Why Do They *Fear* Us?

[twysted73]

I have had the same experience. People being really quite freaked out by it. I was so surprised as I thought it was fairly common practice?

** the source of PlanetQueen's post was over in "Fisting" btw **

I recently attended a D/s Party but had to stop off at another location to pick a few things up beforehand.
I knew the people there and so they weren't overly shocked to see me adorned as I was. (nothing too extreme. Combat boots, high white socks folded over *like you see so often*, black T and my kilt w/ sporran and belt.)
One of the girls there asked a male friend of mine "How kinky does he consider himself to be on a scale of 1 - 10?" So asked friend turned and passed on the question. I answered well to their suprise and it got me to thinking.

As you all must know by now the frequency of encountering people who are naturally as you are through some hormonal / psychological / non-verbal connection)that you/they seem to just gravitate towards them/you w/out thought) must be quite common. I'd venture to say almost second nature by now.
Well that evening I had a moment of clarity upon seeing the reactions of those around me. How the men were threatened and the women interested.
And it really hit home just how little those of the "nilla persuasion really understand what it is that sets us apart.
Like either having or not having that one extra gene that makes a blonde a blonde and a brunette a brunette.
Kink is such an "unknown" for most that it's almost seemingly feared due to it's alien nature and profoundly difficult-to-grasp concept. But oddly enough it's also such a part of everyday life those nillas don't even notice it.
Ass slapping in doggy style possition is common practice. Holding one's hands above their head is also considered such. Movies, television shows and videos all hint at elements of BDSM, extreme kink and alternate forms of pleasure that we seem to take as second nature. And it begs the question of my post.

What is it do you think that sets us so much a part and into a different mindset that what we know and enjoy is perceived to be so alien and borderline fearful almost to the point of being considered threatening?
It's obvious those of the male persuasion who are threatened are simply tapping into the caveman madula oblongata (Waterboy flash back..laughs and ends digression)
and they feel I must be attempting to assert some alpha dog spot at the head of the pack, challanging their "right to mate" and step up the testosterone OR they aren't entirely assured of their own sexuality and feel that by standing too close to the edge they might fall in.
Or maybe it's the attention garnered by the act of something they don't know/fear and dilike the way women respond to it on a level they aren't able to connect with?

I look around and see that even the most headstrong Doms/Dommes as tough as they are have a distinct connection and understanding of not only their own emotions and desires but an acute perception to the feelings and desires of others that most nilla don't have or haven't developed yet.
It's as if we hold some secret to hot sex that "they" don't know about. And it simply isn't so.
Even as recently as this month I noticed a thread entitled (paraphrasing here) "How Does a Nilla Girl Turn Kinky?". Good question actually.
Obviously it's not something they are finding in the old stand-by Kama Sutra.
So what IS it about us that makes the hearts of subs in them flutter and beat while causing the less enlightened of them to fluster and rant? (in some cases, turning to violance on the one embodying the lifestyle)
As always, I turn to you A/all and pose the question. Perhaps share in your own personal experiences so that others here could benefit?

I am eager to see what this turns up.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure being part of the BDSM lifestyle in any form actually attracts any of the reactions you mentioned anymore than any other difference a person might exhibit such as dying their hair bright purple, or being loud and abusive etc. People react to difference simply because it is different to their realm of understanding and being. That all being said, we are not people who go out of our way to advertise we are part of the lifestyle so it doesn't really come up that often...no leather clothing, no floggers hanging from his belt etc., simply because that is not who we are. We are not ashamed or afraid of people knowing, but we just don't see it as anyone's business just as it is not their business to know what a person's favourite sexual position is, when they last had sex, with whom, how much money we have in the bank or earn etc. It doesn't define who we are, it just is.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I'm not sure being part of the BDSM lifestyle in any form actually attracts any of the reactions you mentioned anymore than any other difference a person might exhibit such as dying their hair bright purple, or being loud and abusive etc. People react to difference simply because it is different to their realm of understanding and being. That all being said, we are not people who go out of our way to advertise we are part of the lifestyle so it doesn't really come up that often...no leather clothing, no floggers hanging from his belt etc., simply because that is not who we are. We are not ashamed or afraid of people knowing, but we just don't see it as anyone's business just as it is not their business to know what a person's favourite sexual position is, when they last had sex, with whom, how much money we have in the bank or earn etc. It doesn't define who we are, it just is.

Catalina

Yeah, I don't have this problem very often because my close friends tend to be people who can handle diversity really well and when people can't I tend not to give out info that's not going to help me, or just brace for what's coming without being totally shocked by anything less than total understanding.

Frankly I'm not disappointed in people's conceptual distance from my sexuality when they're not remotely purporting to be in the same subculture or somehow simpatico. I don't think of the people who didn't get hit with the perv stick at birth as less enlightened either - I think a lot of the games I thrive on HAVE occurred to them, they're just not interested.

 

[twysted73]

.

Catalina

:: temp. self-hijack ::
Congratulations on your well deserved appointment. I was wondering if I might send you a question via pm about library organization and display properties?
I couldn't begin to guess where to look here and I thought perhaps it would best serve me to go directly to the source.

Thanks either way.

:: end aforementioned jacking ::

Hmm...was about to say "please continue" but thought I'd respond to Net's comment.

I see your point and how your experiences have spared you those negative reactions for the most part. I also see the benefits of ensuring a "need to know" status be applied to those whom you trust with your inclinations. And I am very much in accordance with said practice.
But here, on this point we differ. And that is in our expression. I don't flaunt it intentionally but I don't necessarily conceal it either. (nopt to imply you do)
On my left wrist is a leather bracer that I've worn for years in different reincarnations. (yes, leather worn daily gets pretty nasty after a while)
As Cat had mentioned it's not something she feels we should view with an elitist perspective. And I agree there as well.
I cannot begin to fathom why one who is descriminated against would turn and descriminate in return or even pre-emptively so. It would simply prove to continue the cycle of ignorance.
Ask anyone who's ever marched for something they believe in, right?

I don't believe in throwing it in the faces of others. But I do feel that by expressing it in a minor way such as the bracer allows for an opening should someone feel so inclined to ask thus enabling the potential for comversation and sharing of thoughts and ideas.
As Homburg swears, "Communication, Coimmunication, Communication".
(Boy I'm bringing everyone into this thing aren't I? Glad noone has a "tm" near their quotes.)

:: Rantus interruptus ::

 

[Netzach]

I can't understand how I could possibly be said to be hiding it or *not* expressing when I was willing to risk the flack that one entertains with a grey market economy job because I felt strongly about SM, access, sexual rights, and this subculture. I wasn't exactly living high on the hog as a professional, but I got to do and think about SM every single day - cool!

That I have avoided trouble is simply a fact of knowing when to be boring and a lot of luck. I've written about it, talked about it, and had dialogue about it whenever asked rather than not admitting anything - but I've never felt singled out or picked on in particular over being interested in SM. Maybe it's because I don't wear anything overt in public other than boots.

Over being bisexual, yes, over having multiple partners, yes, over being a sex worker, yes, but not over being into SM in itself. To ride me for it would mean that the person riding me would have to admit they're savvy and admit they know what I'm doing - ie. implicate themselves in admitting it exists.

I don't like that my sexuality presents risk to my reputation and livelihood across multiple aspects, but I don't especially think that the issue goes beyond that at all. I should basically be left alone, as should you, as should everyone. I simply don't find "vanilla" people across the board to be circumspect and clueless, full stop, its the power structures that they vote in, and frankly a lot of us voted those in too, so lie in the bed you make.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm pretty much where Netzach is in terms of flaunting, admitting, or not. From the beginning of our relationship when not covered in a rash I have worn a heavy leather collar as opposed to the often more preferred necklace or bracelet idea as a symbol of being owned. Thing is though, even though some have recognised it for what it was, like Netzach said, it then also identifies them as having some knowledge of the lifestyle as opposed to those who live blissfully unaware...it also is something I find easy enough to dismiss as a simple fashion accessory if he or I feels it would be less than sensible to start explaining its relevance. There are a multitude of people who wear collars and chokers simply as fashion statements, my daughter included, though she is also into D/s and SM.

The symbolism and wearing of it is for us, no-one else, and though he has been into BDSM for a very long time, sometimes in public spheres such as presenting workshops etc., it still comes back to no-one else's business but ours. We have never felt a need to put ourselves out there as representatives of the lifestyle to enlighten others, though if someone is genuinely interested in learning more we are willing to answer questions they may have, but usually avoid it. LOL, thankfully he is not inclined to carry that further in offering personal guidance or demonstrations, instead offering them other avenues of enlightenment if they ask for it. I guess we are just introverted that way.

Catalina

 

[madetotakeit]

Ask and ye shall receive...

I will disagree with Cat in reference to not being looked at any differently than having your hair dyed an unnatural color. My hair has been a veritable rainbow with all of its transformations over the years. I even at one point had jet black hair and would apply either royal blue or purple streaks to make it look like a comic book illustration (and no, drugs were not involved, I just thought it would be interesting to do.) The people in the city had grown accustomed to seeing the different ways my fellow art students and I expressed ourselves. I would regularly have conversations with my elderly neighbors and they would not so much as bat an eye at my appearance. They were desensitized by being exposed to it on a regular basis.

However, when I would go out and wear a choke chain as a necklace...then I would notice people taking second looks as I passed or avoiding eye contact altogether. You should see the reactions to a couple in full Goth regalia (which for me leaned more towards the BDSM side than the romantic vampire side) in a grocery store at 2 AM. Even before I even realized that I had this interest, my wardrobe included what falls into the stereotypical BDSM wardrobe. I had and still have a fondness for silver studs, grommets, etc on black leather...shoes, belts, jackets. You could walk into my room right now and without any effort find three belts and a pair of heels that fall into that category. What they understood as an expression of artistic minds did not bother them. Being unsure of what they were not made them uncomfortable.

I have long felt that people (in the U.S. at least) are guided as sheep to follow what is considered middle ground. The general masses should have their own version of the "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" sign except it should say "DO NOT UPSET THE STATUS QUO." What is unknown makes people uncomfortable. It makes them call into question their own standing in its regard. Not everyone desires to analyze themselves that deeply. It is better to self-repress rather than be one of the few standing in the spotlight. This country has a long standing policy of avoiding discussing something and believing it will just go away. Many schools teach abstinence rather than sex education afraid it will give teens ideas they weren't already preoccupied with. Churches teach no sex before marriage. How well are those two working out? If avoidance doesn't work out, there is always the tried and true fear factor. How many times have we heard of someone who lost their children because BDSM is part of their life? While we all know that being a good parent has nothing to do with any of the multitude of things practiced, but those who had the ruling voice did not.

Combine the puritanical attitude towards sex, misinformation about BDSM, and preference to play ostrich and you end up with a lot of confusion about us. BDSM is showing up more in the mainstream, but it is mostly as a character flaw. Find any criminal case where the person was involved in this lifestyle and suddenly the news runs with the S/M headline. Or at best it is shown in small amounts and placed to where you are directed to feel "naughty" being exposed to it.

As far as recognizing each other...I can't say I always have. Looking back I can see that what attracted me to certain men was that "Dom Spark," but at the time I thought it was simply something hormonal. I've probably missed some great opportunities in my life, but it was meant to happen when and with who it was meant to happen...everything for a reason. (No use crying over spilt milk or missed restraints.) I have had everything from the overt-a guy asking me on the dance floor if I had ever been collared-to the subtle-pulling my hair to check my reaction-when it comes to being recognized (and I was in "good girl" mode every time.) I have been mistaken for a Domme. Maybe it is the fact that sometimes I do wear something a little on the fetish side combined with a confident walk that gave these guys the idea that I would be the one who would want to be in control. Little did they know that with the right words, the right sound in the voice, the right look would spin me 180 to being the one being controlled, reveling in my sexuality, being bound, and...well, that's what a check list is for.

As for flaunting...I don't feel I do. I wouldn't avoid acknowledging it either. I am me. If somebody recognizes I'm a sub...okay, fine. I may at some point incorporate something that someone else in the lifestyle would recognize in my jewelry. If some day I am collared, I would have a "day" collar as well...simply because I am a private person, not because I am afraid of how others would react.

*Okay Twyst, there's my answer. I hope it covered your questions. BTW you owe me a hand massage. My fingers are cramping from all of this typing.*

 

[EmpressFi]

I mentioned this in another post, but the best example I can think of was at the Fetish Flea. I wasnt dressed "out there" as some were. I had a pair of jeans, a burgundy shirt.. and my collar, but the other people attending the other events at the civic center moved out of my way with the same, "oh god dont let it touch me" face as the guy wearing the wig and the light blue latex nurses uniform.

In my every day life, no one except those who know me would notice anything about me. I have a pinky ring and charm on my bracelet with cats because I'm his smitten kitten. I have a necklace that I use as my day collar. But that's it. Because I know they'd freak out, or just think I'm a freak.

I'm more of a, it's no one's business, but I'm not going to flaunt it, mindset

 

[catalina_francisco]

You should see the reactions to a couple in full Goth regalia (which for me leaned more towards the BDSM side than the romantic vampire side) in a grocery store at 2 AM.

LOL, I think you might be surprised....my daughter has been heavily goth for about 8-10 years now and is fortunate enough to have naturally pale skin to the point she doesn't need to find ways to whiten it for the image....sheeesh, should see the gigantuan boots in her goth bedroom (think there is a photo of it in the bedroom thread as it was before she added deep red velvet curtains) at the moment belonging to her goth friend/playmate....to drool for. Regardless, though she is more often than not in goth mode (usually more toward the Manson/Dita style though), her appearance doesn't usually draw stares from people, and when it does it is more the type people who find anything outside the mainstream urban look, odd or curious....or admiration. As far as I know no-one has ever stepped out of her or her friends way, or seemed horrified. She is also into SM, but her collection of chokers/collars are related to her goth lifestyle more than her SM one, thus why I say so many of these things do not automatically signify BDSM to people as they are accepted modes of dress for a variety of cultures and fashions. I think often people expect, sometimes even hope for attention, and when they notice a look, jump to conclusions that may not be entirely true and more curiosity than fear of someone possibly being into BDSM.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

I'm not sure I understand what the problem is.

 

[00Syd]

I live in New York City and I'm used to seeing all kinds. I look like I stepped out of the 60s and because of my fashion choice I get my fare share of stares and whispers. the other day two young ladies, around my age, passed me on the street and a few blocks later I noticed they were following me, apparently astounded by how I look. I'm an attention hog and don't mind the double takes or the bewildered looks, but the idea of adding anything to how I look that says, however quietly, BDSM really makes me nervous. I'm used to being stared at but those stares would be for a whole different reason that would make me blush.

I can admit that I'm just not very comfortable with my sexuality yet, but even when I become more comfortable I don't think its something I would want anyone to know about because of what its come to mean culturally.

I think I'm pretty open minded but no matter what I think about my self, other people will have different opinions. I don't want anyone looking at me with pity, or disgust, or whatever reaction they have to my sexuality.

Therefore, I keep it to myself.

 

[madetotakeit]

I think I'm pretty open minded but no matter what I think about my self, other people will have different opinions. I don't want anyone looking at me with pity, or disgust, or whatever reaction they have to my sexuality.

Therefore, I keep it to myself.

I am not the type to seek out attention or threaten anybody's comfort. (Okay, I had my moments, but it was the 80's-90's for chrissake.) However, I am also not going to restrain myself out of fear of what others may or may not think. I do not worry that some may look at me with pity or disgust. The thought to do so never even crosses my mind. The only opinions I care about are mine and the person I am with. Everyone else can deal with their own insecurities or problems on their own time. Any self-censorship comes from the fact that I am simply a private person. I'm comfortable with my sexuality and enjoying the ideas of the possibilities more every day. Hopefully you will come to that point in your life as well.

 

[00Syd]

I am not the type to seek out attention or threaten anybody's comfort. (Okay, I had my moments, but it was the 80's-90's for chrissake.) However, I am also not going to restrain myself out of fear of what others may or may not think. I do not worry that some may look at me with pity or disgust. The thought to do so never even crosses my mind. The only opinions I care about are mine and the person I am with. Everyone else can deal with their own insecurities or problems on their own time. Any self-censorship comes from the fact that I am simply a private person. I'm comfortable with my sexuality and enjoying the ideas of the possibilities more every day. Hopefully you will come to that point in your life as well.

I'm working on it. I think mostly I just don't want to ever be in a position where I have to explain myself.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm not sure if I'm reading this thread right, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. The problem is that people put themselves out there in a way that they know will make others uncomfortable and/or attract undue negative attention to them. Then, they get annoyed because others are uncomfortable and/or give them negative attention.

Huh?

 

[Stegral]

my 2 cents.

I think it is the unknown.
It could also be the way it is presented.
Think of the way movies portray BDSM.
1/2 are so off the wall I know "lifestylers" just about piss themselves laughing.
I have to laugh when someone starts citing 9 & 1/2 weeks or sleeping with the enemy as "hardcore stuff" type movies...
I was at a play party in my leathers when one of the girls needed something from the drugstore. She didn't drive, her Mistress was blocked in, most others were occupied or not on as close a level as I with them was so I donned my long trenchcoat & headed out at about 11PM on a saturday night.
Bear in mind I wear my leather "chokers" to work all the time, I braid leather & most ppl that looked at my back in the summer when I wa swearing muscle shirts saw some of the play marks at some time I am certain. My job allows me the freedom comparable to aforementioned art student
But back to the night in question...
I arrived at the store in my Domme gear with cloth trench over it.
Albiet it didn't close well so my leather skirt (danier leather), leather vest (motorcycle shop) Goth knee boots & fishnet might have been seen if you were looking... my 8 strand braided black leather collar is what people first saw. it is about 2 inches thick. I know my boots clomping didn't help being un-noticed either (thank gods I didn't have my thigh high spike heels on...)
They security guard took quite a notice, but most others didn't even turn a head. I know when I wear my leathers I feel more bold & have an "I really don't give a fuck what you think" attitude & maybe I perpetuated the whole scary image by accident...
I know 2 years ago my attitude was totally a 180 flip...
I went to a fetish ball out of spite & other issues & it turned on the lightbulb.
I have never been happier or more confident in my life.

Maybe it is the power the lifestyle harness's that scares them...
P.S. anyone that smacks me in any way ass or otherwise will have bones broken...
I do NOT enjoy percussion at all !!! If anything I panic.

 

[madetotakeit]

I'm not sure if I'm reading this thread right, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. The problem is that people put themselves out there in a way that they know will make others uncomfortable and/or attract undue negative attention to them. Then, they get annoyed because others are uncomfortable and/or give them negative attention.

Huh?

If I Am understanding Twyst correctly I believe he is wanting theories on why the people are uncomfortable not just the fact that they are.

 

[EmpressFi]

Why are people uncomfortable? Because they're taught that it's "weird" or "dirty".. or in some cases, that we're mentally unstable.

Hell at the fair some woman looked at us walking by and said to her husband, "See.. there is the reason for the downfall of our community."

It's a reason as old as mankind itself. If we dont understand it, we dont like it and we stomp it out. Different is bad and must be erradicated

 

[DeservingBitch]

Admittedly, the world I live in is quite open and progressive. I could probably go teach in full leather outfit (if I had a full leather outfit) without getting any grievance for it, and most of my friends are social outcast in some way or another. I also have the most 'vanilla' body possible: no ink, no piercing, no branding, nothing.

But even within that context, I don't see how being kinky or into SM would be a cause for trouble or odd looks for the simple fact that I don't carry a flogger around anymore than I carry my dildo around. This is not 'hiding' -- this is me not wanting to share how I fuck with everyone.

And frankly, not feeling safe holding my (imaginary) girlfriend's hand in public or being threatened with rape by white boys who disapprove of me having a brown partner matter much more to me than the random odd looks I may get from walking around in full SM gear on my way to a party.

 

[madetotakeit]

And frankly, not feeling safe holding my (imaginary) girlfriend's hand in public or being threatened with rape by white boys who disapprove of me having a brown partner matter much more to me than the random odd looks I may get from walking around in full SM gear on my way to a party.

Admittedly, these are true concerns rather than worrying how somebody thinks of your BDSM proclivities.

*Love the new AV btw*

 

[DeservingBitch]

If I Am understanding Twyst correctly I believe he is wanting theories on why the people are uncomfortable not just the fact that they are.

Ohhhhh.

I could go all theoretical on you all, but others before me have summarized the bulk of it already: difference is threatening.

Most people believe that there's only one way of being -- and there's an entire system and culture that is there reinforcing this understanding of the world. Difference can only be threatening from this perspective. Because difference is not only difference: it is something that puts into question and challenges our way of being. In a mental framework where there is place for only one way of being, for only one perspective, difference is necessarily and fundamentally threatening. Difference is a threat to our very existence.

And how do we deal with something that threaten our being? Assimilate or kill.

 

[madetotakeit]

Difference is a threat to our very existence.

And how do we deal with something that threaten our being? Assimilate or kill.

It's a reason as old as mankind itself. If we dont understand it, we dont like it and we stomp it out. Different is bad and must be erradicated

This is true in every society be it man or beast. Just a little side observation...isn't it interesting that the above statements are true...full of violence to its finality and yet so many condemn BDSM because they label it as being violent?

 

[DeservingBitch]

Admittedly, these are true concerns rather than worrying how somebody thinks of your BDSM proclivities.

*Love the new AV btw*

Just in case, I'm not trying to play the 'more oppressed than you' card here. And I do think that our society's fucked up relation with sexuality is involved in both the prejudice against BDSM and homophobia, so it's not as if those two don't have some similarities.

But maybe because I'm not interested in my neighbour's sexuality anymore than I'm interested in sharing mine with them, I've never considered BDSM a source of problems in my life.

ETA: glad you like the av!

 

[madetotakeit]

Just in case, I'm not trying to play the 'more oppressed than you' card here. And I do think that our society's fucked up relation with sexuality is involved in both the prejudice against BDSM and homophobia, so it's not as if those two don't have some similarities.

But maybe because I'm not interested in my neighbour's sexuality anymore than I'm interested in sharing mine with them, I've never considered BDSM a source of problems in my life.

ETA: glad you like the av!

Society's attitude toward sexuality is one of walking around with blinders on. It is the root of many prejudices. Close minded people feel the need to concern themselves with what others find enjoyable and feel superior in some way.
The whole "I may do this, but at least I don'tdo that. " attitude. Why worry about the opinions of people of that ilk? I will do what I find enjoyable and my partner finds enjoyable and the rest be damned.

That said...anyone who equates what DB's concerns are with worrying about how somebody reacts to BDSM is maybe a bit shortsighted. Homophobia and racial prejudice have a history of bringing out violence in those who are least capable of controlling it. I have never heard of anyone being killed for wearing a collar or cuff.

 

[Guest]

My opinion, for what's it's worth, is that it has deep roots in xenophobia... fear of strangers.

10,000 years ago we were living in little tribal groups, and our own group meant safety. It meant survival. Our own group was the most imortant thing in the world.

We didn't have a whole lot of contact with other tribal groups. When we did, it might be friendly or it could be very threatening. Probably turned on the old "fight or flight" response. Way down under that big cortex we're all so proud of is the limbic system... and we share THAT part of our brains in common with reptiles. Reptiles deal with danger in one of two ways: they get ready to fight or run. Period.

Back then, we tended to treat "outsiders" with suspicion and even fear until we got to know them and to be able to trust them.

10,000 years is an eyeblink in evolutionary terms. Today, [WARNING: generalization coming] we still gravitate to our own groups, people like us in some significant respect and with whom we feel comfortable. We STILL tend to view those significantly different from ourselves with suspicion, and fear, until we get to know them.

It's an animal thing. Give us another 10,000 years and maybe we'll grow out of it.

 

[twysted73]

I'm not sure if I'm reading this thread right, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. The problem is that people put themselves out there in a way that they know will make others uncomfortable and/or attract undue negative attention to them. Then, they get annoyed because others are uncomfortable and/or give them negative attention.

Huh?

It started as "why do you, as the reader, feel Vanilla people don't/can't/aren't able to comprehend that we aren't any different then they except for the fact we've been in tune with our own desires and acted upon them to their fullfillment. 9any experiences? Recolections? Stories where you found yourself aiding someone to see the direction inwhich you were coming from, etc.
I listed a few things (mild spanking during sex, light restraint during sex) that they already enjoy and use second nature yet condemn us for taking the next step.

I wouldn't say I pity vanilla people. That's far too condescending a term or train of thought.
But I do feel that they're allowing upbringing, societal rules and guidelines to dictate their personal enjoyment (a majority, but not all). And I simply want them to feel the joy and the connection and the feeling of contentment and peace that I feel having left those psychological trappings behind me.
I feel like I'm coming off as a misguided hippie in a commune.
I know there isn't a utopia to be found in the lifestyle. (you must find your own path to it I think)
But I suppose I've seen more then my fair share of repressed individuals whom my perceptions pegged as curious but far too hessitant for whatever reason. (religion, upbringing, parental guidance, pyl)

And I feel gays and lesbians had it right when they refused to hide and conform to the will of the masses.
These days you aren't a real male interior decorator, hair stylist or art/food/anything critic if you're heterosexual.

(that was a very general, popular perception not meant to offend. I actually meant it as a valid point. A compliment. I admire their resolve. Why should anyone feel forced to hide who they are unless it's a simple matter or preference not to? I respect that choice as well)