Novice Mistress needs a lil help! O_o

[slimstress_shady]

Hullo! I'm a fairly new member to Literotica but I've been a big fan of the stories for a long time!
(I'm sorta bad at these things so bare with me)

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for roughly 8 months now and we've been talking about trying BDSM (hooray!). He's completely into being a sub and I'm definitely into giving being a dom a try. However, I'm a virgin and he's not, so the whole thing is going to be a little more foreign to me.. Sssss, yeah. >.<;

SO! I would like to get some pointers of just a few things I could try to use on him so I don't look too clumsy and at least have some idea of what I'm doing (Yes, I'm a very clumsy person). Anything at all would help!

A little bit about him: He's bi so we are planning on using a strap-on and he has a VERY high pain tolerance... Very high... It's actually kinda scary sometimes.. Especially since he's a foot taller than me. @___@;

 

[bdsm_librarian]

Welcome slimstress_shady, I hope the following links may assist for the interim until other Board members join this discussion. Best of luck

BDSM Library

Referenced Thread Links - Dominance

Additional Link - Good Girls Guide to Dominance.

 

[slimstress_shady]

Thank you so very much!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think it's great that you want to experiment with dominance but I also think that perhaps you're trying to run before you can walk. Dominance is a lot about getting what you want out of an encounter and you have a limited amount of knowledge where that's concerned.

I reserve the right to be completely wrong but might it be better to ease yourself into penetrative sex first and learn what works for you and what doesn't before you transform yourself into his fantasy Mistress?

 

[slimstress_shady]

Oh my god! Velvet Darkness!? I think I've read one of your stories before! That name sounds so familiar!

But you're absolutely right. There's just so little we know about it that I thought I'd get some ideas and information on what to expect; maybe go into more details about how things are done and whatnot. Trust me, I'm making sure to take baby-steps with this whole thing.

Thank you for the reply by the by.

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

Velvet Darkness.. I mean absolutely no disrespect here, but there are plenty of people who enjoy many aspects of BDSM without penetrative sex being involved.

Slimstress_shady.. I am unclear (or perhaps quite dense tonight.. which is entirely possible!!) if you are refering to yourself as a virgin because you have never had sex or because you have no BDSM experience.

I am relatively new as a dominant and I often find myself struggling with my footing. I have a lovely subbie boy who wants nothing more then to take care of me. I fought against it for a while, but have given in lately. It's nice to be with him where I don't have to think about things and everything and anything I want is but a request away.

The only advice I have is to find what works best for the two of you and go with it. You do not need to follow someone else's *rules* or ideas of what BDSM should be for/to you. I liken it to being a parent and being given all manner of unsolicited advice. Take what you can use and let the rest filter out.

Happy exploring!

 

[slimstress_shady]

I'm a virgin, virgin. Haven't had sex yet.

Thank you for your comment though!

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

Well.. depending on your reasons behind that, you can either chose to change it, or not but still have a lot of fun exploring BDSM.

For me it's more of a comfort thing, a confidence thing. Takes me a while to *warm up* to a new partner. I have a really difficult time asking people to do things for me because it's just far easier for me to do it for myself. While I can take care of myself, I'm not capable of treating myself to things like massages. That's where he comes in handy. I've had him shovel my driveway too. While the majority of our interactions are primarily of a sexual nature at the moment, we will be exploring more D/s and I will be educating him on more personal grooming techniques for me.

His need/desire is to spoil me. I'm allowing that, and in the process being treated like a Goddess. As far as I see it... win/win situation.

 

[YourCaptor]

He he, deny him the pleasure of taking you virginity and do it yourself. Yes, evil

But if you’re not into that, you could start out with some cuddling/wrestling, get confident in ending up on top and half the battle is already won. You could also try making it a game, whether he gets you virginity or not. Punish him lots, make him beg and wait days for it.

But what do I know, I have no idea whatsoever what its like to be a women and have sex the first time. For guys it’s a lot easier, just find the mark, get set, and go.

Sound advice would probably be along the lines off… go at it exponentially.

 

[SweetErika]

You might find some ideas of interest in this thread in How To.

Have you been through a comprehensive BDSM checklist yet? If not, that might be a good first step. From there, you can talk about limits and research what you're interested in pursuing.

 

[twiggy_the_spider]

Honey, theres no need to go straight for the strap on! Make him wait for it. As for being clutzy I would advise not getting drunk or wearing heels you cant handle. Better still, blindfold him, that way you can be sure that even if you fall over (it happens!) he wont know about it.
As for virginity I dont think that need be too much of a worry, you can do a lot in the way of domination without penetrative sex being involved. (or I guess you could always tell him he has to earn it... if thats your thing.)

(orrr, tie him up and make him watch someone else take your virginity... or is that too much?)

 

[bdsm_librarian]

You might find some ideas of interest in this thread in How To.

Have you been through a comprehensive BDSM checklist yet? If not, that might be a good first step. From there, you can talk about limits and research what you're interested in pursuing.

Additional links sourced from the BDSM Library

Souls Haven - The NEW BDSM Checklist

A Submissives Journey - BDSM Checklist

DomSubFriends - Scene Questionnaire

 

[WakoJako]

(Representing the guys side)

Ive just read through the thread and i agree in the general sway that everyone else is saying. Dont rush into penatrative sex through BDSM straight away, from what i hear a womans first time is very painfull, and from what ive seen its quite a mess!

However someone above did mention about cuddling/wrestling, i think that is a good starting point, as you can get on top and pin him down and just start to control him. Ive had this done on me by my ex before and it is quite fun

 

[SweetErika]

(Representing the guys side)

Ive just read through the thread and i agree in the general sway that everyone else is saying. Dont rush into penatrative sex through BDSM straight away, from what i hear a womans first time is very painfull, and from what ive seen its quite a mess!

Sex for the first time is usually painful for one or more of the following reasons:
- The woman isn't sufficiently aroused and lubed

- The woman hasn't used tampons, played sports, masturbated, or otherwise stretched her hymen sufficiently. Women who do these things usually don't have much of a, or any remaining, hymen by the time they have sex.

- The woman isn't relaxed.

- The couple goes too fast, which doesn't allow her to adjust and relax.

With sufficient arousal, lube, preparation, relaxation and proper technique, it's not really painful unless the hymen or cock is unusually thick, large or there's another physical problem.

I had a little discomfort my first time due to nerves, but that quickly gave way to pleasure and it was neither painful nor messy in the least. And I have a much lower pain threshold than most people, so I bet the small amount of discomfort wouldn't have been felt by anyone else.

 

[LOVINGSUB7]

Learning to be dominent

First get to know his body. What makes him hot. Stroke him, tie him up and tease him with something soft. When he is hard and almost ready to cum, walk away for a few then come back and tease some more. Make him beg to be allowed to cum the way YOU want him to. Blindfolds are always good. Hold off on the strap on for a while. Relax and enjoy.

 

[slimstress_shady]

Thank you all for your comments! All of this information is really helpful!

 

[Netzach]

What do you like about the idea of being in charge? What would you like to see what would you like him to do for you? Without a lot of toys or bondage or technique necessarily, but sexually, what turns you on if he's willing to do what you like?

Do that.

It sounds like you're pretty enthused, so I'm not going to say wait for this or that or the other if you want to do it. I would find some articles on strap ons, safety, and tips if YOU want to peg his ass.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Oh my god! Velvet Darkness!? I think I've read one of your stories before! That name sounds so familiar!

I have a fan! Yay! PM for an autograph.

But you're absolutely right. There's just so little we know about it that I thought I'd get some ideas and information on what to expect; maybe go into more details about how things are done and whatnot. Trust me, I'm making sure to take baby-steps with this whole thing.

Thank you for the reply by the by.

It should go without saying that it's entirely up to you whether you want to have penetrative sex or not (even more so if you're taking charge.) Greeneyed_Lady was right about that and I was wrong to suggest that one should come before the other.

I guess it seems surreal to me. I consider intimacy that involves nakedness, genitals and orgasms to be sex. I find the whole 'penetrative sex determines virginity' thing a little academic if you're sexually active and contemplating dominating your guy. Each to their own I guess.

If your man has never tried anal play, it might be better to start him off with some gentle prostate stimulation before you get to strap ons. I haven't given a man anal with a strap on so I can't advise about that.

Netz's comments were also good. Dominance comes from knowing what you want and getting it (within reason) from whoever submits to you. I hope you can have fun with that.

 

[gregor2001us]

You have gotten some good replies already. i strongly believe that if You are going to be the Dominant one, (Domme) then You choose the pace, You explore what turns YOU on. For sure let him give You suggestions and feedback, but YOU decide how to do things and when.

And, here is my addition to this thread, when You feel unsure or undecided, simply pause. Take Your time to consider. No worries about what he may be thinking, if he is a sub like me, the pause and quiet will just serve to make him hornier and uncertain what You are up to. He will be squirming inside. Just pause and do not worry about the silence and waiting.

Cheers!