The old self-esteem checklist

[FurryFury]

I Love that I am:

Crazy Loyal
A good parent
Kindhearted
Empathetic
Wise in some ways
Creative
Calm
Frugal
Independent
Fun
Someone who motivates other people
Often have GREAT hair!

*-*-*

I Hate that I am:

Crazy Loyal
Have a problem throwing things away
Not a self starter or someone who keeps it up, in the fitness area
Insecure at times.
Not into cleaning and organizing enough
Occasionally let fear stop me
Too fucking sensitive.
Can't heal old emotional wounds fully
Can't get ride of the nightmares.
Can't figure out a non invasive way to get rid of signs of aging
Far too self critical.
I have can't remember shit syndrome.
Sometimes I feel a need to ask other people before I make up my mind. That seems weak to me.

OK, follow up.

What is the one thing that is most important to you, the factor that you base your self esteem on most.

The family I've helped create, following closely by the profession I'm damned good at.

Sometimes, the world seems full of strangers.

Sometimes, it feels like you know everyone.

True, so true.

 

[FurryFury]

hmm...can't say that i've ever made a list of things i like/love about myself. it'd take too long to think of the 2 or 3 things that may belong on it....high self-esteem wouldn't really serve me well considering my way of life.

but i did want to say to Marquis, some of those qualities you listed as negatives...namely being arrogant, critical, opportunistic....personally i'd view those as very positive qualities in a Dominant male, and really almost mandatory for a successful Master.

You didn't ask me but I disagree. I don't think these are positive traits at all. These are traits I hate in anyone when they are strong in an individual I want to ground them into dust. I don't because I'm far too soft hearted but I WANT to! LOL.

 

[razorsedge]

I'm....

literate
kind
curvy
cute

But I'm also...

timid
shy
obsequious
angry
sad
closed off

 

[TeachMeSir]

You didn't ask me but I disagree. I don't think these are positive traits at all. These are traits I hate in anyone when they are strong in an individual I want to ground them into dust. I don't because I'm far too short hearted but I WANT to! LOL.

I agree ..... arrogance is not attractive... assertiveness, self-confidence, sesne of purpose and being are all wonderful traits that do not require one to put another down to be better.

Nor is critical an especially attractive trait. I can see the need in a PYL to have attention to detail, high stadards that are well communicated, passion for the task at hand, but over- criticism leads to depair.

IMHO anyway.

 

[graceanne]

You didn't ask me but I disagree. I don't think these are positive traits at all. These are traits I hate in anyone when they are strong in an individual I want to ground them into dust. I don't because I'm far too short hearted but I WANT to! LOL.

Me, too. Not always arrogance - that can be cute, but the critical and opportunistic. *shrugs*

 

[Netzach]

Being critical with restraint and thoughtfulness isn't a bad thing, it means you're reading into things and not just being fed whatever.

Arrogance is arrogance is arrogance. I know other people who find it hot, I never have. Confidence earned is hot, arrogance is basically 'tude with nothing to back it up. That doesn't inspire my awe.

 

[jockdom]

Positives

Passionate
honest
Independant
opinionated
Literate
rebel
humorous


Negatives

Opinonated
Cynical
addictive personality
arrogant
vindictive
easily offended
unmotivated

 

[Marquis]

It's easy to see that your "hate" list is self serving, by flipping the whole thing around....like this:

what if you were

stupid
ugly
boring
a follower
no ambition (live in moms basement)
no creativity

....but it's ok! because of your good side:

deep
genuine
(whatever the opposite of opportunist is)
emotionally available (needy!)
uncritical and
humble.

No thanks, right?????

OK I will play

I am

sexy
seductive
pretty smart
creative
affectionate

but also

vain
self-doubting
vindictive
possessive!
fearful of life
a procrastinator
lazy

I was waiting for this.

Yes, you are right. I have been discovered. At least a little bit. I love that.

I am none of those things. I am a very sensitive man. I feel things very deeply. I've dealt with incredible pain in my life. My tolerance for pain is very low now. I victimize people around me because I can't stand the world.

Why are the birds still chirping when I suffer?

I can't stand to hear them.

You don't want to know how much I can't stand to hear the birds chirping in the morning sometimes.

Man, that's altruistic.

Whether I feel like I'm onto anything, productive or engaged. If I feel like I'm slacking or just going along I get depressed - in a macro sense rather than micro.

I think I might be an altruistic person. I don't know.

I don't know who I am.

I know that I deserve better than what I've given myself in my life.

Mine is the same, how I treat people.

I always try to treat people how I want to be treated. If someone has has done something for me, I have an overpowering need to find a way to show them how I feel.

If I hurt someone or disappoint them, I will carry that for years. There are some ridiculously minor guilts I still have even as far back as childhood.

I think this describes me pretty well as well.

I'm fucking paralyzed by guilt.

The family I've helped create, following closely by the profession I'm damned good at.

I want those things, I think. I don't think I've ever wanted them before, but I'm starting to want them.

My career has been slow going. I'm surrounded by distractions. Sometimes I see my clients faces when I realize I can help them, and it's like..... I don't know how to describe. I see my mother in them, she was a teacher too.

I can't even BEGIN to tell you what that means to me.

I think I will soon.

 

[TeachMeSir]

I was waiting for this.

Yes, you are right. I have been discovered. At least a little bit. I love that.

I am none of those things. I am a very sensitive man. I feel things very deeply. I've dealt with incredible pain in my life. My tolerance for pain is very low now. I victimize people around me because I can't stand the world.

Why are the birds still chirping when I suffer?

I can't stand to hear them.

You don't want to know how much I can't stand to hear the birds chirping in the morning sometimes.



I think I might be an altruistic person. I don't know.

I don't know who I am.

I know that I deserve better than what I've given myself in my life.




I think this describes me pretty well as well.

I'm fucking paralyzed by guilt.



I want those things, I think. I don't think I've ever wanted them before, but I'm starting to want them.

My career has been slow going. I'm surrounded by distractions. Sometimes I see my clients faces when I realize I can help them, and it's like..... I don't know how to describe. I see my mother in them, she was a teacher too.

I can't even BEGIN to tell you what that means to me.

I think I will soon.

Don't you just love self-realization, a new sense of awareness, the journey of life that brings you closer to who your are. I know it's a path of hills & valleys, with the occassional moutain that you sometimes just feel you can't climb. And what if you don't like what is on the other side? Do you go back down the way you came, going backwards in life & falling down the hill so fast you get to the bottom & forget who you were when you were there before?

 

[Etoile]

hmm...can't say that i've ever made a list of things i like/love about myself. it'd take too long to think of the 2 or 3 things that may belong on it....high self-esteem wouldn't really serve me well considering my way of life.

but i did want to say to Marquis, some of those qualities you listed as negatives...namely being arrogant, critical, opportunistic....personally i'd view those as very positive qualities in a Dominant male, and really almost mandatory for a successful Master.

Those may be positive when one is in a situation where one IS the master, but sometimes you don't get to be in that situation. Being arrogant to the valet attendant will get your car "accidentally" scratched up, and being critical of the waitress will get spit in your food. And if one is not able to turn off the arrogance when one should do so (as I think Marquis was indicating) then that's not a very good thing.

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>
I want those things, I think. I don't think I've ever wanted them before, but I'm starting to want them.

My career has been slow going. I'm surrounded by distractions. Sometimes I see my clients faces when I realize I can help them, and it's like..... I don't know how to describe. I see my mother in them, she was a teacher too.

I can't even BEGIN to tell you what that means to me.

I think I will soon.

Cool, I'll be waiting.

I can tell you quite honestly, that I never wanted to get married or have kids and I LOVE that I did now. It's made me a better person. I'm a person I can like more than I was.

However, without the work that I love and that people love me for, my self esteem would still suffer. I need that disinterested third party value to feel good about myself.

I think that's strange but it's true.

 

[Primalex]

Being arrogant to the valet attendant will get your car "accidentally" scratched up, and being critical of the waitress will get spit in your food. And if one is not able to turn off the arrogance when one should do so (as I think Marquis was indicating) then that's not a very good thing.

The (lack of) fear of retribution is the difference between a sissy and a man.

 

[FurryFury]

The (lack of) fear of retribution is the difference between a sissy and a man.

Huh???

 

[Netzach]

The (lack of) fear of retribution is the difference between a sissy and a man.

And the difference between a dead bully with his 'nads cut off and everyone else.

 

[Marquis]

It's really incredibly difficult to believe that people actually care about me.

I feel the possibility arriving at times, but then I squash myself.

It's like the scene in Carrie where her mother's voice, saying "they're all going to laugh at you" consumes her.

 

[HB1965]

I'd do it this but it strays into an area of myself that's off limits to other people even though I'm very familar with it. I do admire other people's ability to share something so deep and personal

 

[SweetGigi]

It's really incredibly difficult to believe that people actually care about me.

I feel the possibility arriving at times, but then I squash myself.

It's like the scene in Carrie where her mother's voice, saying "they're all going to laugh at you" consumes her.

We will only allow people to care for us as much as we think we deserve. Any more than that and we all start to destroy the gift they are giving.

Maybe we all need to just be a little more gracious.

 

[madetotakeit]

It's really incredibly difficult to believe that people actually care about me.

I feel the possibility arriving at times, but then I squash myself.

It's like the scene in Carrie where her mother's voice, saying "they're all going to laugh at you" consumes her.

I wonder if this is a pitfall of people who have had to rely on themselves (by circumstance or choice.) I too easily fall into this feeling (with the exception of family and choice friends.) I had to pull myself through something that took years to overcome on my own. Self-imposed reasons, but I knew I needed to do it without leaning on anyone. I needed to prove to myself that I could stand on my own two feet. I had to know in myself that I was strong enough to overcome without relying on someone else to give me strength thus never gaining strength myself. I knew it was going to be a long and messy recovery and I didn't want to subject anyone to it. I even withdrew from my friends. I made it through and found a fierce independence in myself. I'm so used to doing things on my own. I spent so much effort continuing the destruction to rebuild, reach the bottom to be able to see the way to climb up.

Having had someone who supposedly cared for me show me that even my life had no value did a lot of damage. In sheltering myself I had to take the attitude to be prepared that it could happen again at any time. I felt the need to prove to everyone how strong I am so that it couldn't happen again. Healing has let me learn that what happened was the exception and not the rule, but I still hold back until I feel the person has proven he can be trusted. My assumption is still that I have little effect on someone. I'm an horrible judge at telling where I stand and am always surprised when I find out I have meaning. I counteract this by trying to make sure that people who effect me know how much they do.

 

[FurryFury]

We will only allow people to care for us as much as we think we deserve. Any more than that and we all start to destroy the gift they are giving.

Maybe we all need to just be a little more gracious.

I agree with you.

 

[FurryFury]

And the difference between a dead bully with his 'nads cut off and everyone else.

LMAO!

 

[Primalex]

And the difference between a dead bully with his 'nads cut off and everyone else.

The mindset of a woman.

 

[graceanne]

Being critical with restraint and thoughtfulness isn't a bad thing, it means you're reading into things and not just being fed whatever.

Arrogance is arrogance is arrogance. I know other people who find it hot, I never have. Confidence earned is hot, arrogance is basically 'tude with nothing to back it up. That doesn't inspire my awe.

Maybe when I think arrogant, I'm thinking confidence earned. *shrugs* I know that sometimes when someone's being a bit arrogant about something that I find it sexy. But not if it's like my dad who's arrogant about everything, even when he's full of shit. Frankly he was a genius, then fried his brains with drugs. Now he's just average - but he still acts like he's a genius.

 

[Marquis]

The mindset of a woman.

The mindset of a troglodyte.

 

[Primalex]

Maybe when I think arrogant, I'm thinking confidence earned.

Arrogance - believing to be better than the rest around you.
Self-confidence - believing to be good.
Pride - believing in the personal superiority.

MacGyver self-confident:"I can disarm the bomb without problems."
MacGyver arrogant:"Don't touch the bomb, I will handle it or we will die."
MacGyver pride:"I've disarmed so many bombs, I should do it."

HTH

 

[Primalex]

The mindset of a troglodyte.

I guess Kitty Genovese would have preferred a troglodyte as neighbor.