How to find a girl to care about...

[wishyou_knewme]

I'm currently 19 years old and I feel as though relationship wise I haven't accomplished a single thing. Of all the girls I've ever liked it seems they've never liked me back. I'll admit I don't think I'm the best looking guy but by now I'd hoped I'd at least have found someone who cared for me enough to be with me. I'm honestly not sure if it is how I look or if it simply my personality (neither of which would be easy to alter). Does anything know how I can snag that one girl who won't mind caring for me as I care for her?

 

[SweetErika]

Why do you think you would have found someone to care enough to be with you by now? As you said, you're only 19, and many, many people don't find partners by that age.

I'm guessing you lack some of the confidence and social skills that tend to attract women (and men, for that matter!), and/or maybe you don't put yourself in situations where you're likely to meet women you have a lot in common with. True?

And, no, you can't change your looks completely without plastic surgery or disfigurement, but you certainly can make dramatic changes with style and the way you feel about yourself. Some thoughts:

Do you have a haircut and style that's most flattering for your face shape?

Have you seen if you look best with/without facial hair?

Do you wear nice, clean clothing? Have you tried different styles?

Do you have acne?

Do you wear a little bit of nice aftershave or cologne (the good stuff, NOT the cheap shit that inevitably smells bad!)?

Do you exercise regularly? (Even if you don't make a lot of physical changes through exercise, it can do wonders for your confidence/self-esteem!)

If you wear glasses, have you tried contacts and/or different styles of glasses?

Do you keep yourself well-groomed (e.g. groomed eyebrows, clean hands, tidy fingernails, fresh breath, regular haircuts, etc.)?

Do you smile a lot in public?


The other day, an episode of "Beauty and the Geek" caught my attention. It was one where they did makeovers on the geeks. It was amazing what new clothing, hair cuts/styles and some grooming did for both the geeks' appearances and attitudes. Many of them looked--and acted--like very different people because they looked their best and had a lot more confidence. So, yeah, it's amazing how much those changes can improve physical appearance, attitude and attraction.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm currently 19 years old and I feel as though relationship wise I haven't accomplished a single thing. Of all the girls I've ever liked it seems they've never liked me back. I'll admit I don't think I'm the best looking guy but by now I'd hoped I'd at least have found someone who cared for me enough to be with me.I'm honestly not sure if it is how I look or if it simply my personality (neither of which would be easy to alter). Does anything know how I can snag that one girl who won't mind caring for me as I care for her?

Sweetheart

You should not, at the tender age of 19, be looking for somebody who is prepared to put up with you out of charity or sympathy or whatever you think it will take.

It's frustrating to be a late bloomer and watch your peers start dating and gain confidence with women. To assume already that it won't happen for you because you're not Brad Pitt, is a symptom of depression and poor self esteem. You are not thinking about this rationally right now because you want it too much. You should be wary of this because people like you who lack confidence often end up with the first person they connect with because they're terrified there might not be another. The first person you connect with is seldom life partner material because you still have so much maturing and learning to do when it comes to love. Sounds patronising I know but take it with the kindness and honesty meant.

Rather than bothering about a metamorphosis of your appearance and/or personality, what you need to be doing is coming to terms with and accepting who you are. You sound to me like a good person, a genuine guy who's intelligent and articulate. You are not as unattractive as you think you are, nobody is and you're in a self critical mood at the moment. It might help you to feel more positive if you updated your wardrobe a little and tweaked the way you appear but only as long as you remain true to yourself.

Guys are basically assholes. At your age they operate more in terms of sexual conquest and scoring points against their friends. To want a long term relationship as opposed to 'playing the field' will automatically put you ahead of the game with a lot of girls - if you allow them to find out.

Shyness and awkwardness are easily learned and very slowly and gradually deviated from. Some girls see quietness and a reluctance to participate as being aloof or giving the impression that you're not interested in a relationship. As a first step, look at how approachable you appear. Closed body language, hunched shoulders, not making eye contact and other typically shy traits can dissuade others from making the first move, putting you in a catch 22. If a girl catches you eye, even for a moment, smile a little and try to relax yourself a bit. Take an interest in people and allow yourself to be drawn into conversations rather than answering people briefly and then going quiet.

I'm not saying that you do any or all of those things, it's just general stuff that many shy guys can benefit from considering. You need to gain a little confidence and self respect and be open to connecting with people. Hopefully then, practice will make being open and chatty more natural and less stressful.

Hope some of that's relevant to you.

 

[Colton_White]

I'm currently 19 years old ....Does anything know how I can snag that one girl who won't mind caring for me as I care for her?

what is your sexual orientation?
I checked your posts and threads... look what do we have here?

here?

For a while now I've had a very strong urge to suck a dick. There is however a little problem, I can't find one to suck. Where can I go online to find people who won't murder me if I meet them somewhere, lol.

Thanks a bunch

if you want someone to have 'sympathy' for you, that type of personality won't get you the lady.
be confident and happy, positive thinking, and most of all
HAVE GOOD OPINION ABT URSELF

at the age of 19 .. put efforts on making a good career..once you get it
the Good caring Princess will come along.

Life gives answer in 3 ways ..
It says yes and gives you what u wan,
it says no to give you something better,
it says wait and gives you d best!!!
Have a good day.

http://img.123greetings.com/eventsnew/insp_support/8429-012-51-1088.gif

 

[SweetErika]

what is your sexual orientation?
I checked your posts and threads... look what do we have here?

here?


I think that 'orientation' has to do some thing with your personality and that personality has something to do with women not caring back.

if you want someone to have 'sympathy' for you, that type of personality won't get you the lady.
be confident and happy, positive thinking, and most of all
HAVE GOOD OPINION ABT URSELF

So, you're saying women aren't likely to like or care about bisexual men? And/Or that bisexuals necessarily appear to have different personalities because they like both cock and pussy?

I think that's a load of crap. I know lots of women who are very attracted to, and love, bisexual men. I also know a lot of bisexual men who appear completely straight, just as one would think a lot of the bisexual women I know were straight. Sexual orientation is about biological attraction, it's not a personality trait, and it doesn't necessarily express itself in personality.

There are even plenty of women who would love to see their male partner with another man!

Sure, some women are homophobic or don't want a bi partner, but I'm willing to bet the OP's desire to suck cock, or his orientation, has absolutely nothing to do with why he's not finding a female partner. That is, unless he's portraying himself as a gay man so women think he's completely unavailable, which I highly doubt.

And what's up with the motivational pictures from 123greetings, Colton?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Oh great, another one.

edited

 

[Davetmat]

Nothing attracts sex like cupcakes!

 

[In Anticipation]

Ok, i take it all back.

I officially give up with people who post different things all over the place as though we're all stupid or something.

It's possible he's a genuine confused person.

However, to expect a great liftetime relationship by 19 is pushing it a bit.

30 years on from that I'm perhaps getting there . . .

 

[Colton_White]

So, you're saying women aren't likely to like or care about bisexual men? And/Or that bisexuals necessarily appear to have different personalities because they like both cock and pussy?

I'm not saying / against any gay/bi male.
what I felt in his posts like he deliberately 'force/pretend himself to try the bi thing' in order to get sympathy from some woman that he got so fed up in the search of a caring woman that he went up to the other side of the fence. or just doing some sort of self-torturing etc.

OR>>

may be he is not trying hard with 100% effort finding a caring woman .. or caring the woman after finding it.. because he's also looking for the other man too?

[apologies to the OP if I'm wrong in above opinion.]

And what's up with the motivational pictures from 123greetings, Colton?

its a trade secret ma'am.
=========



being 19 y.o. I think you should rather focus more on making a good career..
and once you get it, there won't be much trouble finding a caring woman.

 

[SweetErika]

Ok, i take it all back.

I officially give up with people who post different things all over the place as though we're all stupid or something.

Am I missing something?

He has all of three posts - the one here, and two in his sucking cock thread. I don't think his desire to suck cock means he doesn't want to find a woman for a relationship. There are plenty of guys who prefer to have relationships with women, but are curious about being sexual with men. And plenty of people create multiple threads on different things they're curious about.

Sure, he could just be trying to get attention or whatever, but it doesn't seem like there's enough information to determine this thread isn't a genuine request for advice.

 

[wishyou_knewme]

I'd really like to thank everyone who has posted their opinions. It has been very eye opening to say the least.

First off, Colton_White brings up a good point. I can't say I know what I was thinking when I made the other post, and I kind of hope I hadn't. I'm straight but I feel that everyone goes through a stage where they are at least somewhat interested in another person of the same sex.

As for VelvetDarkness I'm not exactly sure what your point was. You said all this very meaningful stuff and then realized that the thought of a guy might interest me and you get all defensive. As I mentioned before I'm not sure what got into me when I posted the other topic and I'm quite embarrassed I did. So I'm sorry Velvet.

As for whether or not this topic was a true request for help, it was. I'd really like to find someone to build a relationship with, and obviously something I'm doing just isn't working.

 

[fire_breeze]

I'd really like to thank everyone who has posted their opinions. It has been very eye opening to say the least.

First off, Colton_White brings up a good point. I can't say I know what I was thinking when I made the other post, and I kind of hope I hadn't. I'm straight but I feel that everyone goes through a stage where they are at least somewhat interested in another person of the same sex.

As for VelvetDarkness I'm not exactly sure what your point was. You said all this very meaningful stuff and then realized that the thought of a guy might interest me and you get all defensive. As I mentioned before I'm not sure what got into me when I posted the other topic and I'm quite embarrassed I did. So I'm sorry Velvet.

As for whether or not this topic was a true request for help, it was. I'd really like to find someone to build a relationship with, and obviously something I'm doing just isn't working.

Sweet love

You're 19. You have years to explore who you are, what you want from a relationship. As both Velvet and Erika said in their infinite wisdom, be yourself. Be confident in who you are.

I'm not saying screw around and be an ass. I'm suggesting that you don't put the pressure on yourself for finding a relationship. Relationships take a lot of work, even if you found someone who you are compatible with. Also, at your age (I did not just say that ), most people are only just starting to figure out who they are, let alone what they want from life. It somewhat unfair to expect someone to be willing to go that route in building something.

What I suggest is explore who you are, and don't worry about finding someone to build a relationship. You have all the time in the world to do that. And when you do meet someone who piques your interest, with whom you would like to know better, take the chance, be friendly, polite and yourself, and then go for the ride. And enjoy it and the moment.

Oh, and as for wondering about the same sex? Almost everybody does. Don't regret being curious.

Good luck

 

[Colton_White]

First off, Colton_White brings up a good point. I can't say I know what I was thinking when I made the other post, and I kind of hope I hadn't. I'm straight but I feel that everyone goes through a stage where they are at least somewhat interested in another person of the same sex.

I didn't want to be rude or making fun of you. and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Of all the girls I've ever liked it seems they've never liked me back. I'll admit I don't think I'm the best looking guy but by now I'd hoped I'd at least have found someone who cared for me enough to be with me. I'm honestly not sure if it is how I look or if it simply my personality (neither of which would be easy to alter).

you have posted your thread in such a short description that its really hard to
figure out ......
what type of person you are?
what exactly your problem is and
what exactly you are wanting?

[and you have username 'wishuknew_me'] .. . lol how can we know you without you telling us?
then people would go on conventional opinions based on their previous experience
e.g. opinion that... you are a negative person low on self esteem./or a fake alt./attention-seeker wanting to gather female sympthies online.. [which you might not be]

1st thing you need to do is re-write your q? in detailed description.
so people don't make prejudicial judgments and opinions about you based on their experience

2nd thing..
there are no cut and dried - universal principles and rules e.g. Go to X place/website and do/say Y thing and you will find the Z girl with lot love and care for you.
its a matter of luck and time,

there are men and women looking good and having good personalities but still single / stuck
in bad marriage/relationship.
on the other hand there are assholes who score/get laid with sexiest ladies.

its a matter of luck and time,
but that doesn't mean you sit down on your computer chair and hope the things to happen
on their own.

if you are seeking advice don't expect us to say anything 'unique' that you didn't know
e.g having good attitude-care-confidence-self esteem-positive thinking / going to some hobby/classes/website to find someone.

round and round..in any advice here you will find above theme.
what you need to do is look at your self and correct it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

As for VelvetDarkness I'm not exactly sure what your point was. You said all this very meaningful stuff and then realized that the thought of a guy might interest me and you get all defensive. As I mentioned before I'm not sure what got into me when I posted the other topic and I'm quite embarrassed I did. So I'm sorry Velvet.

I'm sorry. With hindsight I over reacted. You have a perfect right to be attracted to guys and girls and it wasn't that that offended me. We often get people posting contradictory things. I have given people the benefit of the doubt recently who have turned out to be pathological liars and unfortunately I took it out on you with a short, pissed off and badly thought through post.

I apologise wholeheartedly as you do seem to be genuine. I would have posted sooner but didn't check back on your thread until today. I'm not usually prone to knee jerk posts.

 

[Toadisbest]

.....

 

[Tyr51]

Hi!

I'm 30.


I haven't found that person yet.
But in that time I have gotten my degree. I've lived in another country. I've traveled excessively. I have created a non-profit service organization. I've taught and mentored younger folk. I have had a good time.

And while I have not found "the one," I have found myself.
You are at an age when every door is open to you.

If the door marked "marraige" isn't the one that is knocking, take a minute to listen to your other doors. There may be other things waiting for you.


Being lonely is no fun. It can be very difficult. I understand completely.
But being lonely is also not attractive.
It's not quite a catch 22.
If you do try things in the hopes of attracting other people? Yes. You'll be in a catch22.
If you realize just how much opportunity you have, and the amount of freedom and ability to do ANYTHING you have at 19?
Just do it because you LOVE it.

Then, maybe, someone worthy of you will find you as you adventure.
And, if they do not?
It doesn't matter, because your adventure and journey was all you were looking for in the first place.