Secretly Submissive

[ebullient]

I've been registered for a while now, but for some reason, posting makes me nervous; now seems to be the time to confront this irrational fear and start a thread of my own. I readily admit that this little phobia of mine is absurd, but it correlates with a problem that's been looming in the back of my mind for several years now. I'm sure this sort of question has been asked many a time, and I apologize if I bore any who read this, but I feel compelled to get it off my chest. I am undeniably, irrepressibly submissive; this scares me. I have attempted to ignore it, talk myself out of it, and suppress this urge, but it has never worked. It seems to be an inherent trait, and I just have to accept it; I'm working towards that goal, but it will be a long time coming, I'm afraid.

Now that the painful rambling is over, here comes the question: does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can overcome my shyness and no longer be ashamed of what I undoubtedly am? I'm dying to tell someone, anyone close to me, but whenever I try, the words get trapped in my throat.

Thank you for reading this- I just needed to write it. =]

 

[WakoJako]

youre in the same position as me!

I got some really handy advice on the 'Closet Curiosity' Thread, maybe you should look there?

 

[ebullient]

I did, actually. There was a lot of helpful advice. I think getting it out of my system, even as faceless text, is good for me.

 

[BiBunny]

It's a really long thread, but the Submissive/Slave Haven in the Cafe has discussed some of these issues before. Might help, might not, but it can't hurt to look if you have the time.

 

[alexanna]

I rented the movie "Secretary" and watched it with my husband indicating i would be into that.

 

[FurryFury]

I felt the same way once. The more you research, read, write, discuss the more accepting you will be of your desires. At least that is what helped me. It's so nice to be more comfortable in my own skin.

 

[00Syd]

When I first sort of realized that it was something in me that wasn't going away I read a LOT about it. I spent a few months just reading everything I could find about it. That helped me work up the courage to talk to people about it.

 

[sexycaz22]

OOSyd said it all, really.

I was the same; I have always had fantasies where I was taken (with permission) and used & abused by a lovely and sexy guy - always!! lol

Seriously although, for a very long time, I have hidden the "true me" for so long, that it suddenly blew up inside me, and so somehow, I decided to come to the BDSM fourms, and worked my way through the links and the BDSM library, to try to understand my desires and my fantasies. After a short while, I put up a BDSM personal ads on 3 websites, including this one, and then I went to a local munch then onto to a club night, and now I have a good friend who I play with, and now I am exploring my Topping side with a sub friend. I enjoy it! All this was done over a space of about 7 months.

Some others might take less or more, all it really matter is that take your time, explore, and do research, talk to people here on Literotica, perhaps go to some local munches in your area. There are NO time limit. Just enjoy the journey you are on.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Now that the painful rambling is over, here comes the question: does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can overcome my shyness and no longer be ashamed of what I undoubtedly am? I'm dying to tell someone, anyone close to me, but whenever I try, the words get trapped in my throat.

Thank you for reading this- I just needed to write it. =]

Hello ebullient and welcome to Lit in active form


I know you have asked for discussion on several points, I currently only wish to address one.

While I realllllllllllly appreciate the new found enthusiasm I would offer the advice to add a little caution to your desire to spill over and share with 'anyone close to me'.

Until you come more to terms within yourself independently ( self comfort level, confidence ) , I feel by sharing the revelation in the majority of instances you may be putting yourself at risk ( outside areas designated for open bdsm discusssion ) . How that manifests is anyones guess, depends on the experience wisdom and dynamics of the person you are sharing with. You may not get the reaction you desire, how are you going to contend with that ?

I know some very free thinking individuals, people I have imparted years of trust to and there are still some areas I draw a clear line. Some of it for personal privacy, partially because I do not desire their approval of a D/s dynamic and how that manifests for me anymore than I have an interest in their more intimate proclivities , there are a dozen odd more reasons on top of those. None of which include shame. There can be a healthy dynamic to shame but not in the context I believe you are referring to , if I have read your opening post correctly. That however is a digression of sorts .

When the wave of enthusiasm settles, the best place to find yourself and progress forward is on solid ground.

Not a bad place to be

 

[EmpressFi]

There are a few people who know about the fact that I'm a submissive, a very select few and so far, no one in our family. Like Ms Rebecca said - personal privacy

 

[Bandit58]

There are a few people who know about the fact that I'm a submissive, a very select few and so far, no one in our family. Like Ms Rebecca said - personal privacy

Our friends here in Australia know about our relationship, but my family in NZ don't. Frankly it was easier to tell my (grown) kids that I was bisexual than it would be to tell them the exact type of relationship Sir and I have.....although they are smart cookies and have visited us twice and have seen the dynamic - just not the kinky toys As for telling Mum - absolutely not I see no reason to upset her with either revelation.

I'm not ashamed of what or who I am....on the contrary since I met Sir and embarked on this journey I've never felt more comfortable in my skin than I do now. Admittedly there were one or two hiccups along the way, mainly to do with me struggling to understand why I got off on being spanked and enjoying pain. Sir helped by telling me that it was just how I was wired, and He was so very glad I am the way I am Our friends are jealous (in a good way they are happy for us) of just how happy we are.

What helped a lot too was reading and research. Especially Literotica forums After I got past my shyness and just jumped in and posted/asked questions, I found the forums here to be extremely helpful, more so than other places *cough collarme cough*

 

[ebullient]

Hello ebullient and welcome to Lit in active form


I know you have asked for discussion on several points, I currently only wish to address one.

While I realllllllllllly appreciate the new found enthusiasm I would offer the advice to add a little caution to your desire to spill over and share with 'anyone close to me'.

Until you come more to terms within yourself independently ( self comfort level, confidence ) , I feel by sharing the revelation in the majority of instances you may be putting yourself at risk ( outside areas designated for open bdsm discusssion ) . How that manifests is anyones guess, depends on the experience wisdom and dynamics of the person you are sharing with. You may not get the reaction you desire, how are you going to contend with that ?

I know some very free thinking individuals, people I have imparted years of trust to and there are still some areas I draw a clear line. Some of it for personal privacy, partially because I do not desire their approval of a D/s dynamic and how that manifests for me anymore than I have an interest in their more intimate proclivities , there are a dozen odd more reasons on top of those. None of which include shame. There can be a healthy dynamic to shame but not in the context I believe you are referring to , if I have read your opening post correctly. That however is a digression of sorts .

When the wave of enthusiasm settles, the best place to find yourself and progress forward is on solid ground.

Not a bad place to be

Aw, thank you (and everyone else who has replied, actually) so much for your concern and advice. I'm coming to realize that the kinksters on Lit are a very friendly and helpful bunch! "Anyone" was meant in a singular sort of sense, as in I'm not sure whom I can trust enough to tell, but I'm dying to tell someone in my life. I'm not quite silly enough to paint "ask me about my fetish!" on my forehead, but I was unclear in my wording. =]

 

[SweetErika]

Aw, thank you (and everyone else who has replied, actually) so much for your concern and advice. I'm coming to realize that the kinksters on Lit are a very friendly and helpful bunch! "Anyone" was meant in a singular sort of sense, as in I'm not sure whom I can trust enough to tell, but I'm dying to tell someone in my life. I'm not quite silly enough to paint "ask me about my fetish!" on my forehead, but I was unclear in my wording. =]

One thing that has really helped my husband and I in this regard is seeking out local, like-minded people, whether that's in a club or discussion group/munch or just making new friends we can be up front with.

We don't do much in the way of expressing our kinks publicly (e.g. at a fetish/sex-positive club), but we do enjoy being in a supportive environment where we can socialize with others, gain/share knowledge openly and be our whole selves. The same goes for friendships: it's nice to have friends who know and support who we are from the very beginning. When I'm looking to expand my circle of friends, I put myself out there as a bi, poly, kinky woman, and that usually garners some new connections with others who can appreciate those traits as part of who I am. It's still difficult to find excellent, lasting friendships, but I've had a ton of interesting conversations, gotten support and learned so much from interacting with the people I've met.

So, in addition to the advice you've been given, perhaps you could check out what's available in terms of socializing, learning and support in your area. Munches can be a great place to start, but especially given the responses here, I bet there's at least one local woman who's also dying to have a safe person to share with! You might post looking for friendship on sites like CollarMe, OKCupid and even the personals here in hopes of finding her.

 

[YourCaptor]

does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can overcome my shyness and no longer be ashamed of what I undoubtedly am? I'm dying to tell someone, anyone close to me, but whenever I try, the words get trapped in my throat.

Get a dom who wants to help you grow as a person.

 

[ebullient]

Get a dom who wants to help you grow as a person.

If only they grew on trees! (Not literally, I hope)

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I've been registered for a while now, but for some reason, posting makes me nervous; now seems to be the time to confront this irrational fear and start a thread of my own. I readily admit that this little phobia of mine is absurd, but it correlates with a problem that's been looming in the back of my mind for several years now. I'm sure this sort of question has been asked many a time, and I apologize if I bore any who read this, but I feel compelled to get it off my chest. I am undeniably, irrepressibly submissive; this scares me. I have attempted to ignore it, talk myself out of it, and suppress this urge, but it has never worked. It seems to be an inherent trait, and I just have to accept it; I'm working towards that goal, but it will be a long time coming, I'm afraid.

Now that the painful rambling is over, here comes the question: does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can overcome my shyness and no longer be ashamed of what I undoubtedly am? I'm dying to tell someone, anyone close to me, but whenever I try, the words get trapped in my throat.

Thank you for reading this- I just needed to write it. =]

Knowing what you want is always a good start. Knowing what you want at 18 means that you won't be too old to appreciate it once you get it.

Submissiveness is nothing to be ashamed of, whether you are male or female. With the right person it can be an intensely liberating experience. I am now living with my Master and we have experimented a lot together but never once have I doubted his love and respect for me.

Some people think saying that they are submissive is advertising for abuse (some people will choose to understand it that way but that's their problem) but if you're smart about who you choose to submit to there's no reason why that should ever happen.

If you plan on posting an ad in the BDSM personals forum I would advise against giving away how young and inexperienced you are at first. Looking for a partner online is the same as looking for one in RL, there are still 50 asshats for every decent prospect.

Be savvy and have fun.

 

[sexycaz22]

Not many people know about me being kinky - only one vanilla friend knows, and she have been great! Don't want to know too much but does ask questions occasionally! I am extermely lucky that she is not bothered about it, and is my part-time flatmate, hence the reason why I decided to tell her, so that I can be open on the internet i.e. going to this website or other sites or chatting on MSN and things like that. I even showed her my flogger!! ha ha ha!! It is rare to find someone like that and someone you can trust!

Almost most of my friends knows that I am open dating - i.e. going on dates with different men - but not the fact that I am into the BDSM lifestyle, and I am certainly not going to tell them.

My family knows I have been on a few dates, but not the details or who. Again, they don't know I am into the BDSM lifestyle, and I am not planning on telling them at any point!

SweetEricka's advice is great about going out to support groups or munches or events like that, it will be a good experience.

 

[N_B]

Knowing what you want is always a good start. Knowing what you want at 18 means that you won't be too old to appreciate it once you get it.

Submissiveness is nothing to be ashamed of, whether you are male or female. With the right person it can be an intensely liberating experience. I am now living with my Master and we have experimented a lot together but never once have I doubted his love and respect for me.

Some people think saying that they are submissive is advertising for abuse (some people will choose to understand it that way but that's their problem) but if you're smart about who you choose to submit to there's no reason why that should ever happen.

If you plan on posting an ad in the BDSM personals forum I would advise against giving away how young and inexperienced you are at first. Looking for a partner online is the same as looking for one in RL, there are still 50 asshats for every decent prospect.

Be savvy and have fun.

I don't often speak up, but I had to appreciate the use of the word asshat here... It really made me chuckle.
And to the OP, good luck on your journey of self discovery. It can be scary at times, but only as scary as you allow it to be. And like said above, don't let the 50 asshats ruin it for you. Finding the right person to compliment your style is quite rewarding, but can be a trying experience for sure...

 

[rosco rathbone]

Beware all predatorial doms.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Also, beware false domination.

 

[FurryFury]

Beware all predatorial doms.

Also, beware false domination.

Seriously great and important advice.

 

[Gamelover221]

Sometimes a little liquid courage can help. Take a friend out for some drinks and start up a talk dating or past relationships, then move to what they like sexually, then ask them if they've ever thought about the things that you like. Start slow, look for any red flags, and just see how it goes. Good things can happen once you finally open up. I ended up having a 3-some that way once

 

[YourCaptor]

If only they grew on trees! (Not literally, I hope)

Ah, but there is a dom tree hidden in a secret garden. I should warn you though, once you eat the trees forbidden fruit, your can never have you innocents returned.

 

[LilyBart]

Ah, but there is a dom tree hidden in a secret garden. I should warn you though, once you eat the trees forbidden fruit, your can never have you innocents returned.

Perfect...Right On YC! Awesome visual (for me, anyway)

And ebullient: Listen to Rebecca. I have learned from lurking a lot that she is very wise.

Seriously, I would play it close until you find yourself in good surroundings with like minded people. Discovering your submissive side is no different than discovering you like giving blow jobs, or receiving. Some parts of our intimate lives are just that, intimate.

There is not necessarily a need to get it off your chest.

Just revel in treasure of your desire. (sorry if that sounds like a romance writer....at a loss for more intelligent wording....its late - I mean, just enjoy yourself!)

On the other hand, you do have the opportunity to discuss your feelings on Lit and many people here I've found to be so encouraging and supportive. I do wish you good fortune and am happy that you can embrace who you are.

 

[RawHumor]

Seriously great and important advice.

I was going to mention that same thing. There are a LOT of guys out there who will try to claim you if they find out that you're new to submission... some are horny net geeks who just want to get off on telling someone what to do... some are a bit more dangerous.

Go slow.