Seeking Feedback - My First Sonnet

[SamanthaBehgs]

I've been tossing around the idea of writing a series of sonnets just for fun - spanning all sorts of genres and visuals, rather than centering around any sort of central theme. I've posted the first and I'd love some feedback so that I can get better (and have already gotten some comments doing just that, which is part of what made me think of this thread), especially since I haven't written a sonnet since learning what they were in school, so any feedback is appreciated. And for those who are in the "story feedback" forum - I apologize for the double post. I realized I was in the wrong place.

I also have one specific question: Do you put spaces between your stanzas?

Thank you in advance!

https://www.literotica.com/p/sonnet-1-whore-on-sale

 

[SmilingLez]

I've been tossing around the idea of writing a series of sonnets just for fun - spanning all sorts of genres and visuals, rather than centering around any sort of central theme. I've posted the first and I'd love some feedback so that I can get better (and have already gotten some comments doing just that, which is part of what made me think of this thread), especially since I haven't written a sonnet since learning what they were in school, so any feedback is appreciated. And for those who are in the "story feedback" forum - I apologize for the double post. I realized I was in the wrong place.

I also have one specific question: Do you put spaces between your stanzas?

Thank you in advance!

https://www.literotica.com/p/sonnet-1-whore-on-sale

It depends. I read your sonnet and would IMHO separate stanzas when perspective changes

 

[Angeline]

Imho it's a creditable Elizabethan sonnet. The rhyme scheme and meter mostly work well. I agree with Lez that separating the quatrains will make the perspective shift work better and with the commenter who suggested you take a closer look at the punctuation you've chosen: some commas seem unnecessary to me and other lines might work better if you enjamb them.

Just my opinions. Hope they help.

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

Imho it's a creditable Elizabethan sonnet. The rhyme scheme and meter mostly work well. I agree with Lez that separating the quatrains will make the perspective shift work better and with the commenter who suggested you take a closer look at the punctuation you've chosen: some commas seem unnecessary to me and other lines might work better if you enjamb them.

Just my opinions. Hope they help.

They absolutey help. I've also been advised in PM that maybe reading it out loud can help with the meter which, honestly, I should have thought of myself. I feel silly not having done it with a poetry style where the unstressed-stressed pattern is so important.

Thank you so much!

 

[Tzara]

I also have one specific question: Do you put spaces between your stanzas?

Whether you put spaces between stanzas is pretty much your own preference. My impression is that in Shakespearean sonnets (aka English or Elizabethan sonnets), which form your poem follows, they are relatively uncommon. In other words, most Shakespearean sonnets do not separate the quatrains and closing couplet with spaces (see, for example, MIT's set of Shakespeare's sonnets here).

I have occasionally seen Shakespearean sonnets formatted with the closing couplet indented, though. I think this is probably intended to visually reinforce the thematic turn (volta) that is characteristic of the close.

Spaces between the octave and sestet in a Petrarchan or Italian sonnet are, I think, more common. Again this seems to be a visual analogue to the volta, which in that form typically occurs between the eighth and ninth lines. However even Italian sonnets often are formatted with no spaces separating the two parts of the poem (see this example by Edna St. Vincent Millay).

So my advice is use spaces if it makes sense to you and don't use spaces if it doesn't.

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

Whether you put spaces between stanzas is pretty much your own preference. My impression is that in Shakespearean sonnets (aka English or Elizabethan sonnets), which form your poem follows, they are relatively uncommon. In other words, most Shakespearean sonnets do not separate the quatrains and closing couplet with spaces (see, for example, MIT's set of Shakespeare's sonnets here).

I did try to emulate Shakespearean sonnets in this case - I like them the best of all the sonnets I've read. Personal preference, really, but if I'm going to write, I felt sticking to what I liked hearing would work well. Thank you so much to the link to MIT's set. I had been looking at them more individually as I could, though I did try to find some images at least of the original text when deciding whether to add spaces (which is why I went with none).

I have occasionally seen Shakespearean sonnets formatted with the closing couplet indented, though. I think this is probably intended to visually reinforce the thematic turn (volta) that is characteristic of the close.

Ah the volta - we meet again. Perhaps indenting will help me do better with remembering to pay it close attention as well.

Spaces between the octave and sestet in a Petrarchan or Italian sonnet are, I think, more common. Again this seems to be a visual analogue to the volta, which in that form typically occurs between the eighth and ninth lines. However even Italian sonnets often are formatted with no spaces separating the two parts of the poem (see this example by Edna St. Vincent Millay).

So my advice is use spaces if it makes sense to you and don't use spaces if it doesn't.

Thank you again for the example. Why do they have to give so many choices instead of rules? LOL