Bloody hell...

[Guest]

...I'm an idiot.

And I'd like to ask for your help.

I've been wondering why the epilogue to my "Original Sins" series in BDSM has garnered only 5 votes (there were 8 votes until "Death-by-Sweeps" struck) and one comment.

Then I take a closer look at its posting date and discover that--ready for this?--it posted on Christmas Day!

("Can I have a 'DOH!' from the choir, please?")

Then I got to thinking (always a mistake):

I have no complaint about the voting score but this is far below the run of votes for the series, which (post-sweeps) range from 18-23 for various chapters. And, the Epilogue has had 2/3 of the reads for most of the other chapters and nearly as many reads as the chapter just preceding it.

Which means the reads-to-votes ratio is way down. Which means that readers aren't caring enough about this chapter to vote.

So, if anyone would like to have a look and offer a suggestion as to why this one chapter is so far not leading readers to care enough to cast a vote, I'd appreciate it.

Here's the link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=343220

Please dont feel obligated to cast a vote yourself; I'm more interested in finding out what I've done wrong with this chapter than trying to pump my vote total.

Thanks in advance for any help you may care to offer.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Had a read of the Epilogue and pt 6 as well.

In addition to the Xmas Day disaster, I can see some issues you might consider.


This story really ends on page 2 with Jessica. Page 3 doesn't really work for me. It is the resolution to an earlier story that suddenly appears with a lot of moralizing, somewhat unbelievable changes in Kaitlyn from domme to sub and you probably don't do yourself a favor with the stand-up comic remark.

Readers may have clicked back on p3 without finishing,which might explain the votes:reads ratio change.

I'm no expert with BDSM writing, but the occasional self-deprecatory wit seemed a bit off-key.

Just my uninformed opinion, but I would have suggested leaving the Mary story as pt7 and building a fuller story round the Kaitlyn epiphany as an epilogue with a bit more of a climax (in both senses).

Anyway you've titillated me enough to make me go off and read parts 1-5.

Elle

 

[Guest]

Thanks so much for your feedback, Elfin! I think you may have some valid points, particularly in that, while I tried to build in enough unobtrusive history for each chapter to stand alone, the series is really intended to be read start to finish. If it is, then Kaitlyn's conversion doesn't seem so miraculous, I think.

But, I'll be really interested to read any comments you may have after reading the other chapters.

Thanks again!

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I'm not much of a BDSM fan, but here are my thoughts. Perhaps the first paragraph, being in the 3rd person should have been in italics, as a forward.

I didn't finish the story, I only read the first page. Your characters seemed flat and lifeless. While your writing seems okay, I suspect it was my lack of interest in the subject matter that caused me to abandon my reading.

Sorry, I wish I could have been of more help to you.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Thanks so much for your feedback, Elfin! I think you may have some valid points, particularly in that, while I tried to build in enough unobtrusive history for each chapter to stand alone, the series is really intended to be read start to finish. If it is, then Kaitlyn's conversion doesn't seem so miraculous, I think.

But, I'll be really interested to read any comments you may have after reading the other chapters.

Thanks again!

Give me a day or so. I know where drk's coming from and I empathise with him but you can critique without being a fan of the genre. Story structure is always the same discipline. Read drk, he is a master.

I thought your part 6 was beautifully structured and well paced. I'm not a BDSM fan but you had enough plot to keep me in your web. And your writing's pretty good too.

 

[Guest]

Give me a day or so. I know where drk's coming from and I empathise with him but you can critique without being a fan of the genre. Story structure is always the same discipline. Read drk, he is a master.

I thought your part 6 was beautifully structured and well paced. I'm not a BDSM fan but you had enough plot to keep me in your web. And your writing's pretty good too.

Thanks again. I appreciate your taking the time to read part 6 and comment.

I'm thinking about combining the chapters and resubmitting it under "Novels & Novellas." The downside to that is that I envision needing at least three more chapters to actually bring the story to a conclusion.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Novels and novellas usually gets low reads and votes. I'd stick to the mainstrem cats.

 

[Guest]

Thanks again for your comments, elfin.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Thanks again for your comments, elfin.

Please don't be nice. I've forgotten to read the rest of the story and comment. You should be on my case.

Will do it, sorry,

Elle

 

[Guest]

Please don't be nice. I've forgotten to read the rest of the story and comment. You should be on my case.

Will do it, sorry,

Elle

Nah, I'm not much of an on-your-case kind of guy. I figure life happens, and the smallest thing in your life that requires your attention is, in the great scheme of things, more important than my receiving feedback on a story.

I appreciate the apology, and of course it's accepted.

But I'm still looking forward to your comments, whatever they may be.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I've read the whole saga and I'm impressed. Like one comment says, you get the emotional commitment between the two better than most.

I'll send my stuff tomorrow in an e-mail - it's probably too edit-wise for here.

When are you writing more?

 

[Guest]

I've read the whole saga and I'm impressed. Like one comment says, you get the emotional commitment between the two better than most.

I'll send my stuff tomorrow in an e-mail - it's probably too edit-wise for here.

When are you writing more?

(Wow--I'd absolutely swear I replied to this last night--but I was coming off a migraine and finishing up an edit on someone else's story. And, as already established, I'm not infrequently an idiot.)

I'm not sure when I'll continue with "Original Sins." I owe my readers the conclusion to the "Suggestion" trilogy, but I'm balking for some reason. I also have a few ideas for Mind Control and Erotic Horror floating around.

I don't think my Muse is on vacation--she's probably fled in fear and is cowering, gibbering, in a dark corner somewhere!

Looking forward to your e-mail, Elle. Thanks!

 

[Guest]

And a big, public THANKS to Elle for her carefully considered feedback!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

And a big, public THANKS to Elle for her carefully considered feedback!

Aw, shucks, sweetie! I's just doing what I'd do for any guy with your HUGE ... accoutrements.

Elle

 

[Guest]

Aw, shucks, sweetie! I's just doing what I'd do for any guy with your HUGE ... accoutrements.

Elle

I bet you say that to all the blindfolded, ripped, naked angels!

But no worries... my "accoutrements" remain at your service!

 

[where]

Just read through them and agree the epilogue seemed a bit disjointed after the other chapters.

I rather liked the self deprecating humour that ran through the series. One of the reasons I'm not too keen on BDSM (apart from the obvious) is the stories tend to be very po-faced. That you took a really sensitive and emotional issue and made a really good non-exploitative story from it AND allowed the character's personality to show through like that is no small achievement.

 

[Guest]

Just read through them and agree the epilogue seemed a bit disjointed after the other chapters.

I rather liked the self deprecating humour that ran through the series. One of the reasons I'm not too keen on BDSM (apart from the obvious) is the stories tend to be very po-faced. That you took a really sensitive and emotional issue and made a really good non-exploitative story from it AND allowed the character's personality to show through like that is no small achievement.

That's high praise indeed. Thank you. And I really appreciate your taking the time to read the series.

 

[where]

That's high praise indeed. Thank you. And I really appreciate your taking the time to read the series.

you're welcome

 

[Guest]

you're welcome

And, you've introduced this Yank to the expression "po-faced":

"It’s common enough in Britain as a term for someone who is priggish, narrow-minded, disapproving or humourless, but not widely known elsewhere..." (worldwidewords.com)

I am now prepared to either totally confound my accusers, mystify the masses, or both, should those groups happen to coincide.

 

[where]

And, you've introduced this Yank to the expression "po-faced":

"It’s common enough in Britain as a term for someone who is priggish, narrow-minded, disapproving or humourless, but not widely known elsewhere..." (worldwidewords.com)

I am now prepared to either totally confound my accusers, mystify the masses, or both, should those groups happen to coincide.

I aim to spread the more obscure brit terms over the planet, and love as well. So gimmie a snog

 

[Guest]

I aim to spread the more obscure brit terms over the planet, and love as well. So gimmie a snog

With pleasure.

 

[where]

With pleasure.

did you have to google it?

 

[Guest]

did you have to google it?

Hardly; I'm a confirmed snogger.

 

[where]

Hardly; I'm a confirmed snogger.

*likes a man who can understand me*