Help me figure out how to get this girl to go out with me..

[hazard1]

I worked at a casino for about three months and I met this girl who also worked there. She was always doing/saying little things that made me think she like me, but I wasn't for sure. Like if I would walk by her and she was busy she would wink at me and she was always calling me "boo". Anyways, I finally get up enough courage to ask her out and she smiles and says, "well I'm kind of with someone" and I say, "you're not going to give me a chance?" She just shakes her head and smiles. So a couple of days go by and I see her again and ask her if she'll give me one shot, she doesn't say a word just shakes her head and keeps walking. Now when I try to talk to her she kind of acts like she's annoyed with me, but she's always looking at me still. So, it's been driving me crazy and a co-worker of mine went up to her and asked her out and she told him she didn't date, period. Why the two different answers? Now another co-worker of mine, my buddy, goes up to and asks her if she likes me. She says she does but hasn't been feeling well. I pretty sure she doesn't have a boyfriend and I think she's messing with my head, but I would like any input on the situation/or any help on how to get her on a date with me.

Sorry it's so long. Thanks.

 

[fire_breeze]

I worked at a casino for about three months and I met this girl who also worked there. She was always doing/saying little things that made me think she like me, but I wasn't for sure. Like if I would walk by her and she was busy she would wink at me and she was always calling me "boo". Anyways, I finally get up enough courage to ask her out and she smiles and says, "well I'm kind of with someone" and I say, "you're not going to give me a chance?" She just shakes her head and smiles. So a couple of days go by and I see her again and ask her if she'll give me one shot, she doesn't say a word just shakes her head and keeps walking. Now when I try to talk to her she kind of acts like she's annoyed with me, but she's always looking at me still. So, it's been driving me crazy and a co-worker of mine went up to her and asked her out and she told him she didn't date, period. Why the two different answers? Now another co-worker of mine, my buddy, goes up to and asks her if she likes me. She says she does but hasn't been feeling well. I pretty sure she doesn't have a boyfriend and I think she's messing with my head, but I would like any input on the situation/or any help on how to get her on a date with me.

Sorry it's so long. Thanks.

For what it's worth, she probably has a lot going in her life at the moment, and she didn't want to hurt your feelings. Or, it's quite possible that she's been 'burnt' in relationships before and doesn't want to date. It's quite difficult to give any input without knowing more about her... but from what you are describing, she likes you, wants to get to know you, but not date you. She may be naturally flirty or not, I don't know. But is she messing with your head? I don't think so. I think she just enjoys your company. If you still want to get to know her, try to be non-threatening, give her space and above all, be friendly and polite. Even if nothing happens, you still work with her. I don't know if this helped or was clear... I tried .

In any case, good luck... oh, and welcome!!

 

[Eilan]

From what you've said, you've already made a couple of attempts to date her. Perhaps you should allow the next move to be hers. If nothing comes of it, then she probably wasn't that into you to begin with.

Continuing to bother her, either on your own or through your friend(s), won't make her want to go out with you.

 

[hazard1]

Thanks for the input. I actually don't work there anymore but I stop by about once a week.

 

[SweetErika]

She may just be flirting. Flirting doesn't come with strings.

Maybe she's just naturally friendly like that, and you're misinterpreting it.

Or perhaps she's messing with you (and it sounds like other guys, as well). Some people get off on reeling people in then pushing them away.

There are other possibilities, too, but the result is the same, regardless: she doesn't want to date you, and it sounds like you're annoying her by ignoring her refusal and going the jr. high route of having your buddy ask if she likes you. She'll give clearer signs if she does want to date you in the future.

Until then, back WAY off and don't ask (or have a friend ask) again. Don't stop by to see her, but if you do stop by to see a friend and happen to see her, just give her a friendly smile or say hi in passing. She'll prolong the contact if she wants it to go beyond that. But even if she does, stay cool and let her initiate and set the pace of different types of contact.

Appearing desperate and/or clingy and/or stalker-ish is never attractive, so make an effort to be confident, independent, respectful and generally like a guy ANY woman would be happy to date. If you do that, she may still not want to date you, but there's a good chance someone even better will.

 

[PertPerth]

Hi Hazard

From what you have said, I don't think you have a chance. There seems to be some reason why she's not interested - accept that you can win over every girl who catches your eye. I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic.
I've been cracked onto by SO many guys while working - I HATE it with a passion. Even if the guy seems nice, I'd never date someone I work with. Flirting can be fun - as long as it's kept to just that. Harmless flirting.

There will be a nice girl out there who you won't need to ask more than once. She'll say yes the first time. It's better that you spend your energy looking for her.

~Pert

 

[hazard1]

I know she gets hit on all the time. I haven't talked to her in probably a month now, I've seen her but haven't talked to her. I really want to ask her out but I'm not sure where she's at with that ordeal so I've been doing what you guys have said and leaving the next move up to her, if there is one.

Thanks

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Hazard. I'm sorry this isn't working out for you but maybe I can share a couple of insights.

I worked in a bar when I was younger and got asked out alot simply because I was there. I'm not saying that this is what the girl thinks of you but she may be more than a little jaded when it comes to being hit on. Are you sure she was aware that you wanted a relationship and like her for her?

Also, as to the differing responses. When I got asked out, if I said that I wasn't interested I'd invariably be asked if I had a bf. If I said 'no' the guy usually took it as a thrown gauntlet and redoubled his efforts to woo me. Saying that I was seeing someone, even when I wasn't, was a quick and easy way to let a guy down without bursting his little ego bubble. That may have been what she was up to, I don't know.

Now that a month has passed it may be a good time to approach her and say that you've been thinking about her and would like to know if she'd go on a date with you now that you're no longer colleagues. If she blows you off this time, live with it and retire gracefully. You may get a different response outside the insular environment of the casino where she's in 'work mode' and turns guys down on auto-pilot.

 

[hazard1]

I think I'm going to try to ask her out once more and see what she says and go from there. I can't really ask her out outside of work because I never see her and I don't have her number. I guess I'll see how it goes.
Thanks for the help.

 

[subwannabe]

I personally don't think you should ask her out on a "date". I think your only chance with her is not to date her and not ask her for "one shot". I'm going to go out on a limb here and think that she is quite attractive. If so, and she gets hit on a lot while at work, she is probably turned off by EVERYONE who asks her out on a date. I think you should quit the whole dating idea, pass her your phone number, and tell her you're not looking for a date, you would just like to get to know her as friends. Maybe you could meet at the zoo or somewhere with a lot of people where it won't be a date. Don't even try to kiss her at the end of the day, just continue saying you want to be friends. She may be quite impressed that you don't want to date her and that you are not out to get in her pants and that you are not just interested in hanging her trophy on your wall. If a real friendship develops then eventually things will happen. I think you have to ask yourself what it is you are really wanting here. If it is just to get in her pants and hang her trophy on your wall, basically just an ego thing, then you're probably not going to get anywhere with her. If you genuinely want to be friends, lovers, and maybe even marriage, I say you could have as high as a 50/50 shot. Then again, maybe she does just like playing with your head.

 

[Mansa Musa]

If I were in your situation, I´d apologize to her. If she accepted the apology, I´d tell her that I´m willing to wait for her to make the first move, then I´d excuse myself and walk away. AFAIK, she seems to have some workplace issues, and I´d bet that she sees you as another guy on the prowl.

 

[SweetErika]

I think I'm going to try to ask her out once more and see what she says and go from there. I can't really ask her out outside of work because I never see her and I don't have her number. I guess I'll see how it goes.
Thanks for the help.

You've asked, and she's said no twice. She told your friend you annoy her.

If you want to have *ANY* chance in the future, don't devalue yourself by asking again in, say, the next three months. Say hello, be friendly, be cool. If she's warming up to you, you'll be able to tell.

If you wait it out and try to meet other women in the meantime, she might even hook you up with one of her friends or ask you out if you seem valuable.

This site has some really good tips on approaching and talking to women. I wouldn't take it as the gospel because there's no specific approach that works for everyone, but it'll probably help you gain some insight on what many women look for consciously and subconsciously.

 

[hazard1]

She didn't tell my friend I annoyed her, she told him that she really liked me but hasn't been feeling well lately. I was the one who asked her if I was being annoying and when I did she didn't say anything she just shook her head yes, so...

I think I'm going to apologize for coming off like an ass and see where it goes from there.

And I'm not trying to get into her pants, when I see her the only thing I'm really thinking is how I just want to hang out with her and get to know her.

 

[south_florida_bicur]

I say show her your penis and then ask her out. If she says no then forget it...


OK, now I got your attention.. Yes, I was totally joking.

It seems like you don't know who this gal is except that you got the hots for her.

How about playing the "friend" card and get to know her?

She probably gets hit on so often that it is a real turn off for her. That is why she says "I do not date". What makes you different then the other guys that hit on her? Do something that makes you stand out / puts you above the rest / makes you noticeable.

Another option is (as stated by others) she might not be interested in you and is a flirty gal. If thats the case then you will learn that while getting to know her.

Take it slow. Life is not a race!

 

[hazard1]

I'm definitely not in a hurry but it is hard for me now to actually get a chance to talk to her since I don't work there anymore and she is working when I stop by.

 

[mjl2010]

She didn't tell my friend I annoyed her, she told him that she really liked me but hasn't been feeling well lately. I was the one who asked her if I was being annoying and when I did she didn't say anything she just shook her head yes, so...

You're annoying her with your approach. You're acting like high school freshman on his first crush and a teenage geek to boot. Sending friends to ask if she likes you. Puleeeze!

So for now, you've pretty much put yourself in a deep hole and the sun isn't going to shine on you for a while.

Want to make an impression? Have three dozen roses sent to her and just put your phone number on the card. Nothing else. If she calls, you get an opportunity to talk. Don't fuck it up and act like a teenager. Act like a man. Invite her to dinner and a movie. Go to the movie first. Pick something she likes and pay attention. Then you've got something to talk about later. Pizza is high school. Dinner. Steaks or a nice Italian place. Spend a couple of bucks. You know?

And don't ever, ever, ever! ask if you're annoying her. Man.

ETA: Just the title you put on this thread screams fourteen years old. I'm beginning to wonder.

MJL

 

[hazard1]

For one thing I didn't tell my friend to do it, he just did to see where she stood on the whole ordeal. All I'm trying to do on here is see different points of view because I really like this girl and just want a chance and if I don't get that chance so be it, but I'll do what I can and try not to make to much of a dick out of myself.

 

[SubNebGuy]

you like her, but she doesn't like you in the same way.

Move on.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

For one thing I didn't tell my friend to do it, he just did to see where she stood on the whole ordeal. All I'm trying to do on here is see different points of view because I really like this girl and just want a chance and if I don't get that chance so be it, but I'll do what I can and try not to make to much of a dick out of myself.

I agree with mjl2010, either make a do-or-die grand gesture and see what happens or leave it be. If you sidle up to her looking apologetic she won't respect you. Think about what you would see as adult and impressive in a guy asking a girl out. You may not be confident but if you're going to do this you must act it.

If she thinks you're acting like a dick well then you have your answer but for the love of god don't go agreeing with the woman!