Is it possible to "get" a woman 100% of the time?

[WriterDom]

Sometimes I do get her. Sometimes I get her 110% better than she gets herself. Often I don't. I don't have a need to be gotten. If I need something I'm not getting I can just tell her without all the Psycho babble. It's like I'm from Mars and she's from Venus. Eventually I'll get it, whatever it is, and it will pass. It's frustrating because I do care about her. It makes me thing gay guys are lucky because they don't have to deal with women. But I guess they have their problems too.

And I don't mean to bash women. Just needed to vent.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just think how boring life would become if you got her 100% of the time!! Enjoy the mystery, the discoveries, and the growth for all its beauty. Now that being said, I could have a similar vent about a certain man right now but won't, but unfortunately I actually think I do get him most of the time, much to his discomfort at times, and that makes it all the harder not to give in to the urge to rant and scream and tear my hair out. Thank goodness for the times when he just makes me melt and float.

Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

Part of it is being apart. When we are together it is total bliss. Heaven on earth. Making love 5 times a day.

 

[intothewoods]

Sometimes I do get her. Sometimes I get her 110% better than she gets herself. Often I don't. I don't have a need to be gotten. If I need something I'm not getting I can just tell her without all the Psycho babble. It's like I'm from Mars and she's from Venus. Eventually I'll get it, whatever it is, and it will pass. It's frustrating because I do care about her. It makes me thing gay guys are lucky because they don't have to deal with women. But I guess they have their problems too.

And I don't mean to bash women. Just needed to vent.

Communication between partners is always a challenge at some point, even between gay guys. I mean, I know you weren't really serious, but I'm just sayin, the sex part is easy! No one gets anyone else 100% of the time.

Speaking as a woman (last time I checked), I would say I need to feel heard, more than a 'you get me' thing.

 

[WriterDom]

Speaking as a woman (last time I checked), I would say I need to feel heard, more than a 'you get me' thing.

Yes, I have had the feeling heard lesson. I'm just not a great student at this I guess.

 

[MelancholyBaby]

Speaking as a woman (last time I checked), I would say I need to feel heard, more than a 'you get me' thing.

I absolutely agree with this. Feeling like someone is making the effort and trying to understand what I'm getting at it is important. If I don't get this (from male or female partners/friends/family) then I'm probably going to withdraw.

As hard as it is for me to admit, I'm also going to say that sometimes if what I'm putting out there to others isn't what I want others to think of me, I'm going to claim I'm misunderstood, even if the person's assessment of me is eerily and eye-openingly accurate. I think because I don't want to be seen like that or further I don't want to be like that, period.

My boss (who also is one of the most amazing guys I know and I kind of view him as a big brother) has called bullshit on a lot of things I've said and I'll say he doesn't understand. But he gets it. What he doesn't understand is that in my head I'm saying 'damn, he's right, I do want everything sugarcoated, I am too judgmental, etc.'

But more than anything if you're making the effort to listen that means a hell of a lot to me.

 

[00Syd]

I agree with all the people who said that listening is what really matters. My guy will listen to me talk and rant and rave and cry and no matter how many times I tell him that I really just need him to listen, he feels terrible that there is nothing else he can do. But its true, all I need is for someone to listen, and I appreciate that a lot.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Part of it is being apart. When we are together it is total bliss. Heaven on earth. Making love 5 times a day.

Ah, now I understand more. That was the main reason why we decided to forget planning my move carefully and just do it. Too much distance, too much apart, too many opportunities for imaginings and misunderstandings. Hasn't been like that ever since we lived under the same roof. You have my empathy.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3234/2354906923_03cf9771f1_t.jpg Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

Yes, I have had the feeling heard lesson. I'm just not a great student at this I guess.

You also aren't responsible for fixing everything. I don't know if you're doing this or not - hard to tell without knowing more - but don't put that on yourself.

 

[WriterDom]

It's not like I piss her off all the time. It's more of a monthly thing. If she is sad over something I can't fix I just need to acknowledge her feelings and it would be fine. Or I don't respond to something she wants me to respond to because in my mind it's a trivial thing. Then it festers until she gets really upset. Then I say something that makes it even worse.

But thank you for your responses. Some things are better heard from a 3rd party.

 

[Netzach]

I don't get them either, FWIW.

And I *am* a good listener. A lot of women seem to move the target on you without being explicit about it. I figure that's just life, sometimes you are supposed to be wrong no matter what it is you just said.

Psychodrama top AND bottom when in rel. with other woman, that's me.

 

[Netzach]

It's not like I piss her off all the time. It's more of a monthly thing.

Um.....not that one should write off ALL problems as PMS, but....dingdingdingding. I know that my irrationality spikes badly and this is usually the time I lash out for no good reason at all. If I've been saving it up it alllllll comes out.

 

[graceanne]

I personally get me all the time. It's K who's weird and hard to get in this family. Of course, he might disagree. *shrugs*

 

[WriterDom]

Um.....not that one should write off ALL problems as PMS, but....dingdingdingding. I know that my irrationality spikes badly and this is usually the time I lash out for no good reason at all. If I've been saving it up it alllllll comes out.

Yes, a few have been then. I escaped the last one which I found odd, but made up for it yesterday.

 

[madetotakeit]

I agree with feeling the need to be heard. Someone can get me on the surface level. Being heard is a different thing. They do go hand and hand however. If someone has the ability to listen to what I have said and respond or act accordingly then it shows that he is putting effort into getting to know me.

Men and women think differently. As a result, there are going to be times when it can seem like a loosing battle to understand each other. This occurs on both sides.

There has only been one man that I would come close to saying "gets" me. Even he is not accurate 100% of the time, but over the years he has a pretty good track record. The key difference in him and the others...he listened rather than assumed to know how I thought, felt, or what I needed.

I also have to agree with Netzach. While I think PMS is used as a scapegoat way too often, if there is a monthly pattern then I would have to look at writing it off as being the culprit.

 

[Xelebes]

It makes me thing gay guys are lucky because they don't have to deal with women. But I guess they have their problems too.

Just saying from someone who has played both sides of the fence, it's mostly conflictive thoughts that cause the hesitation or misunderstanding

 

[BiBunny]

I don't get women, either, as a rule. I don't relate to them well. I've always gotten along better with men, and I've always had better luck communicating with men. I am the epitome of "just one of the guys."

I think the thing that I need most from a man is for him to listen and pay attention and then apply what he's learned. I don't have much patience for the oblivious. If, for example, you know it bugs me when you move my car keys (or something), and you know that the last 999 times you've done it, I've gotten upset and yelled at you for it because I can't find the damn things, then what, pray tell, makes you think I'll thank you the thousandth time you move them? That is usually where men screw up with women.

Watch. Listen. Learn. Apply what you've learned. Women everywhere will love you for it.

 

[graceanne]

I don't get women, either, as a rule. I don't relate to them well. I've always gotten along better with men, and I've always had better luck communicating with men. I am the epitome of "just one of the guys."

I think the thing that I need most from a man is for him to listen and pay attention and then apply what he's learned. I don't have much patience for the oblivious. If, for example, you know it bugs me when you move my car keys (or something), and you know that the last 999 times you've done it, I've gotten upset and yelled at you for it because I can't find the damn things, then what, pray tell, makes you think I'll thank you the thousandth time you move them? That is usually where men screw up with women.

Watch. Listen. Learn. Apply what you've learned. Women everywhere will love you for it.

*claps enthusiastically*

Except in my case it's my shoes.