The Art of Getting Lit Laid

[pellso27]

Im in its completely honest too. Im crashing now but will tomorrow morning for sure. If that's ok?

 

[cascadiabound]

I think part of the art of getting lit laid is recognizing you must let go of the goal of hooking up and instead focus on developing genuine relationships based on honesty and shared interests, common experiences, aspirations etc.
Anytime (in my early hungry sub frenzy days), I found myself in a cyber situation like I was getting pulled down the rabbit hole, I was sorry later. Sorry cause it made me feel icky. Sorry because my failure /inability to articulate limits meant that lines got crossed I wish hadn't. Sorry because the encounters were empty and harmed me. Prolly harmed the other person too. Frankly I don't know.

That was a long time ago and I figured my shit out pretty quick. I practiced here, what I already knew in off line life - make friendships, nurture genuine connections/relationships, keep expectations low key and pay attention to what the other person says. Ask questions and clarify so you can learn the other person. Develop trust. Be patient.

If you have all that, sex stuff is easier. Emotionally safer. More satisfying. And instead of feeling icky after, you feel great, loved, nurtured, seen, safe, satiated. All the good stuff.

But it starts, like others have said, by paying attention. Listening. Speaking truth fearlessly. Learning to trust.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Not just newbies!

Thank you!
I am grateful the thread has attracted some wonderful comments from some very wonderful people.

Who, just like me and Carmina, want to help others avoid the pitfalls and share a bit of hard fought wisdom.

Thanks again for that wonderful compliment!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I'll go one step further.... It should have to be agreed to before you're able to sign up for the site. Make it a part of of the Terms of Service for the place.

Wow!
Stunned by this compliment!!

Carmina is the driving force behind this thread, while we share the same passion about wanting to help people navigate the litsphere her way with words far exceed anything I am capable of.

I am so glad she allowed me to be a co-conspirator

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I post pics occasionally, I get creepy emails from guys from those so I can imagine what women go through here.... and its not pretty.

For me, its a simple formula to try and get someones attention. Do a bit of research when someone catches your eye, what do they like what are they into? If there is stuff in common, send a nice introduction, let them know what you like. If you get an answer, keep conversing and get to know them. Its OK to wind up just being friends and never getting naked with them, friendship is a win. Let things develop towards sexuality, isnt it going to be much better knowing what to do to make the react? Finally, a no or no answer means no. Let it go and move on.

I'll admit I only read the first couple pages of the thread before my 2 posts, but I am betting I have not said anything that hasn't already been said by both ladies and gentlemen already.

I like that you didn't feel the need to read every post before jumping in and sharing with us your wisdom and experiences!

Appreciate it!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I think part of the art of getting lit laid is recognizing you must let go of the goal of hooking up and instead focus on developing genuine relationships based on honesty and shared interests, common experiences, aspirations etc.
Anytime (in my early hungry sub frenzy days), I found myself in a cyber situation like I was getting pulled down the rabbit hole, I was sorry later. Sorry cause it made me feel icky. Sorry because my failure /inability to articulate limits meant that lines got crossed I wish hadn't. Sorry because the encounters were empty and harmed me. Prolly harmed the other person too. Frankly I don't know.

That was a long time ago and I figured my shit out pretty quick. I practiced here, what I already knew in off line life - make friendships, nurture genuine connections/relationships, keep expectations low key and pay attention to what the other person says. Ask questions and clarify so you can learn the other person. Develop trust. Be patient.

If you have all that, sex stuff is easier. Emotionally safer. More satisfying. And instead of feeling icky after, you feel great, loved, nurtured, seen, safe, satiated. All the good stuff.

But it starts, like others have said, by paying attention. Listening. Speaking truth fearlessly. Learning to trust.

I am so glad you are joining this thread cascadia!

I have admired you from afar and your posts in here just confirmed that my admiration was in fact spot on

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

Thank you!
I am grateful the thread has attracted some wonderful comments from some very wonderful people.

Who, just like me and Carmina, want to help others avoid the pitfalls and share a bit of hard fought wisdom.

Thanks again for that wonderful compliment!

The beauty of this place is that it provides opportunities to meet new people. I get that many feel a little beaver being behind a keyboard, but shooting off RP ideas or links without first making even the slightest effort to get to know the person is a recipe for failure. Yet so many people still do it. I don't get it.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

The beauty of this place is that it provides opportunities to meet new people. I get that many feel a little beaver being behind a keyboard, but shooting off RP ideas or links without first making even the slightest effort to get to know the person is a recipe for failure. Yet so many people still do it. I don't get it.

My experience is I don't get many pm at all and I most always have to initiate. I think that is prettt standard for us guys on lit.

So while I am a bit jealous of the attention you gals receive I am sure it gets very tiresome.

That is why we try to come up with something clever to say in our opening lines. We want to stand out and grab your attention like the colorful male birds dancing before their potential mate.

I do think, if I live long enough, I will get to experience your experience in the retirement home.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Anytime (in my early hungry sub frenzy days), I found myself in a cyber situation like I was getting pulled down the rabbit hole, I was sorry later. Sorry cause it made me feel icky. Sorry because my failure /inability to articulate limits meant that lines got crossed I wish hadn't. Sorry because the encounters were empty and harmed me.

Wow I was wondering if I wrote this in a fugue state. This was _exactly_ my experience until I got a Domme who actually cared about me… and who was horrified by what had happened.

the people here saying it takes time and honesty are completely right

 

[Ratchetman1982]

My experience is I don't get many pm at all and I most always have to initiate. I think that is prettt standard for us guys on lit.

So while I am a bit jealous of the attention you gals receive I am sure it gets very tiresome.

That is why we try to come up with something clever to say in our opening lines. We want to stand out and grab your attention like the colorful male birds dancing before their potential mate.

I do think, if I live long enough, I will get to experience your experience in the retirement home.

I agree. It is extremely rare for guys to experience the same inbox influx that the ladies do. The one plus side that guys have when a lady reaches out first is that it is usually done because there is already some interest, or at the least, intrigue there. Men are known for playing the numbers game. Shoot as many shots as you can and hopefully one hits. If we (not all men, but in general) become more selective about the PMs we send, I think our chances will increase.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I agree. It is extremely rare for guys to experience the same inbox influx that the ladies do. The one plus side that guys have when a lady reaches out first is that it is usually done because there is already some interest, or at the least, intrigue there. Men are known for playing the numbers game. Shoot as many shots as you can and hopefully one hits. If we (not all men, but in general) become more selective about the PMs we send, I think our chances will increase.

Yes I do tend to initiate a lot of pm with the interesting ladies of lit.
Casting far and wide in hopes of catching some.

But then sometimes that leads to getting hit with a lot of replies all at once and having to juggle all at once.

I need to stop searching so much but my fear of missing out is great. Lol

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I agree. It is extremely rare for guys to experience the same inbox influx that the ladies do. The one plus side that guys have when a lady reaches out first is that it is usually done because there is already some interest, or at the least, intrigue there. Men are known for playing the numbers game. Shoot as many shots as you can and hopefully one hits. If we (not all men, but in general) become more selective about the PMs we send, I think our chances will increase.

Things to increase your chances (at least with me)
1) don’t send me your copypasta role play scenario.
2) don’t send it to me a second time. Third time. Fourth time.
3) don’t have a ridiculous screen name. Anything that refers to the size of prowess of your penis, your ability to break, dominate, control, bimbo-or-slut-ify me…. The screen name is your first impression and having one of those kicks you out of so many women’s interest. Now maybe you don’t want those women interested in you. If so, take that name but don’t randomly pm women.
4) show that you have read my profile: women usually give pretty clear indicators of what they want. Wouldn’t it be great in a bar if everyone had floating over their head “here is what I like, if you want to do those things say hi!” That’s what our profiles are. If you don’t bother to read those you’re making your life so much harder irritating us
5) if you are PMing someone from a chat room or forum thread tailor your into to that thread (or better yet talk to us there first). We are already interested in that! That’s why we are there!

 

[000zing]

Yes I do tend to initiate a lot of pm with the interesting ladies of lit.
Casting far and wide in hopes of catching some.

But then sometimes that leads to getting hit with a lot of replies all at once and having to juggle all at once.

I need to stop searching so much but my fear of missing out is great. Lol

Er... interesting they may be... but do you know whether these "ladies of Lit." are actually female? There is an interesting phenomenon on Literotica of which you are possibly unaware. The basic sad fact on here is that you need to cast your very biggest net very widely indeed to come up with a single fish among the crawly crabs and other slimy things...

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Things to increase your chances (at least with me)
1) don’t send me your copypasta role play scenario.
2) don’t send it to me a second time. Third time. Fourth time.
3) don’t have a ridiculous screen name. Anything that refers to the size of prowess of your penis, your ability to break, dominate, control, bimbo-or-slut-ify me…. The screen name is your first impression and having one of those kicks you out of so many women’s interest. Now maybe you don’t want those women interested in you. If so, take that name but don’t randomly pm women.
4) show that you have read my profile: women usually give pretty clear indicators of what they want. Wouldn’t it be great in a bar if everyone had floating over their head “here is what I like, if you want to do those things say hi!” That’s what our profiles are. If you don’t bother to read those you’re making your life so much harder irritating us
5) if you are PMing someone from a chat room or forum thread tailor your into to that thread (or better yet talk to us there first). We are already interested in that! That’s why we are there!

I have tried the lit chat rooms but on a phone it always boots you. I gave up on the chat rooms for that frustrating reason.

I have heard it works great on a desktop/laptop but my phone offers a lot more privacy.

Not that I am trying to hide anything from my, now asexual, gf but she has no right to seeing what I am doing to satisfy my sexual urges. imo

I could be wrong, but those are my feelings on the matter.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I have tried the lit chat rooms but on a phone it always boots you. I gave up on the chat rooms for that frustrating reason.

Chat on your phone requires constant attention - going to a site off lit will get your booted quickly - but there is a convenience of the speed of exchange compared to the forums

I have heard it works great on a desktop/laptop but my phone offers a lot more privacy.

Not that I am trying to hide anything from my, now asexual, gf but she has no right to seeing what I am doing to satisfy my sexual urges. imo

Hubby and I have kids using the laptop so we always enter Lit in incognito mode so it doesn’t pop up on the front page or get suggested as recent searches. You should give that a shot.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Er... interesting they may be... but do you know whether these "ladies of Lit." are actually female? There is an interesting phenomenon on Literotica of which you are possibly unaware. The basic sad fact on here is that you need to cast your very biggest net very widely indeed to come up with a single fish among the crawly crabs and other slimy things...

Yes I know there are a lot of guys pretending to be gals on lit.

Fortunately I have never run into that issue as yet. Luck? Intuition? Will my luck run out?

Heck if I know.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Chat on your phone requires constant attention - going to a site off lit will get your booted quickly - but there is a convenience of the speed of exchange compared to the forums

Hubby and I have kids using the laptop so we always enter Lit in incognito mode so it doesn’t pop up on the front page or get suggested as recent searches. You should give that a shot.

Good advice!

Yeah I get notifications all the time on my phone, email, texts, sexts, etc and I am going to check those immediately.

Lit chat will never get my 100% total undivided attention.

I mean how hard should it be for the lit chat room programmers to prevent the booting from happening if you are back in the chat room in under a minutes time?

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Lit chat will never get my 100% total undivided attention.

I mean how hard should it be for the lit chat room programmers to prevent the booting from happening if you are back in the chat room in under a minutes time?

I have no idea but since doing so is asking for a fraction of the $0 that I spend on Lit, i have to accept that the buggy-ness isn’t going away.

It is INCREDIBLY frustrating when your or your partner just drops during the climax of a discussion but the chat culture here understands it.

 

[Carmina24]

Wow!
Stunned by this compliment!!

Carmina is the driving force behind this thread, while we share the same passion about wanting to help people navigate the litsphere her way with words far exceed anything I am capable of.

I am so glad she allowed me to be a co-conspirator

@Hornymwtxn

I should really be the one thanking you. This thread is what it is because two like-minded people crossed paths here in Lit and decided to build something together. It’s proof that real friendships and collaborations can grow in this space - especially when the shared drive is helping others navigate Lit and maybe even find their own connections. Having you as a co-conspirator makes the journey all the better.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

@Hornymwtxn

I should really be the one thanking you. This thread is what it is because two like-minded people crossed paths here in Lit and decided to build something together. It’s proof that real friendships and collaborations can grow in this space - especially when the shared drive is helping others navigate Lit and maybe even find their own connections. Having you as a co-conspirator makes the journey all the better.

Awwww. Melting my heart over here.

I love the collaboration on a shared goal.

Just a little info for y'all reading.

That initial post was 80% her words. I offered input, she revised and adapted.

I didn't have a clue where to post the thread. We wanted it to get attention in a high traffic area. So she keep writing and I kept looking for where to post it.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Most importantly, remember that the members of Lit are humans...at least I hope so. Respect, kindness, and understanding help ensure this is a safe and inclusive space for everyone. Each person has their own likes and dislikes. Leave your judgement at the door and see the person and things are much better.

 

[Wildfly11]

My experience is I don't get many pm at all and I most always have to initiate. I think that is prettt standard for us guys on lit.

So while I am a bit jealous of the attention you gals receive I am sure it gets very tiresome.

That is why we try to come up with something clever to say in our opening lines. We want to stand out and grab your attention like the colorful male birds dancing before their potential mate.

I do think, if I live long enough, I will get to experience your experience in the retirement home.

So true . I have a few initiate to posts I have made..always exciting. Can't imagine having an inbox full lol

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Most importantly, remember that the members of Lit are humans...at least I hope so. Respect, kindness, and understanding help ensure this is a safe and inclusive space for everyone. Each person has their own likes and dislikes. Leave your judgement at the door and see the person and things are much better.

Yes when they reveal a kink that isn't your cup of tea just tell them NMK for not my kink.

But also say no judgement, we all have some things that turn us on that others don't like. If that helps us have more orgasms well the more Os the merrier in my book.

I am jealous of you gals that can have multiple orgasms tho.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

So true . I have a few initiate to posts I have made..always exciting. Can't imagine having an inbox full lol

They get a flooded inbox for sure. But getting an initial pm from a gal is always very exciting.

So gals please don't be shy. If a guy interest you, WE FUCKING LOVE IT when you initiate.

 

[Carmina24]

They get a flooded inbox for sure. But getting an initial pm from a gal is always very exciting.

So gals please don't be shy. If a guy interest you, WE FUCKING LOVE IT when you initiate.

There was a gentleman I was interested in. I initiated and sent this message. I am glad that we have developed a really good friendship:

I don’t know much about you - just a name on the screen, a presence I can’t quite place. But something about you made me pause.
I’m not here for noise. I’m here for those rare exchanges that feel like a wink across a crowded room - unexpected, a little electric.
I won’t pretend to know what brought you here. But if you’re the kind who values depth over drama, wit over noise, and connection that lingers like the last light before nightfall -
Then maybe… this is the part where the story begins.
If this made you smirk, wonder, or lean in just a little…say hello.
I can’t promise where this leads—only that the path will be lit with mischief and meaning.