i need advice

[aeriell]

I need a little help. I've been trying to get my boyfriend to get into just light bdsm, but he is very reluctant. I was wondering if anyone would have any suggestions on how i could get him to at least try. I am into it and he is not, i need help!!

 

[pierced_boy]

Assistance

.

 

[Ebonyfire]

When you say light BDSM...

Just what do you mean?

You may be doing somethings already that are in that category.

Are you interested in specific activities?

Ebony

 

[aeriell]

ty.. pierced_boy, i hadn't thought of checking some of the threads or sites here.. now i'll be busy for a while.

 

[pierced_boy]

.

 

[Guest]

just handcuff him

a night when he is really horney and he wants sex dont give it to him and when he falls asleep handcuff him to the bed and then do the freaky shit u want to do with him and he should then like it. hope this migh thelp u!

 

[SireLooksinMA]

Advice

Have you tried leaving stories or books lying around? Perhaps next time you go to the video store try looking at the BDSM movies...

 

[fallon2]

Start

Start with a blindfold either on him or yourself and let the other "tease" each other and then get them excited but hold off . . . until the other has a terrific orgasm. Try it . . . you will like it!

 

[SexyChele]

What I have found with reluctant partners is a couple of things:

1. They are afraid that all BDSM includes horrendous pain. Many are not aware that it is the mental element that is far more erotic, and is the true "common thread". Once partners come to an awareness that you can actually engage in BDSM with little to no pain, sometimes they are more receptive.

2. Many partners are simply fearful that they will actually hurt you. Again, going back to people thinking BDSM is just about pain, but this can be valid. Most people really don't want to hurt their partners, and if they equate BDSM with pain, they might feel they are going to be hurting their partners. You might want to try non-pain elements first. Blindfolds are perfect for this. Being bound with something soft, life scarves is another. Introduce elements that do not include pain as a beginning to help you both build up confidence and trust.

3. I've had many partners when first discovering that I enjoy elements of BDSM state: "I don't want you to hurt me!" Most men (sorry, but that is who I'm usually with) feel that whatever they do to you must be done to them. And since most people equate BDSM with pain, they feel they must hurt you, and that they must suffer a similar fate. Most men not involved with BDSM do not fully understand what a "sub" is, and that if there is any pain, it is not necessarily "returned".

Good luck to you!

 

[Lain]

I need a little help. I've been trying to get my boyfriend to get into just light bdsm, but he is very reluctant. I was wondering if anyone would have any suggestions on how i could get him to at least try. I am into it and he is not, i need help!!

Do you want to put him into bondage, or do you want it done to you? I think that makes a big difference in getting him to try stuff. If it's just things you want him to do to you, maybe you could just be very explicit about what you want so that he doesn't have to be afraid of doing something wrong.

If you want to tie him up, I would *strongly advise against* surprising him by tying him up in his sleep. It could constitute a major breach of trust. He may have issues he hasn't shared with you. For example, I have problems with claustrophobia so even though I trust my lover with my life, I would still freak out in a very bad way if I woke up to find my movement rstricted in any way.

I guess the best thing to do would be to find out *why* he's reluctant, and try to reduce those concerns.

Lain

 

[WriterDom]

You can lead a horse to bdsm, but you can't make him flog you. I'm surprised at the number of men who refuse to even entertain thoughts of bdsm play to please their partners. And when I began to have an interest, I had a couple of girlfriends that thought bdsm was just plain disgusting. You can try the tips given by others. But be prepared for the possiblity that he will never have an interest, and then do some soul searching as to how important these feelings are to you. At least before you get deeper into the relationship. Those repressed submissive desires can grow stronger over time.

 

[Lain]

Those repressed submissive desires can grow stronger over time.

I'm curious -- did you figure she was submissive because her name isn't capitalized? I can't find any other hints in her post...

Lain

 

[iamaddog]

, I had a couple of girlfriends that thought bdsm was just plain disgusting.



yeah I know that's right. here i am trying to ensure feminine equality and n.o.w and power to the sisterhood and all that and I'm told I'm a pervert...(sigh)


what's a loving man 'spose to do????


ah well.
I have Mistress Ann now. no more vanilla for me.\

owned/collared/reg.807385/....and loving it.

 

[iamaddog]

ummmm maybe

I need a little help. I've been trying to get my boyfriend to get into just light bdsm, but he is very reluctant. I was wondering if anyone would have any suggestions on how i could get him to at least try. I am into it and he is not, i need help!!

============
ummmmmm, maybe, you can just sweet talk him into it....tell him to give it a try for a short while? tell him it gets your motor purring. I 'spose I'm sexist here.....I apologize ..but there was never a time a woman couldn't talk me .....into anything.
as long as it meant time with her....I was willing to do anything she asked. but then....I'm a teddybear. I'm just a big pushover for girls...all I know how to say is yes dear....anything you want.


mad dog in iowa

 

[madelaine angel]

um, hang on a minute...tie him up up while he's asleep???? Since when has that been ok? I appreciate the frustration of getting a nilla guy into my particular kinks but to just tie him up when he has expressly said that this isnt his scene is WRONG. Safe? No. Sane, No. Consensual. Absolutely bloody not. So unless entering into a totally one sided Gorean relationship is what's on the cards I cannot see how this could possibly be ok! Maybe it was intended as a light hearted comment and I am totally overreacting, but this stuff SCARES me. We work hard to be accepted. This type of attitude sets us back a million paces.

And just a thought. If it was a guy talking about tying his girlfriend up without her consent and fucking her whether she likes it or not, would that also be ok?

Sorry. Rant over.

 

[DRxBlue]

Rant Totally Justified, madelaine angel

Haven't you met geekrebel1153 before?

He's studying to be the "village idiot " here at Lit. Good luck on your test geek (why do i keep misspelling that )

By the way gr1153, did you know that if you can't prove yourself worthy of the title "idiot" we'll be forced to call your ISP and they will turn on the Corbamite Program.

Once this has been done, the next time you do something stupid, (like pretend that the letter u is a word) 112,635 volts of electricity will be run through your keyboard. They'll be lucky if they find your smoking shoes. ( i bet they haven't got laces, do they?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK that was MY rant.

aeriell, i don't think his idea was such a good one. From the reading i've done, it seems that even for long time lifestylers, you start with discussion. Sometimes LONG discussions. With new partners, or even when changing the pattern of a long term relationship.

Until both people agree that an idea is exciting and worth trying you just don't try it.

Springing a new kink on a partner sounds like a great recipe for disaster. Maybe even a lawsuit! <lol>

i'm a novice too, i only know what i've read. Someday if i'm lucky, i'll get to try some of the wonderful things the BDSM menu offers. *i hope i hope*

Vanilla sex drove me to celibacy a long time ago, but my appetite may be coming back.

pierced_boy covered the advice i would have given. If you are interested in the subject of BDSM, you ended up in the BEST place to find out the truth.

The truth is delicious!
Best of luck to you

 

[aeriell]

I thank all of you for your advice and the great links that you've givin. I think we're still in the discussion phase of everything still. What i really wanted was just things done to me, not too harsh or painful, i'm unfortunetly one of those people that can get off very quickly to pain. Keep talking and tryin are the things i guess are required at this time.... maybe i'll have some thing to tell later on, who knows.

 

[pierced_boy]

Same boat

.

 

[aeriell]

Just one more little bit of info here for all of you who are wondering. I am experienced in both sides of the coin, but to answer Lain's question i tend to lean more to the sub side of it all. What is that saying?
Pain is pleasure if done right and wanted!!

 

[yuppietowngirl]

Re: Start

Start with a blindfold either on him or yourself and let the other "tease" each other and then get them excited but hold off . . . until the other has a terrific orgasm. Try it . . . you will like it!

I agree with fallon on this one. Start out slowly and introduce things slowly. With my Master...this is how He has taught me. I have been very eager but He wants me to experience things slowly and enjoy them. I asked Him to blindfold me for the first time that I was to be with a lady. I was so very nervous and it did help. Maybe it might help in your situation. Hope that everything goes well for you both and good luck.

 

[tmock]

Get him drunk and when he passes out, tie him down, gag him, and cut his clothes off (if any are left). might consider blindfolding him. tie him tight. then do whatever you would want him to do.

 

[riverbend09]

Try talking about it while you are at an intense point during sex. Guys are a lot more open to just about anything in the heat of the moment. It opens up a window in their mind to think on it. Also get him really worked up, then start teasing him, barely touching him with your pussy. That is a good time to playfully ask him or tease him into it. He'll do anything to get you back down on him.

 

[twysted73]

I need a little help. I've been trying to get my boyfriend to get into just light bdsm, but he is very reluctant. I was wondering if anyone would have any suggestions on how i could get him to at least try. I am into it and he is not, i need help!!

Go to your local walmart....

Go to the luggage and travel section.

Pick up a little travel kit that has a crimson eye mask to keep light out.
They come with a small set of foam earplugs.

Now tonight...light two candles in the room and place them at opposite places from one another.
To avoid that uncomfortable and uncoordinated moment of pause, you might want to put your own foam plugs in for best fit. Once in, have him speak softly to you to check placement.
Then lay back and have him place the eye mask on making sure he knows you won't move unless he places you there.

Mental bondage of your limbs (let's see how good your self control is) + sensory deprivation + heightened senses = a very intimate and light bondage session.

Enjoy.

 

[twysted73]

You can lead a horse to bdsm, but you can't make him flog you. I'm surprised at the number of men who refuse to even entertain thoughts of bdsm play to please their partners. And when I began to have an interest, I had a couple of girlfriends that thought bdsm was just plain disgusting. You can try the tips given by others. But be prepared for the possiblity that he will never have an interest, and then do some soul searching as to how important these feelings are to you. At least before you get deeper into the relationship. Those repressed submissive desires can grow stronger over time.

That'll teach me to post without reading those before me.

WriterDom's very correct.

D/s for those who feel a connection to it is a veritable Pandora's Box.

Once opened, it cannot be closed and it only grows stronger.
Ignore it and it'll lay dormant in your thoughts....waiting for the opportunity to reclaim your impulses.
It's a psychological stalker................with benefits.

 

[Adakgirl]

I need a little help. I've been trying to get my boyfriend to get into just light bdsm, but he is very reluctant. I was wondering if anyone would have any suggestions on how i could get him to at least try. I am into it and he is not, i need help!!

I believe a good way to begin is to simply start telling him your fantasies. During a few cozy quiet conversations, in bed or out, before or after having sex with him (choose the right times at the right places) open up to him. Let him know that it gets you really wet when a man pulls your hair, how you think about what it might feel like to have your arms bound behind your back when on your knees sucking his cock. Explain in erotic detail, what kinds of BDSM fantasy scenarios get you off when masturbating.

Tell him that just plain vanilla sex all the time, does not give you the intense pleasurable orgasmic experience you desire. That you won't push him into doing anything he feels uncomfortable with, but as your b/f... you feel he needs to know these things. Then leave him alone about it..let him absorb what you tell him, dish it out to him a little at a time.

If he does not go for it..then you need to think about this: Do you really want a b/f who is unwilling to try new things sexually? Unwilling to at least give it a go even if it is just to please you? To explore new places and possibly go where no man has ever gone before with you?
As was mentioned BDSM is not everyones cup of tea and there is nothing wrong with that. But you do know it IS your cup of tea...should he not want to share it...then you will need to decide if you can forgo your sexual fulfillment and stay with him or find someone who will share it.