Help with improving my story

[LightVeneer]

So, I just got my story sent back for the second time due to dialogue format.

I'd already fixed it to the best of my knowledge by following the thread on the message, so I'm not sure what to do, since I didn't get any actual feedback, just "fix your dialogue".

I'm attaching the latest iteration (with the dialogue fixed), any help on what could be wrong and how to avoid getting rejected on the same grounds again would be greatly appreciated

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Note: these are my first attempts at writing this type of fiction. As such, any feedback as to the tone, the style of writing, and so on, is more than welcome. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did imagining it and then putting it to paper. If you have any suggestions for future chapters or other stories, go for it!

All characters depicted in the story are 18 or older.

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[Do not post stories on the forums. Use the Editor's Forum if you need beta-readers/editors]

 

[joy_of_cooking]

The systematic mistake you are making is to add extra punctuation after the quotation mark. In American English the comma or period goes before the quotation mark and it's omitted is there is already punctuation (a question mark or exclamation point) in that place.

There are exceptions. For example, in technical contexts where one needs to convey "type a, type b, type c, and don't type a period" one might put the period outside the quotes to indicate that they are not part of the quoted material.

 

[yowser]

First of all, congratulations on writing, and putting your work out there, an act of courage and a feat of creation.

I won't do a thorough critique but will say you are wildly inconsistent in punctuation.

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?", Francesca asked from behind her desk. (Don't need a comma when the spoken sentence ends with an exclamation mark/question mark.)

"I always knew you had a killer body" I whispered in her ear "But I never thought I'd be enjoying it so much" I moved her against the wall, my dick pressing against her ass. (Comma after 'body' and inside quote marks. Period after 'ear.' comma after 'much' - again inside quotes.)

Best advice is to get a style guide (The Chicago Manual of Style, I use Turabian) and follow it assiduously, but short of that, one of our Lit authors has done a marvelous piece which should help correct most of your issues. @FrancesScott did this review essay: https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-punctuate-dialogue which is both succinct and comprehensive.

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[joy_of_cooking]

If you put your except into Google docs the software should flag all these errors for you. This should not run you a oul of the AI rule.

 

[FrancesScott]

First of all, congratulations on writing, and putting your work out there, an act of courage and a feat of creation.

I won't do a thorough critique but will say you are wildly inconsistent in punctuation.

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?", Francesca asked from behind her desk. (Don't need a comma when the spoken sentence ends with an exclamation mark/question mark.)

"I always knew you had a killer body" I whispered in her ear "But I never thought I'd be enjoying it so much" I moved her against the wall, my dick pressing against her ass. (Comma after 'body' and inside quote marks. Period after 'ear.' comma after 'much' - again inside quotes.)

Best advice is to get a style guide (The Chicago Manual of Style, I use Turabian) and follow it assiduously, but short of that, one of our Lit authors has done a marvelous piece which should help correct most of your issues. @FrancesScott did this review essay: https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-punctuate-dialogue which is both succinct and comprehensive.

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Thank you for the mention!