a haiku is more than 5-7-5

[AlinaX]

arnold back
ordered to terminate
and stay resident

 

[EbersMoll]

When bound too tightly
It is one’s only recourse
To swap a new page

 

[AlinaX]

(As an aside, I just set up a ‘new’ Linux box with 16Gb swap since the RAM was only 4Gb. Today I upgraded it to 16Gb and set the system profiler going. Not even a bump in the swap. Averaging 2Gb RAM and zero swap. Kinda impressed.)

 

[AlinaX]

old celeron box
the graphics says vulkan one
whatever that means

 

[EbersMoll]

(As an aside, I just set up a ‘new’ Linux box with 16Gb swap since the RAM was only 4Gb. Today I upgraded it to 16Gb and set the system profiler going. Not even a bump in the swap. Averaging 2Gb RAM and zero swap. Kinda impressed.)

Very nice!

I’ll submit one more
compute-based, smutty subtext,
Haiku pull request.

 

[WCSGarland]

Nimble was the doe,
When cavorting to and fro,
Through the patchy snow.

 

[SmilingLez]

Away she will go
where, we do not know
Have fun little doe

 

[EbersMoll]

Skittish from her fear
To a pasture far from here
Away skips the deer

 

[AlinaX]

the hart wanders
where true love’s mournful call
does not echo

 

[WCSGarland]

Careful of her fawn,
Mother's watchful gaze looks on,
Mind on danger's dawn.

 

[EbersMoll]

She creeps through the bush,
The stag watches the young buck,
Squeezing the trigger.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

summer girls short shorts
unappreciative boys
old man's nostalgia

 

[AlinaX]

summer boys short skirts
nostalgia for an era
that never was

 

[EbersMoll]

Male anatomy
In summer’s heat? Kilts prevent
Those yeast infections.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Nudity for all,
I advocate. Safety first:
Sunlight purifies.

 

[EbersMoll]

Those who’re fair of skin
Know that exposed flesh can burn,
Check that SPF!

 

[AlinaX]

slut promotor foam
apply liberally and…
repeat until wet

 

[LargoKitt]

much more, though there's a general acceptance of a 5-7-5 layout that calls itself haiku but doesn't bother with any other aspects of haiku. some call it 'american' haiku; i call it lazy.

sure, there are some great little poems written as 5-7-5, but call them what they are - shorts/faux-ku/minis. I detest the spread of misinformation that has so many poets thinking any old thing written in that format IS a haiku. it's not.

it's strange that so many argue the opposite, yet remain silent on the 'rules' of a shakespearean sonnet, for example, or what compromises a ghazal, a villanelle, a limerick... who argues that ignoring rhyme scheme and syllable count, line reps or meter can be blithely ignored but their poem still MUST be accepted as the form they claim it to be? *crickets*
haiku seems to be the sole form this happens with!

it would seem the form often being taught as an initial introduction to poetry (because of its brevity) has lent itself to this incomplete idea that 5-7-5 alone=haiku

i'm all for breaking 'rules' but call things what they are; hell, even shakey's sonnets are different to petrarchan sonnets, but that's reflected in the name.

so, what are the basics of haiku?

• 17 syllables or less, over 1 to 3 lines long
• no title, rhymes or metrical scheme, limited punctuation or none at all
• a sort of snapshot, a moment in time, nature-based, in simple language not directly referencing human emotions and avoiding the poetic tools of simile or metaphor
• a seasonal reference, most often recognisable natural elements such as snow, a flower, or creature relevant to a specific time of year
• a juxtapositioning of imagery, generally brought together by a third line to give the piece its depth or 'aha' moment
• a 'cutting word', often marked by an em dash or ellipsis

by keeping people out of any emotional imagery, it allows the mind to apply the actual content to find meaning that relates to the human condition. there are reasons why haiku is considered an art form and not easy despite its simplistic appearance.


okay, so a pet peeve of mine; a peeve that inspired this faux-ku, non-ku, taking-the-piss-in-frustration ku:

oh hai

this is not a ku
i can count - five, seven, five
*chucks in a blossom*...

(additional punctuation deliberate )



Kireji (切れ字, lit. "cutting word") is the term for a special category of words used in certain types of Japanese traditional poetry. It is regarded as a requirement in traditional haiku, as well as in the hokku, or opening verse, of both classical renga and its derivative renku (haikai no renga).

a kiregi often comes halfway through a line



wiki puts it this way:






it'd be nice to see some attempts at haiku posted under this; they'll give a better understanding of the function and form

Gratifying glimpse
Of a tense milky nipple
Summer’s sudden heat

 

[LargoKitt]

summer girls short shorts
unappreciative boys
old man's nostalgia

A haiku

 

[butters]

A haiku

not really but then most on this thread aren't

don't mind me... this is one thing I am an boringly pedantic about

 

[WCSGarland]

not really but then most on this thread aren't

don't mind me... this is one thing I am an boringly pedantic about

Was it the 5-7-6, or something else?

 

[butters]

Was it the 5-7-6, or something else?

the first post in this thread lays it all out

I'm not saying the pieces in here aren't good short poems... most are. But haiku is an elevated art form, not simply a matter of laying done some lines, no matter how good they are. As I said, it's my bugbear and I'm not usually one for those so don't mind me much.

The biggest mistakes (if people are even prepared to accept that when calling their pieces "haiku")being made are an over elaboration of language (emotional context mostly) and the temptation to make them human-based rather than presenting 'snapshots' of Nature which the reader then considers and applies to the human condition.

People are writing, though, which is ultimately the most important thing in the end.

 

[AlinaX]

young apple tree bearing fruit
my arms are weary

 

[LargoKitt]

not really but then most on this thread aren't

don't mind me... this is one thing I am an boringly pedantic about

Okay, here's a Basho:

Under the moon
even a frowning face
is beautiful​

and

Speaking to
her face hidden by
folding fan​

Of course, in Japanese these have the right syllable count. They share with the short shorts poem a beautiful woman, a wistful viewer, and a contradiction. The 'unappreciative boys' my step over the line a bit with opinion. Although saying 'a frowning face is beautiful' is an opinion even though it is also an impression. In big_cane_sugar's haiku I like the 'Japanese' melancholy juxtaposition of the boys who take the sexy girl for granted while to the appreciative old man they are unavailable.

 

[42BelowsBack]

A stone in the tide
a lonely mountain in cloud
new leaves in the rain