Are most bi married men in the closet?

[klippert]

yes.... and my buddy and I prefer it that way

 

[Bi4Older84]

Closeted here...and one of my regular buddies is married and closeted, while the other one just got out of a long term relationship, but his gf knew that he was orally bi and enjoyed/encouraged it.

The majority of the guys that I've spoken with seem to all fall within the same camp-married/attached and closeted.

 

[gary04]

Closet bi guy here live in a small town and everyone knows each other. Besides wife is sexless marriage

 

[Dreamer110]

Closet bi guy here live in a small town and everyone knows each other. Besides wife is sexless marriage

Sounds depressing.

 

[Travler99921]

I came out to my wife before my first gay encounter. She was surprisingly accepting of my need to have gay sex. However she did not want it to be widely known that I was bi. We did join a group of couples in mixed orientation marriages. This was a support group and no sex was involved. Other than that she wanted me to remain in the closet. I did.

 

[Dreamer110]

I came out to my wife before my first gay encounter. She was surprisingly accepting of my need to have gay sex. However she did not want it to be widely known that I was bi. We did join a group of couples in mixed orientation marriages. This was a support group and no sex was involved. Other than that she wanted me to remain in the closet. I did.

Lucky you.

 

[write_or_wrong]

I came out to my wife before my first gay encounter. She was surprisingly accepting of my need to have gay sex. However she did not want it to be widely known that I was bi. We did join a group of couples in mixed orientation marriages. This was a support group and no sex was involved. Other than that she wanted me to remain in the closet. I did.

You have it much better than most of the guys here - congratulations on picking an understanding woman to marry.

 

[Britva415]

Yes we are all in the closet

Not me. People who only know me superficially might assume I'm straight because I'm married to a woman, but I don't make any effort to closet myself or censor my speech about my orientation.

 

[liqueur]

Not me. People who only know me superficially might assume I'm straight because I'm married to a woman, but I don't make any effort to closet myself or censor my speech about my orientation.

Yes. The assumptions people make are funny. Certainly, your average white-bread meat-and-potatoes upstanding citizen assumes I'm just like them. For umpteen different reasons that are all silly. I don't bother correcting those assumptions, unless there's a specific reason to. It no longer feels important.

 

[TallOne]

I told my wife on our third date...26 years ago. She loved that I was open and honest with her and she was excited by the idea and me. Wasn't much longer till we were off to a sex shop to buy our first strap-on. Eventually got into swinging and threesomes. Selectively out to friends and of course any play partners. Also on the LGBTQ resource group at work, but not specifying any detail there so appear to just be an ally. Attend pride events and have some subtle pride themed sunglasses are my go to. So teetering right on the edge of just being openly out. Have some family that would be upset but they're largely elderly and out of state. Basically I wouldn't deny it if anyone asked but not volunteering unless I know they'd be OK with it.

As for whether most are, I can say advertising as a both bi couple on our online profiles gets a lot of attention from couples where the guy lists as straight but is very interested in bi play. So even though they're in a swinging context and open about that they're still closeted about their sexuality.

 

[TrailerHitch]

67 bi mwm in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. My wife knows and is okay with me seeking male or female sexual relationships. Just as I am okay with her seeking other male sexual relationships, she is not bi.

Honestly I don't understand how you keep it hidden from your spouse. Seems dangerous and a hell of a lot of work. My wife and I just say hey anything going on next Friday, because I have an opportunity to get together. If there's no scheduling conflict then it's on.

 

[Poppy64]

I'm a bi married man who has to hide his sexuality from his wife. How do others deal with this situation?

So...60+ male, married 40+ years to my best friend. I have had gay and bisexual experiences both prior to marriage and during my time married, without my wife knowing. After about 15 or so years of marraige things came to a head. I was having thoughts and desires about things and a couple of chance encounters with other men, none leading to sex, made me question life as it was. One night I just opened up. Told her everything and decided to let the cards fall where they may. I had to get things off of my chest and clear.the guilt.that I was feeling.
My wife, to her credit, sat patiently and listened to my babble. Looking back on it, she was being a good therapist, just listening. I expected.the worst. I expected.her.to kick me out, take the kids and make life a living hell. To my surprise, she only had one question, " is this something that she needed to worry about?" I commented.to her.that no, she did not need to worry about me cruising the streets looking for boys, but I still had things that were of interest.
Si ce.then we have explored bisexual porn together, me sharing stories of my past with her and have even discussed bringing a man or couple I to our time together.
Since.that day I ha e not had any bisexual experiences. We have an agreement that if that occasion arises, I must get permission from her to proceed and offer her the opportunity to join in whatever capacity she chooses.
Bottom line, be true to who you are. Share with your spouse your feelings and desires. You may be surprised.

 

[OralAllOver]

That closet is FABULOUS

 

[write_or_wrong]

So...60+ male, married 40+ years to my best friend. I have had gay and bisexual experiences both prior to marriage and during my time married, without my wife knowing. After about 15 or so years of marraige things came to a head. I was having thoughts and desires about things and a couple of chance encounters with other men, none leading to sex, made me question life as it was. One night I just opened up. Told her everything and decided to let the cards fall where they may. I had to get things off of my chest and clear.the guilt.that I was feeling.
My wife, to her credit, sat patiently and listened to my babble. Looking back on it, she was being a good therapist, just listening. I expected.the worst. I expected.her.to kick me out, take the kids and make life a living hell. To my surprise, she only had one question, " is this something that she needed to worry about?" I commented.to her.that no, she did not need to worry about me cruising the streets looking for boys, but I still had things that were of interest.
Si ce.then we have explored bisexual porn together, me sharing stories of my past with her and have even discussed bringing a man or couple I to our time together.
Since.that day I ha e not had any bisexual experiences. We have an agreement that if that occasion arises, I must get permission from her to proceed and offer her the opportunity to join in whatever capacity she chooses.
Bottom line, be true to who you are. Share with your spouse your feelings and desires. You may be surprised.

What a wonderful woman; no wonder she is your best friend.

 

[1960curious]

I am a 65 yo bi mwm.
I am a closet BI,
The wife would not understand!
I love sucking cock and taking a hard cock in my ass!

 

[chapter6plan]

I think that many people do not understand their own sexuality when they are young and courting their future partners. The subject of bisexuality is not discussed because neither party recognizes it in themselves. Or if they do, they think it's a 'state', not a 'trait'.
Fast forward 20 years ... it's a trait that won't go away and only gets stronger when marital sex declines.
So what do we do? Lucky are the few who can share their kinks with their partners. The rest of us remain closeted.
I was very bi-curious long before I met my wife, but also too shy & introverted to act on my desires. When sex happened frequently, it was easy to ignore. Now, I'm actively looking for a male fwb.

 

[Dreamer110]

I think that many people do not understand their own sexuality when they are young and courting their future partners. The subject of bisexuality is not discussed because neither party recognizes it in themselves. Or if they do, they think it's a 'state', not a 'trait'.
Fast forward 20 years ... it's a trait that won't go away and only gets stronger when marital sex declines.
So what do we do? Lucky are the few who can share their kinks with their partners. The rest of us remain closeted.
I was very bi-curious long before I met my wife, but also too shy & introverted to act on my desires. When sex happened frequently, it was easy to ignore. Now, I'm actively looking for a male fwb.

Shame you're so far away. We could discuss it over a beer.

 

[chapter6plan]

Also, most of the guys I've met up with a hungry for physical contact. When your partner doesn't cuddle, find someone who will.

 

[chapter6plan]

Shame you're so far away. We could discuss it over a beer.

Would love to.

 

[Dreamer110]

Would love too.

I'm sure we could solve the dilemma.

 

[BiGuy999]

Out here.

At college my wife and her friends thought I was gay. I didn't mind as she was in a relationship at the time so it actually made it easier to hang out with her. After her relationship ended I wasted no time in showing her I was bisexual so she has know right from the beginning. She's pretty straight, she's done some 'top half only' with other women but that's as far as it goes but even though she's straight her favourite porn has always been gay male so I guess she has always been open to a bit of man on man action and it means we can watch bi/gay male porn together and both have a great time (even if it's only laughing at the writing and acting sometimes).

We have other friends from college in the same position. She's straight(ish) he's bi and they are open about it. My wife loves listening to the stories of their bi adventures which they're always happy to share with her, especially as she doesn't hide how much it turns her on. I guess being in a bisexual relationship just never felt like something any of us had to hide thankfully.

That's not to say we live some sort of bacchanalian free for all, there are many boundaries that have been worked out along the way. For example my wife doesn't want to see me bottom for another man but loves seeing me top so when we play together I always respect that, even though I'd love to be fucking her whilst being fucked by another man, it's just never going to happen and that's a price I'm happy to pay for all the other amazing stuff I get to enjoy.

I always thought this kind of relationship was a fairly normal thing, or at least not unusual, but reading this thread I'm starting to think I just got really really lucky!

 

[BillyWalrus]

Out here.

At college my wife and her friends thought I was gay. I didn't mind as she was in a relationship at the time so it actually made it easier to hang out with her. After her relationship ended I wasted no time in showing her I was bisexual so she has know right from the beginning. She's pretty straight, she's done some 'top half only' with other women but that's as far as it goes but even though she's straight her favourite porn has always been gay male so I guess she has always been open to a bit of man on man action and it means we can watch bi/gay male porn together and both have a great time (even if it's only laughing at the writing and acting sometimes).

We have other friends from college in the same position. She's straight(ish) he's bi and they are open about it. My wife loves listening to the stories of their bi adventures which they're always happy to share with her, especially as she doesn't hide how much it turns her on. I guess being in a bisexual relationship just never felt like something any of us had to hide thankfully.

That's not to say we live some sort of bacchanalian free for all, there are many boundaries that have been worked out along the way. For example my wife doesn't want to see me bottom for another man but loves seeing me top so when we play together I always respect that, even though I'd love to be fucking her whilst being fucked by another man, it's just never going to happen and that's a price I'm happy to pay for all the other amazing stuff I get to enjoy.

I always thought this kind of relationship was a fairly normal thing, or at least not unusual, but reading this thread I'm starting to think I just got really really lucky!

Dude, you are living in fucking paradise. You don't need to die to go to heaven. You are already there!

 

[Speedoguy1]

Most Bi men are really gay but live behind a façade because of all the social stigma there has been for being gay. Most of us do it at a young age, but chose to live the life of being straight. Kids today are very lucky that the stigma is still there, but not as severe as it was for those of us who grew up in the 1970s.

 

[jchtlit]

Same here. I’ve been thinking more and more about telling her. Sometimes I think it’s an unfair assumption that she’ll react poorly, but given some of my other sexual predilections that I’ve shared with her, I just don’t want to bother with another disappointment.

Know exactly how you feel.

 

[jchtlit]

I'm bisexual, married to a woman, and very much in the closet. If I came out to her, it would be the end of my marriage, and it might be the end of me. With one exception (a gay suck buddy), I only play with other married men, although I indulge in an erotic massage by a make masseur now and then. I wish I could be open, and the emotional turmoil is sometimes pretty overwhelming. I wrote about this in one of my stories (Alex and Me), which is pure autobiography.

Would enjoy chatting with you. Also in Texas and feel the same.