I'm new, please be kind - But constructive

[MaudeBlack]

Hi,

I just wanted to say hello. I'm a brand new writer based in England...I've never written anything before, let alone erotic fiction. Just wanted to say hi, and if anyone had the time to read my submission's and provide feedback, that would be fab.

At the moment I'm trying to write short stories 1 - 2.5k words to learn the craft and get an idea of my style.

I appreciate that it might leave my stories a little detail lite or uneven, but hey, I'm just getting going.

Maude
Xx

 

[urbangentleman]

I’m happy to read them. I need to dust off some and get them published too.

 

[StrentWriter]

Hi Maud. Welcome. Can you provide links to your pieces, please, and I’m sure we can provide some feedback.

 

[MaudeBlack]

Hi Maud. Welcome. Can you provide links to your pieces, please, and I’m sure we can provide some feedback.

Hi, Thank you. Sorry, I thought you could find my stories via my name - as I say, I'm very new!

Here's a link to one of my stories
https://www.literotica.com/s/motel-73

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I've read Him.

It has a couple of oddly constructed sentences, but the story reads easily. It's short and to the point, but descriptive as well.
The thing that didn't make sense to me is when it's revealed that Emily likes rough and emotionless sex, yet the reason why she came to her ex was to feel something. The last sentence of the story is that she felt free after the sex. These three things didn't really connect for me.

Otherwise, the story isn't bad at all. Your descriptions are nice and evocative, and the story reads easily. Personally, I would have described the sex in a bit more detail and the exact way it made her feel, as that seems to be the point of the story.

Also, Romance wasn't a good category choice. Readers of that category have different expectations. Erotic Couplings would have been more fitting.

All in all, welcome to Lit, and I hope to see more of your stories. You have the spark, and with some more practice, your stories will have no problem finding their audience.

 

[StrentWriter]

Hi, Thank you. Sorry, I thought you could find my stories via my name - as I say, I'm very new!

Here's a link to one of my stories
https://www.literotica.com/s/motel-73

Thanks Maud. Happy to take a look.

 

[StrentWriter]

Hi, Thank you. Sorry, I thought you could find my stories via my name - as I say, I'm very new!

Here's a link to one of my stories
https://www.literotica.com/s/motel-73

So - caveat:

It is obvious you definitely can write well. The less is more approach here is very very clear.

However, I feel some of it comes across as more a series of responses rather than real involvement. The public sex, the escalations, losing the job, the pregnancy - all happen very quick, within a few sentences.

You can flesh this out much more and you will find it makes it feel more believable.

I agree with @AwkwardlySet that you need more feeling, more emotion in it.

It’s definitely erotic couplings and not interracial (or like Him, romance), trust me - I spent three years writing a romance novel here (!) - changing that that will help you enormously with future views and comments.

There’s something here for sure, it just takes more practice - and you’re off to a really good start I think. Keep going!

 

[MaudeBlack]

Wow, thank you so much! So very helpful. I set myself the word limit and tried to stick to 1K. I'm not sure why but there's something about deadlines and limitations I find appealing...weirdo!

I will definitely work on the emotional and feelings side of things. TBH - these are the bits I'm more interested in than describing the mechanics of fucking.

Thank you for being so kind and supportive
Xx

 

[MaudeBlack]

I've read Him.

It has a couple of oddly constructed sentences, but the story reads easily. It's short and to the point, but descriptive as well.
The thing that didn't make sense to me is when it's revealed that Emily likes rough and emotionless sex, yet the reason why she came to her ex was to feel something. The last sentence of the story is that she felt free after the sex. These three things didn't really connect for me.

Otherwise, the story isn't bad at all. Your descriptions are nice and evocative, and the story reads easily. Personally, I would have described the sex in a bit more detail and the exact way it made her feel, as that seems to be the point of the story.

Also, Romance wasn't a good category choice. Readers of that category have different expectations. Erotic Couplings would have been more fitting.

All in all, welcome to Lit, and I hope to see more of your stories. You have the spark, and with some more practice, your stories will have no problem finding their audience.

Wonderful feedback, thank you so much. I take on board all of it.

I think I was trying to describe that she wanted to feel safe but also, detached, I guess. My wordsmith skills will improve, I promise.

Appreciate you guidance on the categories - that's a learning curve for me to get my head around.

But what a warm and supportive community. I genuinely am touched by the feedback.

Xx

 

[StrentWriter]

Wow, thank you so much! So very helpful. I set myself the word limit and tried to stick to 1K. I'm not sure why but there's something about deadlines and limitations I find appealing...weirdo!

Not at all, it’s good to be able to set realistic goals and achieve them - will help for any longer pieces you may do.

I will definitely work on the emotional and feelings side of things. TBH - these are the bits I'm more interested in than describing the mechanics of fucking.

None of us get it right first time - and in fairness, you hit descriptions really well. I enjoyed motel - it’s definitely not romantic, but closer to a “stroker” for length and style, if you catch my drift! I have just looked at Him and I think you could do with thinking about your mechanics of fucking a bit - if only to play the scene out more and get the heat up if that’s what you’re trying to achieve.

Thank you for being so kind and supportive
Xx

You’re very welcome - glad to see you have three stories published early doors. Something to think about - I spent an awful lot of time reading others work here, to get a better idea of what I wanted to do and achieve.

I don’t know much you have done, but if you want to go down the routes you’ve suggested (e.g. romance/interracial/etc) then it’s a must to look at the highest viewed and scored ones in those categories. Take notes on what you like and don’t like, what might be easily adapted for your own work in terms of style or wording.

If you want to reach out and talk ideas, feel free, most people on the forum are happy to chat.

 

[THBGato]

I checked out of the story before the end as it simply wasn't my thing BUT that's on me, not you. No slur on your writing.

On a positive note you sketched Steph very quickly and effectively. Given you want to write under constraints, that's a good thing. I also appreciated that you avoided that annoying thing some writers do here of giving the protagonist's height, weight, cup size, etc in precise detail. Good. It's clumsy when writer's do that. Instead, you made it clear from the men's reactions that she was attractive. That's all that's necessary really.


A tiny thing to improve on would be the punctuation of dialogue. You are using full stops when you need commas and adding unnecessay capitals.

'That's a challenge, there's a big conference on.' She whimpered.

'I know!' Barked Steph, 'I'm part of it!'.

Should be:

'That's a challenge, there's a big conference on,' she whimpered.

'I know!' barked Steph, 'I'm part of it!'.

You might also want to come and say hi in the author's hang out.
https://forum.literotica.com/forums/authors-hangout.3/

Welcome to lit!

 

[AlinaX]

~( scowling at extraneous period )~

 

[MaudeBlack]

I checked out of the story before the end as it simply wasn't my thing BUT that's on me, not you. No slur on your writing.

On a positive note you sketched Steph very quickly and effectively. Given you want to write under constraints, that's a good thing. I also appreciated that you avoided that annoying thing some writers do here of giving the protagonist's height, weight, cup size, etc in precise detail. Good. It's clumsy when writer's do that. Instead, you made it clear from the men's reactions that she was attractive. That's all that's necessary really.


A tiny thing to improve on would be the punctuation of dialogue. You are using full stops when you need commas and adding unnecessay capitals.


Should be:

You might also want to come and say hi in the author's hang out.
https://forum.literotica.com/forums/authors-hangout.3/

Welcome to lit!

Amazing, thank you.

Thank you for picking up on that - It's something I'm keen to avoid, unless there's a specific reason for it, which would be a story relevant feature or change.

Yup, that's an annoying habit with the full-stop! I'll get better in future, I promise...maybe don't read the next few stories I upload though...haha! Xx

 

[ElectricBlue]

I read Motel. You're writing in shorthand; it's a set of notes, not a story. Flash fiction at best, but it's all over in three minutes, it's done. It's far too short for arousal, there's not much to grab onto (except her jutting juice ass - why is that such a trope?) Anyway...

Your dialogue punctuation drove me nuts - for future readers' sake, please get that right!

I'm not sure that your constraint of 1k - 2k words is going to get you close to what might be your natural style, because what you've got here is staccato, it's rushed. I'm not sure you want your natural style to read like a set of notes for a story.

My suggestion would be to slow down, write more. But, keep in mind that I'm a slow burn writer who also writes 750 word vignettes - so I've covered both ends of the spectrum.

 

[StrentWriter]

I read Motel. You're writing in shorthand; it's a set of notes, not a story. Flash fiction at best, but it's all over in three minutes, it's done. It's far too short for arousal, there's not much to grab onto (except her jutting juice ass - why is that such a trope?) Anyway...

Your dialogue punctuation drove me nuts - for future readers' sake, please get that right!

I'm not sure that your constraint of 1k - 2k words is going to get you close to what might be your natural style, because what you've got here is staccato, it's rushed. I'm not sure you want your natural style to read like a set of notes for a story.

My suggestion would be to slow down, write more. But, keep in mind that I'm a slow burn writer who also writes 750 word vignettes - so I've covered both ends of the spectrum.

This is good advice, I would take it.

Staccato, by the way, is an excellent description. But I didn’t read it as rushed, more as an editorial choice.

 

[hugh_jarce69]

Hi Maude, well done for taking the plunge & putting your stories out there. Asking for feedback too brave, in my book.
I couldn’t do it.

I’ve only read a couple so far, but I liked the short, sharp, staccato feel of them. Personally, I disagree with the point about not describing the characters in enough detail to be a plus. I like to be able to imagine them. They might be like someone I know & I feel more into the story if I can picture that.
I also want detail of the sex. I want it be the authors eyes as they describe it.

Doesn’t make your writing poorer than anyone else’s it’s just different. This is only my personal opinion, but with the gangsters of Buckinghamshire I would like to have less build-up and ending and more middle. Tough task if you’re keeping yourself to a word count cap.

But I’ve read enough to know there’s a very, very hot story in you with no constraints. You paint a picture well with few words, I think I’d like to read something where you let yourself go a bit.

Keep going, though. Great start

 

[MaudeBlack]

I read Motel. You're writing in shorthand; it's a set of notes, not a story. Flash fiction at best, but it's all over in three minutes, it's done. It's far too short for arousal, there's not much to grab onto (except her jutting juice ass - why is that such a trope?) Anyway...

Your dialogue punctuation drove me nuts - for future readers' sake, please get that right!

I'm not sure that your constraint of 1k - 2k words is going to get you close to what might be your natural style, because what you've got here is staccato, it's rushed. I'm not sure you want your natural style to read like a set of notes for a story.

My suggestion would be to slow down, write more. But, keep in mind that I'm a slow burn writer who also writes 750 word vignettes - so I've covered both ends of the spectrum.

Thanks. I'll take the guidance on board and will learn from it. Xx

 

[MiloMcLeod]

Hi Maude, I’m similarly new to this game so maybe not the most qualified to issue tips but what I will say is I think you have a wonderful, natural writing style and plenty of ideas. For me, they are the toughest nuts cracked already. Good luck!

 

[MaudeBlack]

Hi Maude, I’m similarly new to this game so maybe not the most qualified to issue tips but what I will say is I think you have a wonderful, natural writing style and plenty of ideas. For me, they are the toughest nuts cracked already. Good luck!

Aww, that's so sweet, thank you so much for taking the time to message me. Let's enjoy the adventure together Xx

 

[MiloMcLeod]

Aww, that's so sweet, thank you so much for taking the time to message me. Let's enjoy the adventure

Sounds like a plan x

 

[Tom_Brown]

Hi Maude,

I have not read your stories yet, but must say that if the profile pic that you posted is you, you’re very beautiful.

I’ll read your works soon.

Welcome to Lit.