Just lonely and in a sexless marriage

[JesseWallace]

I can relate to a lot of your story myself. My wife too suffered abuse from a family member, which I think has shaped her outlook on sex, but we're at the point now where she is physically unable to let me in. It's so frustrating when you just crave that physical contact, but like yourself, we are happy in most other ways.

Yeah, it’s tough, isn’t it?

I mean, it’s nice when all the other stuff is working - and no relationship is perfect - but there’s a basic human need for intimacy, which is tough to endure when it isn’t present in your life.

It’s why I’m grateful for a place like this where we can talk openly, let each other know that we’re not alone, and perhaps find the kind of solace that we’re looking for with a genuine person who also wants to share it.

 

[Harry sach]

Yeah, you're right. I discovered these forums many years ago, but have only really dipped in and out sporadically. Now I find myself without anyone to really talk to about stuff though, I find myself coming back more often.

 

[JesseWallace]

Yeah, you're right. I discovered these forums many years ago, but have only really dipped in and out sporadically. Now I find myself without anyone to really talk to about stuff though, I find myself coming back more often.

Same here. I found erotic fiction (and audio) as a more satisfying outlet for me, then I discovered there was a whole discussion forum of like-minded people attached to it.

I’ve dipped and out over the years, and this isn’t my first profile, but it feels more helpful now when it’s so hard to discuss these things with others.

 

[Draven_Crow13]

50 ohio here married not happily more like roommates no playfulness always initiating everything . Maybe find elusive connection with one in same boat.

Sarcastic love football coffee and star wars among other things also like reading.

 

[Cultivateddesires]

I am in a similar situation and some titbits I can offer

Don’t sink so far into the online porn world you lose touch with reality.

Don’t allow yourself to be so annoyed with the situation, that you miss the fleeting chances that are presented. Resist wallowing.

Some nights will be just a kiss and a cuddle. That’s Ok.

Enjoy the quality of what you do have rather than scratch the “greener grass” itch all the time.

Invest in the emotion and romance, knowing full well that this is a long term game and won’t pay back the same day.


I’m here for an online relationship … I am fully aware of my own shortcomings.

 

[Lonely50M]

Holy crap. I did not realize how many people were going through relatively the same situation as me. I felt bad because the only User name I could think of that fits the best is Lonely50M. Sounds kinda sad, but it seems there are so many others that share the same story.
Our "issue" is my wife doesn't have the libido as I do so I revert to masturbation and then get caught off guard when she springs the desire to have sex on me, I'm not necessarily interested.

 

[Lonely50M]

I am in a similar situation and some titbits I can offer

Don’t sink so far into the online porn world you lose touch with reality.

Don’t allow yourself to be so annoyed with the situation, that you miss the fleeting chances that are presented. Resist wallowing.

Some nights will be just a kiss and a cuddle. That’s Ok.

Enjoy the quality of what you do have rather than scratch the “greener grass” itch all the time.

Invest in the emotion and romance, knowing full well that this is a long term game and won’t pay back the same day.


I’m here for an online relationship … I am fully aware of my own shortcomings.

Wow, that was very positive, comforting and inspiring advice. I really liked that! Thank you. (From someone who stumbled upon this chat...) That actually fits MY particular situation.

 

[WetSubGirl]

I'll throw my input here. Different from others but in some ways similar.

Married 4+ decades. Wife has never initiated sex but we would both enjoy it if I started the ball rolling. Then 6 years ago she had a hysterectomy and it no longer is pleasurable for me when I'm inside her. It isn't uncomfortable but the anatomy has changed and it doesn't give me anything now.
She will be able to climax a few times when she is on top but no position will get me there.

I did ask about trying anal but got shot down immediately.

So I just have some memories (she was the naked wife under a raincoat a few decades ago) and my right hand.

I'm sorry for unsolicited advice...

Did she considered pelvic floor therapy?
She may experience various issues post hysterectomy and during perimenopause, physical, mental. She could seek treatment and get help for so many important for her well being and health and longevity...
If I were to look for a place for such treatment, I would look for a clinic provides holistic approach to sexuality and menopause, with several specialties on board: ob/gyn, pelvic floor physical therapy, non invasive procedures like laser and radio frequency therapy, a psychologist, a nutritionist...

And even if there are irreparable issues, there's also so much fun besides vaginal penetration for both sides. She may be even able to find new way to reach an orgasm herself (via an online course like omgyes.com. I have no interest there).

I apologize again for bringing something else into very sensitive topic.
Women frequently don't know what issues they go through are connected to a declining ovarian function and what medicine has to offer, it's really awkward to bring it up, many physicians don't update their knowledge about this topic...
Best regards.

 

[slavejason]

I’m 35, we’ve been together 7 years, married 5, sexless 1, I think we had what I’m guessing most couples experience, all the toys and outfits 2 or 3 times a week, which gradually became once a week to once a month, I’d already noticed that it was always me and that she never initiated sex but it got to a point where she was accusing me of pestering her for sex and her feeling pressured into it, obviously hearing this didn’t make me feel good about myself, I stopped asking for sex and we stopped having sex, that was just over a year ago.
Obviously I have the urge so have to take myself away and I feel I have to hide it from my wife, yes I get the reply I want but I’m always left with an empty/hollow feeling afterwards.

 

[Nightbloom50]

I have been married a long time. I get that people can grow apart. It certainly has happened in my marriage. My wife has no interest in sex or intimacy. It has been over a year. I get that, in that I am certainly not the man I was in my 20's. In 30 or so years we all change.

But I have needs that shee seems to not care about. We talk about it, and she gets it, but she never wants to address it physically, or in any manner that would make me feel like her husband or even a man. I am not sure what to do.

My life now is all masturbation in terms of intimacy. I still have a strong libido. What I do not still have is my 30 year old self. I feel that if you are in love at 30 you can also be in love at 50 or older, but you cannot expect that 30 year old man and body you were into........we grow older, and our love should too.

So I am lonely and depressed. I have to get myself off, but it is getting harder to do as i am not only feeling bitter, but really abnormal and guilty. Online pictures, videos, and stories have become my intimate life. Maybe I need to give into that.....I don't know. But I am looking for anything that would help.

Thanks!

As a woman in a sexless marriage, I get it. I weigh what I did when we got married. I've lost 80lbs thinking it was because of my weight, but it's not. His phone is more important than connecting to me and it's painful.

 

[RockMetal4Life]

Im a fully paid up member of the sexless marriage club. Its frustrating as all hell. I understand why she doesn't want sex, we have talked about it. But that doesn't help me. So I guess ive just got to live with porn and masturbation.

Ive come here to chat to ladies who are in the same boat. But theres like 10 guys to every woman so theres virtually no chance of that happening!!!

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Im a fully paid up member of the sexless marriage club. Its frustrating as all hell. I understand why she doesn't want sex, we have talked about it. But that doesn't help me. So I guess ive just got to live with porn and masturbation.

Ive come here to chat to ladies who are in the same boat. But theres like 10 guys to every woman so theres virtually no chance of that happening!!!

Have you asked for a hall pass?

 

[Nightbloom50]

I feel very unwanted and yet men and women come on to me daily. I don't understand it. It's painful and lonely.

 

[RockMetal4Life]

Have you asked for a hall pass?

Yup. She's worried about me forming an emotional attachment to someone else.

 

[Cultivateddesires]

According to The Guardian https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...g-sex-in-public-places?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other the national average is having sex 68 times a year

I don’t know how they define that or their source but I choose to trust them.

Let’s be charitable and assume “having sex” is any event where a person touches another persons bits.

That means the national average is two to three times what I get.

:/

 

[Nightbloom50]

Yup. She's worried about me forming an emotional attachment to

According to The Guardian https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...g-sex-in-public-places?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other the national average is having sex 68 times a year

I don’t know how they define that or their source but I choose to trust them.

Let’s be charitable and assume “having sex” is any event where a person touches another persons bits.

That means the national average is two to three times what I get.

:/

Same unfortunately

 

[Dearelliot]

So I did waste a lot of bucks with pros. Why not? Otherwise, I would be celibate.
200 and on occasion 300 bucks, for an hour of a lady's time...So what else can an old man do with the bucks that gives him pleasure? Go out for a nice dinner...Well, that's what I feel like it is.

 

[RoanMtn]

The last time I had sex was in July of 2001.

 

[PMarky2]

The last time I had sex was in July of 2001.

Shit

 

[RockMetal4Life]

The last time I had sex was in July of 2001.

Thats awful.

 

[Luvtoexplore]

I love my wife, and I take care of her as she has and continues to go through several serious health challenges. Our car knows its own way to the Boston hospitals. We've been together since 1978, and our first 20 years together included the best sex and intimacy (they're related but not the same) two people could have.

Her physical and mental health issues have taken up our lives ever since. There is no more sex and hasn't been for 25+ years. Intimacy is rare. My sex life since the early 2000s has been my hand, some good lube, and Literotica. I will never abandon my wife (it has been suggested multiple times by multiple people who know our situation that I do so) because you don't do that to someone you love.

Up above someone mentioned getting a hall pass. I wouldn't know what to do with one once I got it.

 

[boxman11]

Dam, I need a hall pass for sure.

 

[Cultivateddesires]

.

Up above someone mentioned getting a hall pass. I wouldn't know what to do with one once I got it.

Too true.

I finally gave up chasing an affair when I realised I wasn’t charming, suave or “it” enough to actually succeed.

But I yearn.

 

[kyblue12]

Same unfortunately

Here too..... Its been 4 years

 

[Norfolkguy49]

Longer here