One more story? Pretty please?

[Anna_Malia75]

My second story was just posted this morning: Best Served Cold? I Think Not.". It's my entry in the "Crush Your Enemy Like a Grape" contest over on the AH. I did get this e-mail this morning - "you're quite the scheming little bitch, no disrespect intended" - but I'd love to get some feedback from my fellow Litizens.

Thanks so much. This is the last time I'll bother you, I promise!

Anna

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Pretty damn good, Anna. I caught a couple of errors ("...the tiny-dicked little rat, bastard.") But very minor and didn't detract from the story.

There is one different kind of error that I stumbled over. You said Andy didn't realize Debby was the contractor until it was too late to get out of it. That is never true. All contracts have an "escape clause" that lets either party out at any time. But there is no reason you would know that so don't worry about it.

Generally, I like your writing style. You don't write the kind of story I usually read, but the "fuck you with a nasty rack" ending rather appealed to me.

I'd say you are doing pretty damn good. Just keep it up.

JJ

 

[manyeyedhydra]

That was a nice little revenge story. As I read through it I had an inkling on how it was going to end up, but the last paragraph still packed a good wallop.

 

[manyeyedhydra]

One minor quibble. I'm another purist that thinks this should probably be in past tense, but I'm going to run now before the brickbats start flying

 

[mellowgyrl]

One minor quibble. I'm another purist that thinks this should probably be in past tense, but I'm going to run now before the brickbats start flying

I agree totally *ducks from the flying objects* But I do think it was written well. I enjoyed the story completely......voted and commented!

 

[MarshAlien]

Very nice job, Anna. The story had a nice pace, and the ending was excellent. I also thought you did a good job with the present tense. I don't like it in all stories, but it seemed to give this one a certain immediacy that fit with your characters and helped sustain the surprise at the end.

I can't believe that I agreed to enter your contest now. O, the shame of being beaten by a newcomer!

 

[LadyIlsa]

Loved it!

I enjoyed the story and could have cared less about the tense.

*ducks also*

I voted and commented . Keep writing.
~J~