maybe I am just a slut

[the captians wench]

I've had 3 dates with 3 different guys in the past month or so, and 2 of them ended up naked in my bed with in 12 hours of meeting me.

The first one I had talked to for a while, and I pretty much knew he was going to be sharing my bed that first night I met him. But the second on, the second guy I tried to be "the good girl" with, he made it very difficult and even commented on how he could tell I was restraining myself and how much I wanted to be a "good girl" for him. He backed off a bit after that, but I ended up meeting him after I got off work 9 hours later.

The third guy is the only reason why I think I must have some standards. This kid was a hng in living form. I realized very quickly that the whole meeting was about getting to "slap me around a bit". Poor kid, he was really sweet but had no since of class and actually managed to turn me off (I thought that was impossible).

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just a bit frustrated because guy number 2 has kept minimal contact with me and I really do believe that it is because he is busy balancing a profession and 2 kids along with some personal time, but there's that little bit of insecurity that pops in my head and wonders if maybe he does have some other interest, and/or maybe he's only interested in me when his right hand is giving him the silent treatment. But then he does things like asks me about my brother, and my other relationship, and things that I have expressed concern about that I forgot I even told him about.

Maybe I'm being too needy too soon.

bah! I just needed to get some things out.

 

[Chicklet]

SLUT!

j/k

I say if you have fun in a safe way, no terms about it ought to stop you!

Embrace your slutdom, and continue to enjoy yourself with as many dates as you can get! whee!

 

[graceanne]

This is the 21st century. Most people don't consider you a slut for sleeping with two attractive guys. If you're that worried, maybe you should ask yourself instead what your boundary's are, and go from there.

 

[Essene]

Sluts have way more fun than non-sluts.

Clearly you have boundaries and standards - hence losing the HNG. Just relax be safe and ultimately have fun.

(Guy #2 sounds like he may just need more time or space due to family and work IMO, but if he's seems genuinely interested in your life, then I think he may be a keeper. Just make sure you get your needs met. He may be great, but if he likes you, and unfortunately has no time for you then it's an issue.)

 

[h_i_s]

Nothing wrong with that...

I've had 3 dates with 3 different guys in the past month or so, and 2 of them ended up naked in my bed with in 12 hours of meeting me.

The first one I had talked to for a while, and I pretty much knew he was going to be sharing my bed that first night I met him. But the second on, the second guy I tried to be "the good girl" with, he made it very difficult and even commented on how he could tell I was restraining myself and how much I wanted to be a "good girl" for him. He backed off a bit after that, but I ended up meeting him after I got off work 9 hours later.

The third guy is the only reason why I think I must have some standards. This kid was a hng in living form. I realized very quickly that the whole meeting was about getting to "slap me around a bit". Poor kid, he was really sweet but had no since of class and actually managed to turn me off (I thought that was impossible).

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just a bit frustrated because guy number 2 has kept minimal contact with me and I really do believe that it is because he is busy balancing a profession and 2 kids along with some personal time, but there's that little bit of insecurity that pops in my head and wonders if maybe he does have some other interest, and/or maybe he's only interested in me when his right hand is giving him the silent treatment. But then he does things like asks me about my brother, and my other relationship, and things that I have expressed concern about that I forgot I even told him about.

Maybe I'm being too needy too soon.

bah! I just needed to get some things out.

You're an adult.
If it makes you happy, go for it & to hell with anyone who tries to stop you or judges you, etc ect.

Psst.. protect your health, of course.. other than that ... go for it.
Life's too short to live by other peoples' standards.

Men have been acting like sluts for ages. Some woman should step up to the plate and show them how to do it right. I'd do it ...... but, hey I'm just not allowed.

 

[JMohegan]

I agree with Chicklet. If multiple encounters in record time make you happy, then go for it!

But -

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just a bit frustrated because guy number 2 has kept minimal contact with me and I really do believe that it is because he is busy balancing a profession and 2 kids along with some personal time, but there's that little bit of insecurity that pops in my head and wonders if maybe he does have some other interest, and/or maybe he's only interested in me when his right hand is giving him the silent treatment. But then he does things like asks me about my brother, and my other relationship, and things that I have expressed concern about that I forgot I even told him about.

Maybe I'm being too needy too soon.

This makes me think that guy #2 is what you really want to talk about here. Is that right?

 

[intothewoods]

I would say go for it, but you don't sound happy, wench.

What is bothering you?

 

[the captians wench]

I agree with Chicklet. If multiple encounters in record time make you happy, then go for it!

But -

This makes me think that guy #2 is what you really want to talk about here. Is that right?

Yeah, maybe that is more my issue.

I've kind of been avoiding it, avoiding my feelings and trying not to feel anything. I guess partially it's because I'm afraid to be hurt again, or perhaps I'm afraid that I'll have to give up something that I don't want to. I want him to pay attention to me constantly, but I don't want to want him as much as I do at the same time. After knowing me 3 days he talked about owning me, and asked if I would like a collar when I saw him next. That scared the crap out of me! On the one hand he can offer everything I have always wanted and dreamt about (if he's still offering it since I told him it was a little soon to be thinking about collars), and I'm falling for him already, but I don't know if I really am falling for him, or the idea of him. The majority of me says it's too soon, pace yourself, the rest of me wants to do things like I always do and jump in with both feet. And then there's the other part that wants to keep looking for some one who will actually be able to put the time into me that I really want (which I sometimes think is nearly impossible).

So I don't know. I want to know how interested he is, but then I don't want to make a decision of how interested I am, based on how interested he is. And then I wonder even if I am interested, is he really going to be able to put the time into me that I need, let alone what I want. Two men in my life here, and one across the ocean and I still feel attention starved.

I know this is new, and I don't have the most accommodating schedule either, so coordinating a busy job and two kids, with a schedule that's sporadic at best is just a nightmare.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Two men in my life here, and one across the ocean and I still feel attention starved.

hehe

Theres nuthing like a full time attention, love and care of someone indeed. I understand the way you feel quite well and I would say eynoy what you can! Keep it safe, watch out not to get hurt again, but have fun. Give it a try and you might find out what you're looking for. In other case you will just have a good company and fun for a while at least.

I hope it will all go well for you Wenchie!

*lots of hugs from another attention whore *

 

[JMohegan]

Yeah, maybe that is more my issue.

I've kind of been avoiding it, avoiding my feelings and trying not to feel anything. I guess partially it's because I'm afraid to be hurt again, or perhaps I'm afraid that I'll have to give up something that I don't want to. I want him to pay attention to me constantly, but I don't want to want him as much as I do at the same time. After knowing me 3 days he talked about owning me, and asked if I would like a collar when I saw him next. That scared the crap out of me! On the one hand he can offer everything I have always wanted and dreamt about (if he's still offering it since I told him it was a little soon to be thinking about collars), and I'm falling for him already, but I don't know if I really am falling for him, or the idea of him. The majority of me says it's too soon, pace yourself, the rest of me wants to do things like I always do and jump in with both feet. And then there's the other part that wants to keep looking for some one who will actually be able to put the time into me that I really want (which I sometimes think is nearly impossible).

So I don't know. I want to know how interested he is, but then I don't want to make a decision of how interested I am, based on how interested he is. And then I wonder even if I am interested, is he really going to be able to put the time into me that I need, let alone what I want. Two men in my life here, and one across the ocean and I still feel attention starved.

I know this is new, and I don't have the most accommodating schedule either, so coordinating a busy job and two kids, with a schedule that's sporadic at best is just a nightmare.

Three days? That sounds very fast, I agree.

The part I've underlined seems as if it might be very insightful, and what you describe as "the majority of me" sounds like a person with a lot of common sense.

Wench, I'm confused about something. What do you mean when you say you have *two* men in your life? Who is the "one across the ocean"?

 

[FurryFury]

It's much easier to fall in love or lust with your idea of a person than it is with the actual person. It's good you are asking these questions.

As for sex, so what? You are an adult. If you are using safety rules it's all good IMO.

Having someone across the ocean AND someone local can be confusing as hell.

Anyway, keep asking questions, not just of yourself or us here at Lit but also of these perspective dreams of Doms.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I shouldn't have read this thread so late in the day. I'm so tired I can't think of what (good) advice to give you. Be safe, have fun & I wish you LOTS of luck. I'll try to post something more coherent later. ((hugs))

 

[ShyVixen]

Firstly, you are not a slut. Don't be too hard on yourself for making certain choices. As long as you are happy with your decisions and stay safe, there is no need to be thinking you are a slut!

Yeah, maybe that is more my issue.

I've kind of been avoiding it, avoiding my feelings and trying not to feel anything. I guess partially it's because I'm afraid to be hurt again, or perhaps I'm afraid that I'll have to give up something that I don't want to. I want him to pay attention to me constantly, but I don't want to want him as much as I do at the same time. After knowing me 3 days he talked about owning me, and asked if I would like a collar when I saw him next. That scared the crap out of me! On the one hand he can offer everything I have always wanted and dreamt about (if he's still offering it since I told him it was a little soon to be thinking about collars), and I'm falling for him already, but I don't know if I really am falling for him, or the idea of him. The majority of me says it's too soon, pace yourself, the rest of me wants to do things like I always do and jump in with both feet.

I can completely understand your train of thought. When I'm afraid of 'feeling' I usually run for the hills. Rather than risk getting hurt, I tend to turn on my heels and run. It's a very big thing to put yourself out there and take that risk.

And then there's the other part that wants to keep looking for some one who will actually be able to put the time into me that I really want (which I sometimes think is nearly impossible).
So I don't know. I want to know how interested he is, but then I don't want to make a decision of how interested I am, based on how interested he is. And then I wonder even if I am interested, is he really going to be able to put the time into me that I need, let alone what I want.

Again, I completely understand. I'm an attention whore. lol If I can make time out of my busy schedule to be thinking/ talking to the person I'm interested in, and if they share a mutual interest, I damn well want the attention returned. It's a difficult decision to make. I would say take things slowly and see where they go, but that kind of patience drives me crazy, especially if I've become attached to someone quickly (seems like you have with this guy).

Someone gave me a wonderful piece of advice: If he's not going to prioritise you now, he's not going to do it in two months, six months etc etc. Is it worth waiting around for him to be something he's not?

But then again, it is very early days with you. So who knows? I'll stop rambling now!

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

And when did being a slut become a bad thing?

If you are happy, safe, and having fun, then enjoy, if you are struggling with it, break down what bothers you, and understand that.

Some of my slave's happiest moments are when I am calling her my slut!

"Am I gay, am I straight? Then I realized, I'm just a slut, where's my parade? What about Slut Pride??"
--Margaret Cho

 

[the captians wench]

Three days? That sounds very fast, I agree.

The part I've underlined seems as if it might be very insightful, and what you describe as "the majority of me" sounds like a person with a lot of common sense.

Wench, I'm confused about something. What do you mean when you say you have *two* men in your life? Who is the "one across the ocean"?

Wow JM you haven't been keeping up *giggles*.

Jounar and I patched things up, he's my love across the ocean. Then I have a *some what* stable relationship here, and then the new guy. If you had PMs or an email, I'd fill you in a bit more clearly.

I think he's (the new guy) is afraid that I'm going to run off on him. While I was adoring him the first time, he made a comment "You are such a sweet pet, I can't believe no one has snapped you up" to which I replied "they have, they just share". He also made a comment the last time he was here that while he has no problems with my other relationship and I need not tell him anything about that, he would like to know before I go out with some one else. This makes since to me, if him and I have any regular involvement then it's just safe for him to know when I'm messing around. But then I wonder if I'm just rationalizing things because I like him.

 

[the captians wench]

And when did being a slut become a bad thing?

If you are happy, safe, and having fun, then enjoy, if you are struggling with it, break down what bothers you, and understand that.

Some of my slave's happiest moments are when I am calling her my slut!

Ah see, and that little "my" makes all the difference in the world.

I love being called "my slut" and "my whore" but when that "my" is attached to it, I don't feel like a real slut.

And I'm pretty sure I know why I'm feeling like I'm such a slut. It's because these wankers keep disapearing on me! I know I have a hard time keeping my hormones in check, but if I like the guy, then I usually don't feel guilty about bedding him quickly, until I don't hear from him for a period of time. Then I wonder if he liked me, or if getting under my skirt was the only goal.

 

[rida]

....
I think he's (the new guy) is afraid that I'm going to run off on him. While I was adoring him the first time, he made a comment "You are such a sweet pet, I can't believe no one has snapped you up" to which I replied "they have, they just share". He also made a comment the last time he was here that while he has no problems with my other relationship and I need not tell him anything about that, he would like to know before I go out with some one else. This makes since to me, if him and I have any regular involvement then it's just safe for him to know when I'm messing around. But then I wonder if I'm just rationalizing things because I like him.

First of all: what's wrong with being a slut if you are enjoying it? It is your life and since you are not hurting anybody ... what's the problem?

As for the new guy, I get the sense that you are indeed falling fast and hard for this one. I can relate very well as I tend to fall fast and hard myself.
And than the self-doubting starts: it is him I like/love or the idea of him? is he really how I see him, or am I being blind to reality and fooling myself?? and if he really his what I think he is ... am I ready for it???

Add to this the poly situation and the fact that he seems to be accepting your original arrangements but somewhat hoping to keep you from adding new people and you have more questions: if he asks me, am I ready/willing to give up on any new play-partner? And what if he asks to quit the LDR?? And what if I don't accept his request and I lose him and he was the One??? and what if I accept and he turns out to be an ass and I am left on my ass????

Sorry if I am adding questions instead of giving answers ... sometime formulating the right question helps find the right answer.

And if I am totally off the mark ... just skip to the next post.

 

[the captians wench]

First of all: what's wrong with being a slut if you are enjoying it? It is your life and since you are not hurting anybody ... what's the problem?

As for the new guy, I get the sense that you are indeed falling fast and hard for this one. I can relate very well as I tend to fall fast and hard myself.
And than the self-doubting starts: it is him I like/love or the idea of him? is he really how I see him, or am I being blind to reality and fooling myself?? and if he really his what I think he is ... am I ready for it???

Add to this the poly situation and the fact that he seems to be accepting your original arrangements but somewhat hoping to keep you from adding new people and you have more questions: if he asks me, am I ready/willing to give up on any new play-partner? And what if he asks to quit the LDR?? And what if I don't accept his request and I lose him and he was the One??? and what if I accept and he turns out to be an ass and I am left on my ass????

Sorry if I am adding questions instead of giving answers ... sometime formulating the right question helps find the right answer.

And if I am totally off the mark ... just skip to the next post.

OMG THAT'S IT!

Except that I believe if he is "the one" he won't ask me to give up my ldr. But what worries me more is that he'll want one, which is only fair, but....I don't want to share!

 

[rida]

OMG THAT'S IT!

Except that I believe if he is "the one" he won't ask me to give up my ldr. But what worries me more is that he'll want one, which is only fair, but....I don't want to share!

Glad I was not off the mark

The part about the LDR and him wanting one ... you probably can leave that worry for later (although thinking why you wouldn't want to share him is a good thing). But as I tend to worry way to early for way to many things myself, I know it is easier said than done ...

 

[intothewoods]

Oy. The One? Here's the thing about bedding down quickly. You don't know if they like you for you, or just want to get in your pants. If it's the latter, and that's all you want too, no problem. But if you'll be upset if they don't call, you might want to reconsider the timing. Good luck, wench.

 

[JMohegan]

Wow JM you haven't been keeping up *giggles*.

Jounar and I patched things up, he's my love across the ocean. Then I have a *some what* stable relationship here, and then the new guy. If you had PMs or an email, I'd fill you in a bit more clearly.

You're right, I missed that news. Sorry, Wench - I only read a small portion of what's written on this board.

Thanks for the update. I'm not trying to pry, just looking for a general idea of what you're dealing with here.

I think he's (the new guy) is afraid that I'm going to run off on him. While I was adoring him the first time, he made a comment "You are such a sweet pet, I can't believe no one has snapped you up" to which I replied "they have, they just share". He also made a comment the last time he was here that while he has no problems with my other relationship and I need not tell him anything about that, he would like to know before I go out with some one else. This makes since to me, if him and I have any regular involvement then it's just safe for him to know when I'm messing around. But then I wonder if I'm just rationalizing things because I like him.

I honestly don't know what to say in response to this. Not because I think it's somehow wrong, but simply because I can't relate to the scenario you are presenting.

Sharing would be a deal-killer for me personally. My mind, heart, and cock just don't work that way.

I love being called "my slut" and "my whore" but when that "my" is attached to it, I don't feel like a real slut.

And I'm pretty sure I know why I'm feeling like I'm such a slut. It's because these wankers keep disapearing on me! I know I have a hard time keeping my hormones in check, but if I like the guy, then I usually don't feel guilty about bedding him quickly, until I don't hear from him for a period of time. Then I wonder if he liked me, or if getting under my skirt was the only goal.

When I was in college, dating was all about sexual conquest for me. Bedding her quickly was the goal, and then I'd move on.

Moving on didn't mean I disliked the women I slept with. It just meant that I wasn't interested in a relationship at that time. And whether or not a woman wanted a relationship was irrelevant to me when she neither asked for nor insisted upon it as a prerequisite for getting laid.

 

[JMohegan]

Here's the thing about bedding down quickly. You don't know if they like you for you, or just want to get in your pants.

This is something I will never understand about women.

You're wondering if he likes you "for you"? How is this even a question? If your time together is measured in hours, how the heck could he even know who "you" really are?

And for that matter, how the heck do you know who he really is? In such a short time frame, could you honestly say you "like him for him"?

 

[Netzach]

Speaking as a slut collector into sharing, I can see a little of his reservation, because I honestly think that *my* attention is maxed at 3 - one quotidian, one weekly, one LDR.

I could probably do some very friendly shallow sex with other people, but it would have to be mellow and with people with other things to do, willing to be friends with me with or without the fucking. Nothing I'm desperate to add to my life, but a "would be nice if it happens."

I can see that he might be thinking "if she keeps adding, where the hell would I fit?" If he's that interested.

 

[intothewoods]

This is something I will never understand about women.

You're wondering if he likes you "for you"? How is this even a question? If your time together is measured in hours, how the heck could he even know who "you" really are?

And for that matter, how the heck do you know who he really is? In such a short time frame, could you honestly say you "like him for him"?

I agree, I was just trying to be diplomatic.

 

[BiBunny]

Oy. The One? Here's the thing about bedding down quickly. You don't know if they like you for you, or just want to get in your pants. If it's the latter, and that's all you want too, no problem. But if you'll be upset if they don't call, you might want to reconsider the timing. Good luck, wench.

Well, you're actually right, but I wanna play the devil's advocate for a moment.

In my life, I've had three what you'd call "serious" relationships. In every one of those, I slept with the guy on the first date. With the last one, we had sex the first time we met. (Yes, I'm a slut. ) Not to say that men don't necessarily think this way, but just because a girl hops in bed with him too quickly doesn't mean that the chances of him actually liking her in a relationship-type way are automatically flushed down the toilet.

Though it could be that I just get involved with some unusual men.