Being an adult is harder than I thought.

[BareBack_Driver]

Just one of my random rants. I've always been in a hurry to grow up, and I don't know why. I was vaping at 12. Sex soon after, and I had my first alcoholic drink by age 15. I had this expectation that once I left home, I'd just cruise around the world with my friends and finally be free of my parents' rules and all of the restrictions that society placed on me, and the idea of no longer having to go to school felt like it would be a retirement. I never had the same interests as my friends, even with boys. I dated several in school, and because of my "attitude," as Mom put it, she put me on the pill, which I think only served to make me more adventurous, and I just wanted to try anything and everything. Then I met this older guy, and for whatever reason, his maturity just appealed to me, but it didn't last.

Well, by early June, I just went from my parents' house rules to society's rules, and I think the rules for having to be responsible for myself are much worse, and sometimes I want to go back. I feel like this year was just a flood. Everything is happening quickly at once. I graduated from HS in late May. Then I turned 18, and my dad pulled some strings to get me this job, which is 2.5 hours from home, and I did not want to commute 5 hours a day.

So thanks to Dad's networking skills, he gets me a place to stay with one of his coworker's daughters, and she lives with her boyfriend and one other person, and they needed a roommate to fill a 3rd bedroom. They're all like in their 20s and finishing up college and have these bright futures, and I'm just here, like some lost kid that showed up on their doorstep. So I go on my vacation to celebrate both my graduation and my new freedom for a few days, and I had been planning for it for over a year with my bestie and it was great. I return to settle in and get to know my new housemates. It was great at first, and I feel like I fit in better with them than my friends from school. I get settled into my job, and it's pretty easy. Only pays $16 an hour, but it pays the bills, barely. Which was another thing I have to get used to: making sure that I have enough money for bills for each due date. I didn't know that they fuck you by requiring a 3-day processing time, so even if I pay by the due date, that doesn't include the time it takes them to process my payment, leading me to a late fee. I also didn't realize that canceling a subscription service required me to perform acrobatics like a trained dog through hoops, and I realized that I'm not fully grasping everything. It's all just above my head, thanks, corporations. I feel like I missed a class in school that taught this stuff.

Then my new roommate's boyfriend starts flirting with me whenever she's not around. I realize now that I have this problem with saying no or disappointing people. I felt like I wanted to please him; I want others to be happy, and in my naivety, I played along, which may have given him the green light when in fact I was just emotionally confused. I'm no stranger to sex, but I thought maybe he liked me more than her, and then afterwards, he acted like nothing happened. Then I realized that I like being used, so I keep letting it happen, and for some reason it turns me on. I know that I need to start telling him no, but then I'm like, "Well, just this one more time because it's just kind of exciting sneaking around." Although, we are extra careful to not get caught.

Meanwhile, I'm working in HR next to this older woman, and she was diagnosed with MS and was waiting until she began getting disability payments so that she could quit because she is at a point where she couldn't do it anymore. We get to know each other, and both of her daughters work there as well. They're all very nice. However, I got on the topic where I mentioned that I like older men, and it was a fetish thing I had, and then she tells me about how she can't have sex with her husband in the ways that she used to, and they had been discussing her openness to letting her husband sleep with someone else. I thought the idea sounded intriguing, and ever since I first slept with a much older man, I have often fantasized about it. Before I knew it, I found myself being introduced to her husband. He's like 48, and his birthday is close. I think their idea was for me and him to consummate our new relationship for his birthday, the way I took it, and she had been looking for someone that she trusts for quite a while. She thinks I'm the sweetest angel, and he thinks I'm cute, and they have that mom and dad vibe I like, plus it felt taboo, so it felt like a wild coincidence that this worked out, and that's when I learned what a "unicorn" was and had never heard of that term before.

They've been introducing me as their friend to more of their family, which I feel might come off as weird considering our age differences, but everyone so far has been really nice to me, and they started taking me out to dinner, and recently she helped me with a car payment that I didn't have the money for, and they help me out in various other ways. They feel like a second family, and it was comforting. On his birthday, we all went out, and I left with him to a nice hotel, where I think that was probably the closest thing to the term "making love" that I've ever had. Like, not just the kind of sex that I've experienced, but he really took his time with me, and it was just the most sensual, slow yet hard sex I've ever had. He was awesome. The awkward part was going back, and she wanted to talk to me about how it was. Imagine trying to talk to a woman twice your age about how good her husband was in bed. Awkward and cringy. But now I'm like family, and it's starting to feel a little more normal at this point, except whenever I'm talking to either of their daughters; that can feel a bit weird when I think about it. I feel like I'm their stepmother, but they're both older than me. I don't even know how to process that, but they don't know yet but have started recognizing that I'm over at their parents' house a lot, and my best explanation is that we're friends, and they invited me to dinner. His wife said that I can sleep overnight, but he snores, and she'll sleep in a different room, but I prefer my own bed anyway. So now that whole situation has become a thing, but I do get some anxiety around their family, and I'm not sure how they perceive me yet.

All of this happened within like 6 weeks after leaving home. Now, I got two other middle-aged guys at work who have been flirting with me, and I just started sexting one of them. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep up on my other responsibilities, and then I get on this site, and I'll get messages from guys who want to chat, and I feel guilty not saying anything, but I don't think I have time for guys online too, plus everything else, and I just feel like I'm over-obligating myself, and I am getting overwhelmed. I know that these guys are only wanting me for sex, and maybe it's because of my age and how I look, but at the same time, it's a mixture of excitement, intrigue, taboo, and fulfillment of things I fantasize about, so it's hard to say no because in a way, it's like a little mini vacation from my financial worries and what the future holds.

I guess I'm afraid that I'm going to screw it all up. One wrong move, and it'll all crash down, and I'll be on the streets or something. Well, I know I could move back home, or I bet my second family would take me in since that's the vibe I keep getting, as if they want me to, but still, there's just these moments where it hits me and I need a hug.

 

[alexgriffin74]

You're young! Do the exciting things! Make the mistakes while you don't have as much riding on you! Most of all LEARN. Learn from what you are doing and the people that you're meeting and the good and the bad in everything. I'm not saying be reckless or irresponsible but live life to the fullest that you can!

And know that many, oh so many, both here and elsewhere are envious of your youth and experiences and the power and energy you have right now.

Brava, BBD!

 

[Sir_Timo_Volodok]

I'll give the opposite advice.

Stop shitting where you eat. I've seen dozens of workplace romances/affairs/hookups in my day. It's a single digit percentage that end well. The only time I broke my "no dating at work" rule it would have exploded in my face. The only reason it didn't is I quit the job for other reasons before things ended. And they ended quite badly. I shudder to think of having to face her every day with our paychecks on the line.

Unless you live super rural you have dating/hookup/sex options outside of work and your household. And if you're that rural, while being as adventurous as your comments imply, well, work towards moving to a bigger city. You won't regret it.

One wrong move, and it'll all crash down, and I'll be on the streets or something.

Dunno your situation, but I can tell you I've been down to my last $10 twice in my life, with no job or prospects, and neither time did I end up on the streets. The universe always came through for me in the end. Sounds like you got options if the worst happens. You could also follow the above advice and lessen the likelihood of the worst happening.

 

[Britva415]

I'm less worried about your ability to pay the bills and more about. your ability to keep from getting taken advantage of.

You don't have any boundaries with your roommate's boyfriend,
you don't have any boundaries with older men at work,
you don't have any boundaries about keeping your sex and fantasy life to yourself in a professional setting.

You have to learn to have some boundaries, and to defend them if other people cross them.

 

[BareBack_Driver]

I'm less worried about your ability to pay the bills and more about. your ability to keep from getting taken advantage of.

You don't have any boundaries with your roommate's boyfriend,
you don't have any boundaries with older men at work,
you don't have any boundaries about keeping your sex and fantasy life to yourself in a professional setting.

You have to learn to have some boundaries, and to defend them if other people cross them.

Yeah, I've been told similar on several occasions. A few girls that I've been friends with for a long time have basically told me similar. They say those men are creepy for wanting me and say that I'm being manipulated. I didn't think about it from a boundary standpoint. I'm not really sure what my boundaries would be because I feel like my sex drive is often doing overtime. I often feel lonely if I don't have a partner that I can be close with on occasion. But at the same time I don't want a real relationship, at least not right now.

 

[BareBack_Driver]

I'll give the opposite advice.

Stop shitting where you eat. I've seen dozens of workplace romances/affairs/hookups in my day. It's a single digit percentage that end well. The only time I broke my "no dating at work" rule it would have exploded in my face. The only reason it didn't is I quit the job for other reasons before things ended. And they ended quite badly. I shudder to think of having to face her every day with our paychecks on the line.

Unless you live super rural you have dating/hookup/sex options outside of work and your household. And if you're that rural, while being as adventurous as your comments imply, well, work towards moving to a bigger city. You won't regret it.



Dunno your situation, but I can tell you I've been down to my last $10 twice in my life, with no job or prospects, and neither time did I end up on the streets. The universe always came through for me in the end. Sounds like you got options if the worst happens. You could also follow the above advice and lessen the likelihood of the worst happening.

As someone else mentioned, I probably should have some boundaries. I think I do have a problem where I'm not comfortable saying no, but then again, I can't honestly say that I don't want to do those things with those people because I do so it makes it hard to say no.

I'd be very scared if I only had $10 and bills were coming up. I keep looking at things in a month advance and the other issue is my dad. He'll help me out if I need it, but he will also lecture me. He keeps telling me that I need to better manage my money and he's the type that thinks everyone needs to be independent. Then he'll tell me stories about how he moved out on his 18th birthday with pocket change and a old car --blah, blah. How hard he worked, etc. I just try to avoid that, and I'm constantly worrying about unexpected expenses.

Now my new second family might be more understanding, and they already helped me out with my car, but I would feel like I'm taking advantage of them if I ask for help with money. It just feels like a lot of weight, and maybe some of that is just in my head, I'm not sure.

 

[Sir_Timo_Volodok]

I'd be very scared if I only had $10 and bills were coming up

Don't let me fool you. It was scary. I shared it because in the end it worked out and the worst never came to pass.

He keeps telling me that I need to better manage my money

I don't know the particulars of your financial situation, perhaps you're spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave, lol, but I suspect there's only so much "managing" you can do at $16/hr no matter how cheaply you live.

Most of us who don't come from generational wealth went through our own "young and broke" period. I spent most of my 20s broke. I remember what it was like to climb into a 20 year old car, running late for work, and wondering if it would start. That car was literally held together with metal coat hangers, duct tape, and prayer. My financial life got so bad in my 20s as to push me into Chapter 7, which felt pretty humiliating at the time, but looking back on it, meh, should have done it sooner.

On the plus side, I always managed to live on my own. Parents would have let me move back in but that was definitely a last resort and it never came to that, thankfully. Also on the plus side, I've very definitely been broke at multiple times in my life, but I've been privileged enough to never be poor. There's a huge difference between the two.

Best I can say is it gets better. In my case it took moving to a real city, with better job prospects, and my only real life regret is I didn't do that sooner.

Try not to be foolish with spending but also don't let the intrusive thoughts about money or worst case scenarios dominate your life. What will be will be. Worrying about it won't change anything.

 

[Britva415]

I'm not really sure what my boundaries would be because I feel like my sex drive is often doing overtime

Just decide.

The boundaries aren’t determined by your libido. They’re determined by what you know is right or wrong for you.

Hell, I don’t know. Maybe you’re totally fine being manipulated like this. If you were to put a stop to it, I have no doubt at all that you could still get your libido satisfied - just, with healthier and more appropriate people.