Sexless Marriages

[lifeis2short2b]

Lack of sex was one of the reasons I divorced....

I give you credit. It's not easy getting divorced. But many people can't go that route. Hopefully it all worked out.

 

[Coconutty70]

Where the Bed Grows Quiet

There is a silence in some marriages that no one warns you about.
Not the silence of anger, or betrayal, or even indifference.
It is the hush that falls when love is still present, but touch has gone missing.

Nights stretch long. You can hear your own breath, your own pulse. Sometimes, you feel like a ghost in your own life - half of a duet that no longer sings.

We read your words here, and we feel the weight of them. The loneliness that settles between the sheets. The quiet ache of reaching for warmth that never comes.

For those of you living in this silence:
What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

We are listening.
Maybe, if we can share the unspoken,
the quiet will begin to break.

This is very moving. I feel like answering.

What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

I wish she knew the sinking feeling of rejection I got when I spent some time naked in the holiday villa, asking her gently to join me in the bed, and all she was able to say is “why are you spending so much time without your clothes on?”. I got dressed and took a massage with acupuncture in the grounds of the resort and later fantasised about the pretty dutch lady by the pool, who smiled at me so warmly that day.

I wish she knew how affected I was when I offered to put my arms around her and kiss her, only to be told that she felt like she was being “molested”. I didn’t cry, but by then having been in a relationship for 9 years, I recognised the significance of that moment.

I have never tried again… who would? I would rather bear the ethical dilemma of having a sexual relationship elsewhere, than to receive that kind of hurtful rejection from someone who knows me. Fierce like fire when she talks to me, and cold like ice to the touch.

There are reasons for us to still be together… for now.

Passion and physical intimacy are a core human need for many of us and I see how much I’m not alone, even though the reasons are as numerous as there are replies here.

 

[boxman11]

5 years and counting, thank God for good stories on here and Rosey or I wouldn't have any.

 

[Carmina24]

This is very moving. I feel like answering.

What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

I wish she knew the sinking feeling of rejection I got when I spent some time naked in the holiday villa, asking her gently to join me in the bed, and all she was able to say is “why are you spending so much time without your clothes on?”. I got dressed and took a massage with acupuncture in the grounds of the resort and later fantasised about the pretty dutch lady by the pool, who smiled at me so warmly that day.

I wish she knew how affected I was when I offered to put my arms around her and kiss her, only to be told that she felt like she was being “molested”. I didn’t cry, but by then having been in a relationship for 9 years, I recognised the significance of that moment.

I have never tried again… who would? I would rather bear the ethical dilemma of having a sexual relationship elsewhere, than to receive that kind of hurtful rejection from someone who knows me. Fierce like fire when she talks to me, and cold like ice to the touch.

There are reasons for us to still be together… for now.

Passion and physical intimacy are a core human need for many of us and I see how much I’m not alone, even though the reasons are as numerous as there are replies here.

I feel the ache in every word you wrote.

That sinking feeling of rejection - when someone you love and trust looks at your desire not as a gift but as an inconvenience - is a kind of wound that doesn’t bleed but never truly stops hurting. It’s the loneliness that exists even with someone lying just a few feet away.

You’re not alone in this, though I know that doesn’t make the nights easier. Many here have faced that moment when a tender gesture is met with coldness, and something inside quietly breaks. Your choice to bear your pain with dignity, even while holding on to the relationship for other reasons, is a truth more people live than they admit.

I hope you find a way back to being seen and wanted - not just as a partner, but as a human who deserves warmth, touch, and joy. Passion and intimacy aren’t trivial; they are as human as breath.

Thank you for speaking what so many silently endure.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

There is a hollowness that comes from the constant rejection and neglect. Especially for those who rely on physical love. It really feels like a piece of you is missing. But they will just chalk it up to "you only care about sex"

 

[Anononly1992]

There is a hollowness that comes from the constant rejection and neglect. Especially for those who rely on physical love. It really feels like a piece of you is missing. But they will just chalk it up to "you only care about sex"

I get that the whole time from my wife. While it's not a sexless marriage. Any time I touch her leg in bed she thinks all I want to do is fuck her. While I gladly would, I am absolutely seeking a connection with her. Not just and getting my dick wet.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Hopefully you never get to the point where a simple touch is greeted with the reaction of a swamp monster slapping a slimy tentacle on her.

 

[Carmina24]

It’s a heartbreaking place to reach - when a touch offered in love is met with discomfort instead of warmth.
Moments like that can make you feel invisible in your own relationship.
I hope anyone feeling this knows they’re not alone, and that wanting to be held and wanted is never something to be ashamed of.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

And for the record, of your significant other reacts like that to your touch, feel free to touch me!!! Seriously though, it is really hard to feel okay with yourself when you are treated like that.

 

[RoanMtn]

And for the record, of your significant other reacts like that to your touch, feel free to touch me!!! Seriously though, it is really hard to feel okay with yourself when you are treated like that.

You got that right.

 

[Noor]

I get that the whole time from my wife. While it's not a sexless marriage. Any time I touch her leg in bed she thinks all I want to do is fuck her. While I gladly would, I am absolutely seeking a connection with her. Not just and getting my dick wet.

have you ask her why she assume that?

 

[masterslave00]

Where the Bed Grows Quiet

There is a silence in some marriages that no one warns you about.
Not the silence of anger, or betrayal, or even indifference.
It is the hush that falls when love is still present, but touch has gone missing.

Nights stretch long. You can hear your own breath, your own pulse. Sometimes, you feel like a ghost in your own life - half of a duet that no longer sings.

We read your words here, and we feel the weight of them. The loneliness that settles between the sheets. The quiet ache of reaching for warmth that never comes.

For those of you living in this silence:
What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

We are listening.
Maybe, if we can share the unspoken,
the quiet will begin to break.

I feel the ache in every word you wrote.

That sinking feeling of rejection - when someone you love and trust looks at your desire not as a gift but as an inconvenience - is a kind of wound that doesn’t bleed but never truly stops hurting. It’s the loneliness that exists even with someone lying just a few feet away.

You’re not alone in this, though I know that doesn’t make the nights easier. Many here have faced that moment when a tender gesture is met with coldness, and something inside quietly breaks. Your choice to bear your pain with dignity, even while holding on to the relationship for other reasons, is a truth more people live than they admit.

I hope you find a way back to being seen and wanted - not just as a partner, but as a human who deserves warmth, touch, and joy. Passion and intimacy aren’t trivial; they are as human as breath.

Thank you for speaking what so many silently endure.

It’s a heartbreaking place to reach - when a touch offered in love is met with discomfort instead of warmth.
Moments like that can make you feel invisible in your own relationship.
I hope anyone feeling this knows they’re not alone, and that wanting to be held and wanted is never something to be ashamed of.

Amazingly well said, @Carmina24

 

[SensualKat78]

Just posted this in my thread....
https://voca.ro/1kkAhkiu5Xw1

 

[TomnDiane]

My wife has stage 4 cancer. With that diagnosis, you have to prepare, and that includes having the very personal conversations, many of which she initiated. A few weeks ago, she started crying. I asked her if she was in pain. "No, but I want to tell you something." We were alone in our home. "The biggest regret I have in our marriage was ending our sexual relationship. I don't know why I did it, I just couldn't bring myself to have sex anymore. You always made sure my satisfaction came first, and I loved the sex. And I am so sorry I did that to you." I was stunned, this was completely out of the blue. "Well, that's the past and it can't be changed. Don't focus on it." It's been 15 years (?) since any sexual activity between us. Obviously, I had no idea she was thinking about that. Cancer is horrible.

 

[Coconutty70]

Just posted this in my thread....
https://voca.ro/1kkAhkiu5Xw1

That was very lovely. Thank you for saying such compassionate and heartfelt words. I feel a bit melty (in a warm and fuzzy way).

Not sure I can uplioad pics directly, so see if this link works....

https://imgur.com/a/ZcT4JiO

 

[SensualKat78]

My wife has stage 4 cancer. With that diagnosis, you have to prepare, and that includes having the very personal conversations, many of which she initiated. A few weeks ago, she started crying. I asked her if she was in pain. "No, but I want to tell you something." We were alone in our home. "The biggest regret I have in our marriage was ending our sexual relationship. I don't know why I did it, I just couldn't bring myself to have sex anymore. You always made sure my satisfaction came first, and I loved the sex. And I am so sorry I did that to you." I was stunned, this was completely out of the blue. "Well, that's the past and it can't be changed. Don't focus on it." It's been 15 years (?) since any sexual activity between us. Obviously, I had no idea she was thinking about that. Cancer is horrible.

This message isn't for everyone and I have compassion for you, my dad is at the end of his life w cancer and it's excruciating to watch...I love that your wife acknowledged that... sending my

 

[SensualKat78]

That was very lovely. Thank you for saying such compassionate and heartfelt words. I feel a bit melty (in a warm and fuzzy way).

Not sure I can uplioad pics directly, so see if this link works....

https://imgur.com/a/ZcT4JiO

I left my marriage 5 years ago mainly for this reason and now we are the best of friends, I just couldn't live not feeling sexually alive, desired and it pained me to watch him suffer in a sexless marriage. #mytruth
If we really want to experience life to the fullest we can't be scared to let go of what isn't serving both people. Just because something ends doesn't mean it's totally over.

 

[Coconutty70]

My wife has stage 4 cancer. With that diagnosis, you have to prepare, and that includes having the very personal conversations, many of which she initiated. A few weeks ago, she started crying. I asked her if she was in pain. "No, but I want to tell you something." We were alone in our home. "The biggest regret I have in our marriage was ending our sexual relationship. I don't know why I did it, I just couldn't bring myself to have sex anymore. You always made sure my satisfaction came first, and I loved the sex. And I am so sorry I did that to you." I was stunned, this was completely out of the blue. "Well, that's the past and it can't be changed. Don't focus on it." It's been 15 years (?) since any sexual activity between us. Obviously, I had no idea she was thinking about that. Cancer is horrible.

This is a situation I have also been through and thank you for sharing it with us. I agree it is horrible and I wish you lasting peace and enduring memories of love.

 

[Lonelywife81]

Never totally sexless, but very much one-sided in desire and drive. Peri-menopause has given me the surge.... And a husband with ED. life's a fucking joke.

 

[Coconutty70]

I left my marriage 5 years ago mainly for this reason and now we are the best of friends, I just couldn't live not feeling sexually alive, desired and it pained me to watch him suffer in a sexless marriage. #mytruth
If we really want to experience life to the fullest we can't be scared to let go of what isn't serving both people. Just because something ends doesn't mean it's totally over.

Wise words. There are always routes through... and there will be one for me and my partner too, and hopefully the other posters on this thread. It will take time and some figuring out because separation would be so extremely difficult to navigate for my partner, that I would prefer peace of mind to ensure she is supported while she adjusts away from her dependency on me in many different ways. If the shoe was on the other foot and I was dependent on her, I probably would have left by now as I am a very independent type of person. The opposite is true of my partner. We shall see. Thank you again.

 

[Coconutty70]

Never totally sexless, but very much one-sided in desire and drive. Peri-menopause has given me the surge.... And a husband with ED. life's a fucking joke.

I had a bit of ED (have had mildly it all my life and became more apparent as I got older) and my doc gave me some tadalafil. I take a very small amount of it when I need it (clearly haven't needed it for a while!! Haha!) and it works well for me because it is quite subtle and it's possible to take it and forget about it because it works for a few days at a time. It completely changed the way I felt about sex from being hesitant towards being really confident. You may have tried such things.

"... surge..." now THERE'S a word!

 

[Lonelywife81]

I had a bit of ED (have had mildly it all my life and became more apparent as I got older) and my doc gave me some tadalafil. I take a very small amount of it when I need it (clearly haven't needed it for a while!! Haha!) and it works well for me because it is quite subtle and it's possible to take it and forget about it because it works for a few days at a time. It completely changed the way I felt about sex from being hesitant towards being really confident. You may have tried such things.

"... surge..." now THERE'S a word!

He's gotten the pills..... They work for the immediate issue... But the drive, the desire, the stolen opportunities.... He hasn't gotten anything for that

 

[Abeona1]

I am in a sexless relationship, I fancy him, he smells great and the best kisser. And we laugh a lot.
He doesn't like being touched, always telling me to get off him.
If I didn't make a move he won't.
I was a late developer in my teens, found the wrong person. Single parent next 20yrs.
Aged 40 went mad for 5 yrs. Promiscuous.
Then with my now partner, who I actually hated for 15 yrs, been together 15yrs. Should have seen the red flag when he was more interested in his shed roof than me in his bed.
He won't talk about it, gets angry. Think some is a defence mechanism.
He isn't interested in anything I say or do.
He bought some pills and sold them on.
Our body shape may hinder, but I love doggie. And it's not even the sex, it's the skin to skin, the caressing.
He says I've put weight on, his a barrel.
He doesn't like how I dress or walk around the house, barely covered.
His love language is food. I love food.
He cooked himself a breakfast the other day and didn't ask or do me one. He couldn't understand why I got upset. It was that I didn't get a meal, but that he doesn't even want to do that for me.
He then started criticising me about the home.
Not only am I his flat mate, but housekeeper as well
Have had a few really tempting offers lately. But is it really worth it.
I AM DRIVING MYSELF MAD.
Any opinions?
Sorry if too much, really am at end of my tether

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

I am in a sexless relationship, I fancy him, he smells great and the best kisser. And we laugh a lot.
He doesn't like being touched, always telling me to get off him.
If I didn't make a move he won't.
I was a late developer in my teens, found the wrong person. Single parent next 20yrs.
Aged 40 went mad for 5 yrs. Promiscuous.
Then with my now partner, who I actually hated for 15 yrs, been together 15yrs. Should have seen the red flag when he was more interested in his shed roof than me in his bed.
He won't talk about it, gets angry. Think some is a defence mechanism.
He isn't interested in anything I say or do.
He bought some pills and sold them on.
Our body shape may hinder, but I love doggie. And it's not even the sex, it's the skin to skin, the caressing.
He says I've put weight on, his a barrel.
He doesn't like how I dress or walk around the house, barely covered.
His love language is food. I love food.
He cooked himself a breakfast the other day and didn't ask or do me one. He couldn't understand why I got upset. It was that I didn't get a meal, but that he doesn't even want to do that for me.
He then started criticising me about the home.
Not only am I his flat mate, but housekeeper as well
Have had a few really tempting offers lately. But is it really worth it.
I AM DRIVING MYSELF MAD.
Any opinions?
Sorry if too much, really am at end of my tether

yep... I have an opinion... get you a box of condoms and get busy!! He cant cut you off if he doesnt know where youre getting it from.

 

[Draven_Crow13]

I am in a sexless relationship, I fancy him, he smells great and the best kisser. And we laugh a lot.
He doesn't like being touched, always telling me to get off him.
If I didn't make a move he won't.
I was a late developer in my teens, found the wrong person. Single parent next 20yrs.
Aged 40 went mad for 5 yrs. Promiscuous.
Then with my now partner, who I actually hated for 15 yrs, been together 15yrs. Should have seen the red flag when he was more interested in his shed roof than me in his bed.
He won't talk about it, gets angry. Think some is a defence mechanism.
He isn't interested in anything I say or do.
He bought some pills and sold them on.
Our body shape may hinder, but I love doggie. And it's not even the sex, it's the skin to skin, the caressing.
He says I've put weight on, his a barrel.
He doesn't like how I dress or walk around the house, barely covered.
His love language is food. I love food.
He cooked himself a breakfast the other day and didn't ask or do me one. He couldn't understand why I got upset. It was that I didn't get a meal, but that he doesn't even want to do that for me.
He then started criticising me about the home.
Not only am I his flat mate, but housekeeper as well
Have had a few really tempting offers lately. But is it really worth it.
I AM DRIVING MYSELF MAD.
Any opinions?
Sorry if too much, really am at end of my tether

I initiate everything too sadly