Attraction: The Bad Girl/Bad Boy Thing

[lesbiaphrodite]

I have wondered for a long time what it is about the bad girl/bad boy that is so attractive?

My male icons have always been the bad boys: James Dean, Marlon Brando and countless others.

My female icons vary, but often are bad girls: Rita Hayworth (in Gilda), Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse, Karen Lancaume (French pornstar).

I am constanty attracted to them for so many reasons. What is it about them that makes them so alluring?

Do tell.....

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I keep wondering the same thing. Why do otherwise attractive, intelligent, well-educated women find total assholes attractive? All they end up doing is marrying these jerks, bearing their children and then finally leaving them in self-defense. WhatinHell is the appeal of someone who treats you like dirt?

And the same thing goes for guys, though to a lesser degree.

 

[NoJo]

I have wondered for a long time what it is about the bad girl/bad boy that is so attractive?

My male icons have always been the bad boys: James Dean, Marlon Brando and countless others.

My female icons vary, but often are bad girls: Rita Hayworth (in Gilda), Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse, Karen Lancaume (French pornstar).

I am constanty attracted to them for so many reasons. What is it about them that makes them so alluring?

Do tell.....

James Dean and Marlon Brando were both Gay Boys, too. Screaming fags, the pair of em.

 

[rgraham666]

As far as bad boys and straight women go, it has a lot to do with the dirty trick that biology has played on them. Women tend to look for 'strength'. Unfortunately evil can easily be mistaken for strength.

For the rest, straight men and gays, it has to do with sex. A bad boy or girl isn't going to play by the rules. They aren't going to insist on missionary in the dark as it were. They promise to be a lot of fun. And since they're 'bad' they won't get all emotionally sticky as well.

In some cases the hope of changing the 'bad person' plays a part as well. Evangelism isn't limited to religion.

My $0.02.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

A bad boy or girl isn't going to play by the rules. They aren't going to insist on missionary in the dark as it were. They promise to be a lot of fun. And since they're 'bad' they won't get all emotionally sticky as well.

That rings true to me somehow, Rob. I agree with you. I like someone who doesn't play by the rules, who isn't scared to be 'in your face' with their attraction and their disobedience of the perceived 'rules of the game.'

There is something animal about it, and I like that.

 

[rgraham666]

That rings true to me somehow, Rob. I agree with you. I like someone who doesn't play by the rules, who isn't scared to be 'in your face' with their attraction and their disobedience of the perceived 'rules of the game.'

There is something animal about it, and I like that.

The problem is it isn't just the sexual rules thy don't play by.

Like it or not, there's a good chance that a bad boy or girl will hurt you. And not care.

 

[cloudy]

I don't really go for the "bad boy," but I do have a definite preference for men that have long hair, maybe some tattoos...guys that are a little rough around the edges. They've lived instead of doing exactly what mommy and daddy wanted: gone to college exactly as planned, joined the same fraternity their fathers did, took some stiflingly dull and predictable job after graduation, and now live in the 'burbs on their half-acre lot with their 2.5 children, married to the obligatory soccer mom who drives a Ford Expedition.

http://bestsmileys.com/sleeping/6.gif

The long hair could possibly be a cultural thing, but the rest of it? Just a preference, I suppose.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

*thinking this over as I would have to come at this question from the opposite direction. My ex girlfriends always referred to me as dark, devilish, bad*

 

[cloudy]

*thinking this over as I would have to come at this question from the opposite direction. My ex girlfriends always referred to me as dark, devilish, bad*

What a coincidence - I'm normally described that way, too.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

What a coincidence - I'm normally described that way, too.

heh, I can soo see that in you, cloudy lady...

 

[neonlyte]

Jeans...

... sorry, genes.

The attractive ends of the bell-curve (I don't mean flares)

 

[NoJo]

As far as bad boys and straight women go, it has a lot to do with the dirty trick that biology has played on them. Women tend to look for 'strength'. Unfortunately evil can easily be mistaken for strength.

For the rest, straight men and gays, it has to do with sex. A bad boy or girl isn't going to play by the rules. They aren't going to insist on missionary in the dark as it were. They promise to be a lot of fun. And since they're 'bad' they won't get all emotionally sticky as well.

In some cases the hope of changing the 'bad person' plays a part as well. Evangelism isn't limited to religion.

My $0.02.

It's no so much "strength", Rob, it's more like "dominance". The perennial playground injustice of the "sensitive, nice" kids always losing out to the nasty, aggressive alpha males. It's enough to turn some men mysogynist, as they think "how can women be so dumb?"

 

[NoJo]

Jeans...

... sorry, genes.

The attractive ends of the bell-curve (I don't mean flares)

I bet you're an attractive bell-end yourself, neon.

 

[rgraham666]

It's no so much "strength", Rob, it's more like "dominance". The perennial playground injustice of the "sensitive, nice" kids always losing out to the nasty, aggressive alpha males. It's enough to turn some men mysogynist, as they think "how can women be so dumb?"

I sometimes still feel that way.

 

[neonlyte]

I bet you're an attractive bell-end yourself, neon.

Next time... we're using the blindfold.

 

[NoJo]

Next time... we're using the blindfold.

Oh, for a second I thought you wrote "billfold"

 

[The_Fool]

I don't really go for the "bad boy," but I do have a definite preference for men that have long hair, maybe some tattoos...guys that are a little rough around the edges. They've lived instead of doing exactly what mommy and daddy wanted: gone to college exactly as planned, joined the same fraternity their fathers did, took some stiflingly dull and predictable job after graduation, and now live in the 'burbs on their half-acre lot with their 2.5 children, married to the obligatory soccer mom who drives a Ford Expedition.

http://bestsmileys.com/sleeping/6.gif

The long hair could possibly be a cultural thing, but the rest of it? Just a preference, I suppose.

Good....I am safe. I would never buy a Ford...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Very often, the "bad" boy or girl is more exhibitionist and puts themself out further-- makes them more immediately attractive.

The trick is to find all of that entertainment in a "good" person. Then you have Hidden Treasure!

 

[neonlyte]

Very often, the "bad" boy or girl is more exhibitionist and puts themself out further-- makes them more immediately attractive.

The trick is to find all of that entertainment in a "good" person. Then you have Hidden Treasure!

Hmmm... so good people are bad people on sabbatical. It is fun finding out.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Very often, the "bad" boy or girl is more exhibitionist and puts themself out further-- makes them more immediately attractive.

The trick is to find all of that entertainment in a "good" person. Then you have Hidden Treasure!

And sometimes it is just a matter of a "good person" deciding to fight back. I'm still a "model citizen" but I've stopped taking any shit from anyone. Fortunately, I don't hand it out, either.

 

[Brute_Force]

A naughty girl disguised as a good girl=sexy

 

[TxRad]

From experience and observation:

Bad boys/Bad girls are hunters and out for what they can get. It's a game they have always played and are good at. The average guy or girl are defenseless because they are not prepared for the well planned and systematic attack on their egos and senses.

From the average persons perspective the bad girl/bad guy is something they secretly want to be or be seen with, or just have the thrill of being around. They just don't understand who or what they are dealing with.

 

[Belegon]

I consider myself a good guy who put on bad airs to be successful with women. But I have had that disagreed with both ways... I've been told I never was able to hide my good guy side and I have also been told that my good guy side got pushed down so far in my mid-twenties that it was all but non-existent...

 

[Brute_Force]

THE APPEAL OF THE BAD BOY HERO

The Author
Alice Gaines Chambers

You’ve read him. You’ve loved him. Most of all, you’ve lusted after him. He’s the bad boy hero – a fixture in romance novels, especially ultra-sensual and/or erotic romances. What makes him so irresistible to readers?

For one thing, a bad boy knows how to make a woman feel good. He learned at an early age to question authority, especially when authority seemed bent on convincing him that whatever felt good had to be bad. This applied equally to fast cars, tall drinks, and long, slow lovemaking. As a result, when the well-behaved kids were at Student Council meetings, our bad boy hero was out behind the bleachers trying to persuade the captain of the cheerleading squad to say “yes.” In order to get what he wanted, he taught himself every little trick to winning female compliance. All those years of experience – from the moment he discovered the pleasures of the flesh right up until he encounters the heroine in the boardroom or the crowded roadhouse – makes him the consummate lover. The kind of man who can melt a woman with a look and then take her to heaven with his hands.

A lover of such super-human ability allows the heroine – and by extension, the reader – to relinquish personal responsibility for her own sexual behavior. After all, who could blame a woman for surrendering to the sweet persuasion of such a man? For me, this escape from responsibility is an important element in the fantasy necessary for ultra-sensual romance. No amount of reality should intrude to dampen the reader’s excitement, even in a contemporary story set in the “real” world. The bad boy hero not only allows the heroine to take a walk on the wild side; he compels her to.

We should note at this point that the bad boy hero is still a romantic hero. He does have a code of ethics, but it’s his own, not a set of rules imposed by the society around him. He very often has experienced injustice in his personal life, which led him to find his own path to right and wrong. Usually, his personal moral code includes protecting the less powerful around him, all the while stubbornly insisting he cares for nothing and no one. As Willie Nelson put it in a song, “his pride won’t let him do things to make you think he’s right.”

Much has been made in the past (let’s hope it’s not as true now) of women’s supposed rape fantasies. According to this thinking, women want to imagine themselves being forced to have sex. Critics of the romance genre, who normally don’t take the time to read a romance, have opined that our books foster fantasies of rape and submission. I believe it’s true that our fantasy life is enriched by some surrender of responsibility (see above). But readers don’t enjoy graphic depictions of violence and humiliation. Women’s so-called rape fantasies run more along the lines of the most delicious man in the world not taking “no” for an answer.

The bad boy hero can fill all these fantasies. Far from forcing sex on the heroine, his expertise allows him to arouse her to the point where refusal of her own pleasure isn’t an option. He can allow her to experience the forbidden but within a context where she’s not going to be brutalized or degraded.

There is real danger for the heroine, of course – that she’ll lose her heart to an uncontrollable man. But a truly strong woman is willing to take that chance in order to enjoy a larger-than-life sensual experience. And the reader is happy to take that dangerous journey with her.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

THE APPEAL OF THE BAD BOY HERO

The Author
Alice Gaines Chambers

You’ve read him. You’ve loved him. Most of all, you’ve lusted after him. He’s the bad boy hero – a fixture in romance novels, especially ultra-sensual and/or erotic romances. What makes him so irresistible to readers?

For one thing, a bad boy knows how to make a woman feel good. He learned at an early age to question authority, especially when authority seemed bent on convincing him that whatever felt good had to be bad. This applied equally to fast cars, tall drinks, and long, slow lovemaking. As a result, when the well-behaved kids were at Student Council meetings, our bad boy hero was out behind the bleachers trying to persuade the captain of the cheerleading squad to say “yes.” In order to get what he wanted, he taught himself every little trick to winning female compliance. All those years of experience – from the moment he discovered the pleasures of the flesh right up until he encounters the heroine in the boardroom or the crowded roadhouse – makes him the consummate lover. The kind of man who can melt a woman with a look and then take her to heaven with his hands.

A lover of such super-human ability allows the heroine – and by extension, the reader – to relinquish personal responsibility for her own sexual behavior. After all, who could blame a woman for surrendering to the sweet persuasion of such a man? For me, this escape from responsibility is an important element in the fantasy necessary for ultra-sensual romance. No amount of reality should intrude to dampen the reader’s excitement, even in a contemporary story set in the “real” world. The bad boy hero not only allows the heroine to take a walk on the wild side; he compels her to.

We should note at this point that the bad boy hero is still a romantic hero. He does have a code of ethics, but it’s his own, not a set of rules imposed by the society around him. He very often has experienced injustice in his personal life, which led him to find his own path to right and wrong. Usually, his personal moral code includes protecting the less powerful around him, all the while stubbornly insisting he cares for nothing and no one. As Willie Nelson put it in a song, “his pride won’t let him do things to make you think he’s right.”

Much has been made in the past (let’s hope it’s not as true now) of women’s supposed rape fantasies. According to this thinking, women want to imagine themselves being forced to have sex. Critics of the romance genre, who normally don’t take the time to read a romance, have opined that our books foster fantasies of rape and submission. I believe it’s true that our fantasy life is enriched by some surrender of responsibility (see above). But readers don’t enjoy graphic depictions of violence and humiliation. Women’s so-called rape fantasies run more along the lines of the most delicious man in the world not taking “no” for an answer.

The bad boy hero can fill all these fantasies. Far from forcing sex on the heroine, his expertise allows him to arouse her to the point where refusal of her own pleasure isn’t an option. He can allow her to experience the forbidden but within a context where she’s not going to be brutalized or degraded.

There is real danger for the heroine, of course – that she’ll lose her heart to an uncontrollable man. But a truly strong woman is willing to take that chance in order to enjoy a larger-than-life sensual experience. And the reader is happy to take that dangerous journey with her.

Like the Romantic Rape, the Bad Boy Hero is a fantasy. He's not what you encounter in the real world and he's not what I was talking about farther up this thread. I'm talking about what used, in a more mannerly time, to be called a cad. The jerk whose appeal I cannot understand is as self-centered as a gyroscope, uncaring as a rock and as demanding of the woman's attention as a new-born. Ladies, you've all known men like that and some of you have fallen for them. My question is "why?" Does the romantic image override reality? Does Art replace Life?