Opening Lines to a story idea...

[txblush]

Hi, everyone, let me know what you think of this idea from two lines of dialogue that is the beginning of a story I'm working on.

"What's your poison?" the bartender asked.
"Men," she answered, sliding onto a barstool, her expression grim. "You?"

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

It’s a good opener!

 

[sxPlasticity]

No. It sounds toxic.

 

[mnsi]

It's quite neat and intriguing. More than her answer, I am instantly drawn in by the follow-up of her expression being grim. Like, why? I am hooked!

 

[Husky_Embrace]

Hi, everyone, let me know what you think of this idea from two lines of dialogue that is the beginning of a story I'm working on.

"What's your poison?" the bartender asked.
"Men," she answered, sliding onto a barstool, her expression grim. "You?"

I agree with the rest. It is a strong opening. We already know a likely important fact about the assumed protagonist, the woman. There's still a lot of reasons why she describes men as poison, most likely a recent event that is not at all standing alone.

Giving both information about the woman while at the same time luring people in with curiosity about the details is good.

You can leave this question hanging a bit before revealing any details if there's not much else that keep people interested. So it is a great piece of flexibility while being a strong opening.

 

[Carnevil9]

I would keep reading.

Is the bartender male or female? The story could go in very different directions depending on the answer to that question.

 

[txblush]

I would keep reading.

Is the bartender male or female? The story could go in very different directions depending on the answer to that question.

Male, retired detective, and during an era before the Clean Air Act was passed.