Can't ejaculate...help please?

[thirty]

Masturbution gives more stimulation than PIV sex, apparently your hands are stronger than your girlfriend's vagina.

I used to be in the same shoes before I had sex with my then girlfriend now wife for the first time: my penis cannot erect although I was very horny.

I guess you will be getting better later.

 

[SoleDesire]

Quick question...

Are you on any medications? Some of them, especially meds for depression and anxiety, can cause varying levels of anorgasmia. Check the patient information statements for any medications you might be on to see if that's a side effect.

Pills like Viagra are not going to help with the orgasm problem. You might be able to keep it up for longer, but you'll probably be just as frustrated at the end.

I think that talking to your partner is really smart here. As much as we say "Oh, it's ok," when a guy doesn't cum, on some level, we do wonder what's gone wrong. And if it keeps happening, we start to worry that it's US. But from what you're saying, it sounds like you've conditioned yourself to have an orgasm only in response to certain stimuli. If you care about her, make sure she knows exactly what's going on, no matter how embarrassing it might seem to talk about. You may be surprised how helpful and ingenious she can be once she realizes it's not her fault.

You can try to duplicate the stimuli when you have sex (like sitting up, facing, legs crossed around each other and using a cock ring) and/or you can retrain your body using the methods discussed. I agree with everyone who's told you NOT to keep masturbating the same way you have been. It's not the masturbation itself -- it's the way you're doing that reinforces the conditioning. If you want/ need to masturbate, try putting lube into a condom and stroking, either lying down or sitting with your feet on the floor.

Finally, while the solution to your problem may not be psychological, taking a step back and relaxing always helps. Invite your girl over, turn off the lights, turn up the heat, put a sexy movie on DVD. Spread a blanket on the floor, open a bottle of wine, spend time exploring (even if you already think you know everything about her). There doesn't have to be a goal, other than enjoying each other. Even if you don't cum (or have sex at all), you'll both end up feeling sensuous and cared for.

....wandering off to go look through the DVD collection...

 

[goodnamesgone]

Sorry I haven't responded to anyone in a while. I would like to thank most of you guys for the good advice. I honestly think it's more a mental/psychological problem than a physical problem....actually I'm positive. I've cut down on masturbation, still tend to do it sitting down but not in the same way I've done...trying to kind of ween myself into different positions. It seems to be working, I can see progress being made, so can my girl. That's sort of helping to snowball the positive effects because it's lessening the anxiety. She's a wonderful girl and I'm glad to have her. I'm sure this is gonna get resolved fine and would once again like to thank everyone for the advice.

 

[sarah_rsl]

I had a boyfriend that used to last for ages. the point where he'd ejaculate was usually some time after I'd started to get sore. It actually made me feel a bit shitty having to ask him to stop so I could apply some lubricant.

Part of it was resloved when we stopped using condoms. But I also started rather than just letting him go on for ages, just really bearing down on him with my pelvis after I'd come, also not to sound extreme I'd pinch and scratch a little(hey If I'm getting sore so does he), and just give him a little verbal encouragement. Position changes can also work.

To be honest it does sound like you're a little too used to masturbation a woman's vagina is never going to be as tight as your hand.

 

[mrguitarmn]

I had a boyfriend that used to last for ages. the point where he'd ejaculate was usually some time after I'd started to get sore. It actually made me feel a bit shitty having to ask him to stop so I could apply some lubricant.

Part of it was resloved when we stopped using condoms. But I also started rather than just letting him go on for ages, just really bearing down on him with my pelvis after I'd come, also not to sound extreme I'd pinch and scratch a little(hey If I'm getting sore so does he), and just give him a little verbal encouragement. Position changes can also work.

To be honest it does sound like you're a little too used to masturbation a woman's vagina is never going to be as tight as your hand.

I agree maybe have her do a lot of heavy foreplay thought that might work. Have her get you all turned on by hand job/blow job or mutually masturbate and when your to the point where you might cum then move towards intercourse. So many are too quick to try intercourse. Foreplay is awesome.

 

[sarah_rsl]

I agree maybe have her do a lot of heavy foreplay thought that might work. Have her get you all turned on by hand job/blow job or mutually masturbate and when your to the point where you might cum then move towards intercourse. So many are too quick to try intercourse. Foreplay is awesome.

I get this image in my head of him instructing his girlfriend on how to get him off.

Main thing is that he cuts back on the self loving

 

[mrguitarmn]

Yes I agree after reading further back...

 

[seattlelevel27]

I had a boyfriend that used to last for ages. the point where he'd ejaculate was usually some time after I'd started to get sore. It actually made me feel a bit shitty having to ask him to stop so I could apply some lubricant.

Part of it was resloved when we stopped using condoms. But I also started rather than just letting him go on for ages, just really bearing down on him with my pelvis after I'd come, also not to sound extreme I'd pinch and scratch a little(hey If I'm getting sore so does he), and just give him a little verbal encouragement. Position changes can also work.

To be honest it does sound like you're a little too used to masturbation a woman's vagina is never going to be as tight as your hand.

Exactly. When I first started having regular sex, I was expecting some sort of revelation, but it was weird because it was nowhere near as tight as getting a handjob or even a blowjob---and this was with a 5'4" 110 lbs, really fit girl.

If you approach this problem with a clear mind, you'll get over it. For me, sex turned out to be less about the physical sensation and more about the emotions. Getting a BJ from some chick you met at a party feels pretty damn good, but when I'm curled around my GF's back, deep in her, moving with her...I feel so close to her. It's a psychological pleasure.

And the orgasms from sex are far more intense than those from anything else!

 

[SweetErika]

Exactly. When I first started having regular sex, I was expecting some sort of revelation, but it was weird because it was nowhere near as tight as getting a handjob or even a blowjob---and this was with a 5'4" 110 lbs, really fit girl.

I know this isn't on topic, and perhaps it deserves its own thread, but I'm curious about the bold part.

Did I miss the memo that said taller and overweight women are likely to have looser pussies? Or that, with the exception of extreme cases, body size has anything to do with tightness?

For example, if we take height out of it, let's say we have two women who are 5'4", don't have sex on a regular basis and neither has had a child. One's 100lbs and the other's 200lbs. Is the thinner woman supposed to be tighter?

 

[sarah_rsl]

Also, if Mr. Happy bows out of the festivities early, have a backup plan. When he starts to go soft, instead of panicking, pull out and work your way south to perform oral. She might wonder what you're up to, but she might like it too.

J

I've had that happen to me. To be honest if you're ready for actual penetration then a guy starting to lick you it isn't really going to do it for you. I think men can sometime expect too much from oral sex.

Not being able to perform is a big deal, and the original poster needs to deal with it. Several people have already identified the likely cause so it needn't be a problem anymore.

 

[SweetErika]

I've had that happen to me. To be honest if you're ready for actual penetration then a guy starting to lick you it isn't really going to do it for you. I think men can sometime expect too much from oral sex.

Speak for yourself. Maybe you've just had partners who weren't great at oral or haven't been creative enough to penetrate you with fingers or toys.

Not being able to perform is a big deal

Again, that shouldn't be a blanket statement.

I don't have a ton of experience with partners not being able to get or keep it up, but when it has occurred, it's never been an issue for me. It might be if it were a long-term problem that wasn't rooted in a medical/physical condition, but I'm sure I could deal with it quite comfortably for months to a year or so, provided my partner was into the other things I enjoy and working on it to the best of his abilities.

I agree it's a big deal for some people, but it's certainly not for all.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I know this isn't on topic, and perhaps it deserves its own thread, but I'm curious about the bold part.

Did I miss the memo that said taller and overweight women are likely to have looser pussies? Or that, with the exception of extreme cases, body size has anything to do with tightness?

For example, if we take height out of it, let's say we have two women who are 5'4", don't have sex on a regular basis and neither has had a child. One's 100lbs and the other's 200lbs. Is the thinner woman supposed to be tighter?

I wondered about this too. I don´t think body size or overall fitness has much to do with how tight the vagina is.

 

[Homburg]

I'm a bit late to the show, but there is an "Erectile Dysfunction" called "Retarded Ejaculation", which is characterised by difficulty achieving orgasm and ejaculating during sexual intercourse, but no physical problem ejaculating during masturbation. It is indeed a mental issue.

In short, the advice given by many of the posters here may well help. If it is not a chronic condition, retraining, relaxing, and refraining from masturbation are the commonly suggested methods of correcting the issue.

There is a thread on the BDSM boards called "Mine doesn't always work" that includes RE as part of the discussion. It's a good resource IMO.

The upside of RE, is that is indeed what you have, is that you can get to the point where you can last literally as long as you feel like lasting. In my case, I have to concentrate, ensure positions and conditions ar ejust right, and work to acheive orgasm. So if I want to last longer, for whatever reaon, I just let my mind wander, or allow the situation to exceed my comfort zone (for example the temperature in the room being too high will flat prevent any chance of an orgasm). Sure, it can suck to not be able to come, but you don't have to worry about not lasting long enough.

Another fact of life with this condition is that it helps to realise that sex is not necessarily all about orgasm. I frequently have sex without orgasm simply because I feel like having sex and making my gal come a bit. Quickies are good fun even if you don't come simply because you can enjoy the emotional side of the event even if you don't get that release at the end.

So retrain, relax, refrain from masturbation, and refocus your goals. It's really not that bad.

 

[hoobabooba]

I recently went to have sex for the first time (I'm 21) and was perplexed to find myself unable to ejaculate or hold my erection for an extended time with my partner. I've obviously masturbated before and never had this issue during that. I was attracted to my partner and wanted to do this very badly but there was just no getting around it. Thinking about it later, I realized that it may have something to do with my masturbation habits. I generally masturbate while sitting down, normally starting out in a cross legged position (this developed at a young age trying to hide my erection quickly in the event someone walked in on me and has just become the way I've done it all these years) so my testicles are sort of cupped and there is a pressure underneath them at the base of my testicular sack. I usually can ejaculate no problem with the pressure there or if I remove the pressure shortly before ejaculation. I tried masturbating in a different position and came up with the same problem I had during my attempt at sex. Is there a solution to this? Can I train myself to ejaculate without the pressure there? Or do I need to start paying a bit more attention to those enzyte commercials? Help would be greatly appreciated.

Trust me ... this will work

This happened to me also in the begining. I thank my ex - Natasha for giving me this advice and for guiding me like a teacher and enjoyed to have sex with me al those days. Thank to her teachings now I can continue fucking 1.5hrs without cumming.

I share it with you. Girls.. if your partner also like this.. just give him a support. He will thankful for you and will never forget you for the rest of his life.

These are the rules... U try to enjoy your self. forget about making her cum at this point of time. Try to enjoy the sex only for you. Dont EVEN think of making her to orgasm. Explain to her about ur situation and RELAX. dont do it in a hurry. TAKE YOUR TIME.. DO IT SLOWLY... TRY TO FEEL THE SENSATIONS. ask her support when u r loosing your erection.and continue.. dont try to be a porn star or do fast strokes. when u r feeling to cum, stop for a while .. do kissings and lickings. continue this for a long time..ACCEPT THIS AS A LESSON, NOT AS A SESSION.. YOU ARE STILL A STUDENT.

If u cum,its ok. normal. I cam first time in 5 seconds. .. rest for a while, continue it.. make the session longer. this will make u familier with the task and build ur confidents.

Next time u will drive with the license.

Thanking you Natasha again and again

 

[Arym1ss]

Excellent advice hoobabooba. I have the same issue and it re-occurs every now and then. The main thing is to relax, take your time and just enjoy it for what it is. If neither of you cum then it doesnt matter, the journey is just as important. I found sometimes I get carried away and start thrusting faster eager to reach climax as I can feel it building then all of a sudden it goes..as if my anticipation fucks it up hehe. Slow down or even stop for a while (5-10 mins) and go down on her or just lay next to her and kiss for a while.
Your cock does lose its sensitivity after a while and as she gets wetter it can feel like your throwing a sausage up a hallway. Cutting down on the wanking will help this a little.
Im a once a day wanker as well and cutting that down to every 3-4 days can help but can also add to the anxiety ie if you dont cum you get "blue ball syndrome"
Im repeating what most people have said. Its a mental thing and because your trying to hard to please..thats a good thing but remember its not about the orgasm its about sharing a intense long full body sexual experience.

ps. wank with your other hand.

 

[Epmd607]

I figured it wasn't a physical problem. More of a mental block or just the fact I've got in a habit of this one same way of doing things for at least 7 years or however long it's been at this point. I was also worried about the condoms, having to stop and try to get a condom on when I did have an erection, it was down to half mast by the time I was able to get the condom on and then it was no good on trying to get it back up.

Yeah, I couldn't come my first couple times because I was too nervous. Your erection issue might just be a matter of timing. Shit still happens to me with my wife. Last night I spent too long on foreplay(whole time I had full hard on) and when she was ready I could only give her half a bone no matter what, which probably became an embarrassment issue. But tonight's a different night and when I get that super bone it's going right in, fuck F-Play. Sometimes she'll be a little rough when she's trying to get me to put it in and that'll kill a bone too. Glad I don't have to deal with condoms, that shit can kill a bone quick.

 

[rosco rathbone]

trying to hide my erection quickly in the event someone walked in on me

There's your problem right there. It's mental.

 

[artemisnymph]

There's your problem right there. It's mental.

But in this scenario I think he mentioned he was a teen or younger...

My boyfriend and I are going through some drama with family, exes, etc. He has the exact same problem fairly often right now. I stupidly have taken it personally but after reading this thread a lot of things are making much more sense in my head.

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses, I am sure it has helped the OP and I know it will help me.

 

[JTobia]

Yeah dude, i was say stop masturbating for a while as well...

Perhaps you can also let your partner be on top? Let her take control of your penis and ride it to her desire.