normally would provoke you? Because you were attempting to do what?...persuade her gently into submitting to your wishes? No gentle persuasion should be necessary here. She was being bratty, disobedient and trying to control the situation. Even attempting to top from the bottom. In my view...that is not a situation where letting things slide helps, in fact, I think it just made things worse. It is too easy for her to perceive your lenience, as weakness.

#2- No wonder she continued to act in such a bratty manner, you allowed her to get away with it. She felt she had a leg up on you.

#3-Maybe you need to get angry at her more often, not punish her in anger, but let her know by tone of voice and firm words, that you are angry at her behavior. Perfectly normal to become angry at times. Like was mentioned, instilling fear can be a very powerful tool.

#4- Right there...why do you have to tell her she needs to apologize? Why do you have to tell her when she owes you that? Is she so out of touch with YOUR feelings that she does not even know when she should apologize? Apologies mean nothing if they are not heartfelt and have to be asked for. If your girl does not apologize to you because she feels terrible, knows she has done wrong and honestly on her own WANTs/NEEDS to say she is sorry...then she's not sorry.

#-5 She continued being a brat..did not spontaneously apologize and tell you she would obey your wishes...because by that point...in my opinion, you had no power over her whatsoever. She was controlling you with her behavior. Too lenient, giving her mixed signals because you were letting her slide. This confused and upset her because she knew you did not have a handle on her.

I must add...these are my personal opinions only. They may be right...may be wrong. That's how I see it, given what I read in your post.

This is all excellent insight. They are very good points that you should give serious consideration to IMO.

 

[TenJed69]

Appreciate the responses, a few different ideas here.

First, I'll answer some questions.

is punishment a part of it? Have you had to punish before?)

Yes and yes. I've punished for being bratty before, I have no issue with doing that. What I've never done, or had to do, is punish her for refusing. Sometimes she has done things too slowly, or not well enough, or not in the way I had ordered or something like that, but the only times she has refused an order are when it's been a hard limit.

Now, as I explained, I couldn't understand why what I had ordered would be a hard limit. So on the one hand I didn't just want to say "ok I understand." But on the other hand it was so unusual that I thought something must be up and thus I didn't want to risk making things worse by punishing her - maybe it WAS a limit for her and I just don't understand why.

How new is she?

I'm her first D/s experience. We've been doing this a couple of months now, but we've done scenes (without even knowing it was 'BDSM') for almost as long as we've been together.

How comfortable with being a sub is she?

She has ups and downs, some days she's keen to serve and seems as natural as anything. Other days she can be reluctant and sluggish, and that's when I use discipline. As I say, she's never outright refused anything but a hard limit before.

How long have you guys been together?

Four years, but as i say, only a tiny fraction of that has been everyday D/s.

Have you been training her? And has she been trained before?

I guess so? I try to push her 'soft' limits out a bit, gradually, and to perfect the things I want her to do regularly. So say, something simple like oral sex. If she does a good job (ahem) she gets a little reward, an excellent job and a better reward. If she doesn't perform well enough, she gets punished. If she performs badly (teeth, for instance) then it'll be a worse punishment. I'd call that training?

Is it possible either your conversation or something else in her life triggered a bad memory/feeling associated with some kind of trauma?

It's possible I suppose. She's broken down and cried on this basis before, but not since we've started D/s (not abuse or anything like that, nothing worth getting worked up about in my opinion but that's just how she is).

Or that she's trying to end part or all of the relationship?

I hope not, lol. She ended it once before (this was a long time ago, before D/s, and we got back together after a while and have been ever since) and she came straight out with it. To be honest, and this applies to some other things people have said, I don't think she's smart enough. Smart probably isn't the right word, it's not that she's an idiot or anything. She just never uses guile, there's never an ulterior motive behind her words. She's.... instinctual.... reactionary (not in the political sense, lol). She just says things and doesn't really think about or plan them. It can be quiet amusing sometimes when she says something unusual and I spend the time until our next talk wondering what strange motive she had, what she was trying to say or achieve, and then on questioning she just used a word incorrectly or was being so literal I didn't even suspect it.

Also, she seemed to have a resurgence of subliness at the end when she asked my permission to go. If she's trying to end it, why would she finish with that?

Now, a couple of people have said I might have been too soft. Now I'll say straight off that I am a soft dom, I'm not 'evil', I want to take care of my little girl, to look after her, to lead the relationship rather than dominate it. But I am also (I think) firm. That doesn't mean, however, that I instantly beat my sub when she does something I don't like. If she's doing something I don't like, and it's out of the ordinary then I want to find out the situation before I do anything. If I've done something wrong then I don't expect her to take a beating for it. If she has a problem, I have a problem. If she can't take something right now, hell I don't want to damage her. And if she has no good reason, then I can always punish her after I find that out - no need to rush into things and possible make them worse.

Now, this time I did let things slide. In this instance it was initially because I wanted to see what was what before doing anything rash. Afterwards, maybe I should have gone back and 'sorted her out' for it, and I didn't and yes that was a slip up on my part. Then again, for a wilful failure like this I'd usually not punish her on the phone anyway, that'd be a physical punishment or at least something in my presence.

But anyway, the initial bratishness I described is not really what worried me. It wasn't as if she was being a brat and this built up into her refusing me. It started with refusal. The bratishness seemed to be a result of that. And refusal, well, as I say that's something I've never had to deal with before but I think I could figure it out. If, as someone suggested, she was just having a bad day which lead her to refuse then that would be fine, I can deal with that. What scares me is her emotional episode at the end. I have days with her when I take off my dom hat and we're just boyfriend and girlfriend, they make a nice change for both of us (just as I'm sure some vanilla couples enjoy a day of BDSM) and she doesn't get all upset that I'm being soft with her. And of course I have off days where I just can't be fucked to take her up on everything I usually would, and she doesn't get upset about that. In fact, she'll often recognise that this means I've had a tiring day or something and take extra pains to please me without my orders.

I'm hoping, that as some people have suggested, she just got scared or wasn't ready for 'regular' submission in that way or had an off day or something. I'll wait a while, see if she gets back to me offering an explanation/apology...

EDIT:

Oh, and someone said that what was really bad was that she didn't offer an explanation, and i agree! Trouble is, this has always been a problem she's had, even before D/s. I remember she used to get upset literally for no reason and she just could not explain to me why. She's crap at explaining her feelings and stuff like that. It's not (at least not usually) an issue of her not trusting me or not wanting to tell me, she's just incapable of expressing herself. I try to teach her to, but it's very difficult, and not for want of a desire to succeed on her part either. Like teaching a mute to speak :S "So why can't you speak?" lol

 

[pellso27]

Never ask to Assfuck your Slave, just do it!

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I personally have had episodes exactly like what you described your sub having with you. I am not a new sub, have been with Daddy for YEARS (we will celebrate our 20th anniversary in 2 months), and Daddy doesn't "beat" me for every little infraction. I'm sure that some relationships are like that, but not all.

When things like this have happened to me, there haven't always been a really good reason for it. #1 I am on medications that cause mood swings (this may not be the case with your sub), so Daddy has that to deal with. However, females also have hormones to deal with, so depending on your sub she may have been having a hormonal issue (this is a real problem and can cause mood issues too).

What I'm trying to say is that your sub is most likely not going to have a rational explanation for you from what I'm getting from your posts about her. The reason I say this is because she sounds a lot like me...lol. Yes I pop off at Daddy and then regret it and break down in tears and He's left sitting there all confused. No one is perfect, we're all human, we all make mistakes.

I really hope that what I am saying makes sense. I'm putting more of myself out here than I really feel comfy doing, but I wanted you to see that your sub isn't crazy or the only one that does this. I think she's trying to figure out who she is and what this all means and y'all need to keep the lines of communication WIDE open. Encourage her to talk to you about everything she's thinking all the time. Fantasies, what she wants, what she needs from you, everything. And you do the same for her. I think you'll find this helpful.

Best of luck to you both.

 

[Etoile]

Damn, you guys are harsh. My first thought was that she must have had a reason she was refusing, most likely fear (though without knowing what it was, hard to tell). I have had instinctive "DON'T WANT TO" reaction plenty of times, and sometimes I've even admitted them, but the point is getting over it and then doing as you're told. Brutal punishment based on a moment of fear is not something I'd want from my dominant.

 

[rosco rathbone]

".....again, I was very taken aback. I explained to her that I had been very good to her this evening and that she has been misbehaving constantly, that I had been gentle where I could have got angry, that I had ignored things that I might have made an issue of and that she had repaid me only by being a brat - that she had agreed to stop it and that I now deserved an apology...."

This was the part that stuck out, to me. It seems manipulative in a guilt-tripping way.

 

[gloriann]

Sounds to me like she's confused, even though she enjoys being your sub, maybe she's having some issues with it. I'd take it outside the D/s to talk to her about it.

 

[ladycrow]

Damn, you guys are harsh. My first thought was that she must have had a reason she was refusing, most likely fear (though without knowing what it was, hard to tell). I have had instinctive "DON'T WANT TO" reaction plenty of times, and sometimes I've even admitted them, but the point is getting over it and then doing as you're told. Brutal punishment based on a moment of fear is not something I'd want from my dominant.

I agree. My first reaction is not punish her but talk to her. There may be something seriously wrong here and none of us know - only she does. We can guess and speculate and bullshit all these types of ideas but in the end, the only way he'll know what was going on with her is if it comes from her mouth.

Yes, it's a D/s relationship. Yes, she's a sub and he is Dom but that doesn't mean they're both not human.

 

[Adakgirl]

Now, a couple of people have said I might have been too soft. Now I'll say straight off that I am a soft dom, I'm not 'evil', I want to take care of my little girl, to look after her, to lead the relationship rather than dominate it. But I am also (I think) firm. That doesn't mean, however, that I instantly beat my sub when she does something I don't like.

You misunderstood what I meant by "to lenient". I certainly did not say anything about being "evil" nor did I suggest you should have beat your submissive in any way shape or form. No one mentioned that you should use any "brutal punishment" either. I suggested you get a handle on her when the moment arises, then keep the upper hand, that you not let her slide, then make her feel guilty for doing the natural thing..take advantage of the situation in order to get her way.

It is inconsistent to be provoked by what she says one day and deal with it correctly then turn around and let her get away with it the next, simply because you want to know "why". You said she does not know why she does and says things sometimes, so why confuse her by digging any deeper than she has the capacity to go? Either she submits to your wishes or she doesn't, Either you know how to get her under control or you don't.

Of course a good dominant wants to take care of and look after his/her submissive. Why wouldn't they? If you want to simply lead the relationship and not Dominate it, then IMO you are not living in or building D/s relationship at all.
D/s relationships are not a democracy. If you don't want to dominate, then you certainly cannot have been behaving like a Dominant.
If that is how you want your relationship to be, thats fine do that, however you will never be able to truly have control over her. These types of things will continue to plague your relationship.
To put it in lay mans terms.. either shit or get off the pot. If you want a D/s relationship you will have to dominate her. I think the problem here lies within you, not within her.

Now that said, yes..there may be something seriously wrong here that we don't know. If there was some trauma or emotional upheaval caused by carrying out the task the first time, he gave her ample opportunity to tell him about it. I see no reason why she would not give him an reason behind her refusal, if she had one.
She said did not know why she said no...maybe she doesn't have any reason at all.
or another wild possibility may be that she never did this task the first time at all, may have fibbed that she did it? Now you want her to do it again and she still does not want to do it? Do you have proof she carried out this exact same thing before?

again, these are my personal opinions and suggestions you can take them or leave them

and thank you Velvet Darkness for the complement

 

[FurryFury]

Sounds to me like she's confused, even though she enjoys being your sub, maybe she's having some issues with it. I'd take it outside the D/s to talk to her about it.

I agree! That's part of what I was trying to say in my post.

 

[kinky_meh]

Long post ahead, apologies:

Ok so I was on the phone to my little girl tonight. We floated into some flirting and I mentioned that I had an order I wanted to give her. She asked what it was, so I explained it to her. I won't go into what it was here, so that might make things confusing but hopefully note. All you need to know is that it had two parts to it and that she has done both of these things before, both at my request (pre-D/s), my command and of her own free will. She's also done both together. My order was that she should do these things every day, unless I gave her permission to do otherwise and except at some special times which I laid out then and there.

I said I reconised that one of the two things would take time in order for it to happen, so I said it was something to work towards, not an immediate requirement. She was to do her best until such a time as she could fulfill my order completely. For the second part, I said I could see no reason why she couldn't begin straight away. I expected her to be, as usual, enthusiastic about the order. But she said that there was a reason. Intruiged, I asked what it was. She said "I don't want to."

Now, this took me aback. The only time she has ever said anything like that is for things she considers a hard limit. It crossed my mind that maybe she was just being wilfully defiant to provoke me, but she sounded generally put out that I would ask this of her. I couldn't understand why... it seemed to me like a simple, easy to complete and reasonable request. The action itself she has no problem with I don't think - she's done it before and said just the other day she'd do it again soon. Why should the frequency provoke such a reaction? It's not like, say, chastity where it gets 'worse' over time.

So anyway, she sounded quite bratish but I thought I'd find out more before I said anything.

She softened a little, however, and said that perhaps we could find something inbetween for now. I said that would be good, and asked what her problem with my request was, explaining that if I knew that then I could better formulate a solution. She got annoyed at this, and again, I have no idea why. Isn't it my job to identify problems in the relationship and to figure out how to fix them? How can I do anything if she doesn't tell me anything?

So I tried to explain to her why I wanted to know (perhaps she thought I had some undesirable motive?), and in doing so gave an example of one possible solution: that instead of every day she start off with once a week and go from there. She said that would do.

Now, this whole time I had tried to be gentle, loving, civil and caring. That is my style of dom-liness, afterall. I had even let things slide that might usually have provoked me. For some reason, however, when the conversation continued she was noticeably put out and acting quite the brat. I didn't get angry with her, for I rarely do Instead, I calmly told her to stop it. She said ok. I then asked if she was going to apologise. Usually she would then apologise to me, but this time she said "no". Again, I was very taken aback. I explained to her that I had been very good to her this evening and that she has been misbehaving constantly, that I had been gentle where I could have got angry, that I had ignored things that I might have made an issue of and that she had repaid me only by being a brat - that she had agreed to stop it and that I now deserved an apology. This is not at all unusual, I will often say things like this. Ordinarily she realises the error of her ways, and apologises (at least!).

This time, however, there was a long silence. "[name]?" I asked. After a long time she said "yes?" and sounded very small. "Why do you not speak?" I asked. Again a long silence and then "I don't know." I'm not sure what I said then, it was something like "well if you don't know, you can talk then." Again a long silence, I said her name again and after another silence she said "I don't like it when you talk like that". I softened a little and asked "Like what?", and I heard her crying. Now of course I have no desire to make my sub cry (outside of a scene at least) so I changed tone a little and tried to comfort her. I told her I didn't mean to frighten her, that I'd never hurt her, that I loved her etc, tried to find out what was wrong. She said she didn't want to talk about it now, and further questionining only made her sob more. She said she wanted to go and I said she could in just a moment. I said a few things I hoped would comfort her after she'd put the phone down but before i had finished she was begging to leave. I finished up and said she could leave if she wanted. Then she did the darndest thing. She asked, in her sweetest, cutest sub voice if she could leave please sir. I said yes.

But this has left me more confused than I can say. What the hell is up??? Was I too easy on her? Too hard? Did she somehow slip into subspace and have a 'bad trip', as it were (no idea how she would have got there!)?

Its hard to say WHY she said what she said as we know just YOUR version of the story, so i dunno.

I am very submissive and eventho i can be a brat, too, i just VERY rarely say NO to my Master, but there were time when i did, yes. And i wouldnt take it back on change my mind no matter what!! I think our subs tend to say yes even if we should say no lol, at least i tend to do that. I had once disagreement with my Dom and as much as i hate to do that, i told him its HIM whos wrong. And i think its fucking okay to say so.

Sub's should submit yes, but once theres a situation where you know you are REALLY REALLY right, i think it should be spoken out and made clear!!

I dunno why your girl told you 'NO', but try ask yourself if you were REALLY right with everything you told her. We sub's are submissive, but we are not dumb. We have our knees to kneel on, but we have a brain too!!

 

[Adakgirl]

Yes and so I will add, submissives DO have the right to say no.

 

[TenJed69]

Emergency over, I think

 

[dakotagirl]

Glad that the emergency is over.

The only thing that I can think of it that because you are asking for this daily (even if it is working up to it) that it changes how she feels about it. There are somethings that one is willing to do occasionally but when asked to do as frequent as everyday it becomes a hard limit. Talk to her and see if it is the frequency that is frightening her. Without knowing what it is it is hard to assume why she would be acting this way.

 

[FurryFury]

That's good to hear.

Did you tie her down and force her to use her "words?"

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Glad to hear the emergency is over.