Looking for any feedback on my stories new to Lit and was hoping I could get some advice

[Her_pleasure_is_4_me]

https://www.literotica.com/s/sometimes-bad-luck-is-good
Just looking for some feedback

 

[StillStunned]

To make it easier for people to find your stories and share their thoughts, you might want to include a link. I recommend adding a link to your author profile in your signature.

For this thread, I suggest choosing a few stories, adding links to them, and specifying what kind of feedback you'd like, i.e. on your style, your characters, your dialogue, your plotting, how you handle kinks, or whatever. This is more likely to produce useful input than just a general "What does everyone think?"

Also, if you ask for feedback, be prepared to read things you don't like. Even if someone enjoys your story, you're asking them to highlight the weaknesses, presumably so you can work on them and improve. Don't take the feedback personally. None of us here is a Nobel or Booker Prize winner, and none of us started out knowing everything. Nobody knows their own weaknesses until they're pointed out. Not everyone even wants to change what they're doing. But there's also a vast trove of experience here, and if you can tap into it, and if you're willing, you can become a better writer than many published authors.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I've added your first story to my reading list.

 

[Her_pleasure_is_4_me]

Just looking for some

I would love some feedback on my story

https://www.literotica.com/s/ryans-therapy

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Hazel is late for work her. Now she has to see her boss.
I don't think this day could get any worse."

If I hadn't set out to read this for the purpose of giving feedback, I'd probably have moved on at the sight of these two typos in the summary and first sentence, respectively.

Which would be a shame because I can see this isn't the half-literate one-handed nonsense I expect of authors that haven't mastered the basics of spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

It's fucking raining, and of course, the bus is late. Now I'll be late for work. Being late isn't the problem; the problem is having to deal with Eramel. She's always looking for a reason to get on my case.

This is neat! I can kind of picture the narrator already.

I know that st* won't matter.

I can't figure out what st* is supposed to mean.

As she talks to me, I can't concentrate on the words she's saying, only the movement of her lips. I'm suddenly aware of how plump and kissable they are. In that same moment, I realize how long it's been since I've kissed and been kissed.

This feels a bit abrupt. My sense, as an outsider, is that the Lesbian Sex people like their slow burns. I think they mostly also like their characterization, which is a bit lacking here. Is Eramel given to workplace sexual harassment? Extraordinarily impulsive? I just can't find a plausible motivation for her to go from "always looking for a reason to get on my case" to "snogging in the office" quite like that.

No indication anywhere how Eramel arrives at concluding that not only is Hazel a lesbian but that she'd be happy with the sx.

Seems like Anonymous agrees with me, for whatever that's worth.

tl;dr You have an ear for realistic dialogue but the plotting is a bit rushed and the motivations are unclear. But you've gotten over the first hump, which is publishing at all. Welcome to the club and I'm looking forward to the next one.

 

[Her_pleasure_is_4_me]

Hazel is late for work her. Now she has to see her boss.
I don't think this day could get any worse."

If I hadn't set out to read this for the purpose of giving feedback, I'd probably have moved on at the sight of these two typos in the summary and first sentence, respectively.

Which would be a shame because I can see this isn't the half-literate one-handed nonsense I expect of authors that haven't mastered the basics of spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

It's fucking raining, and of course, the bus is late. Now I'll be late for work. Being late isn't the problem; the problem is having to deal with Eramel. She's always looking for a reason to get on my case.

This is neat! I can kind of picture the narrator already.

I know that st* won't matter.

I can't figure out what st* is supposed to mean.

As she talks to me, I can't concentrate on the words she's saying, only the movement of her lips. I'm suddenly aware of how plump and kissable they are. In that same moment, I realize how long it's been since I've kissed and been kissed.

This feels a bit abrupt. My sense, as an outsider, is that the Lesbian Sex people like their slow burns. I think they mostly also like their characterization, which is a bit lacking here. Is Eramel given to workplace sexual harassment? Extraordinarily impulsive? I just can't find a plausible motivation for her to go from "always looking for a reason to get on my case" to "snogging in the office" quite like that.

No indication anywhere how Eramel arrives at concluding that not only is Hazel a lesbian but that she'd be happy with the sx.

Seems like Anonymous agrees with me, for whatever that's worth.

tl;dr You have an ear for realistic dialogue but the plotting is a bit rushed and the motivations are unclear. But you've gotten over the first hump, which is publishing at all. Welcome to the club and I'm looking forward to the next one.

I appreciate your honest feedback.