How do I tell my wife I’m bisexual?

[Fistboy]

I believe I’m bisexual but have been married for 27 years. How do I tell my wife and convince her I don’t want to go outside our marriage and she’s “enough” for me, for lack of a better term?

 

[cdstefi]

Does she know you like porn (I'm assuming you do)? If so, maybe just let it slip that you enjoy the erect cocks as much as the women and fucking?

 

[CuriousJInLA]

You can ask her if she’s ever fantasized about bringing another man into your time together. Introduce ideas that could possibly excite her and discuss what might happen

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

You can just tell her.

 

[Travler99921]

I told my wife I was having gay fantasies and an increasing desire to have gay sex. That led to many follow up discussions. One day she surprised me by saying I should experiment with gay sex. So I did. Later I found out she wa ok with me being bi, but if I was gay she would probably want a divorce. I turned out to be bi.

 

[meme62626]

It's always intrigued me how some women are not threatened, and even turned on by bi men, while other's are the complete opposite.. I'm from the camp of I wish I never told my wife...

 

[bobb64]

My wife knows i'm bi she told me she has always known right from the start.

 

[Burstplayer]

I just did..feel free to DM me..happy to share

 

[cdstefi]

I believe I’m bisexual but have been married for 27 years. How do I tell my wife and convince her I don’t want to go outside our marriage and she’s “enough” for me, for lack of a better term?

If she's enough for you and you don't want to act on it I don't see the problem. Keep it to yourself and masturbate thinking about cock and let her carry on thinking you're her totally straight husband who's only into her. It's what millions of other men do.

Or make a judgement call on how open-minded you think she is and start opening up to her. Or stay closed off if it looks like she'll show you the door.

I dunno. Without knowing either of you it's completely impossible to suggest a course of action.

 

[Stxhm]

I believe I’m bisexual but have been married for 27 years. How do I tell my wife and convince her I don’t want to go outside our marriage and she’s “enough” for me, for lack of a better term?

A. Before talking to your wife, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you want your wife to understand? (e.g., “I’m bisexual, but my commitment hasn’t changed.”)

2. What isn’t changing?
(e.g., You don't plan to cheat, seek an open marriage, or reduce your commitment.)

3. Why is it important to share this now? (e.g., honesty, wanting deeper trust, not hiding a part of yourself anymore.)

Having clarity youtself, will help you to communicate calmly instead of sounding like you're dropping a bombshell, and obliterating your entire marriage.


B. I urge you to lead with reassurance:

1. First and foremost - affirm your love and commitment to her.
2. Be clear with her that's it’s about honesty, NOT change
3. Remain Open and Invite her feelings. Remember, if this is the first time you have broached this topic with her, it will be a shock to her system, and a lot to process. Create a safe space, not just for you to have full disclosure, but for her to be open about her own feelings.

C. Brace Yourself and PREPARE for her reactions!

1. She WILL BE shocked. She may feel confused, or even hurt at first. Just remember her reaction is valid, and she may need time to process all this.
2. I suggest you remain patient, and avoid being defensive. You'll want to reinforce that your bisexuality doesn’t diminish how much she means to you.

My Advice:

Lead with reassurance, be honest but gentle, and let her know this doesn’t mean you want to change your marriage. It means you don’t want to hide from her. Give her space to process, and be open to talking more than once. And if it feels too heavy for either one of you, don’t be afraid to bring a therapist into the conversation. An independent 3rd party can give both sides clarity and perspective.

Good luck!

- A Former Wife

 

[Fistboy]

A. Before talking to your wife, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you want your wife to understand? (e.g., “I’m bisexual, but my commitment hasn’t changed.”)

2. What isn’t changing?
(e.g., You don't plan to cheat, seek an open marriage, or reduce your commitment.)

3. Why is it important to share this now? (e.g., honesty, wanting deeper trust, not hiding a part of yourself anymore.)

Having clarity youtself, will help you to communicate calmly instead of sounding like you're dropping a bombshell, and obliterating your entire marriage.


B. I urge you to lead with reassurance:

1. First and foremost - affirm your love and commitment to her.
2. Be clear with her that's it’s about honesty, NOT change
3. Remain Open and Invite her feelings. Remember, if this is the first time you have broached this topic with her, it will be a shock to her system, and a lot to process. Create a safe space, not just for you to have full disclosure, but for her to be open about her own feelings.

C. Brace Yourself and PREPARE for her reactions!

1. She WILL BE shocked. She may feel confused, or even hurt at first. Just remember her reaction is valid, and she may need time to process all this.
2. I suggest you remain patient, and avoid being defensive. You'll want to reinforce that your bisexuality doesn’t diminish how much she means to you.

My Advice:

Lead with reassurance, be honest but gentle, and let her know this doesn’t mean you want to change your marriage. It means you don’t want to hide from her. Give her space to process, and be open to talking more than once. And if it feels too heavy for either one of you, don’t be afraid to bring a therapist into the conversation. An independent 3rd party can give both sides clarity and perspective.

Good luck!

- A Former Wife

Thankyou, that is excellent advice

 

[Burstplayer]

A. Before talking to your wife, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you want your wife to understand? (e.g., “I’m bisexual, but my commitment hasn’t changed.”)

2. What isn’t changing?
(e.g., You don't plan to cheat, seek an open marriage, or reduce your commitment.)

3. Why is it important to share this now? (e.g., honesty, wanting deeper trust, not hiding a part of yourself anymore.)

Having clarity youtself, will help you to communicate calmly instead of sounding like you're dropping a bombshell, and obliterating your entire marriage.


B. I urge you to lead with reassurance:

1. First and foremost - affirm your love and commitment to her.
2. Be clear with her that's it’s about honesty, NOT change
3. Remain Open and Invite her feelings. Remember, if this is the first time you have broached this topic with her, it will be a shock to her system, and a lot to process. Create a safe space, not just for you to have full disclosure, but for her to be open about her own feelings.

C. Brace Yourself and PREPARE for her reactions!

1. She WILL BE shocked. She may feel confused, or even hurt at first. Just remember her reaction is valid, and she may need time to process all this.
2. I suggest you remain patient, and avoid being defensive. You'll want to reinforce that your bisexuality doesn’t diminish how much she means to you.

My Advice:

Lead with reassurance, be honest but gentle, and let her know this doesn’t mean you want to change your marriage. It means you don’t want to hide from her. Give her space to process, and be open to talking more than once. And if it feels too heavy for either one of you, don’t be afraid to bring a therapist into the conversation. An independent 3rd party can give both sides clarity and perspective.

Good luck!

- A Former Wife

Having just gone through this, this is one of the best and informative posts I've ever read on LIT

 

[Bathtubbill]

I believe I’m bisexual but have been married for 27 years. How do I tell my wife and convince her I don’t want to go outside our marriage and she’s “enough” for me, for lack of a better term?

It all depends on your wife and how she reacts, realistically however there is a major chance it ends in divorce. Be very careful.

 

[Fistboy]

So, the answer to my own question is to tell her during a conversation where you’re trying to explain how lost you are.
She took it better than I thought and said she’s suspected for a long time.

 

[Poppy64]

I believe I’m bisexual but have been married for 27 years. How do I tell my wife and convince her I don’t want to go outside our marriage and she’s “enough” for me, for lack of a better term?

So, many years ago I was involved in a few m2m relationships. Nothing of a serious nature just sucking each other and small ass play. I never considered myself to be gay as I was always in a relationship with women.
25+ years later something changed. I was happily married with kids and living a great life. I had not even thought about any of the activities of the past. Out of the blue I began having erotic dreams that contained m2m relationships.
One night I just opened up to my wife about my past and what was happening, fearing the worst, but I had to come clean. To my surprise my wife was not upset or for that matter even surprised. Her only comment was " is this something that I need to worry about?". This interaction opened up a new level of conversation. She actually wanted to know all of the specific details of the interactions and I think that me relating these experiences stirred something inside of her.
We have discussed bringing another man into our bed but to date we have not and that is fine. Neither of us want a stranger but have wondered on how to approach friends that you trust.
So to wrap this up, in my opinion, if the feelings and desires are strong then you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest. Yiu never know.

 

[Fistboy]

So, many years ago I was involved in a few m2m relationships. Nothing of a serious nature just sucking each other and small ass play. I never considered myself to be gay as I was always in a relationship with women.
25+ years later something changed. I was happily married with kids and living a great life. I had not even thought about any of the activities of the past. Out of the blue I began having erotic dreams that contained m2m relationships.
One night I just opened up to my wife about my past and what was happening, fearing the worst, but I had to come clean. To my surprise my wife was not upset or for that matter even surprised. Her only comment was " is this something that I need to worry about?". This interaction opened up a new level of conversation. She actually wanted to know all of the specific details of the interactions and I think that me relating these experiences stirred something inside of her.
We have discussed bringing another man into our bed but to date we have not and that is fine. Neither of us want a stranger but have wondered on how to approach friends that you trust.
So to wrap this up, in my opinion, if the feelings and desires are strong then you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest. Yiu never know.

Thank you for your feedback. For various reasons I feel very lost at the moment, and during a conversation about it she asked me a question that made it easier to tell her im bisexual, or at least think I am. She took it a lot better than I thought she would, and even said she'd "known" for years, longer than me. I told her I don't want to act on it and she asked me to be honest if that changes. I told her I'm curious what it would be like but that's as far as it goes ATM.

 

[Britva415]

She took it better than I thought and said she’s suspected for a long time

Congratulations for getting it out in the open and having such an on-your-side spouse!

 

[Sgts19]

It's always intrigued me how some women are not threatened, and even turned on by bi men, while other's are the complete opposite.. I'm from the camp of I wish I never told my wife...

How did your wife react when you told her?

 

[meme62626]

At first she seemed turned on, she had already been using a strap on on me. But after we were trying to find a guy , she kinda backed away from it and stopped using the toys,

 

[KinkStevens]

I believe I’m bisexual but have been married for 27 years. How do I tell my wife and convince her I don’t want to go outside our marriage and she’s “enough” for me, for lack of a better term?

If shes enough and you don’t plan to act in it, why share? Seems like you want her to approve of you going out and sucking a cock, or kiss a man or something. Whats the point?

 

[Biguy77578]

Before we married my wife to be and I would watch porn while fucking. I rented a mmf threesome tape that showed the males sucking each other. She asked me "if I would ever do that"? I told her yes and that I had. She arranged for a male friend to join us a few weeks later.

 

[Fistboy]

If shes enough and you don’t plan to act in it, why share? Seems like you want her to approve of you going out and sucking a cock, or kiss a man or something. Whats the point?

Honesty

 

[leftwantingmore]

I have been bi/pansexual for 58 years. Over those years there have been times when I was actively bi/pansexual and times when I have been inactive. Three marriages. Tread carefully.
Honesty comes with risk.

 

[Biguy77578]

Well we have been married now 26 years and shared many fantastic sexual adventures, straight and same sex. She let's me be me.

 

[Fistboy]

I have been bi/pansexual for 58 years. Over those years there have been times when I was actively bi/pansexual and times when I have been inactive. Three marriages. Tread carefully.
Honesty comes with risk.

We’ve been married for 27 years, being honest with each other.