sexually lost

[Pinkwh]

I'm a new member and I'm not sure if anyone can help me untangle my sexual journey. I'm currently thirty one. I'm trying to explore my sexual side but I'm not sure whether I really care about sex all that much only I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner. Some thoughts I've had Perhaps I'm asexual, perhaps I have a really low sex drive, perhaps I haven't found my reasons to enjoy a healthy sex relationship, perhaps my hormones, or something physical is broken, perhaps a bad lifestyle, diet, etch. has rendered me frustrated apathetic and desperate to enjoy what most other can. I'm trying to explore alone what I enjoy sexually and apart from my odd pregnancy fantasies, I believe I need a guidebook because how do I get clarity. I hope I'm not asexual. If so acceptance will be given but I want to enjoy sex. To be super frank, I don't get it. What's so good about it and what do I do to be pumped about sex'

 

[big_cane_sugar]

I don't have specific advice for you because that hasn't been my situation but since you write "only I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner" it kind of sounds like maybe you just haven't found the right partner? IDK of course. I doubt you're "broken" and definitely not broken beyond repair. Most of all though I just want to say don't give up. I have an intuition that you'll be okay if you get a thing or two figured out. I don't know what those things are specifically, but you sound like someone who's going to get this figured out.

 

[TheUKGent]

Do you have a friend you can confide in? Someone that may be able to help you explore your sexuality and see what works (and what doesn't) in a safe environment.

If you can discover something that you enjoy, then maybe it will blossom from there. That may lead to new discoveries, and possibly new partners.

 

[Boat1]

I'm a new member and I'm not sure if anyone can help me untangle my sexual journey. I'm currently thirty one. I'm trying to explore my sexual side but I'm not sure whether I really care about sex all that much only I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner. Some thoughts I've had Perhaps I'm asexual, perhaps I have a really low sex drive, perhaps I haven't found my reasons to enjoy a healthy sex relationship, perhaps my hormones, or something physical is broken, perhaps a bad lifestyle, diet, etch. has rendered me frustrated apathetic and desperate to enjoy what most other can. I'm trying to explore alone what I enjoy sexually and apart from my odd pregnancy fantasies, I believe I need a guidebook because how do I get clarity. I hope I'm not asexual. If so acceptance will be given but I want to enjoy sex. To be super frank, I don't get it. What's so good about it and what do I do to be pumped about sex'

I don't have much specific advice either, but I'll share a few of my thoughts with you.
First, I believe that much of the pleasure derived from sex is mental, thus, PLEASE remove any and all thoughts that you are somehow "broken or abnormal!"
The introspection you're doing shows depth and wisdom... Roll with it!

You also mentioned hormones... that can easily be checked by having bloodwork done and HRT, hormone replacement therapy can be done in several different ways. One method is "pelleting" which lasts for 3 months at a time.... a tiny incision, pellets inserted and you're done... I can personally attest to having seen ENORMOUS benefits of my Lovely Wife having them....
Again, major Kudos and Hat-Tip to you for your introspection and desire to find your way forward!
Feel free to reach out anytime you want, if you're inclined to do so!

 

[Pinkwh]

Thank you so much for your thoughts; I will work on better ways of thinking of myself [believe I have been negatively affected by media portrayals of intimacy]. I like the practical advice and will be getting bloodwork done soon. As for HRT, this is new.

A lot of this is; I have a bit of a puzzle to piece together. Nonetheless I'm grateful for all the responses I have so far. I'm scared but expectant that things are going to get better for me

Thanks for letting me know it's okay for me to chat with you about comments and questions!

 

[Pinkwh]

Do you have a friend you can confide in? Someone that may be able to help you explore your sexuality and see what works (and what doesn't) in a safe environment.

If you can discover something that you enjoy, then maybe it will blossom from there. That may lead to new discoveries, and possibly new partners.

Hey. I have someone I'm able to confide in as well explore. Great guy but sexual talk can be too bold for me. Makes me think I may like Pantomime sex. Hey! Think I discovered something thanks to you

 

[Boat1]

Thank you so much for your thoughts; I will work on better ways of thinking of myself [believe I have been negatively affected by media portrayals of intimacy]. I like the practical advice and will be getting bloodwork done soon. As for HRT, this is new.

A lot of this is; I have a bit of a puzzle to piece together. Nonetheless I'm grateful for all the responses I have so far. I'm scared but expectant that things are going to get better for me

Thanks for letting me know it's okay for me to chat with you about comments and questions!

You're quite welcome!
I love the way you are approaching this and I wish I'd included this in my original reply, that there is SOOOO MUCH truth in your thoughts, regarding "the right partner!" That, IMHO can NOT be overstated...
I personally spent 15 years in a sexually frustrating "relationship gone bad" but I NEVER gave up on "the fairy tale" neither did my Lovely Wife Goddess, so fortunately, we're both getting to live that fairly tale in absolute and complete bliss, hence, I hope and pray that YOU never give up on it either!!!

I also agree COMPLETELY with you on the negative effects of media portrayal of relationships!
I wish you the greatest success on your "journey" and the offer always stands on the comms!

 

[Britva415]

I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner.

It's actually not uncommon for asexual people to believe that one day the right person will come along and then they'll start enjoying sex, only to find that the right person comes along and the interest in sex does not.

That's heartbreaking because now you have a couple who didn't go into it knowing that the person was asexual, and then having to re-orient their relationship around this new revelation.

I don't know what to tell you, as far as what do you do about this NOW goes. You don't seem to be interested in experimenting with people you aren't expecting to have a lasting long-term relationship with, in order to find out if you'd like sex or not. It has to be hard, not knowing whether you ever will.

So I think the thing to do is to just expect to be honest and transparent up front about your inexperience, uncertainty and past low level of interest in sex, if and when you do meet someone who seems "right."

Don't hide it from them, but it's OK to not have all the answers.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm a new member and I'm not sure if anyone can help me untangle my sexual journey. I'm currently thirty one. I'm trying to explore my sexual side but I'm not sure whether I really care about sex all that much only I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner. Some thoughts I've had Perhaps I'm asexual, perhaps I have a really low sex drive, perhaps I haven't found my reasons to enjoy a healthy sex relationship,

You're here, so that's a step towards your sexual exploration, surely?

Maybe you are asexual with a low sex drive, and a sensitive doctor would be useful to assess that, in terms of anything tests might reveal. Or a psychologist, perhaps? But one thing for sure, you're not alone, plenty of people struggle (that's the wrong word) with figuring out how they tick, how their heart goes pitter patter, what gets them aroused.

perhaps my hormones, or something physical is broken, perhaps a bad lifestyle, diet, etch. has rendered me frustrated apathetic and desperate to enjoy what most other can.

I would use your own self as your frame of reference, but don't compare yourself to others. It's your sexuality you're exploring, not theirs. And please, don't see yourself as damaged or broken, that's not going to help. You're who you are, can you celebrate that? I'm sure you can, if you let yourself.

I'm trying to explore alone what I enjoy sexually and apart from my odd pregnancy fantasies, I believe I need a guidebook because how do I get clarity. I hope I'm not asexual. If so acceptance will be given but I want to enjoy sex.

Maybe what you can do is write those fantasies down, or find stories with a pregnancy theme, to help you explore that eroticism? I've got a story about breastfeeding, which is down the track from pregnancy a step, which you might like. I'll Need to Change the Sheets

What do you enjoy when you're pleasuring yourself? Zoom in on that, go with the fantasy, don't be ashamed of it. Imagine you are pregnant, or with someone who is. Pregnancy is sexy, pregnant women are lovely - discover in yourself what it is - the looking, the curves, breasts getting bigger? Indulge yourself in the idea of it, find its erotic core.

To be super frank, I don't get it. What's so good about it and what do I do to be pumped about sex'

Be kind to yourself, and discover your sexuality one gentle touch at a time. Find writers you like, let them take you away for a little while, into your mind, your fingers, your body, let their words take you somewhere, alone with yourself to start off with. Tenderness and intimacy start with a touch - your fingers can be that first touch.

 

[Noor]

I'm a new member and I'm not sure if anyone can help me untangle my sexual journey. I'm currently thirty one. I'm trying to explore my sexual side but I'm not sure whether I really care about sex all that much only I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner. Some thoughts I've had Perhaps I'm asexual, perhaps I have a really low sex drive, perhaps I haven't found my reasons to enjoy a healthy sex relationship, perhaps my hormones, or something physical is broken, perhaps a bad lifestyle, diet, etch. has rendered me frustrated apathetic and desperate to enjoy what most other can. I'm trying to explore alone what I enjoy sexually and apart from my odd pregnancy fantasies, I believe I need a guidebook because how do I get clarity. I hope I'm not asexual. If so acceptance will be given but I want to enjoy sex. To be super frank, I don't get it. What's so good about it and what do I do to be pumped about sex'

You sound Demi like me. You are partner specific, not asexual ( Ace).
Find yourself a bunch a people you like and get experimenting.
Write an ad. I have one somewhere. Get to know more people, see if any of them interest you sexually after you’ve known them a while.

 

[Britva415]

I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner.

This statement made it sound to me like that has never happened to you before.

Have you ever had a partner at all? Have you ever had the "right" one, one who you did enjoy sex with?

Demisexual is a possibility, but if you haven't yet had a partner you enjoyed sex with, then it might be hard to know whether you WILL when you meet the one you hope is right.

 

[AG31]

You sound Demi like me. You are partner specific, not asexual ( Ace)

Just curious here. What makes you think this is the case? If @Pinkwh is asexual apart from fantasies, they need to relax and not let it get in the way of strong, loving relationships.

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

I'm a new member and I'm not sure if anyone can help me untangle my sexual journey. I'm currently thirty one. I'm trying to explore my sexual side but I'm not sure whether I really care about sex all that much only I want to enjoy it when I find the right partner. Some thoughts I've had Perhaps I'm asexual, perhaps I have a really low sex drive, perhaps I haven't found my reasons to enjoy a healthy sex relationship, perhaps my hormones, or something physical is broken, perhaps a bad lifestyle, diet, etch. has rendered me frustrated apathetic and desperate to enjoy what most other can. I'm trying to explore alone what I enjoy sexually and apart from my odd pregnancy fantasies, I believe I need a guidebook because how do I get clarity. I hope I'm not asexual. If so acceptance will be given but I want to enjoy sex. To be super frank, I don't get it. What's so good about it and what do I do to be pumped about sex'

Are you attracted to people? Have you ever kissed someone and it made you heart beat faster and you wanted to kiss them some more?

 

[Liberia]

Hey. I have someone I'm able to confide in as well explore. Great guy but sexual talk can be too bold for me. Makes me think I may like Pantomime sex. Hey! Think I discovered something thanks to you

Apart from all the helpful answers here:

Feel free to message me if you want to talk in a safe environment to a woman. I often talk with young teenage girls who have questions and who are very shy as well.

All the best for you. ♡

 

[OnlyHappyEndings]

Sorry to be cliche but have you tried joining a good gym? Exercise generates feel good chemicals and boosts your self esteem. Also, working out next to babes and studs might encourage you to think sexual thoughts.

Choose a gym where young attractive people go and not one where they make you sign a contract. Plenty of good month-to-month places around.