Leaving School.

[Andreas_Kreuz]

Both drafts have their merits. The first draft immediately throws the reader into the deep end of the conflict, while this second draft offers a more gradual reveal of the circumstances leading to Eve's current life. The choice depends on what kind of immediate impact you want to have on the reader and how quickly you want to unveil the dark side of her new life.

Overall, in both drafts, the pacing is appropriate, and the prose is clear and engaging, particularly in its strong use of show-don't-tell to convey character and conflict. The reader is drawn into Eve's precarious situation and compelled to understand what happens next.

Keep going, it is promising.

 

[KindredFlame]

Both drafts have their merits. The first draft immediately throws the reader into the deep end of the conflict, while this second draft offers a more gradual reveal of the circumstances leading to Eve's current life. The choice depends on what kind of immediate impact you want to have on the reader and how quickly you want to unveil the dark side of her new life.

Overall, in both drafts, the pacing is appropriate, and the prose is clear and engaging, particularly in its strong use of show-don't-tell to convey character and conflict. The reader is drawn into Eve's precarious situation and compelled to understand what happens next.

Keep going, it

Thank you for this, I have tried to address age concerns in the lates draft of the start of the story. Nope it has worked