Just wondering ...

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I was thinking about this for a while now, so I thought I am gonna spit it out and ask lol.

When I see all the posts, usualy from sub's, about how they love their PYL and how happy they are when they meet and how sad they are when they have to go back home after few days with him/her, I am just wondering WHY don't you live with your PYL then???

I came to point where I see it really hard to be a sub, even just the online one. I started with this cuz I can just very rarely go out and look for something/someone, I am with my kids like 24//7. It's just not that easy. I am okay with it tbh, I love spend my time with my kids, just trying to explain why I am not doing the real thing as most of you here.

When I have some fun, it's usualy online and I am thankful for that. I get to know TC this way. We like each other, alot, and we plan to meet IRL. I dunno if we will like each other IRL the same as we like each other right now, I wish and I have a hope. I would be uberhappy if we click in real life too, theres nuthing I wish more than that. We will see, soon I guess.



Okay I am finaly getting to the point why I am telling you all of this ..

If we click irl, I will become his partner and his sub and live with him. Cannot imagine it would be different. Okay, so now tell me WHY you sub's, when you love your PYL so much, why don't you just live with him??? Why just meet for a week or so and then be sad and miss him? Why do you have a partner with who you live and and a PYL who you love? I saw lots of sub's saying how they enjoyed the time with their PYL, so why don't you stay with them and live it? Or is it "just" about sex??? I don't wanna offend anyone here, but I think I don't get it. Explain please.

When I love someone, I wanna be with them, I dunno different. Few months ago I get to know a Dom right here, in my country. We spoke and I liked him alot, but I stoped talking to him when I realised he want "just" play and thats something I cannot do. He wanted play - I wanted play and love. For me this always goes hand in hand. If I met him, I would moslikely get emotioanly involved with him and hurt after cuz he made it clear he want just "play", nuthing else. So I stoped it all.

I want my man. One I could love and submit to and I want him near me, all the time, not just for a week or so, but every single day. I will or get it or I will just stay all alone. I hope me and TC will be okay irl, but you never know untill you meet, so who knows. We have a hope. And a wish. If we click, I would be the most happiest person. If not, I have found an amazing friend whom I love and appreciate very much.

Time will show.

 

[sexycaz22]

From a submissive POV here, even although I have not fallen in love or got strong feelings for a Dom....yet.....but even then, I don't see myself living with them, not in the beginning of a relationship. I look at a relationship as an equal relationship first before a D/s relationship and so I prefer to go through a "getting-to-know" each other period, whether it be a year or a few months, before I would seriously consider living with them. I rather to get to know them first, spending a weekend here and there with them, before we discuss living together then.

From a Domme's POV; I have two subs who I chat with regularly and I do have strong feelings for one of them; I feel a real connection there, and I can't wait to spend more time with him, but since we have other things going on in our lives, I am not going to ask him to come and live with me, anyway, especially since we are just getting to know each other as equals as well as a Domme/sub.

Maybe I am not the best person to answer, really, since I am not really in any relationships as yet, but I could not see myself living with anyone, until a good period of time (maybe a year) have passed, and only then I would consider it.

 

[EmpressFi]

For me, the answer is simple. I wont go through re-hashing my life at the moment but. I am poly. I am married to Malin and I love him and we live in one state. My Master lives in another and I love him just as much, just as deeply, but right now, His RL financial situation makes it impossible for us to live together.

Yes, it's something we've discussed.

Yes, it's something Malin has not only agreed to but suggested.

But right now, there's just not a feasible way for us to all live either in the same house or same town.

Sometimes, submissives dont live with the dom that they love because of reasons that are beyond their control. They cant just up and move across the country or the world, although they'd love to. Perhaps they need to finish college. Or Perhaps they dont want to rip their kids away from the only home they've ever known. Perhaps one or both of them are married and they're not going to leave their spouse(s) for the other person. Maybe their trapped in their job, barely getting by financially and cant make the move. Those are just a few of the possible reasons.

 

[intothewoods]

My answer is also simple: I live with my son, who is almost 4. My PYL and I are dating, basically. I don't have the luxury of considering only my needs, though I don't particularly think it's the wisest decision to move in quickly either.

He lives in the area, and we see each other when my son is at his dad's. I have no interest in introducing him until (1) we've been dating at least a year and (2) we are absolutely sure we're getting married.

Why? There are no guarantees, but I would like to minimize the possibility of introducing someone into my child's life and then, god forbid, we break up and he leaves my son's life. I see it over and over and over again, in the vanilla and bdsm world. Heartbroken kids - why don't I get to see him anymore?? What did I do?

Now, I'm lucky in that I do have joint custody. For single parents, it is tougher. I would get a babysitter and just say, this is my friend, we're going out for dinner. Something like that. I just wouldn't introduce him as part of our lives until the above criteria are met.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

From a submissive POV here, even although I have not fallen in love or got strong feelings for a Dom....yet.....but even then, I don't see myself living with them, not in the beginning of a relationship. I look at a relationship as an equal relationship first before a D/s relationship and so I prefer to go through a "getting-to-know" each other period, whether it be a year or a few months, before I would seriously consider living with them. I rather to get to know them first, spending a weekend here and there with them, before we discuss living together then.

From a Domme's POV; I have two subs who I chat with regularly and I do have strong feelings for one of them; I feel a real connection there, and I can't wait to spend more time with him, but since we have other things going on in our lives, I am not going to ask him to come and live with me, anyway, especially since we are just getting to know each other as equals as well as a Domme/sub.

Maybe I am not the best person to answer, really, since I am not really in any relationships as yet, but I could not see myself living with anyone, until a good period of time (maybe a year) have passed, and only then I would consider it.

I won't live with anyone untill I know them well either. What I meant is that theres alot of sub's who are with their PYL for a loooong time and yet they just meet. Now and then. My point was that live with your PYL might be 1000x better? At least I like to think so.

As for you saying theres needed the "getting-to-know each other", you are very right and I usualy date the man before living with him, on the other hand, it's a bit hard to date someone who lives in USA while I live in Czech. sigh

It's not easy. I wanna give it a try anyways. Guess the "getting-to-know" each other will be a bit hard with this distance, but he's worth it. I know it will be difficult, but I still believe it's possible. When we both want it, as I think we do, it's possible.

People like Catalina gives me hope. She made it. I wanna make it too. Have a caring man like him, a Dom, don't think I could ask for more lol.

There can be miracles when you believe. I want my miracle!!

 

[SubKekiLee]

For me, the answer is simple. I wont go through re-hashing my life at the moment but. I am poly. I am married to Malin and I love him and we live in one state. My Master lives in another and I love him just as much, just as deeply, but right now, His RL financial situation makes it impossible for us to live together.

Yes, it's something we've discussed.

Yes, it's something Malin has not only agreed to but suggested.

But right now, there's just not a feasible way for us to all live either in the same house or same town.

Sometimes, submissives dont live with the dom that they love because of reasons that are beyond their control. They cant just up and move across the country or the world, although they'd love to. Perhaps they need to finish college. Or Perhaps they dont want to rip their kids away from the only home they've ever known. Perhaps one or both of them are married and they're not going to leave their spouse(s) for the other person. Maybe their trapped in their job, barely getting by financially and cant make the move. Those are just a few of the possible reasons.

DING DING DING.. FI has it ... She wrote exactly how it is for me....

except I am poly as well.. and so is my Sir.. but we live 2800 miles away but we see each other several times a year due to business travel... so we are able to spend time together.. but due to children and lives we do not live together due to previous commitments made to others...

 

[nh23]

For me, the answer is simple. I wont go through re-hashing my life at the moment but. I am poly. I am married to Malin and I love him and we live in one state. My Master lives in another and I love him just as much, just as deeply, but right now, His RL financial situation makes it impossible for us to live together.

Yes, it's something we've discussed.

Yes, it's something Malin has not only agreed to but suggested.

But right now, there's just not a feasible way for us to all live either in the same house or same town.

Sometimes, submissives dont live with the dom that they love because of reasons that are beyond their control. They cant just up and move across the country or the world, although they'd love to. Perhaps they need to finish college. Or Perhaps they dont want to rip their kids away from the only home they've ever known. Perhaps one or both of them are married and they're not going to leave their spouse(s) for the other person. Maybe their trapped in their job, barely getting by financially and cant make the move. Those are just a few of the possible reasons.

Bingo. I'm poly and have a husband and two children. I've been very fortunate to get to see my Dom frequently here lately, and plans are in the works for my family and I to move to the area he lives in. For a variety of reasons. He being there number one of course, and also there are better job opportunities, schools etc. As much as I would love to just pack up everything and move there this second..it's just not possible for me. There are other people to consider..ripping my daughter out of the middle of the school year etc.. It also takes time to get things together so that everyone has a chance. It has nothing to do with us not loving them..it's just reality. We can't always do what we want to do..it takes time to work things out..and sometimes things just don't work out like you want.

 

[Netzach]

I'm a loner by nature.

I want H to be close enough to see him at least once a month, and not in the same house or on the same block. Anything from Chicago closer on. I can't imagine living in a triad, I won't do it, I've never seen it work well. It will work ok for us if there are spaces which make "alone with you" or just "alone" time possible.

At the moment, there are too many career factors and personal factors tying him to DC to just up and pull stakes, but it's being worked on, and all kids are in college now, so it's probably going to happen.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm a loner by nature.

I want H to be close enough to see him at least once a month, and not in the same house or on the same block. Anything from Chicago closer on. I can't imagine living in a triad, I won't do it, I've never seen it work well. It will work ok for us if there are spaces which make "alone with you" or just "alone" time possible.

At the moment, there are too many career factors and personal factors tying him to DC to just up and pull stakes, but it's being worked on, and all kids are in college now, so it's probably going to happen.

Dude, I still need alone space when I live with one partner. And I've never met a man who isn't the same, but hey, I could be surprised. To relate that to the OP, living together is hard, actually. I don't think it should be undertaken lightly. And I don't mean that in a Dr. Laura finger wagging way. Seriously, it's just fucking hard! Like why the fuck can't the pee make it into the toilet, guys?

 

[Netzach]

Dude, I still need alone space when I live with one partner. And I've never met a man who isn't the same, but hey, I could be surprised. To relate that to the OP, living together is hard, actually. I don't think it should be undertaken lightly. And I don't mean that in a Dr. Laura finger wagging way. Seriously, it's just fucking hard! Like why the fuck can't the pee make it into the toilet, guys?

Totally- this is the biggest issue in my marriage, bigger than money, sex, anything else - just the day to day roomate shit is HARD.

So I dont plan on pushing that any further with more people.

 

[intothewoods]

Totally- this is the biggest issue in my marriage, bigger than money, sex, anything else - just the day to day roomate shit is HARD.

So I dont plan on pushing that any further with more people.

Well, there's always that joke about needing a wife. Like we all need one. But I suppose she'd up and have some needs of her own. I think it would just be best if I had a maid/butler. Speaking of which, I should get back to work.

 

[Netzach]

Well, there's always that joke about needing a wife. Like we all need one. But I suppose she'd up and have some needs of her own. I think it would just be best if I had a maid/butler. Speaking of which, I should get back to work.

Paging Jeeves/Miss Pettigrew.

 

[snowbyte]

Living with my sub is just not an option at the moment. We both have familial obligations that make it impossible. Things may change later this year or next, but we are making do.

Good topic, btw.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't have a PYL or a pyl at the moment, but even when I'm attached, I just can't live with another person. Kitty and I have been together for 5 years (which doesn't sound long, I know, but that's been most of our adult lives), yet she lives next door to me in the same apartment complex. I'm an only child, for one thing. The few times I had roommates in college, I thought I'd go nuts. As soon as I could afford it, I got a place of my own. I lived with my boyfriend at the time for nearly two years at one point. I realized then that I have to have a certain amount of space to myself. My "certain amount of space" is usually a lot more than most people's, so I've figured out that I just do better alone. I'd prefer to seek out others when I want to, rather than trying to stay away from them.

 

[serijules]

Because life isn't always about what you want.

I will be moving to be with Ma'am sometime before 2010. May be in the spring, may not be until late 2010.

Why? Because I have responsibilities in life. It's nice when people can just drop everything and run to be with their partner, but it's not always practical and it's not always the responsible thing to do.

For me, it's family issues, business issues and whatnot. I have debt that I don't want to take to PA with me as Ma'am prefers I not work. So the next 2 years will be spent selling my house, getting my debt under control and training someone to take over and hopefully buy my business.

I COULD just drop that all and run to her. There are times we talk about it. But in the end, we are responsible people and our ethics don't allow us to act that spontaneously. Our relationship is solid, we have time.

Doesn't make the time apart any less of a hardship. I hate leaving her. I hate that our time is so limited. But the future together is bright and positive and that's worth a few hardships.

 

[TeachMeSir]

.....

 

[HottieMama]

Because shit happens and life sucks...and you fucking deal with it and steal any moment of happiness that you can.

Sometimes it's all you can do.