New To Bdsm
- Thread starter BABii_C
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VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Posts
- 6,521
You might want to be more specific if you want advice that's relevant to you. If you are submissive or dominant or both/switch then say so please because it's really hard to give an over-view to someone who has no personal perspective. This site allows anonymous exploration into things like BDSM, take advantage of that.
EmpressFi
Mama Bear
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2006
- Posts
- 4,622
But dominants have a reason ... their pleasure..
All that aside.. I'd agree.. read more and formulate more specific questions. Dominance and submission isnt about who's being "mean" and who's being "nice". I crave to serve.. and honestly, it bleeds over to most people. Much to my husband's frustration, I usually put other people's desires/wants/needs above my own. It's something that is inside me. My dominant, my Master isnt mean to me. He cares about me, but also controls me. He wouldnt have me do something that would hurt me permanently. But if it's something he wants, needs, desires, it's my pleasure to bring it to him... and that ranges to cold diet pepsi without asking to kneeling at his feet in submission
All that aside.. I'd agree.. read more and formulate more specific questions. Dominance and submission isnt about who's being "mean" and who's being "nice". I crave to serve.. and honestly, it bleeds over to most people. Much to my husband's frustration, I usually put other people's desires/wants/needs above my own. It's something that is inside me. My dominant, my Master isnt mean to me. He cares about me, but also controls me. He wouldnt have me do something that would hurt me permanently. But if it's something he wants, needs, desires, it's my pleasure to bring it to him... and that ranges to cold diet pepsi without asking to kneeling at his feet in submission
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Frosty_Dom
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2007
- Posts
- 13
Like the person before i`d recommend you perhaps look into it a little more. Read some stories, there`s loads out there and you`ll soon find that it`s far from mean!!
Frosty
Frosty
Byakuya
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2007
- Posts
- 757
CTYankee
H of H Handyman
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2007
- Posts
- 3,281
Look deep inside yourself & tell us what you find attractive or exciting about that idea.
Are there specific things you hope a man might do to you -- things that you can't quite come right out and *ask* for? But it would be OK if "you weren't in control"? Is abdicating all responsibility & control liberating?
Is it the physical sensation of pain that excites you? (Knowing and trusting, however, that your partner won't ever *really* hurt you in a lasting way?)
Does your vision of BDSM include a dominant stranger? Or are you attracted to the idea of finding someone that you love and trust so completely that you can completely and utterly surrender -- both mind *and* body?
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,253
Hey, let's face it: if one's idea of BDSM is "the one who's mean" and "the other one," then the things you've said are kinda superfluous, yanno?
CTYankee
H of H Handyman
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2007
- Posts
- 3,281
Just trying to help her begin to think it through for herself.
I'd wager that many/most of us at age 18 had difficulty articulating what excited us or why.
nh23
Daddy's chunky monkey. :)
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2007
- Posts
- 3,591
Research, research, research. There is a vast amount of knowledge to be had on these boards alone. I would recommend that you learn a lot more about this lifestyle before you jump in with both feet.
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2005
- Posts
- 29,460
Warning: The above poster is a bullshit artist and IMO not a Dom of any sort.
If you are for real and truly want to learn about BDSM, this is a great place to start.
It is sometimes difficult for new posters to know who is an Asshat and who is not.
Here are some clues:
Demands proof you are a woman.
Demands nude picture.
Demands phone number, online cam time, real name, address . . .
Makes any demands before getting to know you, asking what you think, what your limits might be or having civil conversation.
Be careful who you trust with your time and what information you give out.
I will say there are some people who enjoy giving and/or receiving pain senstaion as much as you might enjoy say a steamy kiss. Others who are into BDSM are not into pain. BDSM is a rather large umbrella term for what could be endless activities that may or may not have to do with pain.
Learning about BDSM can be a wonderful journey or a bull shit pitted road depending on how much restraint, safety and common sense you use.
Good luck.
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Adakgirl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 6, 2006
- Posts
- 6,285
You can also go on Paltalk.com and go into some of the Adult BDSM rooms, observe and ask questions, there are a lot of r/t people there who have been in this lifestyle for many many years. There are also on-line "players" who have no r/t experience. Both kinds can help, but everyone who has Master in their nic are not necessarily a Master. Just be respectful at all times, ask if you can ask some questions, then go for it. This is sometimes a faster way to learn because you are right there with them asking questions and getting immediate responses. Also, there is a wealth of info about this lifestyle on the net, just google it up. The Castle Realm is one popular site. You have to start somewhere, read up.
smotherman
Ass-phyxiation
- Joined
- May 7, 2005
- Posts
- 37,182
If her perception of BDSM is "the one who's mean" and "the other one". She has a long road ahead of her and I don't think she's going to make it.
Sad, people still think BDSM is about being mean, hurting someone.
Sad, people still think BDSM is about being mean, hurting someone.
VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Posts
- 6,521
anIrishcharmer
Virgin
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2007
- Posts
- 19
I must say i can sympathize with miss C. I was recently 'introduced' to the lifestyle (not like that, she has a husband) by a friend of mine, but have never participated in any way. The more she and I talk about it the more it facinates me, but I dont think I could ever bring myself to talk about those kinds of feelings/fanatasies with the people I am around on a daily basis. I think it is one of the reasons I have been drivin here. The anonymity of the boards makes is safer to talk to complete strangers about things you wouldn't or can't do with people close to you.
recently i've been surfing around the threads here trying to understand more about BDSM and other 'alternative' forms of sexuality.
If anyone wants to direct me more specifically I would be most appreciative.
recently i've been surfing around the threads here trying to understand more about BDSM and other 'alternative' forms of sexuality.
If anyone wants to direct me more specifically I would be most appreciative.
Warning: The above poster is a bullshit artist and IMO not a Dom of any sort.
If you are for real and truly want to learn about BDSM, this is a great place to start.
It is sometimes difficult for new posters to know who is an Asshat and who is not.
Here are some clues:
Demands proof you are a woman.
Demands nude picture.
Demands phone number, online cam time, real name, address . . .
Makes any demands before getting to know you, asking what you think, what your limits might be or having civil conversation.
Be careful who you trust with your time and what information you give out.
I will say there are some people who enjoy giving and/or receiving pain senstaion as much as you might enjoy say a steamy kiss. Others who are into BDSM are not into pain. BDSM is a rather large umbrella term for what could be endless activities that may or may not have to do with pain.
Learning about BDSM can be a wonderful journey or a bull shit pitted road depending on how much restraint, safety and common sense you use.
Good luck.
thanks very much for all your information
