Making fantasies real....

[wonderland_a89]

In the last couple of weeks, me and my boyfriend have been open and had some chats about various fantasies or things we want to do. Unfortunately these chats seem to happen during our sexy time and feel like they are just used to turn us both on at that time.

My boyfriend had brought up the idea of driving us around, me naked in the front seat and is finding somewhere to shag. And played with the idea that people could watch. We brought it up a couple of days in a row but felt I had to say it was "just a fantasy, no need to do it". I said it because I felt like he didn't really mean it and it wasn't something he wanted to do.

I mean it's fine to have fantasies and talk about all the hot things that we could do. And even though a lot of these fantasies have been shared because he has asked me what I find hot, I feel like they are just going to stay as a fantasy.

Just for context, I left my boyfriend of 15 years to be with him after we met on fab so he knew how sexual and kinky I could be. And now I feel like I'm back stuck in a vanilla (ISH) relationship and I need to try some of the naughty things in my head.

 

[joclfc]

What kind of fantasy's do you have?

 

[wonderland_a89]

I really want to be shared by 5/6 men all at once.... Like at a party where I just go around kissing, playing, fucking the guys all night

 

[joclfc]

I really want to be shared by 5/6 men all at once.... Like at a party where I just go around kissing, playing, fucking the guys all night

That's quite specific and maybe a bit much for your first experience?

 

[Nellie60]

In the last couple of weeks, me and my boyfriend have been open and had some chats about various fantasies or things we want to do. Unfortunately these chats seem to happen during our sexy time and feel like they are just used to turn us both on at that time.

My boyfriend had brought up the idea of driving us around, me naked in the front seat and is finding somewhere to shag. And played with the idea that people could watch. We brought it up a couple of days in a row but felt I had to say it was "just a fantasy, no need to do it". I said it because I felt like he didn't really mean it and it wasn't something he wanted to do.

I mean it's fine to have fantasies and talk about all the hot things that we could do. And even though a lot of these fantasies have been shared because he has asked me what I find hot, I feel like they are just going to stay as a fantasy.

Just for context, I left my boyfriend of 15 years to be with him after we met on fab so he knew how sexual and kinky I could be. And now I feel like I'm back stuck in a vanilla (ISH) relationship and I need to try some of the naughty things in my head.

I agree with jocifc. Maybe chose another to warm up on.

I had a fantasy of watching my ex girlfriend years ago. After months of teasing I couldn't settle seeing her have sex with a stranger while I watched. Instead watched her give the hottest hand action to another man in my car.

Even after making that fantasy real we didn't go further, I wasn't comfortable losing her beyond what we did.

 

[Britva415]

In the last couple of weeks, me and my boyfriend have been open and had some chats about various fantasies or things we want to do. Unfortunately these chats seem to happen during our sexy time and feel like they are just used to turn us both on at that time.

My boyfriend had brought up the idea of driving us around, me naked in the front seat and is finding somewhere to shag. And played with the idea that people could watch. We brought it up a couple of days in a row but felt I had to say it was "just a fantasy, no need to do it". I said it because I felt like he didn't really mean it and it wasn't something he wanted to do.

I mean it's fine to have fantasies and talk about all the hot things that we could do. And even though a lot of these fantasies have been shared because he has asked me what I find hot, I feel like they are just going to stay as a fantasy.

Just for context, I left my boyfriend of 15 years to be with him after we met on fab so he knew how sexual and kinky I could be. And now I feel like I'm back stuck in a vanilla (ISH) relationship and I need to try some of the naughty things in my head.

Well, fgs don't say you aren't into it when you are.

Don't project onto him, just ask him what he really thinks.

Ideally, do it when you aren't busy turning each other on. Pick a time when sex isn't underway or imminent.

Here's what you have done: By protecting what you imagined his feelings to be and lying about your own, you have made it unsafe for him to express his actual feelings if he does like the idea.

Gonna be honest: With a baseline this poor, regarding communication skill and regarding mutual trust with your partner, it would be damn hard to de-vanillify things at this point.

However, even with that said, I think you have to get radically vulnerable and transparent. You clearly don't want a (nother) vanilla relationship, so, get confessing. Admit you weren't honest, and tell him what you want/like/need. Show him it's OK for him to follow your example and get vulnerable with you too. Establish that you both need and deserve honesty starting now.

None of this will guarantee that he'll be into the same things you're into, but they will ensure that it's safe to at least talk about each other's desires. It will also show you if you're too much not on the same page.

Wouldn't you want to know, instead of not knowing because you avoided "rocking the boat?" 15 years was too long, how long does this new guy deserve to be entangled with someone who isn't communicating about needs and desires? How long would you want to be with someone (again) before finding out and deciding whether you're compatible or not?

Don't wait. You're already frustrated and anticipating more frustration. Just open up and talk, because if you don't, the uncertainty and frustration is just going to linger and get worse.

 

[Nellie60]

Just test out with someone to see if you are both comfortable sexually with another person, specifically another man.

Try making out first. He may not be prepared with you touching another person intimately.

There a lot of people here that taking swinging or sexually relationships with others like its everyday occurrence. It may not be for everyone. Emotions will come to play so be prepared.

For me I am glad I didn't let someone else completely possess her right from the start as a little jealous crept in honestly but fulfilling that fantasy was unimaginable. Think about what happened years later still.

 

[BigCox7669]

Fuck ..I have so many...it's hard to get my women to even discuss them ...my biggest is to be in full drag ..and me and her or just me gets gang banged ....and I ha6a real fetish for BBC
...and just any BIG cock!

 

[TravisAW]

The easiest way to do it is at semi-sexy time (snuggles vs anything extra) talk about the fantasies that you both had and preface it with "obviously some would be more likely than others" and test the ground with which he'd like to come true versus which he wouldn't.
For example, he might want an MFF where he both gives and receives and want it to happen, but as much as he might say that he wants to watch you have 6 guys breeding you, he'd only be okay if they all wore condoms.

You know him better than us, but be prepared to offer one that you'd want to do (e.g. wear just a summer dress on a walk and flash him top and bottom so he knows that's all your wearing) versus maybe a throwaway that would be too extreme for you to do - starring in a porn film maybe?