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My Stumbling and simplistic attempt at poetry

Biglibido99

Biglibido99

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Oct 29, 2022
Posts
428
Nameless Dance

In the realm of pixels and light,
Our burning desires, begin to take flight.
This exchange, so special, a gift, unsealed,
A privilege granted, inner truths revealed.

I witness your desire, as you unveil,
Through digital screens, my passion takes sail.
Gripping myself hard, already enraptured,
My leaking member, camera captured.

Peeling away shields, vulnerable and open,
Digital images of secrets unspoken.
Beyond the shroud of your shyness's veil,
Your essence now leaking, a glistening trail.


In whispers shared, our fantasies unfold,
Desires confessed, in pixels bold.
Confessions given in our trusting world,
Together we unravel and become unfurled.

We revel in this nameless dance,
enjoying the pleasure of our clandestine romance.
where our identities shed their tether,.
our connection, joyful, boundless,

Forever.
 
Last edited:
Biglibido99 said:
Nameless Dance

In the realm of pixels and light,
Our burning desires, begin to take flight.
This exchange, so special, a gift, unsealed,
A privilege granted, inner truths revealed.

I witness your desire, as you unveil,
Through digital screens, my passion takes sail.
Gripping myself hard, already enraptured,
My leaking member, camera captured.

Peeling away shields, vulnerable and open,
Digital images of secrets unspoken.
Beyond the shroud of your shyness's veil,
Your essence now leaking, a glistening trail.


In whispers shared, our fantasies unfold,
Desires confessed, in pixels bold.
Confessions given in our trusting world,
Together we unravel and become unfurled.

We revel in this nameless dance,
enjoying the pleasure of our clandestine romance.
where our identities shed their tether,.
our connection, joyful, boundless,

Forever.
Click to expand...
The rhyme scheme flows well until the last two lines of the final stanza.

You could replace it with a rhyming lines or seperate it out as a closure
 
Biglibido99 said:
We revel in this nameless dance,
enjoying the pleasure of our clandestine romance.
where our identities shed their tether,.
our connection, joyful, boundless,

Forever.
Click to expand...
I think it would have read better if the last line had been - our connection, joyful, boundless, together.
 
Thanks guys yes I wanted the last stanza to be different in some way - what would seizing the last two lines out look like, separated?

Where our identities shed their mooring tether,
Our connection, joyful, boundless, together.
 
Last edited:
Nameless Dance

In the realm of pixels and light,
Our burning desires, begin to take flight.
This exchange, so special, a gift, unsealed,
A privilege granted, inner truths revealed.

I witness your desire, as you unveil,
Through digital screens, my passion takes sail.
Gripping myself hard, already enraptured,
My leaking member, camera captured.

Peeling away shields, vulnerable and open,
Digital images of secrets unspoken.
Beyond the shroud of your shyness's veil,
Your essence now leaking, a glistening trail.


In whispers shared, our fantasies unfold,
Desires confessed, in pixels bold.
Confessions given in our trusting world,
Together we unravel and become unfurled.

We revel in this nameless dance,
enjoying the pleasure of our clandestine romance.

where our identities shed their tether,.
our connection, joyful, boundless, together

Forever.

It would look like this ⬆️

FWIW I also like


where our identities shed their tether,.
our connection, joyful, boundless treasure
 
Biglibido99 said:
Nameless Dance

In the realm of pixels and light,
Our burning desires, begin to take flight.
This exchange, so special, a gift, unsealed,
A privilege granted, inner truths revealed.

I witness your desire, as you unveil,
Through digital screens, my passion takes sail.
Gripping myself hard, already enraptured,
My leaking member, camera captured.

Peeling away shields, vulnerable and open,
Digital images of secrets unspoken.
Beyond the shroud of your shyness's veil,
Your essence now leaking, a glistening trail.


In whispers shared, our fantasies unfold,
Desires confessed, in pixels bold.
Confessions given in our trusting world,
Together we unravel and become unfurled.

We revel in this nameless dance,
enjoying the pleasure of our clandestine romance.
where our identities shed their tether,.
our connection, joyful, boundless,

Forever.
Click to expand...


My favorite line - "Gripping myself hard"
 
I started another one but I'm stuck - will I start another thread, looking for help?
 
Change title of thread to Feedback wanted… so you can post your poem here. Keeping everything together will help your readers get a sense of you and what you are doing poetically.

Good stuff keep going.
 
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