Not Knocking the Pillow Princess, but . . .

[bumpinthenight2022]

I think it's kinda selfish.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to bash anyone. We all have our kinks, likes, and dislikes and I'm not here to judge anyone. I am only reflecting on my experience.

If sex is supposed to be an exchange, the pillow princess isn't offering anything by strictly being a receiver of a man's energy, attraction, and desire. Will I sleep with a pillow princess? Sure. It's not necessarily standard to ask, ahead of time, how she describes herself in bed. Even after the first encounter, novelty can take you relatively far. But once that wears off, it's a steep fall in terms of attraction.

I think every human being, of every flavor and variety of sexual persuasion, wants to feel desired--especially by the one they desire ... and granting access to your body/strictly being a receiver ≠ an expression of desire.

I hope for any woman reading this, understand that your partner is human and wants to feel your passion just as much as you want to feel his, this is not a gender-based need, it's a human one. Don't let him go too long without feeling that, it usually ends in hurt feelings that are entirely unnecessary. And if you're uncomfortable expressing desire for him, maybe it's because you don't actually have any, and you should set him free to go find the woman that will appreciate, and desire him. If turning him on doesn't, itself, turn you on, that's not the guy for you and you're wasting his time.

 

[LMWM321]

I've never heard of the term "pillow princess" before but I agree with the gist of your statement. For many, the need to feel sexually desired is essential to their happiness. It's not enough to be with someone who merely lets you have sex with them; it's important that they desire to have sex with you. But be reminded that one should continue to earn a partners sexual attraction and never just take it for granted. Some of you may recall my two friends who endlessly complain that their wives (both of whom are very attractive) aren't all that interested in sex any more. Meanwhile, these guys do nothing to maintain their own desirability - indeed, they wear ill-fitting, out of style clothes, don't clip their toe-nails, use the toilet with the door open, don't exercise, etc..

 

[lily_wall_]

I never heard of "pillow princess" so had to look it up. What I read, together with your post, makes pillow princess sound really selfish and yeah sex would be a steep fall after the novelty runs off

But... What about the other way aroubd. Not sure if there's already a term but imma call them "armchair king". Basically men who focus on their pleasure during sex. They never go down on their woman but expect bj all the time. These men might sound like a marriage where the spark is only one sided. But I've been men like that and I luved it. The very idea that I'm there to bring him pleasure even if he won't return the favor turns me on. That just me, not everyone would feel like that

Would you say something similar is possible with pillow princess. That there are people who get turned on "because" they're with pillow princess

 

[MasterDarcy]

Isn't this how men have been towards women for centuries?

Answer: Yes.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

You go girls!

I'm not even kidding. Men have been having their cake and eating it, whilst skipping out on the cheque.

I'm all for women flipping the script.

Is it conducive to a happy and a healthy dynamic? It really depends on the fundamental structure of said dynamic.

Maybe the make is a cuck and he gets off on all give and no take. Maybe it's a Domme/s relationship and her being a "pillow princess" is a part of the mutually agreed upon dynamic.

However, if it's going on inside a traditional relationship, then being selfish and not reciprocating is systematic that either you're in a dead relationship or you're in a relationship with a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. Neither are good.

 

[lil_jenni]

It was a new one on me too. Like Lily, I am the opposite of a pillow princess, it seems. That was especially true before I met my husband. I never let guys reciprocate. Hell, I never wanted them to. It was about me giving them pleasure, and then taking care of myself later on my own in my own terms. That was partly because the first guy I was ever with sexually held the belief that a woman's only purpose in sex was the provide pleasure, and any pleasure she got was either for the man's pleasure in seeing her like that (like him getting off on seeing women pleasuring each other as a performance for him), or incidental to the man's pleasure. That, coupled with a crippling fear of intimacy, made me the way I was when younger, and I always focused on giving pleasure.

But that's selfish too. There are a lot of guys who want to reciprocate and want to give pleasure, and not allowing a guy to do that who wants to is selfish. My Hubby is such a guy, and while I was much more comfortable with him from the first, more than any guy before him, it was still a work of many years for me to get comfortable with him wanting sometimes to pamper and spoil and be a romantic. Fuck, sometimes I'm still not comfortable with it.

But back before Hubby, I found plenty of guys who were happy with a casual BJ and nothing more expected of them. They were happy to receive without having to reciprocate. And I would think a pillow princess would likely be able to find guys who are happy to give without much if any reciprocation. Maybe not as easy as I found guys like that, but not impossible, either. And it should not be for others to tell them what sex is "supposed" to be or how they should express their sexuality. If a woman is a pillow princess and a guy wants a pillow princess, who the fuck are we to tell them that is not how sex is supposed to be for them?

And if two people have a fundamental difference in regard to what they need sex to be, and they cannot reach a mutual understanding, then they are not compatible. It doesn't make one way right an another wrong. It just means they are not right for each other.

 

[AverageGuy86]

Yes, "making love" to a pillow princess gets old very fast. It feels like an act of obligation, and leads the 'giver' feeling pretty unwanted, and like a burden.

Been there before.

The input of making love certainly requires that both people put in something. 50:50 would be awesome. Heck, 70:30 would be great, and I could live for a long time with 80:20 and be happy.

But it can't be 100:0. If it lingers too close to 95:5 (just an example) then the flame burns out quick.

And if the pillow princess is willing to put in only enough to lay there and be used out of obligation, then there's really only two options. Either the relationship fails, or I'm going to take 100% control and have my way with no regard for her feelings. (And quite honestly, I don't love that idea either...)

 

[bumpinthenight2022]

Yes, "making love" to a pillow princess gets old very fast. It feels like an act of obligation, and leads the 'giver' feeling pretty unwanted, and like a burden.

Been there before.

The input of making love certainly requires that both people put in something. 50:50 would be awesome. Heck, 70:30 would be great, and I could live for a long time with 80:20 and be happy.

But it can't be 100:0. If it lingers too close to 95:5 (just an example) then the flame burns out quick.

And if the pillow princess is willing to put in only enough to lay there and be used out of obligation, then there's really only two options. Either the relationship fails, or I'm going to take 100% control and have my way with no regard for her feelings. (And quite honestly, I don't love that idea either...)

Exactly!

100:0 is ok, as long as it's not all the time. 100:0 today, 0:100 tomorrow, but most days are going to be some mixture. That variety is really, I think, what most of us guys really desire.

Predictably kills passion.

 

[UtilityCurve]

It was a new one on me too. Like Lily, I am the opposite of a pillow princess, it seems. That was especially true before I met my husband. I never let guys reciprocate. Hell, I never wanted them to. It was about me giving them pleasure, and then taking care of myself later on my own in my own terms. That was partly because the first guy I was ever with sexually held the belief that a woman's only purpose in sex was the provide pleasure, and any pleasure she got was either for the man's pleasure in seeing her like that (like him getting off on seeing women pleasuring each other as a performance for him), or incidental to the man's pleasure. That, coupled with a crippling fear of intimacy, made me the way I was when younger, and I always focused on giving pleasure.

But that's selfish too. There are a lot of guys who want to reciprocate and want to give pleasure, and not allowing a guy to do that who wants to is selfish. My Hubby is such a guy, and while I was much more comfortable with him from the first, more than any guy before him, it was still a work of many years for me to get comfortable with him wanting sometimes to pamper and spoil and be a romantic. Fuck, sometimes I'm still not comfortable with it.

But back before Hubby, I found plenty of guys who were happy with a casual BJ and nothing more expected of them. They were happy to receive without having to reciprocate. And I would think a pillow princess would likely be able to find guys who are happy to give without much if any reciprocation. Maybe not as easy as I found guys like that, but not impossible, either. And it should not be for others to tell them what sex is "supposed" to be or how they should express their sexuality. If a woman is a pillow princess and a guy wants a pillow princess, who the fuck are we to tell them that is not how sex is supposed to be for them?

And if two people have a fundamental difference in regard to what they need sex to be, and they cannot reach a mutual understanding, then they are not compatible. It doesn't make one way right an another wrong. It just means they are not right for each other.

Being his toy sometimes and being a woman who won't allow herself to think her pleasure is less important then his: Isn't the admixture the ideal?

Sometimes I really couldn't care less about my own release: I wanted hers, to know her pleasure was my single-minded focus. Sometimes I wanted her the feel utterly used solely for my pleasure. (I spent most of my life between the two extremes, aware of the appeal of both, but unable to let one predominate. But when one mood struck me as imperative, I absolutely went all in. I hope the girls appreciated my candor.)

 

[BillyWalrus]

I could probably be described as my trans girlfriend's pillow princess but that is exactly how she likes it. Although she is extremely feminine, in bed she is a man and as such she uses her big cock to fuck me in whatever hole she wants to use.

My role is to be her woman in bed and allow her the use of my holes for her pleasure. She decides how she wants to fuck me, either in my ass or my mouth, and I submit to her cock and take her cum. We are both content with our sex life together.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

I don't mind a pillow princess but there will then be a slut in my life also

 

[AlexBailey]

I don’t know if it’s true but I like to think there is someone for everyone.

Pillow princesses are not for me. They may have their reasons and fantasies they prescribe to but to me is says that intimacy comes as a scripted exchange, not mutual appreciation.

My first marriage was a disaster. It was to a model who was used to being wanted and served. She had expectations about how she would be fucked and she expected to get anything she wanted for a BJ. Emotions were baggage that got in the way of her transactions.

If a woman wants a silent sweaty grunt to bring home the bacon and leave her alone except for a few minutes of rutting from time to time, there are plenty of them out there and she has every right to seek that. Have your “real man”.

If a woman wants mutual respect and an emotionally intelligent partner to raise emotionally intelligent kids with, or even just a man (or woman) she can connect with, she has every right to seek that.

I want a partner who wants to connect - one who wants me to feel as good and appreciated as I want them to feel.