9/13/06 Shipwrecked with Mom and Esther

[sethp]

Submitted for your discussion.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=274049

Shipwrecked with Mom and Esther by Sethp

 

[sethp]

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?????

 

[sethp]

Hot!

It's very hot.. everyone should read it ...I promise!

 

[Athena_e19]

Good story.

I like the plot line, the idea behind it, and the characters.

But....

There seemed to be too little plot development. I personally prefer my erotic stories with a short bit of introduction and some continuation between sex scenes, although there seems to be a lot of Lit readers who look for more plot and less sex.

I didn't feel like I really knew Esther at all, and I didn't really believe in the desperation of the mother. Horny or not, it would seem to take a lot to fuck your son. I personally would've appreciated it, if she had a more prolonged problem where her son and Esther went at it without her knowing and gradually her disgust with their behavior faded, her own needs awakened, and eventually succumbed to her sons desires.

Other than that good. Watch out for little typos like adding a "/" where there isn't supposed to be one.

Thanks

 

[sethp]

Thank you. I appreciate your feedback!

 

[sethp]

Thank you. I appreciate your feedback!

You're welcome! lol

 

[jomar]

sethp

Where you been you over caffeinated dude? I just got back from a tropical island (long story, don't ask). I'll try to get to your story!

 

[Agnol]

feedback

I like mom/son stories and this piece is about average from what I can tell. I don't think it was particularly bad or good, but that it had potential and it's not fulfilled and it gets waylaid by common errors. If I sound harsh please forgive me, I figure you really want honest criticism.

Some of the typos were distracting. Better proof reading is needed.

The dynamic between the mother and father is confusing. On the ship we are told that the father loves his wife and her body and then later we get this story of a loveless marriage. It's almost as if halfway through the story you decided the mother needed some other motivation to have sex with her son.

Not sure what medical condition prevents vaginal sex, I'm guessing there is one out there somewhere, but if you were attempting to make her into an anal slut that could have been accomplished in a number of different ways that didn't leave the reader (me) wondering what the hell could be wrong with her. It could have easily been that she was still fertile and without effective birth control would only take her son in her ass.

The shipwreck taking two hours or more is pretty realistic I guess. But how possible is that they are going to be the only ones in a lifeboat? And given that the ship does take so long to go down what the hell happened to the dad? I think your setting would have been a lot more believable if it took place on a small yacht and would have played more into the character of the family of privelege you were trying to create and would have given you the setting you were looking for.

The sex was okay, nothing particularly good or bad about it. I like all kinds of descriptions so I don't think you did anything really outstanding one way or the other. I personally don't think that just saying some woman has big tits is particularly erotic. Yeah I like big tits as much as the next guy, but you described them as huge so many times it lost its meaning. He never just gazed at the slopes of his mothers breast, wishing he was the meandering bead of sweat sliding across her bronzed skin as it disappeared into the valley of flesh. (See the difference?)

We don't ever get to see the building desire in the mother (who isn't given a name until nearly halfway through the first page it seems) who is apparently starved for physical affection. That kind of woman isn't just going to go gang busters with vocal sex just because she's getting laid. She's insecure about her sexuality, her appeal to men and her ability to please a man. No way is she just going to take a dick in her ass and suddenly turn into a liberated woman with no fears.

 

[sethp]

thanks!

Thanks for the feedback I do appreciate it.. that's just what I need!

 

[Mickiluv]

I find it hard to get past grammatical and spelling errors, they get in the way of the story and the mood. You need to compose in Word or a good word processing software and use the spelling and grammar checking features. They to work in helping you work out these problems.

 

[sethp]

I find it hard to get past grammatical and spelling errors, they get in the way of the story and the mood. You need to compose in Word or a good word processing software and use the spelling and grammar checking features. They to work in helping you work out these problems.

I understand that and do that..I do spell and grammer check but that doesnt' catch everything ....so the main problem is a proof reader. I have a couple of those. I just never use them. but I will from now on!

 

[drksideofthemoon]

While the plot was a bit of a stretch, it wasn't too bad. The biggest problem with your story, other than the grammatical, and spelling errors that had been previously mentioned, is that you seem to force your story along, take your time with the characters, and let them tell the story.

The first dozen or so paragraphs of the story were just plain and uninteresting. If I had been looking for something to read I would have stopped after the first few. Use your characters to show us the story, and not just the narrator telling us.

With a bit of work, this story could be a pleasant read.

 

[Impac_the_Great]

liked it, got me off

 

[Agnol]

I understand that and do that..I do spell and grammer check but that doesnt' catch everything ....so the main problem is a proof reader. I have a couple of those. I just never use them. but I will from now on!

Reading a story aloud is probably more important than using any software. Take a day or two off from when you finish with the story then read it out loud. I have found this process to highlight more errors than any other method.

 

[sethp]

liked it, got me off

thanks I appreciate that. now go read it again!