Wrong Decisions And How They Affect Us And Our Lives

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Well, heres mine ...


I was just reading a book i get from a social worker with who i spoke about money probs i have. It's a book of adivce how to sort things when you get into debts. Well, i have read it all, but dont think i found an answear there. Except that i can end in the jail for next 12 years. Cant say that helped.

When you kill someone here, you get like 4-5 years for that. I made silly decisions, things happened, now i am in shits with very lil chance of getting outta them anytime soon and i can get 12 years for that ehh. Thats funny. Well no, its not funny, but its laffable. I dont feel like laughin tho.

I pay what i can, they taking my cash, taking my stuffs, my debts still fuking growing, i am outta cash most of the month and they can still even put me to the jail. sigh

Ya know, i am not moaning about anything whats happening to me. I deserve all i am going thro, i know i do. I owe that cash and i should pay it back and i do. I want pay it back and i try, i really do. But what do i do, when i pay what i can and its still not enough?

85% of my monthly income goes for the rent. Should i live under the bridge?? I got 3000,- czech krones for a month-thats 187 US dollars. 6 dollars per day for 4 people. For food, cloths, shoes etc etc, simply for everything. God i try, but i dunno live cheaper than this. Even this is very hard.

Its not like i could go out and buy nice things and i am okay with that. I cannot buy even a food i would like to eat sometimes. I gotta think if i am gonna buy a bread or few rolls. I cannot buy a yoghurt every time i want one. Its anoying and it makes me very sad. Because of my kids. I dont give a shit about myself, but i would like to give my girl the food she want, but i cant. You dont have a clue how it makes me feel like.

I am usualy okay with the way i live. I made wrong decisions, now i pay for them. I am okay with it, as long as i have a place to call home and some food for my kids. This book saying they could still put me into the jail for 12 years made me sad. I feel like no matter what i do, i can never work this out. I pay my debts, but they growing faster than i pay. Its like i pay 50 and they grow up about 100 ehh. How can i ever get outta this shits. I dunno. Dont think i can or will. I no longer check how much i owe, because no matter what i send the debts still growing and i cannot send more, i have hardly cash for food.

I feel fucked bigtime. I am sad and dissapointed. Trying to figure out the moment my life get so fucked up. And i dunno. Things happened, now i am in shits. With very lil chance ever get outta them.


I am not posting this to make you feel sorry for me. The last thing i want is someones pitty. I need an advice and i hope theres somone out here who went thro this and worked it out somehow. If so, please tell me how, becuase i dont have a clue what to do. I need help and i dont see any.

There are days when i smile and laugh and dont mind that i live the way i do. And then theres days, when i dont give i shit if i got hit by motherfuking train, knowing i wouldnt put a fight to stay alive. I want life thats worth of living. Dont think mine is. Only reason i am still here are my 2 kids.

If you have any idea how to get outta this, please tell me.


thank you
~Kate

 

[Netzach]

Can you make something and sell it? Doesn't really matter what - I do jewelry, but I know people who sell soap, and depending on the laws in your country, food and baked goods. Even if you have to use a commercial kitchen which is inspected, sometimes churches and community centers have these and will rent them to you.

I know it takes supplies and startup costs, but sometimes people will lend for something like that. It allows you to be at home and care for kids while making some cash, if you know anyone who will lend you money to get by they may lend you more with the potential to get some of it back or even a share of profit.

I know it seems like I must have a lot of downtime to post at lit, but the fact is that in font of my keyboard right now is a disaster of beads and tools and metal and wire and little overflowing boxes. I'm leaning my forearms on this mess as I type this. When my hands lift from this post they're going back to a pair of earrings.

There's something called a "micro loan" which lends individuals small amounts (in loan terms) of money, and there's an organization called kiva.org which funds people internationally starting businesses in much these kinds of circumstances. You may be eligible for some of these small loans if you want to work in a way that still allows you to be close to your kids and doing something you find fulfilling or interesting.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I can empathise totally. It is one thing when you are stuck in such a situation yourself, but when you have children it not only hurts them, it hurts you even more and usually increases the spiral you find yourself in. I can only imagine it is even worse for you than it would be for someone in Oz, UK, USA, or NL. I know it is probably not worth mentioning, but what is the father of your children doing about this, if anything? Is it possible to declare yourself bankrupt in your country? I know it is not pleasant, but if it is an option it can relieve a lot of stress and make the remaining debts more manageable, as well as get those you owe money to off your case.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I looked into Eastern Europe on Kiva, it seems there's no partner organization in the czech republic, but there are in other EE countries - these organizations might have some ideas for you if you do want to go the entrepreneur route. I know it seems really impossible when you're at bottom and I can't even imagine being there with kids, but I did finally start my biz out of desperation and after a year of no income whatsoever. It was purely the kindness of others that kept a roof over my head for that time. It's a horrible panic inducing way to live, but sometimes radical and non-obvious solutions exist when it feels like there are none. If you can do things or produce things that are useful to other people in your social network - can you watch someone else's kid and charge for it? Can you cook for a person you know who works outside the house too much to do it? And yes, I definitely think bankruptcy has its place, but I'm concerned that in the CR it involves time in the pokey which it doesn't in the US!

 

[Netzach]

I can only imagine it is even worse for you than it would be for someone in Oz, UK, USA, or NL. I know it is probably not worth mentioning, but what is the father of your children doing about this, if anything?

I will never, in all my days, for all my life, understand how men can do shit like this to their own children.

 

[HottieMama]

I will never, in all my days, for all my life, understand how men can do shit like this to their own children.

You're not the only one, Netzach.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I will never, in all my days, for all my life, understand how men can do shit like this to their own children.

Nor I. My own ex dropped in on my daughter after years of absence and no return of communication, just after she had her daughter. All he had to say about it was he didn't want to be referred to to as a grandfather. He promptly disappeared again after that so it was sort of a moot point much the same as his absent fatherhood and the thousands he still owes in child support. I tried to keep communication open through the years for the sake of the children by sending Christmas cards and updates on the children via his family, but he chose to avoid all contact and responsibility, but from what I heard through several sources, told people he met that he was not given an opportunity to be part of his children's lives, that I wouldn't let him see them or even tell him how they were, and he was desititute because I took all his money in child support!! LOL, we were lucky to get $5 a year from him through the government collection agency. I cannot understand how any parent can turn their back on their child/ren like that and not even take the opportunities offered them to be a part of the child's life, not to mention not help provide for their care financially and emotionally.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Nor I. My own ex dropped in on my daughter after years of absence and no return of communication, just after she had her daughter. All he had to say about it was he didn't want to be referred to to as a grandfather. He promptly disappeared again after that so it was sort of a moot point much the same as his absent fatherhood and the thousands he still owes in child support. I tried to keep communication open through the years for the sake of the children by sending Christmas cards and updates on the children via his family, but he chose to avoid all contact and responsibility, but from what I heard through several sources, told people he met that he was not given an opportunity to be part of his children's lives, that I wouldn't let him see them or even tell him how they were, and he was desititute because I took all his money in child support!! LOL, we were lucky to get $5 a year from him through the government collection agency. I cannot understand how any parent can turn their back on their child/ren like that and not even take the opportunities offered them to be a part of the child's life, not to mention not help provide for their care financially and emotionally.

Catalina

I had a sperm donor. I don't think my mom could have done a lot about it in the seventies, either. I know that laws are not very mother-friendly a lot of places.

Kate, can you get any more out of the social worker than "here's a pamphlet?" Can you talk to them about what your concerns are and aren't they going to help you so that you DO NOT have to be worried about being hauled into jail? Because you know, if their job is to protect the bottom line of the public coffers that's MORE expensive than you not being incarcerated by far, so...

 

[intothewoods]

Just reading along and wanted to post my support. Netzach has posted some great ideas. If you were able to procure a loan, and I'm just throwing it out there, but what about selling things unique to the czech republic on a site like ebay or other website?

 

[sexycaz22]

I will never, in all my days, for all my life, understand how men can do shit like this to their own children.

Yes, fully agree with you here.

My father used to be really late with his payments, and even then I was used in the middle of my parents, with my mother on one side asking me to ask my father for money and him giving the money to me to pass it onto her.....till one day, I said enough is enough, sort it out between yourselves!

It got worse, when my father "escaped" to Japan, but even over there, he still owed my mother money and in the end it all got sorted out, thankfully. But it did anger me, because of my mother's suffering and me seeing her going through a hard time.

Still, now my mother found a nice man, and married him after 15 years together. Really proud of my mother and I do love my stepdad, probably more than I do my father, sadly.

EDITED: to the OP, I am really sorry to hear what you are going through, and I could not add on to what Netzach have said, she did give a few good piece of advices.

 

[minx1]

Kate,

I can really empathise with what you are going through, as I have been there myself. Money problems on tht scale are all consuming and it seems such an enormous problem that you don't know where to start.

When I was much younger I bought a house with my first realpartner. He was in truth a bit of a waste of space..didn't want to work and always had an eye out to make a quick buck rather than work.
I won't go into too many detaails as this is about you, but to cut a long story short I ran up enormous credit card debts under his influence. He became violent towards the end of our relationship making it impossible for me to return to our flat. He reneiged on the mortgage payments and the property was repossessed and sold at a huge loss. I was 26 and owed (jointly)somewhere in the region of £40,000.

The implications where overwhelming.....I mean I was 26 and knew that having had a property repossed wasn't exactly going to make me an attractive proposition to future mortgage lenders.

I worked and earned a little but no where near enough to cover the arrears. The credit card debts were mine to pay and even though the mortgage was injoint names we were joint and severley liable, so when he 'disappeared' I was left to pay it off.

I know I am in the UK and things may be very different over there, but perhaps some of the principles are still the same. I was faced with similar things like repossessing possessions and court. Hopefully some of it will be relevent.

The best thing I did was take control of the situation. I took some advice from our citizens advice bureau about managing debt. Is there a similar voluntary or governement agency that can offer you advice about how to deal with your arrears?
I only earned so much and they couldn't get blood out of a stone. Following the advice I was given I wrote to every credit card I had and my mortgage company and told them about my situation. I explained that I only had a certain income and needed to pay them an affordable amount.
Many companies will accept a reduced payment, as they are a. receiving something and b. can re evaluate the repayments once your situation improves.
I had to fill out statements or 'ability to pay', where I set out my income against my monthly repayments and living costs and showing what I could afford to pay them.
I ended uppaying some of them as little as £5 a month. They could have taken me to the county court I guess, but at the end of the day the court would have only asked me to show my ability to pay the debt and would have looked on it favourably, that I had offered something even if it was a nominal amount.

Look, its not an easy option, but for me it was a better option than declaring myself bankrupt. Being bankrupt here meant me possibly never being able to own a house again or have a credit card etc. I am 38 now and all my cards were paid off ages ago. I still pay off my mortgage, but hey I kinda see it as it money I owed and I am in control of it....slowly and surely it is diminishing. Because of taking this option, my credit rating recovered and about five years ago, I was deemed 'able' to buy again.

So my advice first of all to you would be to seek advice and take control/manage the debt as best you can as your first option. If I can help further please Pm me hon.

 

[Tabea]

I did a bit of googling.
According to one article bankruptcy laws in your country have been reformed in the beginning of 2008. If you declare personal bankruptcy now you are debt free after 5 years. But it seems like you have to be able to pay off 30% of your debts within this time to qualify for this.

I really hope things will improve for you and your family.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Can you make something and sell it? Doesn't really matter what - I do jewelry, but I know people who sell soap, and depending on the laws in your country, food and baked goods. Even if you have to use a commercial kitchen which is inspected, sometimes churches and community centers have these and will rent them to you.

I know it takes supplies and startup costs, but sometimes people will lend for something like that. It allows you to be at home and care for kids while making some cash, if you know anyone who will lend you money to get by they may lend you more with the potential to get some of it back or even a share of profit.

I know it seems like I must have a lot of downtime to post at lit, but the fact is that in font of my keyboard right now is a disaster of beads and tools and metal and wire and little overflowing boxes. I'm leaning my forearms on this mess as I type this. When my hands lift from this post they're going back to a pair of earrings.

There's something called a "micro loan" which lends individuals small amounts (in loan terms) of money, and there's an organization called kiva.org which funds people internationally starting businesses in much these kinds of circumstances. You may be eligible for some of these small loans if you want to work in a way that still allows you to be close to your kids and doing something you find fulfilling or interesting.

I think i could make something yes. Dunno what atm, but i will think about it and hopefuly figure something out, because yes i need a job i could do from my home, so i could take care of my two kids at the same time too.

As for the loan, even a lil one, that would be a prob. I have a big family, but when it comes to cash, i am on my own. My mum and my middle bro helping me with the food when i got none, but my mum has very small income and my bro have his own family to take care of first. My sister have 3 kids and hard time to take care of them and the 2 other brothers of mine says its my own prob. Cant say that helps, but they are right yes. Its my prob, not theirs.

Before my second child was born i was looking for a new flat, because i couldnt live in one room with my mum, my ex and 2 kids. It just wouldnt work. Well, i found a nice flat and needed borow some cash, just for 2 weeks. I phoned my bro's, they have very good income and i know they could help if they wanted, or if they at least tryed... Both told me something like, are you crazy? i got no cash. My mum told me to ask them, that they would help. I told her they wont and i was right. Wish i never phoned them.

I also phoned a friend of mine. We used to be best friends for years. I asked her if she could borrow me for few days, she said no i cant, eventho i know very well she could if she wanted. Oh well. In times like this you find out whos friend for real and who just bla bla bla about it. I still love my bro's and the friend of mine as well, but i know i cannot count on them.

I think we dont have any "micro loans" here, not sure. Never heard about it.

Thank you Netzach, the making things from my home is very good idea! I have to think out what i could make. I am looking for some cleaning job too.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I can empathise totally. It is one thing when you are stuck in such a situation yourself, but when you have children it not only hurts them, it hurts you even more and usually increases the spiral you find yourself in. I can only imagine it is even worse for you than it would be for someone in Oz, UK, USA, or NL. I know it is probably not worth mentioning, but what is the father of your children doing about this, if anything? Is it possible to declare yourself bankrupt in your country? I know it is not pleasant, but if it is an option it can relieve a lot of stress and make the remaining debts more manageable, as well as get those you owe money to off your case.

Catalina

I wanted go for the bancruptcy right in january when it start working here, but i heard you gotta work so they would do it for you and i didnt because i was pregnant. I would do the bancruptcy right now, but i was checking how much of cash they would let me for the next 5 years and its 7100,- Kč, which would be okay if just my rent wasnt 7500,- ehh.

I am very dissapointed right now, because for a long time i thought the bankruptcy will sort my prob, but i cannot go for it. I need 7500,- just for the rent and wheres some money for the rest of things? Like food, clothings, shoes etc etc. I hate to think i will live like this untill i die.

I have to talk with some of the people who helping people like me. Hope we will find some help that would work for me.

 

[Netzach]

I think i could make something yes. Dunno what atm, but i will think about it and hopefuly figure something out, because yes i need a job i could do from my home, so i could take care of my two kids at the same time too.

As for the loan, even a lil one, that would be a prob. I have a big family, but when it comes to cash, i am on my own. My mum and my middle bro helping me with the food when i got none, but my mum has very small income and my bro have his own family to take care of first. My sister have 3 kids and hard time to take care of them and the 2 other brothers of mine says its my own prob. Cant say that helps, but they are right yes. Its my prob, not theirs.

Before my second child was born i was looking for a new flat, because i couldnt live in one room with my mum, my ex and 2 kids. It just wouldnt work. Well, i found a nice flat and needed borow some cash, just for 2 weeks. I phoned my bro's, they have very good income and i know they could help if they wanted, or if they at least tryed... Both told me something like, are you crazy? i got no cash. My mum told me to ask them, that they would help. I told her they wont and i was right. Wish i never phoned them.

I also phoned a friend of mine. We used to be best friends for years. I asked her if she could borrow me for few days, she said no i cant, eventho i know very well she could if she wanted. Oh well. In times like this you find out whos friend for real and who just bla bla bla about it. I still love my bro's and the friend of mine as well, but i know i cannot count on them.

I think we dont have any "micro loans" here, not sure. Never heard about it.

Thank you Netzach, the making things from my home is very good idea! I have to think out what i could make. I am looking for some cleaning job too.

Kate, take a look at "micro credit" and kiva and "micro loan" online if you get a chance. A lot of these are programs set up stateside for the international community and I know the people in Eastern Europe are often eligible to be borrowers - I'll keep an eye peeled for you. the websites tend to be geared toward people who want to lend, but I'm sure if you use the contact info they can put you in touch with some non-profits and NGO's that lend.

Sometimes strangers have more faith in their borrowers than our family and friends. Try asking the social worker too - I know there are borrowing programs out there particularly for women with children on the international level, if not on your national level.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I looked into Eastern Europe on Kiva, it seems there's no partner organization in the czech republic, but there are in other EE countries - these organizations might have some ideas for you if you do want to go the entrepreneur route. I know it seems really impossible when you're at bottom and I can't even imagine being there with kids, but I did finally start my biz out of desperation and after a year of no income whatsoever. It was purely the kindness of others that kept a roof over my head for that time. It's a horrible panic inducing way to live, but sometimes radical and non-obvious solutions exist when it feels like there are none. If you can do things or produce things that are useful to other people in your social network - can you watch someone else's kid and charge for it? Can you cook for a person you know who works outside the house too much to do it? And yes, I definitely think bankruptcy has its place, but I'm concerned that in the CR it involves time in the pokey which it doesn't in the US!

Yes, the fact i have two lil kids to take care of make this very hard and stressing for me. When i talk about it with my ex and he moaning about his cash and how he have nothing left, i get always so pissed off, seeing how he thinks just of HIMSELF. God i have to take care of two lil kids too! Now tell me whos in the ass here?!? He dont get it. sigh

I could watch someones kids i think, eventho with the lil one it would be very hard atm because sometimes i feel like i am nursing all the day. Not sure about the cooking. I can cook, but i must admit its not really strong side of mine. Think i wouldnt dare to cook for someone.

 

[Netzach]

Yes, the fact i have two lil kids to take care of make this very hard and stressing for me. When i talk about it with my ex and he moaning about his cash and how he have nothing left, i get always so pissed off, seeing how he thinks just of HIMSELF. God i have to take care of two lil kids too! Now tell me whos in the ass here?!? He dont get it. sigh

I could watch someones kids i think, eventho with the lil one it would be very hard atm because sometimes i feel like i am nursing all the day. Not sure about the cooking. I can cook, but i must admit its not really strong side of mine. Think i wouldnt dare to cook for someone.

It floors me because they're HIS KIDS! Arggh.

Re: cooking.
Heh, I understand. There are days I swear, I'd pay for someone else's food if I could just sit and eat with them at night and not deal with it. I guess I'm just thinking about things that you can do for people that have money but not time, it's sometimes a good opportunity.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Just reading along and wanted to post my support. Netzach has posted some great ideas. If you were able to procure a loan, and I'm just throwing it out there, but what about selling things unique to the czech republic on a site like ebay or other website?

Now thats not a bad idea at all i think!!

Have to think about this. Will talk it out with my consellor, my mum, tomorrow.

 

[Netzach]

Now thats not a bad idea at all i think!!

Have to think about this. Will talk it out with my consellor, my mum, tomorrow.

Kate, if you go this route, PM me, I can try and help you out with some web resources. I make my living selling online. It's too bad CM is gone, she did too. I don't ebay very much so I have little insight into that one, but it's not the only option.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Yes, fully agree with you here.

My father used to be really late with his payments, and even then I was used in the middle of my parents, with my mother on one side asking me to ask my father for money and him giving the money to me to pass it onto her.....till one day, I said enough is enough, sort it out between yourselves!

It got worse, when my father "escaped" to Japan, but even over there, he still owed my mother money and in the end it all got sorted out, thankfully. But it did anger me, because of my mother's suffering and me seeing her going through a hard time.

Still, now my mother found a nice man, and married him after 15 years together. Really proud of my mother and I do love my stepdad, probably more than I do my father, sadly.

EDITED: to the OP, I am really sorry to hear what you are going through, and I could not add on to what Netzach have said, she did give a few good piece of advices.

Yes she did. All of you does.

I was thinking if i should talk about this on public or not, as my debts are nothing i am prode of, but now i am glad i spoke out. I dont do that often, but i need help. Sometimes you just have to ask for it.

Thank you all for your advice, its very appreciated.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Where do you live.

I thought there was no such thing as debtor's prison any more.

Well, heres mine ...Except that i can end in the jail for next 12 years. Cant say that helped.~Kate

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Kate,

I can really empathise with what you are going through, as I have been there myself. Money problems on tht scale are all consuming and it seems such an enormous problem that you don't know where to start.

When I was much younger I bought a house with my first realpartner. He was in truth a bit of a waste of space..didn't want to work and always had an eye out to make a quick buck rather than work.
I won't go into too many detaails as this is about you, but to cut a long story short I ran up enormous credit card debts under his influence. He became violent towards the end of our relationship making it impossible for me to return to our flat. He reneiged on the mortgage payments and the property was repossessed and sold at a huge loss. I was 26 and owed (jointly)somewhere in the region of £40,000.

The implications where overwhelming.....I mean I was 26 and knew that having had a property repossed wasn't exactly going to make me an attractive proposition to future mortgage lenders.

I worked and earned a little but no where near enough to cover the arrears. The credit card debts were mine to pay and even though the mortgage was injoint names we were joint and severley liable, so when he 'disappeared' I was left to pay it off.

I know I am in the UK and things may be very different over there, but perhaps some of the principles are still the same. I was faced with similar things like repossessing possessions and court. Hopefully some of it will be relevent.

The best thing I did was take control of the situation. I took some advice from our citizens advice bureau about managing debt. Is there a similar voluntary or governement agency that can offer you advice about how to deal with your arrears?
I only earned so much and they couldn't get blood out of a stone. Following the advice I was given I wrote to every credit card I had and my mortgage company and told them about my situation. I explained that I only had a certain income and needed to pay them an affordable amount.
Many companies will accept a reduced payment, as they are a. receiving something and b. can re evaluate the repayments once your situation improves.
I had to fill out statements or 'ability to pay', where I set out my income against my monthly repayments and living costs and showing what I could afford to pay them.
I ended uppaying some of them as little as £5 a month. They could have taken me to the county court I guess, but at the end of the day the court would have only asked me to show my ability to pay the debt and would have looked on it favourably, that I had offered something even if it was a nominal amount.

Look, its not an easy option, but for me it was a better option than declaring myself bankrupt. Being bankrupt here meant me possibly never being able to own a house again or have a credit card etc. I am 38 now and all my cards were paid off ages ago. I still pay off my mortgage, but hey I kinda see it as it money I owed and I am in control of it....slowly and surely it is diminishing. Because of taking this option, my credit rating recovered and about five years ago, I was deemed 'able' to buy again.

So my advice first of all to you would be to seek advice and take control/manage the debt as best you can as your first option. If I can help further please Pm me hon.

Thank you minx! I am glad theres someone who went tho this and worked it out. I still dont see a way HOW to stop my debts from growing if nothing else because when i borrowed 40.000 and they wanna back 212.000 now, that SUCK!! And i dont have just one loan like that. sigh

I will ask for help people who take care of people in my situation and hope we will think out something together.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I did a bit of googling.
According to one article bankruptcy laws in your country have been reformed in the beginning of 2008. If you declare personal bankruptcy now you are debt free after 5 years. But it seems like you have to be able to pay off 30% of your debts within this time to qualify for this.

I really hope things will improve for you and your family.

I never saw that link before, but another link from the link you posted gives lots of info about situation i am in and how to solve it. It helps a lot!!

thank you

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Kate, take a look at "micro credit" and kiva and "micro loan" online if you get a chance. A lot of these are programs set up stateside for the international community and I know the people in Eastern Europe are often eligible to be borrowers - I'll keep an eye peeled for you. the websites tend to be geared toward people who want to lend, but I'm sure if you use the contact info they can put you in touch with some non-profits and NGO's that lend.

Sometimes strangers have more faith in their borrowers than our family and friends. Try asking the social worker too - I know there are borrowing programs out there particularly for women with children on the international level, if not on your national level.

Thank you Netzach, I will check it yes. I am gonna talk with the social worker tomorrow, so i will tell her how things are and ask her for some advice too. Just hope she wont tell me i am not capable to take care of my kids or something like that. The last thing i need is to lose them.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I will never, in all my days, for all my life, understand how men can do shit like this to their own children.

Me either ...

sigh