Jacking-Off Log

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Self-imposed bruising with a good hard self-pounding probably isn't much consolation, eh?

Sadly, no. I lack the self-discipline to actually bruise myself, though I have experimented with self-nipple clamps. Didn't much care for those, but hey, at least now I know.
 
Sadly, no. I lack the self-discipline to actually bruise myself, though I have experimented with self-nipple clamps. Didn't much care for those, but hey, at least now I know.

I've done the self-bruising thing... and the self rope-burn thing, and the self-cuffed thing (I don't advise that unless you're flexible)
 
I've done the self-bruising thing... and the self rope-burn thing, and the self-cuffed thing (I don't advise that unless you're flexible)

Nope, I'd definetely get stuck with the self-cuffing thing. Have to call someone over to my place to get me un-cuffed, XD, and then how awkward would that be. "How did you get like this, Rachel?"
"Um....I was bored?"
 
First jacking post-whoo hoo!

Five pictures., all tabbed in firefox.

He's scrawny and pale skinned and nearly hairless, just a kid really. His body is so different from what I usually masturbate looking at but there's something so sexual about his poise and he looked like a Caucasian version of Sir, which has some strange subconscious weirdness I can't go into for fear of realizing just how fucked up I really am. Blond, with thick ropy veins on his forearms that stand out angrily with each successive picture.

I'm spread eagled on the black leather computer chair, panties knotted hastily around one ankle, lube soaking into the carpet from the cap left open.

The vibrator is on medium. When I touch myself with it the first time, I jump with the shock of sensation. I can feel the vibrations down into my pubic bone. After a moment I adjust the vibrator onto high and begin slowly rubbing it vertically from the top of my slit down to my anus.

Occasionally, I slide the very tip inside, feeling the vibrations against my g-spot.

The clenching pressure in my thighs start. My eyes can't stay open. I'm silent, leaning back in the chair as far as it'll go, sliding the now-slick tip of the vibrator up and down my dripping snatch, mouth open and panting shallowly.

The heat begins to grow intense between my legs. Even the tip of the toy is hot, and my legs twitch with each slow measured pass over my swollen clit.

Although I try to be quiet for fear of my neighbors hearing my moans I squeal when the first spasm of orgasm hits me. It lasts for what seems like forever, until I'm quaking in the chair, my muscles have lost all strength and a pool of feminine juices stains the leather beneath me.

The vibrator drops from my hand onto the floor. A cat scrambles out of the way, scared, fur standing on end. I laugh breathlessly, reach down and turn it off. I grab a tissue and dry off the chair.

***********

ETA: This was written in my journal about a month ago.

I didn’t even know I was aroused, but I noticed the sort of languid beautiful feeling that I get when my hormones are raging. My breasts felt heavy, swollen round like ripe avocados. I lifted one, enjoying their full heaviness, their weight in my palm. I gripped it tightly, sinking my fingers cruelly into their soft melonesque flesh. Jello pudding in a silk bag.

The delicious blush of shame. Here I was enjoying my own paps. My cheeks felt hot but I didn’t let go of my tit, I also began to notice the room filling up with the scent of my pussy as it moistened in preparation. My free hand, as in the hand not filled with tit, felt at my parted lips. They were creamy with anticipation, my fluid thickened with sheer volume. I lifted my hand and sniffed at the bouquet appreciatively. Any man who doesn’t like the smell of a woman’s pussy hasn’t smelt mine. Tart-sweet salty lemon-lime, like a good margarita. Kind of tastes like one too. Drunk off pussy, my own none the less. I was shamelessly enjoying my own body and to hell with you Freudian head shrinkers out there who think I need medication.

A startling image, a pair of dark hands with thick snaky fingers winding my hair around his cock. Caressing my head like a treasured pet. My clit was insistent, silent cunt screams.

He leans down and sniffs my hair, kisses it. His tongue dabs at the strands, they stick wetly to the shiny red flesh of his lower lip. He’s black maybe, or Spanish, with long black eyelashes against his brown cheeks. A teardrop tattoo. He’s out of prison, a murder, a rapist, a killer here tenderly sniffing my perfumed waves.

The shudder of preorgasmic bliss. I picture a strand of my hair aka a memory locket or some such old timey nonsense. He’s holding to his face on a jail bunk, his other hand furiously grinding his cock into oblivion. His cellmate is snoring. The inmate’s orgasm are a trio of long white strings that paint the concrete roof a foot above him.

I come at that, barely touching my own swollen knobby clit.
 
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Jacked to another story idea in the jactory. No idea when I'll get to this one, but if I had the time, I'd write it out now.

This one is about some reoccurring characters in a BDSM relationship, Demetrius and June. June has once again messed up and this time her punishment is to sing the embarrassing Apology Song. I sang it as I pulled my knob.

"This is the very sorry song
Won't you help and sing alonggggg?"
(Demetrius chimes in with "Bum bum bum")
"Hello, I'm June and here's my hole
And I've got to learn some self control..."

And while she's singing, she's dancing around half-naked in a shirt and hat, spreading her pussy lips and asscheeks and performing actual dance moves. I've always found it incredibly sexy when women do regular things naked, rather than the obvious stripper-style dancing. Also, humor is fucking hot and this idea cracks me up.

Came hard, tickling my prostate and wondering if my fingernails could cut myself internally.
 
It's been over a week since I've had this idea in my head that won't seem to go away.

Our paths cross around noon - he came home for lunch as I'm leaving for work. He grabs me by the back of the neck, pulls me close. He keeps his hand at my neck and looks at me. His other hand between my legs, cupping my cunt hard almost pinching it over my pants. I start to object - he tells me to shut up.

With pressure on my neck, he pushes me to my knees. Unzips his jeans, pulls out his cock and traces it over my lips. I open my mouth and he slaps it - my mouth, my tongue with his cock. I feel foolish trying to chase after his cock. He runs both hands through my hair, when at the back of my head, he pulls my hair tight. Keeps my head from moving, he pushes his cock in. Fucks my mouth. He pulls my hair tighter, I can't breathe, I gag and he continues the fuck.

Just as I think I'm adjusting to this, he pushes me back. It's awkward. Take off your jeans, he says. I don't do it quick enough. He pulls me back on my knees and pushes me forward so I'm on hands and knees. He pulls my jeans down to my knees. Pushes me head down to the floor. I can't get my legs spread very wide. He doesn't care - he straddles my legs and shoves his cock in between my legs. He's all over - in my cunt, in between my legs, rubbing his cock over the crack of my ass. He tells me to put my legs together and he fucks me this way - I feel his cock in between my thighs, teasing my cunt, never really getting too deep.

He won't even cum in me. He jacks himself on my ass.

He's done. He gets up and looks down at me. Tells me he has to leave or he'll be late getting back to work.

I hate that I like this feeling of being fucked. Used.
 
Before going to bed... I was thinking of you... and it doesn't take much... Just a few flashbacks to your mouth pressed hard against mine... to me sucking your tongue... to your hand around my neck while your other hand plays with my hard, wet clit...

So my right hand found its way to my pussy... I started rubbing it softly... gently... all the while thinking of you kissing me... looking into my eyes as I start to get wet.

My left hand starts playing with my already hard, right nipple, squeezing it tight... imagining you nibbling on it. I slip my right hand to my clit. It's hard and I'm very wet. My hips arch up, and I start rubbing my clit hard, pinching my nipple harder.

I continue to finger my clit... harder... faster... imagining your cock hard and dripping for me, waiting for me to lick off the precum and suck it hard until I suck every last drop.

Needless to say, I came hard.
 
It was one o'clock and I still couldn't sleep. I rolled over and grabbed my cock, mindlessly stroking it, hoping to wear myself out. I pulled on my semi-flaccid shaft over and over until I was shooting my cum into a dirty sock I found on the floor.

Then the loneliness hit me again. I cried into the same sock, tears and cum mixing as the thick alkaline scent filled my nostrils.

It was a good night.
 
I've been jacking steadily and explosively. Just this morning, after a jack, I was thinking "it has to be kind of fucked up and a bad sign that I can get this much satisfaction purely from masturbation. Isn't jacking supposed to be what you settle for when you can't manage, for one reason or another, to have sex with an actual human being?".

Anyhow, I was thinking about oral replays from my life when I jacked it this day. All the squirming and protesting as you hold their head down firmly in your lap for the first time. You just have to kind of wait it out.

I oed like a beast and had the oddly satisfying notion that I had enough pervy scenes stored in the vault to keep me happy until old age, even if I never touched another living female. Less hassle, too.
 
I've been unable to pop the orgone bubble, for quite a while now.

For me, that comes with a lot of other related symptoms:

teary eyed fights with my father, where I "stand up" for myself by making piddling demands

going to a therapist that i only have the guts to see a few times, whining about how much my mother meant to me and how nothing has been the same since she died, paying them handsomely to assure me none of my failures are my fault

suspicion towards my women growing, what do they want from me, when will they figure out i am a fraud, etc. etc.

jacking

lots of jacking, lots more than i've come to be used to recently.

same old nasty videos. nasty enough to make me cum, not nasty enough to make me cum hard. maybe its time to watch some nastier shit.

maybe its time to hurt somebody.

i want to feel the demons in my semen exorcised like cannon fire

i need propulsion
 
This'll be fueling my fantasies for awhile.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080418/ap_on_re_us/sheriff_sex_charges

What I wonder is exactly how he could be running a sex slave operation out of the jail and yet NONE of the other law enforcement officers are implicated? Yeah, right.

In a county of 26,000, you've got to wonder if it was one of the old arrangements where the sheriff's residence and the county jail were in the same building. . .

(Looking forward to BB's 'trusty' tales. . .)
 
In a county of 26,000, you've got to wonder if it was one of the old arrangements where the sheriff's residence and the county jail were in the same building. . .

(Looking forward to BB's 'trusty' tales. . .)


I hate to disappoint but as it stands I'm only writing for myself anymore if I write at all. Letting anyone else see that stuff is too much like sex with other people which I am more and more deciding is just plain irritating and sort of ooky.
 
Something's afoot. It has to do with the moist air blowing in from the dirty, polluted ocean to the east. Qualities in the air are driving men to spasmodic acts of lustiness.

I've jayed ten times in 24 hours. I keep track in a logbook with hashmarks, today's entry was punctuated by a burst of exclamation points (!!!).

One could divide the number of hours in day by the number of hashmarks and then again by the volume of seed and learn something about the productivity of the balls under extreme conditions.

At a first approximation, I can say that I produce a blot of seed about the size of the eraser on a number 2 pencil every 2 hours.
 
On nights like this, I can't release until I offend someone.

Porn won't do, I troll through my very own buddy list, starting up conversations with people I haven't imed with in years. It all starts very nice and as quickly as possible turns into digital rape. If they are uncomfortable and confused, I am succeeding. I suppose it is a similar thrill to flashing.

Sometimes I think it's my self esteem that leaks out of that slit.
 
Jacked to another story idea in the jactory. No idea when I'll get to this one, but if I had the time, I'd write it out now.

This one is about some reoccurring characters in a BDSM relationship, Demetrius and June. June has once again messed up and this time her punishment is to sing the embarrassing Apology Song. I sang it as I pulled my knob.

"This is the very sorry song
Won't you help and sing alonggggg?"
(Demetrius chimes in with "Bum bum bum")
"Hello, I'm June and here's my hole
And I've got to learn some self control..."

And while she's singing, she's dancing around half-naked in a shirt and hat, spreading her pussy lips and asscheeks and performing actual dance moves. I've always found it incredibly sexy when women do regular things naked, rather than the obvious stripper-style dancing. Also, humor is fucking hot and this idea cracks me up.

Came hard, tickling my prostate and wondering if my fingernails could cut myself internally.


This made me giggle... and wet.

*smirk*
 
I've jayed ten times in 24 hours. I keep track in a logbook with hashmarks, today's entry was punctuated by a burst of exclamation points (!!!).
Christ, I don't know if I could do that if Alysson Hannigon was standing before me, butt naked and spreading her asscheeks.

On nights like this, I can't release until I offend someone.

Porn won't do, I troll through my very own buddy list, starting up conversations with people I haven't imed with in years. It all starts very nice and as quickly as possible turns into digital rape. If they are uncomfortable and confused, I am succeeding. I suppose it is a similar thrill to flashing.

Sometimes I think it's my self esteem that leaks out of that slit.
For your psyche's sake, figure it out before you up your ante.

For your orgone's sake, whatever feels good do it.

This made me giggle... and wet.

*smirk*
Thanks.
 
I hate to disappoint but as it stands I'm only writing for myself anymore if I write at all. Letting anyone else see that stuff is too much like sex with other people which I am more and more deciding is just plain irritating and sort of ooky.

Sex with other people is irritating?
 
First good orgasm in quite a while.

I think guilt really fuels it.

If I don't want to orgasm; if I feel I shouldn't, if everything I'm thinking about, if everything I'm feeling, if even the timing is just wrong, then perfection is reached. It's just better if I have to fight with myself to orgasm.

And mantras of "you pathetic, disgusting, needy, cock-hungry, whore," help ever-so-much. It's like finally all the negative self-talk and self-abuse can be put to good use; I can call myself every name, I can degrade myself in any way, and rather than cycling into a depression, it just pushes me further toward a beautiful orgasm.

I came wishing someone else could see; that they could be as disgusted with my own masturbation as I was.
 
Christ, I don't know if I could do that if Alysson Hannigon was standing before me, butt naked and spreading her asscheeks.

It was just bizzarre.

I think the spree is at an end. For the last couple of days, it has seemed as if any stimulus was enough to set off a jack....the whole thing began as I was reading the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel. I looked out the window at some type of tree across the street that was shedding a storm of pollen in the wind and thought to myself "Jesus, even the trees are Oing all over the place."

Next thing I knew, I was at the ejaculatorium thinking about the good old days. See a teenage Muslim girl with a headscarf heading to school, filling out the seat of her jeans...jack. The thought comes to me of all my exes standing about my bedside, each holding a babe in swaddling clothes...jack. The Pakistani chick at the dry cleaner with a mustache and huge blowjob lips....jack. Mexican girl on the Stairmaster in front of me with visible thongline and white girl next to her with firm, well-moulded thighs that suffer traces of cellulite-a touching imperfection...run home! Blammo!...jack jack jack jack jack.

Then, this morning I had a jealousy jack which turned into a "Hey Joe" murder-ballad-fantasy jack. Wondering if it's possible to beat someone to death with a leather strop on their ass. As I oed, I distinctly heard that deep, echoing metallic groan that they play on the soundtrack of submarine movies when everyone is standing around the helmsman watching the bathymeter with bated breath. "This is coming from the depths of my balls" I thought, "time to give this a rest".
 
Sex with other people is irritating?


They have to be in your space for you to fuck them. They have wants and needs and irritating personal habits that have to be addressed and dealt with. I'm finding that fewer and fewer people meet my bar for tolerability in my personal space for any length of time.

My attitude of late has been I'd be willing to fuck you if you'd just not be here when I do it.

I'm beginning to Rumplestiltskinify or something. I get shorter tempered and more intolerant every day. This morning I got up, put on my moldy boots and my pointed cap and went out and stomped some flowers in my neighbors' yard. Then I fucked a knothole in their honey tree and I hope my angry billious spillage killed their bees.

Now what kind of attitude is this for a charming young lady like myself, I ask you?
 
They have to be in your space for you to fuck them. They have wants and needs and irritating personal habits that have to be addressed and dealt with. I'm finding that fewer and fewer people meet my bar for tolerability in my personal space for any length of time.

My attitude of late has been I'd be willing to fuck you if you'd just not be here when I do it.

I'm beginning to Rumplestiltskinify or something. I get shorter tempered and more intolerant every day. This morning I got up, put on my moldy boots and my pointed cap and went out and stomped some flowers in my neighbors' yard. Then I fucked a knothole in their honey tree and I hope my angry billious spillage killed their bees.

Now what kind of attitude is this for a charming young lady like myself, I ask you?

Hell I've been saying this for the longest time. Sex with people is over-rated!

*tans your hide anyhow*
 
I am home today, by force of the gods or demons, I'm not quite sure... I'd just tossed myself back in bed, hoping for some of the sleep that eluded me last night... and was almost asleep, when my mind switched on... started to buzz... thinking about Him.

It's been a while since I thought about Him... mostly because I've been quite content with my honey, and have had no reason to wander into THOSE fantasies... the darker, more violent... more fulfilling ones... but He was there, in my mind.

I was laying on my stomach, and could almost FEEL the touch of His hands on my ass, pushing it up, raising it, to a level more convenient for His purposes. He was kneeling behind me, hands roaming over my big white butt, His dark skin a sharp contrast to mine.. His hard body a sharp contrast to mine... nothing about us matching, except desire.

I laid still, waiting for Him to manoeuvre me as He would- pulling my arms behind me, pressing my face down into the pillow, the anticipation of Him, causing my sex to slick and my nipples to perk, brushing against the sheets below me... He's not one for preamble, and He's not one to prepare you.. you're prepared, or you're not... that's not to say He doesn't enjoy getting a woman off... it's just that when He's ready- you'd better be.

I was ready... aching for Him, dripping for Him... craving Him... and just as, in my mind, He was ready to push into me, He flipped me over, leaving me laying on my own arms, open to Him...

I couldn't not touch myself anymore... reaching over to my night-stand, I rifled through the drawer, finally pulling out my vibrating egg... which I held to my clit, tormenting myself into gasps and moans, grinding it down on my tender cherry, bucking from the first, second... the third orgasm.... imagining Him kneeling between my thighs, watching with that amused, condescending look I'd imagine He'd have... watching His little slutgirl writhe, simply over the thoughts of Him....

still not enough... I needed more... the vibrating egg found its way inside my pussy, and my fingers flew over my clit in desperate circles... imagining Him shuffling closer, His thighs now touching mine, but nothing else... His eyes roaming over me, mocking me, and seducing me, all at the same time... another orgasm... I bucked, and would have slammed against His hard tummy, had he been there...

more.. I needed more... pushing the egg into my tight asshole, I rifled once again in the drawer, and found my very favourite glass dildo... knowing it would be cold, I wasted no time.... I slammed it inside of me, HARD, imagining it as His cock- possessive, strong, undeniable... and as it bottomed out, it hit the egg in my asshole, causing the entire thing to vibrate... my fingers of the right hand still flying circles over my cherry, the fingers of my left hand pinching and twisting my nipples... my entire body churning, building...

I exploded into an orgasm... so strong I pushed the dildo out of me a few inches (it's notched in such a way that that is REALLY fucking hard to do), and my entire body clenched into a ball....

I wish He'd been with me.
 
They have to be in your space for you to fuck them. They have wants and needs and irritating personal habits that have to be addressed and dealt with. I'm finding that fewer and fewer people meet my bar for tolerability in my personal space for any length of time.

My attitude of late has been I'd be willing to fuck you if you'd just not be here when I do it.

I'm beginning to Rumplestiltskinify or something. I get shorter tempered and more intolerant every day. This morning I got up, put on my moldy boots and my pointed cap and went out and stomped some flowers in my neighbors' yard. Then I fucked a knothole in their honey tree and I hope my angry billious spillage killed their bees.

Now what kind of attitude is this for a charming young lady like myself, I ask you?

*hug*

Other people make my life better, even if it's only jacking off on them.
 
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