Thoughts..

[SubKekiLee]

a friend of mine posted this blog.. and I thought Id share it... I wondered what your thoughts were guys/gals. Since alot of you know what I am currently going thru.... with that being said please give me your thoughts ...

Its been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been, but what if the man who was faced with what was or what may never be or what can no longer be. Choosing the right path is never easy it's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better, sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we are meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better, or when something better finds its way to us.

Is this true???

 

[Breaker_Morant]

I don't understand that sort of logic - in my opinion people who look over their shoulder looking at the past and wondering what if are going to get a stiff neck.

 

[intothewoods]

Dude, I can't even understand that paragraph. There are too many thoughts muddled together. Can someone briefly clarify?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I guess it all depends on who you are as a person, how you make your judgments, and whether you get stuck on a point so much you can't see the illogicality of doing so. For me in the last decade or so, my decisions have been made with a combination of heart and head, not heart alone. I learned long ago that just following your heart (or other things we sometimes interpret as heart), can lead us into a lot of unhappiness. Taking off the rose coloured glasses when ready may be difficult and painful at the time, but can usually save a lot more pain further down the line when inevitability makes continuing to live an illusion impossible.

Looking back can be therapeutic in reminding ourselves what lessons we have learned and not going backwards, but can also be a way of avoiding stepping forward. I am a big believer that though we can influence our path, what is meant to be will win through no matter how much we try and change it...and those things we do to direct it were meant to be, not accidental. With that in mind I believe things happen when they are meant to happen and for a reason. F often laments we didn't cross each other's path a lot sooner....my feelings on that are that if we had, I would not have given him a second thought and he would likely have bypassed me as well...it is about being in the right place and the right time and ready for what that brings. I firmly believe he came into my life when he did because I needed him to and was ready, and probably because he also needed me to and was ready for the commitment we have made to each other, and because we were both in a place where it could work and would be noticed and acted on.

Angst over past decisions and choices can bring a lot of unnecessary pain if we forget about the value of hindsight, refuse to look back realistically and recognise why we did what we did then. For example, in terms of ending a relationship...if we look at it realistically we see there was a reason it ended when it did. Unfortunately we often get caught up in the romance and what could have been based on our initial fantasy about the relationship/person and where it would lead us, and often a refusal to see the person for who they are more so seeing them as who we like to believe they were, and refusing to see just how the relationship did play out. Sometimes all the banging your head against a brick wall can do is give you a gigantic headache...in hindsight we often forget that very 'in the moment' obvious point ad imagine something much better could have grown from a dead end. The lessons we learn are meant to be learned and guide our future, not our past.

Catalina

 

[Primalex]

Dude, I can't even understand that paragraph. There are too many thoughts muddled together. Can someone briefly clarify?

Sure.

"Looking at the past is painful."
"Don't let the past make you bitter."

Edit:
My personal recommendation for not worrying about what happened in the past is watching this.

 

[intothewoods]

Sure.

"Looking at the past is painful."
"Don't let the past make you bitter."

Edit:
My personal recommendation for not worrying about what happened in the past is watching this.

The Ashton Kutcher movie??

You have to make peace with your past, without dwelling it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Dude, I can't even understand that paragraph. There are too many thoughts muddled together. Can someone briefly clarify?

Yea I'm with you. I've worked all night... this is too much for me to try and decipher.

But judging by the people who did decode it:
I do whatever I can to avoid regretting NOT doing something. I don't want to miss an opportunity if I think I'll probably reget it later. Sometimes however, I have no control over a missed opportunity.

 

[Netzach]

Seeing as we're only here for a short while, I still prefer a couple of regrets for what I did than any major ones over what I didn't.

 

[bholderman]

It is hard to understand, the funny thing is Ive said the same muddled mess to myself in the head. One tries to get deep, then gets too deep and it becomes a muddled mess.

I think in simple terms, the person is scared to move forward, scared to move back, still in shock over the whole ordeal...

Dude, I can't even understand that paragraph. There are too many thoughts muddled together. Can someone briefly clarify?

 

[madetotakeit]

Its been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been, but what if the man who was faced with what was or what may never be or what can no longer be. Choosing the right path is never easy it's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better, sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we are meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better, or when something better finds its way to us.

The way I take it is: Which is harder. Never having what you wanted, having it but lost it, or having it but realizing that it must end.

If you have never had something it is something you adapt to. While you may feel it would have completed you, made you fulfilled, etc...you don't know for sure. It may have been the best experience as equally as the worst.

Having had something but lost it...it hurts to feel that absence, but there are consolations. You did have it for a time. There will be great memories as well as the ones that remind you of why it wasn't meant to be.

To me, the last one is the hardest. It's partially admitting defeat, but it goes to a deeper level. How many have been in the middle of something that they know is not going to work. The instinct is to cling to it, to try to force it back to what it used to be, to recapture the good. The fear of letting go can whitewash the negatives. We forget that what was so stifling at the moment was so for a reason. To be able to walk away means we have to look at ourselves. Who are we without that person? So many define who we are from how the other person see us or treats us. Once that is gone, who are we? It is hard to voluntarily walk away from it. A natural part of something ending is to look back on the things that drew us and panic that we will never find that again. The danger is in clinging so hard that we kill the hope of growing or allowing ourselves to recover.

People are put in our paths for many reasons. Some to show us the good things, some to show us the uglier side of humanity. From all interactions we evolve. All relationships are limited in time whether by the fact that they were meant to exist for a set amount of time or by death. I agree with Cat. People are placed in your lives at the right time. It's just a matter of being able to realize that when they stand before you.

 

[graceanne]

I don't understand that sort of logic - in my opinion people who look over their shoulder looking at the past and wondering what if are going to get a stiff neck.

Yeah, and they walk straight into the brick wall fate place in their path.

KERSPLAT!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Yeah, and they walk straight into the brick wall fate place in their path.

KERSPLAT!

Very true. Looking back all the time stops you from seeing further than the end of your nose here in the present.

 

[SubKekiLee]

The way I take it is: Which is harder. Never having what you wanted, having it but lost it, or having it but realizing that it must end.

If you have never had something it is something you adapt to. While you may feel it would have completed you, made you fulfilled, etc...you don't know for sure. It may have been the best experience as equally as the worst.

Having had something but lost it...it hurts to feel that absence, but there are consolations. You did have it for a time. There will be great memories as well as the ones that remind you of why it wasn't meant to be.

To me, the last one is the hardest. It's partially admitting defeat, but it goes to a deeper level. How many have been in the middle of something that they know is not going to work. The instinct is to cling to it, to try to force it back to what it used to be, to recapture the good. The fear of letting go can whitewash the negatives. We forget that what was so stifling at the moment was so for a reason. To be able to walk away means we have to look at ourselves. Who are we without that person? So many define who we are from how the other person see us or treats us. Once that is gone, who are we? It is hard to voluntarily walk away from it. A natural part of something ending is to look back on the things that drew us and panic that we will never find that again. The danger is in clinging so hard that we kill the hope of growing or allowing ourselves to recover.

People are put in our paths for many reasons. Some to show us the good things, some to show us the uglier side of humanity. From all interactions we evolve. All relationships are limited in time whether by the fact that they were meant to exist for a set amount of time or by death. I agree with Cat. People are placed in your lives at the right time. It's just a matter of being able to realize that when they stand before you.

BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO
You got that quote so well..... You amaze me! Wanna get married nah JK..

 

[Netzach]

The way I take it is: Which is harder. Never having what you wanted, having it but lost it, or having it but realizing that it must end.

If you have never had something it is something you adapt to. While you may feel it would have completed you, made you fulfilled, etc...you don't know for sure. It may have been the best experience as equally as the worst.

Having had something but lost it...it hurts to feel that absence, but there are consolations. You did have it for a time. There will be great memories as well as the ones that remind you of why it wasn't meant to be.

To me, the last one is the hardest. It's partially admitting defeat, but it goes to a deeper level. How many have been in the middle of something that they know is not going to work. The instinct is to cling to it, to try to force it back to what it used to be, to recapture the good. The fear of letting go can whitewash the negatives. We forget that what was so stifling at the moment was so for a reason. To be able to walk away means we have to look at ourselves. Who are we without that person? So many define who we are from how the other person see us or treats us. Once that is gone, who are we? It is hard to voluntarily walk away from it. A natural part of something ending is to look back on the things that drew us and panic that we will never find that again. The danger is in clinging so hard that we kill the hope of growing or allowing ourselves to recover.

People are put in our paths for many reasons. Some to show us the good things, some to show us the uglier side of humanity. From all interactions we evolve. All relationships are limited in time whether by the fact that they were meant to exist for a set amount of time or by death. I agree with Cat. People are placed in your lives at the right time. It's just a matter of being able to realize that when they stand before you.

It's ALWAYS going to end.

That's the Buddhist in me. The best option is that you both die old in your sleep. But that's also less likely.

If you're ever taking your love for granted just remember that. It's going to end - at least in the form you're in now.

I also agree with cat that whatever you're doing is probably a reflection of where you are at and what you are ready to embrace. So even if you're doing something kind of dumb or regressive or weird, be kind to yourself. Don't be totally in denial about it, but be kind to yourself.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Dude, I can't even understand that paragraph. There are too many thoughts muddled together. Can someone briefly clarify?

My eye slid right off the first semi-literate sentence, hit the guardrail, flipped over and went sliding down the breakdown lane on its roof spraying sparks.

 

[Netzach]

My eye slid right off the first semi-literate sentence, hit the guardrail, flipped over and went sliding down the breakdown lane on its roof spraying sparks.

I relied blindly on the transalation, is that bad?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I relied blindly on the transalation, is that bad?

Who cares? Let's talk about potlatch!

*bring me the raw balls!*

 

[graceanne]

I relied blindly on the transalation, is that bad?

Yeah, me too. lol

 

[Primalex]

The Ashton Kutcher movie??

Well, yes. The IMDB website itself won't help.

 

[EmpressFi]

My honest opinion...

It's a round about logic someone's using to rationalize making the wrong decisions or bad decisions that while might have left him/her in a better place.. those decisions hurt someone else..

perhaps i can explain it better as in... the logic that a person uses to sleep at night when they're in the arms of the person they loved, knowing that they broke the heart of someone who didnt deserve it just to get where they are.

otherwords

the ends always justifies the means...

which I think is a crock..but hey..some people need it to be able to live with what they've done

 

[madetotakeit]

It's ALWAYS going to end.

That's the Buddhist in me. The best option is that you both die old in your sleep. But that's also less likely.

If you're ever taking your love for granted just remember that. It's going to end - at least in the form you're in now.

That's always been my philosophy too. I find it somehow freeing and allows me to appreciate what is before me when it is there and accept the near misses.

I'm not sure if I picked that up from reading (my ex is big on Buddhism and Taoism and always had a book around.) I imagine having been there, done that however briefly has had a bigger impact than anything I ever read. (If you are prone to introspection, finding out you coded is quite the eye opening experience.)

BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO
You got that quote so well..... You amaze me! Wanna get married nah JK..

My first semi-marriage proposal of the week. Sadly enough, since it came from another female sub, also probably the most appealing.

 

[jockdom]

" Where you came from is gone
Where you thought you were going to was never there
and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it"

 

[FurryFury]

a friend of mine posted this blog.. and I thought Id share it... I wondered what your thoughts were guys/gals. Since alot of you know what I am currently going thru.... with that being said please give me your thoughts ...

Its been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been, but what if the man who was faced with what was or what may never be or what can no longer be. Choosing the right path is never easy it's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better, sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we are meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better, or when something better finds its way to us.

Is this true???

I believe that wondering what might have been can be a killer thing in ones life.

I believe that regretting the things you didn't attempt or try hard enough to make happen can kill ya too.

I believe finding out way pass loss, no matter if it's the loss of what you thought the relationship was, the loss of a dream, or the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult paths one can walk.

I do not believe you have to wade through all sorts of negatives to enjoy the positives.