Is this room spinning...

[madetotakeit]

I've been reading the old posts. Actually I've lost hours pouring over them. I think I have hit information overload, but it was an enjoyable way to lose those hours! I've learned a few things, laughed out loud on occasion, and even had to take a couple of cold showers. All of this searching for understanding of myself.

I thought I had a grasp on where to go from here. I think I have confused myself with too much information.

Part of me says to go with the left side of the brain. I am not sure what my thresholds are. Would it be good to find my current base? It seems reasonable. A foundation of what I can handle. Progress can be judged. What is a limit now I am sure will not be when I look back. A checklist if you will of where I will go and how far I can allow it. It seems almost clinical and may be a somewhat broad approach.

The other part of says go with the right side of the brain. Just let it evolve. Let inspiration of the moment be the guide. Enjoy the discovery of each new sensation/situation as it arises. Completely give him the lead. It seems somewhat passive. Although with my lack of experience is that the best way to go?

I don't want to control from the bottom. Far from it. My desires are to not have control. I am in control everyday. While I handle that well and have discovered many strengths in myself, it doesn't allow me to discover my true self. The one that exists not for society or the better good, but the internal side. That long ignored other half.

My mind keeps going back to not so much things that were said, but the sound of his voice when they were said. I can only describe it as something that went to my core and firmly lodged itself there. Laying in bed trying to wind down I attempt to sort it out. My wrists ache for restraints. I want to look up from that position and see the power in the eyes looking back. See a softening of his eyes when I have pleased. These are essential things though. I will always seek these out. Any input on how others placed that first foot down? What route taken? What did and did not work?

Head is spinning. Need Dramamine.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I have only my present and only relationship to speak from, but after an initial first very very intense meeting/scene my Dom decided to step back and take it slow with me. He is very experienced and I was a D/s virgin. I let him lead, and I followed. He encouraged me to never be afraid to ask questions and speak up when I had concerns. I still almost three years later consider myself in training and I am loving it.

His concentration has been more on my training to be submissive, to fully accept that I am his, and to fully understand what that really means. I hopefully will be in this relationship for ever and am in no rush to try every kind of pain play and gadgets out there. I like the slow progression. I like the emphasis on he and I as a couple, as lovers, as friends--always with the knowledge of the D/s dynamic--but in this way we have built a strong foundation of trust and love.

It is not really passive. at all. I put time and energy into learning all that he has to teach me. I actively use my imagination to find ways to please him and complete tasks the very best I can.

Slow down and enjoy the journey.

 

[madetotakeit]

His concentration has been more on my training to be submissive, to fully accept that I am his, and to fully understand what that really means... am in no rush to try every kind of pain play and gadgets out there.

That is more the heart of it. After years of making damn sure nobody ever looked at me as submissive, how to let that side flourish. When I say thresholds I'm not really speaking of toys/pain (not entirely anyway) but thresholds for letting go of all that programming. The last thing I want to do is rush, but at the same time the true needs are rising. Not the frenzied state I was in before, but coming from a deeper place.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

That is more the heart of it. After years of making damn sure nobody ever looked at me as submissive, how to let that side flourish. When I say thresholds I'm not really speaking of toys/pain (not entirely anyway) but thresholds for letting go of all that programming. The last thing I want to do is rush, but at the same time the true needs are rising. Not the frenzied state I was in before, but coming from a deeper place.

Oh my dear you have hit the nail nail on the head. I started trying to allow my submissive side back out in my mid 30's after years and years of suppressing it. I'd told my husband of 14 years (at the time) there was no way in hell he'd ever be spanking me...LOL. Guess who's had to eat those words time and time again?

The hardest part is letting go of that conditioning, and allowing yourself the freedom to actually be yourself. Don't worry about what others will think of you. All that should matter to you is what feels right for you.

There's no right or wrong way to go about your specific journey. If it works for you then it is the best way for you to do it. And like ecstaticsub said slow down and enjoy the journey, you'll be much happier as a result I promise you.

 

[EttienneB]

Wonderful...

I knew that you'd get great advice, guidance, education here, and I knew that after a while you'd realize you had to go it alone (with a head/heart full of great words and experiences from you'all). It's a pleasure to read this journey.

 

[twysted73]

Who would have thought....

..Wikipedia?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM

My suggestion: Let both sides ebb and flow to guide you. A Dom is not a Dom without a sub and vice-versa. (technically speaking) *puts up hate-mail shield for those feeling I'm having the audacity to define their self-definitions and then telling them from behind afformention shield to relax and get off the high horse*

I say do both. Start out with your clinical side. Every theme park ride has a driver, let your technical side be the one to set up your fun. Once the ground work's laid, then put your seatbelt on and hang on tight.

Use that address (not up on links yet) to pick a choose what activities sound good to you and make a list in a word document (click/paste perhaps?) so you have a check list of sorts. Break them up into three categories. Red, Yellow and Green. You're a smart girl. I know you can take it from here. *smiles* Good luck.

 

[rida]

I've been reading the old posts. Actually I've lost hours pouring over them. I think I have hit information overload, but it was an enjoyable way to lose those hours! I've learned a few things, laughed out loud on occasion, and even had to take a couple of cold showers. All of this searching for understanding of myself.

I thought I had a grasp on where to go from here. I think I have confused myself with too much information.

Part of me says to go with the left side of the brain. I am not sure what my thresholds are. Would it be good to find my current base? It seems reasonable. A foundation of what I can handle. Progress can be judged. What is a limit now I am sure will not be when I look back. A checklist if you will of where I will go and how far I can allow it. It seems almost clinical and may be a somewhat broad approach.

The other part of says go with the right side of the brain. Just let it evolve. Let inspiration of the moment be the guide. Enjoy the discovery of each new sensation/situation as it arises. Completely give him the lead. It seems somewhat passive. Although with my lack of experience is that the best way to go?

I don't want to control from the bottom. Far from it. My desires are to not have control. I am in control everyday. While I handle that well and have discovered many strengths in myself, it doesn't allow me to discover my true self. The one that exists not for society or the better good, but the internal side. That long ignored other half.

My mind keeps going back to not so much things that were said, but the sound of his voice when they were said. I can only describe it as something that went to my core and firmly lodged itself there. Laying in bed trying to wind down I attempt to sort it out. My wrists ache for restraints. I want to look up from that position and see the power in the eyes looking back. See a softening of his eyes when I have pleased. These are essential things though. I will always seek these out. Any input on how others placed that first foot down? What route taken? What did and did not work?

Head is spinning. Need Dramamine.

LOL! I know what you mean with "information overload".

I'm a newbe myself, and am exploring BDSM with Hubby. Funny thing is that He introduced it into our relationship and it took me over 1 year to be able to admit to myself that I am a sub, I want to be a sub, I need to be a sub. To the outside world I look like the one that would be the Dom and it is hard to learn to let go (being tied up helps).

And when the acceptance finally hit, I signed up on Lit (being reading the stories since ever) and went on a reading frenzy that is still not totally over. (problem is that I hit the knowledge frenzy at the same time Hubby hit a low interest phase ...)

Hubby and I are both very rational in our irrationalities and we started with a check-list. It is a good place to gauge your feeling on things, and to talk about things one by one (the hardest thing for me to do as my brain just jumps here and there and everywhere). But when the play starts ... we just go with the flow within agreed limit ... pushing them sometimes here and there.

As twysted73 said: "I say do both. Start out with your clinical side. Every theme park ride has a driver, let your technical side be the one to set up your fun. Once the ground work's laid, then put your seatbelt on and hang on tight."

Good luck! And welcome to the fun side

 

[unfoundiamond]

Its interesting...

I understand a lot of where you come from MadetoTakeit...

Its amazing how after the bad relationships (wasted trust) we see why a D/s relationship can be so amazingly right, and peaceful... Or after runing things and doing what needs to be done, sometimes its nice to give someone else the reigns... Its liberating. Isn't it crazy how it relieves the chaos of worry and stress...

Leaving us longing for the feeling of being under Him, interacting with Him... feeling the peaceful slide of coming out of yourself... its amazing, and I find myself missing my own bondage...laying in bed wishing I was in cuffs...

I enjoy the S&M a lot though, I don't just want the relationship part, I crave the good pain... (I am not getting into a "contest", just saying some people like the S&M a lot too and that it doesn't mean you don't like the relationship benefits of having the D/s dynamic, you can like both guilt free)

So don't feel alone Made, I understand and identify with your story... and I am loving your openess, I enjoyed the update, keep it coming... *wink*

Best of luck! *Muah*

 

[madetotakeit]

Intelligence, education, sharing...MAN this board is great!

I love how people seem to be very honest and open. Not just in the willingness to keep a newbie sane, but in expounding on their own experience and journey. Every piece that is shared helps me find my missing pieces. Gratitude to all!

I have taken the sage advice and made my list thanks to Wiki's kinky side. So many things to seriously consider. I think I need to take a nice long shower before I go to sleep. Yep, my shower massager is calling my name!

 

[Etoile]

I thought I had a grasp on where to go from here. I think I have confused myself with too much information.

You might want to do a search (here or elsewhere) on "sub frenzy" - I'm not saying that's what you're experiencing, but the signals are similar, so you might find help on dealing with information overload by reading about that topic.

 

[madetotakeit]

You might want to do a search (here or elsewhere) on "sub frenzy" -

I have had my moment of sub frenzy. During that time I was guided to this board and received excellent direction on some articles to read. I am glad to say that I survived it. While I enjoyed all of the intensity running through my body, I am also glad to say it has passed. Now I am back to my normal sanity/insanity. Incorporating what I learned during that frenzy and after, Looking inside and outside myself with my new eyes.

This is more from the standpoint of the calmer, more realized me standing at the crossroads and finding which direction to begin the journey. Not that I fear the journey. I have waited so long to take it. Not that I want to run down the path. I want to feel, see, hear, taste every nuance, not miss a thing. I want to gaze up in wonder at my guide so he can share in my wonderment, my delight, and my acceptance of all that comes before me.

I have been given a map, highlighted the places I wish to visit. Marking the journey's start was the hard part. The reins have been handed over, and now I will tend my garden of thoughts until that journey begins.

 

[Etoile]

I have had my moment of sub frenzy. During that time I was guided to this board and received excellent direction on some articles to read. I am glad to say that I survived it. While I enjoyed all of the intensity running through my body, I am also glad to say it has passed. Now I am back to my normal sanity/insanity. Incorporating what I learned during that frenzy and after, Looking inside and outside myself with my new eyes.

This is more from the standpoint of the calmer, more realized me standing at the crossroads and finding which direction to begin the journey. Not that I fear the journey. I have waited so long to take it. Not that I want to run down the path. I want to feel, see, hear, taste every nuance, not miss a thing. I want to gaze up in wonder at my guide so he can share in my wonderment, my delight, and my acceptance of all that comes before me.

I have been given a map, highlighted the places I wish to visit. Marking the journey's start was the hard part. The reins have been handed over, and now I will tend my garden of thoughts until that journey begins.

My mistake...you described the room spinning, not sure where to go from here, information overload, trying to sort it out, etc. - so I figured you were still in the sub frenzy stage.

 

[madetotakeit]

My mistake...you described the room spinning, not sure where to go from here, information overload, trying to sort it out, etc. - so I figured you were still in the sub frenzy stage.

No worries, I value all of the input. I'm not quite sure where I would be without having been able to discuss everything I have been going through and the advice that has been offered. Now instead of not knowing which thought to finish, my head is spinning in a different way. An ode to the season; I don't have visions of sugar plums, but restraints dancing in my head!