Smut Plotting

[Bamagan]

This is about plotting smut on a chart, not how to plan what kind of smut you want to write. It's intended to be humourous, based loosely on a scene from Dead Poet's Society about 'understanding poetry' in a rather mathematical way.
In the movie, which is at least paraphrasing an actual book but assigning it to a pseudonymous author, one is tasked to evaluate a poem by judging its "perfection" (how artfully it's executed) and its "importance" (what it's trying to say). Assigned a numerical rating, those traits can be multiplied for a score and/or plotted on a chart wherein the area defined is the measure of "greatness" of the poem.
For smut, as for any written endeavour, one can assign a 'perfection' score based on its technical merits (or lack thereof), with at least a certain amount of objectivity; I have labeled it as 'Literation' in the chart below. The 'importance' of smut is its eroticism, which must naturally be a more subjective evaluation based on one's own preferences, attitudes, or interests; it is labeled 'Eroticism' in the chart. But multiplying the ratings gives us a measure of the 'greatness' of the the smut: its Literoticism, if you will.

For the purposes of clarity, the chart was generated with scores based on a 100-point scale to give it a more granular appearance.

 

[DeMont]

That, my dear Bamagan, is absolute genius... A "Plan Your Fucks" chart (kinda looks like my blood sugar charts...!!! ROFL)
But tell me, seriously, how do you plan for an interaction that is, at least half the time, spontaneous? How do you regulate the erotic interaction of your characters when the factors that are involved include moral immoralities, personal kinks and/or perversions and an all too often "natural" escalation in the throes of wild eyed lunatic passion?

All in all, can sex be mathematically plotted and expressed? Should we organise volunteers for a long term study??? Could we measure the kinetic output, in BTUs of the different levels of activity?

**Tongue in cheek**
Deepest respects,
D.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Honestly, there are a whole bunch of stories here which are shockingly badly written but which I enjoy because they offer a window into one unique individual's proclivities and these are often bizarre and enthusiastic.

I don't think its a particularly bad thing to judge art from a number of different angles. Opera, for example, is a combination of music and drama. The Magic Flute has stellar tunes but an absolute gubbins plot*. There are no 'great' operas with completely crap music, but Peter Grimes is an example where, the first time I saw it, I was more interested in what happens next than when the next tune was arriving. La Traviatta knocks both out of the park.

(*Yes, I know it has a lot of Masonic symbolism but symbolic gubbins is still gubbins)

For what its worth, I saw Dead Poets Society again a few years ago and the 'inspirational teaching style' irritated the ever living piss out of me.

 

[TheLobster]

This is about plotting smut on a chart, not how to plan what kind of smut you want to write.

Oh come on! How could you do this to me? Not only you’ve lampshaded the ambiguity of your thread’s title and clarified its meaning in the first sentence, but you’ve actually made the thread to be precisely about the humorous second, unexpected meaning rather than the predictable one!

How am I supposed to make fun of it now?… Curse you, I say! Curse you!

…Now, a bit more to the point: the concept is sound. But will you dare to stir the pot and actually label the dataset that generated the above chart?

 

[ElectricBlue]

For the purposes of clarity, the chart was generated with scores based on a 100-point scale to give it a more granular appearance.

Careful. We've already got a controversial score/100% scale here. I don't think we need another one .

 

[iwatchus]

Now you have me mentally plotting all my stories in three-space of character X plot X sex

 

[SimonDoom]

Oh Captain, my Captain, indeed.

THAT would be an English class worth taking.

 

[SimonDoom]

It's not just how the naughty bits are described, lads; it's what they DO that makes the smut great!

 

[Areala-chan]

If you aren't writing smut to woo the ladies in your life, then what are you even writing smut for?

 

[Bamagan]

Honestly, there are a whole bunch of stories here which are shockingly badly writtem but which I enjoy because they offer a window into one unique individual's proclivities and these are often bizarre and enthusiastic.

I don't think its a particularly bad thing to judge art from a number of different angled. Opera, for example, is a combination of music and drama. The Magic Flute has stellar tunes but an absolute gubbins plot*. There are no 'great' operas with completely crap music, but Peter Grimes is an example where, the first time I saw it, I was more interested in what happens next than when the next tune was arriving. La Traviatta knocks both out of the park.

(*Yes, I know it has a lot of Masonic symbolism but symbolic gubbins is still gubbins)

For what its worth, I saw Dead Poets Society again a few years ago and the 'inspirational teaching style' irritated the ever living piss out of me.

Yeah, some of the stories I find the most interesting would not get high marks for composition. And then there are some very well-written tales that can't even wake up my perky nipple. I imagine the former are mostly written by fetishists who can't find enough content so they have to create it (which is kind of my origin story, too). The latter might be people who just tack on some sex to the story they actually wanted to tell.
As for DPS, I would have been very annoyed as a student to have such a teacher. But I can also appreciate the likelihood that a high school literature class taught from that textbook would probably have resulted in a course that would be utterly forgotten as soon as the final was over. There's no one-size-fits-all solution for helping people learn to appreciate 'the arts', but measuring 'greatness' is one that probably works for very few.

 

[Bamagan]

Oh come on! How could you do this to me? Not only you’ve lampshaded the ambiguity of your thread’s title and clarified its meaning in the first sentence, but you’ve actually made the thread to be precisely about the humorous second, unexpected meaning rather than the predictable one!

How am I supposed to make fun of it now?… Curse you, I say! Curse you!

…Now, a bit more to the point: the concept is sound. But will you dare to stir the pot and actually label the dataset that generated the above chart?

I stand accursed.
I regret to inform you that the dataset was for illustrative purposes only. I suppose I could try perusing 25 random stories and scatterplotting them, but that feels like taking the joke too far.

 

[Bamagan]

Careful. We've already got a controversial score/100% scale here. I don't think we need another one .

I am Spartacus!

 

[THBGato]

**Tongue in cheek**

Which cheek though? And whose tongue?

THAT would be an English class worth taking.

Most of Shakespeare's comedies (and some of the tragedies) are chock full of sex jokes, but I suspect most English teachers don't explain them, more's the pity.

 

[SimonDoom]

Which cheek though? And whose tongue?



Most of Shakespeare's comedies (and some of the tragedies) are chock full of sex jokes, but I suspect most English teachers don't explain them, more's the pity.

I had a college English professor who interpreted EVERYTHING in terms of sex and sexual innuendo. It definitely alters one's thinking. Shakespeare was a dirty old bird.

 

[THBGato]

"I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes,
By her high forehead and her scarlet lip,
By her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh,
And the demesnes that there adjacent lie,
That in thy likeness thou appear to us!"

My English teacher: "Demesnes" means "areas", so "areas" adjacent to a "quivering thigh". What is Mercutio saying about Romeo here?

Jack, the class clown: "That he looks like a cunt and behaves like a pussy, sir?"

My teacher: "Well done, spot on. Don't write that in the exam though."

 

[iwatchus]

I always gave points for any answer on an exam that made me laugh

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I stand accursed.
I regret to inform you that the dataset was for illustrative purposes only. I suppose I could try perusing 25 random stories and scatterplotting them, but that feels like taking the joke too far.

In the words of Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago, you can never go too far.

 

[AG31]

Honestly, there are a whole bunch of stories here which are shockingly badly writtem but which I enjoy because they offer a window into one unique individual's proclivities and these are often bizarre and enthusiastic.

Yep! I started a thread (two, actually) a couple of years ago about "authenticity" and cited at least one badly written story that was loaded with it. I think I like "bizarre and enthusiastic" better than "authentic."

Yeah, some of the stories I find the most interesting would not get high marks for composition. And then there are some very well-written tales that can't even wake up my perky nipple. I imagine the former are mostly written by fetishists who can't find enough content so they have to create it (which is kind of my origin story, too). The latter might be people who just tack on some sex to the story they actually wanted to tell.

Me too. I don't put myself in the fetish category, but I'm certainly in a tiny niche, so I created my own.