A question for hotwife couples

[cuckoldbill]

There are lots of reasons why people do this and I believe more of it goes on than people realise. My wife cheated with a few guys years ago and when it eventually came out into the open it became a big part of our sex life. We had no name for it back in the 90s when it started. It was just our secret. After a long break while rearing kids, she recently started seeing a younger guy. Now with me less able to satisfy her as I used to, I get extreme pleasure out of knowing what she gets up to and just hearing about it. It's difficult to explain to people that haven't lived it.

I agree completely. Very much my experience

 

[Phatfeet]

There are lots of reasons why people do this and I believe more of it goes on than people realise. My wife cheated with a few guys years ago and when it eventually came out into the open it became a big part of our sex life. We had no name for it back in the 90s when it started. It was just our secret. After a long break while rearing kids, she recently started seeing a younger guy. Now with me less able to satisfy her as I used to, I get extreme pleasure out of knowing what she gets up to and just hearing about it. It's difficult to explain to people that haven't lived it.

I think being cheated on is a major driver for some on this. Men who have been cheated on find out the hard way that they have NO CONTROL over who their wife has sex with. Therefore cuckolding is very appealing because it allows a sense of knowing. She has his permission to be with another so therefore he knows who and when she is with. This is in stark contrast to the woman he so desperately loves betraying him and blindsiding him by outright cheating.

Its not really control in a negative way though. The man is just trying to control emotional pain.

But its not complicated. It would be like your son not asking and stealing your truck to go joyride for the weekend. You would be terribly hurt that he would do that all without asking. But he's your son. You love him. So you tell him, "please, if you need my truck for a legitimate reason, just ask". Or maybe you ask him to only use it on Saturday nand not the whole weekend. Its the same sort of situation with wife-sharing but on a huge emotional level. Its not so much about control (you have been shown you don't have any) but rather minimizing hurt feelings.

 

[Matt3427]

I think being cheated on is a major driver for some on this. Men who have been cheated on find out the hard way that they have NO CONTROL over who their wife has sex with. Therefore cuckolding is very appealing because it allows a sense of knowing. She has his permission to be with another so therefore he knows who and when she is with. This is in stark contrast to the woman he so desperately loves betraying him and blindsiding him by outright cheating.

Its not really control in a negative way though. The man is just trying to control emotional pain.

But its not complicated. It would be like your son not asking and stealing your truck to go joyride for the weekend. You would be terribly hurt that he would do that all without asking. But he's your son. You love him. So you tell him, "please, if you need my truck for a legitimate reason, just ask". Or maybe you ask him to only use it on Saturday nand not the whole weekend. Its the same sort of situation with wife-sharing but on a huge emotional level. Its not so much about control (you have been shown you don't have any) but rather minimizing hurt feelings.

I understand what you mean. We're lucky to have the benefit of hindsight and comfortable with our marriage after many years. It wasn't as much control or even giving her permission - I struggle with that concept as it's not my place to give her permission, that makes it sound to me like she's a possession or she's mine to control. It's anything but, we've both agreed that this is something we like. For us it's actually kept our marriage together even though when it first happened it felt like we were drifting apart. For some it ends up going the other way.

 

[Foxed]

I understand what you mean. We're lucky to have the benefit of hindsight and comfortable with our marriage after many years. It wasn't as much control or even giving her permission - I struggle with that concept as it's not my place to give her permission, that makes it sound to me like she's a possession or she's mine to control. It's anything but, we've both agreed that this is something we like. For us it's actually kept our marriage together even though when it first happened it felt like we were drifting apart. For some it ends up going the other way.

We are very aware of boundaries. It only works while it is fun for us both

 

[CEOescape]

Foxed I have never been so turned on, never been so aroused at how she is doing,never let my mind go and vision exactly what she is having done to her..And I have NEVER kept myself to cummming all the while being hard as hell and yelling to no one... FUCK HER MAKE HER WANT MORE

 

[Phatfeet]

I understand what you mean. We're lucky to have the benefit of hindsight and comfortable with our marriage after many years. It wasn't as much control or even giving her permission - I struggle with that concept as it's not my place to give her permission, that makes it sound to me like she's a possession or she's mine to control. It's anything but, we've both agreed that this is something we like. For us it's actually kept our marriage together even though when it first happened it felt like we were drifting apart. For some it ends up going the other way.

I feel the same way.

I think those of us who have been cheated KNOW we cannot control the actions of others, even our own wives. But that is not always so true with others who have never experienced it. You often hear it with long-term couples who like to say, "Oh, my wife would never do that".

It's possible, some people are faithful in their marriages and thats good, but you read about the statistics of men raising children who are not their own and do not even know it. Or whom had wives cheat and never got caught. It is a huge statistic.

Like I said, it is not controlling her that many like cuckolding, but rather feeling a sense of control over potential pain of their own that is a motivator. Its not painful if its just assumed they will cheat and you are okay with it.

Its trauma response even if few who cuckold wish to admit it.

 

[dingdongditchding]

The other part of the equation is, a lot of people look at marriage as if it is one singular thing, and it’s not. Marriage is not like a big stick; it’s like a collection of sticks gathered up in a persons arms. One stick is financial. Another is kids. Another is friendship. And yes, sex is another. But it is just part of a collection that makes marriage a life spent together. That is why divorce works. A couple parts ways, but the stick that is their children is passed back and forth, but not the other aspects of the former marriage.

So sex is a big part of marriage, but not all of it.

For some husbands, they could not pull that stick out and allow another man to have that, while others can. But that does not mean it is an automatic, “well I am allowing you too, so you should allow me”. Frankly that kind of mindset is the POLAR OPPOSITE of what most husbands interested in wife sharing have. They love their wives very much and just want her to be sexual satisfied. It is not about them.

That could be for many reasons, but often times based on guilt. Maybe they are not so well endowed, or, maybe they tend to get off too quick and realize their wife can and would love for it to last much longer. But no matter the reason, it is not about them, but him being sexually excited by her being sexually satisfied. In that it becomes a gift to the wife. “Please enjoy the sex I have not really been able to fully give you”.

What you are suggesting, “you can, just so I can”, is just a marriage without any consequences of having sex with others. Good luck with that because it’s not a gift to the wife at all. It’s a demand.

I would be OK with that, as long as she comes back to me. a sexy poly hotwife

 

[dingdongditchding]

I tried to talk to my ex about this lifestyle but she was so mad at me

 

[jimmyturtleman]

There are lots of reasons why people do this and I believe more of it goes on than people realise. My wife cheated with a few guys years ago and when it eventually came out into the open it became a big part of our sex life. We had no name for it back in the 90s when it started. It was just our secret. After a long break while rearing kids, she recently started seeing a younger guy. Now with me less able to satisfy her as I used to, I get extreme pleasure out of knowing what she gets up to and just hearing about it. It's difficult to explain to people that haven't lived it.

Well said, and written. My wife has been with a few other men since the 90's and I am perfectly fine with that. It took me a while after her first affair, to not only accept her need for other men, but embrace it. Once I did accept her need for extra marital sex, she questioned my motives, like so many other wives do. She wanted to know if I still found her sexually attractive, which I did, and still do. Then she hit on the crux of the matter. Did I want to fuck other women? My answer was, "No," which surprised her. She remained sexually active until recently, when a health issue put a temporary halt to it.

Like you, Matt3427, I get extreme pleasure out of knowing what my wife is up to, and then hearing about it. I find it impossible to explain it to people who are not as like minded as you, and many others.

 

[Ed_Sumner]

Well said, and written. My wife has been with a few other men since the 90's and I am perfectly fine with that. It took me a while after her first affair, to not only accept her need for other men, but embrace it. Once I did accept her need for extra marital sex, she questioned my motives, like so many other wives do. She wanted to know if I still found her sexually attractive, which I did, and still do. Then she hit on the crux of the matter. Did I want to fuck other women? My answer was, "No," which surprised her. She remained sexually active until recently, when a health issue put a temporary halt to it.

Like you, Matt3427, I get extreme pleasure out of knowing what my wife is up to, and then hearing about it. I find it impossible to explain it to people who are not as like minded as you, and many others.

I've been all the way down this very same road: discovering she had cheated for years, enduring a period of shock, hurt, and anger, deciding to stay together and keep our family intact, accepting her need for sex with other men, turning down her repeated offers for me to be with other women, and successfully transitioning into a one-way hotwife relationship. This experience has brought us much closer, greatly strengthened our marriage, and allowed me to reach levels of sexual pleasure I never knew existed. I agree it's a form of trauma response and fetishizing my humiliation, and it's certainly hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through the process, but the pleasure is so intense and probably unattainable in any other way that if I could go back in time and un-do everything that's happened I wouldn't.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

I've been all the way down this very same road - discovering she had cheated for years, enduring a period of shock, hurt, and anger, deciding to stay together and keep our family intact, accepting her need for sex with other men, turning down her repeated offers for me to be with other women, and successfully transitioning into a one-way hotwife relationship. This experience has brought us much closer, greatly strengthened our marriage, and allowed me to reach levels of sexual pleasure I never knew existed. I agree it's a form of trauma response and fetishizing my humiliation, and it's certainly difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't been through the process, but the pleasure is so intense and probably unattainable in any other way that if I could go back in time and un-do everything that's happened I wouldn't.

You wrote that about as well as could be, and just like you were reading my mind. We do seem to have been down the same path. Like you I would not undo anything.

 

[gtnlynn]

I have never been with anyone other than my wife, and she knows that. She also knows that I enjoy hearing her stories of sex with others from before we married and after I gave her permission during our marriage. It worked fine with us. She decided to stop having sex with others when she turned 40, although she still got offers.

 

[Ed_Sumner]

You wrote that about as well as could be, and just like you were reading my mind. We do seem to have been down the same path. Like you I would not undo anything.

Thanks. Though the universe of men like us is small, if you know, you know. And it's so enjoyable to express our experiences and these unique feelings in words, compare notes, and revel in it.

 

[Matt3427]

Well said, and written. My wife has been with a few other men since the 90's and I am perfectly fine with that. It took me a while after her first affair, to not only accept her need for other men, but embrace it. Once I did accept her need for extra marital sex, she questioned my motives, like so many other wives do. She wanted to know if I still found her sexually attractive, which I did, and still do. Then she hit on the crux of the matter. Did I want to fuck other women? My answer was, "No," which surprised her. She remained sexually active until recently, when a health issue put a temporary halt to it.

Like you, Matt3427, I get extreme pleasure out of knowing what my wife is up to, and then hearing about it. I find it impossible to explain it to people who are not as like minded as you, and many others.

Thanks. Great to hear from others who understand this. Hard to explain to people who are not in this space how you can attain "extreme pleasure" in this way as you so rightly put it.

 

[Matt3427]

I've been all the way down this very same road: discovering she had cheated for years, enduring a period of shock, hurt, and anger, deciding to stay together and keep our family intact, accepting her need for sex with other men, turning down her repeated offers for me to be with other women, and successfully transitioning into a one-way hotwife relationship. This experience has brought us much closer, greatly strengthened our marriage, and allowed me to reach levels of sexual pleasure I never knew existed. I agree it's a form of trauma response and fetishizing my humiliation, and it's certainly hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through the process, but the pleasure is so intense and probably unattainable in any other way that if I could go back in time and un-do everything that's happened I wouldn't.

Thanks Ed, we are similar souls as we have discussed before. I went through that Trauma when I first discovered her dalliances while I was away - we've stopped calling it cheating as time has changed our perspectives. The first time I realised how my levels of pleasure changed as a result of this was when I first licked another man's cum from her when she got home. Without touching myself I ejaculated over the sheets, it was pure bliss.