Imposter Syndrome and Being "Pony Famous"

[alohadave]

I was a mobile DJ for many years, performing at weddings as well as a variety of other events.

I used to play at this campground down the Jersey shore, almost every weekend through the summer.

So yeah, I'd occasionally get approached by someone who recognized me, especially at the campground on the few weekends I'd stay there with my family.

People would come up to me, address me by name, and I'd think "how do they know me? Oh, right."

It was awkward sometimes but I was always nice about it. Most just wanted to say hi and tell me how much fun they had at the party. Then moved on.

There's a DJ that everyone of a certain age in my area knows because he was the go-to DJ for events.

Though he's been retired for many years my wife and all her friends still talk about how good of a DJ he was.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I've met her both in RI and at Applecon in NYC. She's really nice and very grounded. Trust me when I tell you a lot of these 'creators' and I have that in quotes because so many of them only write characters created decades ago by people whoa actually created something are so full of themselves its not funny.

GS's Red Sonja work is fantastic

I'm such a fucking nerd.

In that vein. Ben Templesmith is a good example, a comic artist who's notoriety originally came from the 30 days of night comic series. He has a unique style that doesn't work with everything so he's not as well known as other artists. Great guy, I sat across from him at Terror con and bought a print from him before the show kicked off. His comment was "Thank you, now I'll be able to feed my cats when I get back."

Yeah, good examples. I used Gail because I follow her on both platforms and could easily check how many followers she has.

As another example, we watch a lot of Master Chef and such programs, and they often bring out guest chefs and my husband is all, "Wow! That guy is great! He revolutionized such and such technique," and I shrug and say, "Yeah, that's nice..."

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

The first is that it as a simple matter of respect for the admiring fan. When they tell you they enjoy your work, simple courtesy should dictate that you don't tell them that it's not worth their admiration.

Agree. To add some nuance, if who I'd consider a talented, accomplished writer ever complimented my work, I'd definitely feel that impostor feeling. Which reminds me of when director Paul Thomas Anderson proclaimed his admiration of Adam Sandler's work. So much so that he cast him in Punch Drunk Love. If I'm Sandler, I might be thinking, "Really, PTA? You're a fan? Why? Well, okay, thanks!"

 

[MelissaBaby]

Agree. To add some nuance, if who I'd consider a talented, accomplished writer ever complimented my work, I'd definitely feel that impostor feeling. Which reminds me of when director Paul Thomas Anderson proclaimed his admiration of Adam Sandler's work. So much so that he cast him in Punch Drunk Love. If I'm Sandler, I might be thinking, "Really, PTA? You're a fan? Why? Well, okay, thanks!"

Yeah...the conversation you don't want:

PTA: "Hey, Adam Sandler! I just watched Little Nicky."

ADAM: "Yeah, that was a piece of shit. Only my most dumbass fans liked it."

<Awkward silence>

PTA: " really liked it."

ADAM: "Oh."

<Awkward silence>

PTA: "OK, see you around. I have to go to see Jim Carrey about a part."

 

[lovecraft68]

Yeah, good examples. I used Gail because I follow her on both platforms and could easily check how many followers she has.

As another example, we watch a lot of Master Chef and such programs, and they often bring out guest chefs and my husband is all, "Wow! That guy is great! He revolutionized such and such technique," and I shrug and say, "Yeah, that's nice..."

My wife loves all those shows.

I am totally out of touch with anything TV movies TMZ type culture other than the horror genre and even with that I don't know a lot of the newer material.

 

[GoldenMaia]

I would be happy being Pony Famous. I do NOT want the headache of being /real/ famous. Have you seen/read how they treat people like S.J.Maas? or other authors (usually female) who are uber popular? No thanks. Give me a small group of super fans EVERY.DAY!!
(Love you readers *squeeeesh*)

 

[alohadave]

I do NOT want the headache of being /real/ famous.

I always say that I'd love to be rich, but I'd never want to be famous.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I'm not even famous in my own house.

 

[Nynah]

I've been fortunate enough to have email correspondences with a few writers here whom I admire and I sometimes have to work hard at not being an utter fangirl when I write back. They've all been gracious, humble and quick to disavow any positive notoriety, but I hope that I've made them feel at least a little bit "pony famous".

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I always say that I'd love to be rich, but I'd never want to be famous.

I'd settle for being famously rich.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I have struggled with Imposter Syndrome since I started writing. It took me a long time to even think of myself as a "real" writer. Sometimes, when I have reacted badly to criticism, I think it was because it fed into that insecurity.

I doubt that I am the only one here who has dealt with that.

Earlier today, I read this in a thread on Bluesky, and it has given me a lot of food for thought, so I thought I'd share it here.

I can't find it now, but a few years back one of the authors I follow had a good thread about similar things. I don't recall exactly how she put it, so please take this as a "based on a true story" level retelling of what she said.

She was talking about how she was on a con panel, and made some kind of self-deprecating remarks about herself. It was intended as humility, but it offended another panelist who took it as false modesty.

From her perspective: she was a struggling author barely making ends meet, looking up at the Stephen Kings and George R. R. Martins of the business and acutely aware of how big the gap was between her and them.

From the perspective of this other panelist, still trying to break into the industry at all: here was this author with dozens! of published! books! and several big awards!, all things that he could only aspire to achieving, talking about those things as if they meant nothing. Like being broke and in the gutter, hearing somebody talk about only having ten thousand dollars to their name.

 

[Erozetta]

I wouldn't mind getting a small following for my baking. They are less likely to scare/overwhelm me than fans of my writing, lol.

 

[TheLobster]

I wouldn't mind getting a small following for my baking. They are less likely to scare/overwhelm me than fans of my writing, lol.

I don’t know about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were incidents of stampeding crowds that were instigated by the aroma of freshly baked cookies.

 

[Bamagan]

 

[Erozetta]

View attachment 2552290

I have brownies.

 

[Erozetta]

I don’t know about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were incidents of stampeding crowds that were instigated by the aroma of freshly baked cookies.

I can handle a cookie stampede.

I can't handle another stalker, lol.

 

[Erozetta]

Wait, I just remembered I did make some cookies recently.

(My last batch were banana cookies, they tasted good, but didn't look super cute. These ones were peanut butter chocolate chip and they were a test run at potentially marketing cookies for sale.)

 

[Bamagan]

I have brownies.

That'll do.
Om nom nom

 

[lovecraft68]

I can't find it now, but a few years back one of the authors I follow had a good thread about similar things. I don't recall exactly how she put it, so please take this as a "based on a true story" level retelling of what she said.

She was talking about how she was on a con panel, and made some kind of self-deprecating remarks about herself. It was intended as humility, but it offended another panelist who took it as false modesty.

From her perspective: she was a struggling author barely making ends meet, looking up at the Stephen Kings and George R. R. Martins of the business and acutely aware of how big the gap was between her and them.

From the perspective of this other panelist, still trying to break into the industry at all: here was this author with dozens! of published! books! and several big awards!, all things that he could only aspire to achieving, talking about those things as if they meant nothing. Like being broke and in the gutter, hearing somebody talk about only having ten thousand dollars to their name.

I can see the truth for both of these folks as far as how they felt, but would say the one who was offended was being thin skinned.

I get the frustration, we all want to get there. Every writer has dreamed of their books in a bookstore -but soon there won't be any so maybe that will take some sting out- but few see it. Interesting take on self deprecating being false modesty and trolling. I think two things can be true, some people are sincere with it, some are doing it with a smirk.

Reminds me though of spending three years in an author's group because I felt I could make connections and doing events with them would help me. Your example is a drop in the bucket to the drama that goes on. The egos are insane, the butthurt is insane, the drama his middle school level and if the group is run by a man then its a given the pretty flirty authors get to do all the panels and best locations in the book events. Oops. maybe that was just the 45 year old frat boy who ran ours. My point is if you think you see some clashing egos in this forum from time to time, sign up for one of those, especially the ones that meet in person and....wow. I thought maybe it was just that group until I briefly joined the New England Horror group and couldn't get through a year around them.

If I could jack the thread for a small bit of advice for anyone here. Writing as we know is a solitary thing tailor made for introverts and anti-social people. Best to keep it that way.

 

[Voboy]

I'm "pony famous" in a couple of different contexts. I am rarely recognized, and I like it that way. I'm not very good at compliments nor small talk; to me, the writing is me talking. So if you come up to me and want to meet me, I'm unlikely to have a whole lot to say.

I feel the same way when civilians tell me "thank you for your service." A lot of veterans hate it, and I'm one of them. There's the same sense of awkwardness there, and I'd rather not deal with it.

By contrast, my day job has made me very well-known in the town where I work. I'm happy to chat with people there because they already know me. If you're a stranger, it'll feel like an imposition.

 

[Areala-chan]

If I could jack the thread for a small bit of advice for anyone here. Writing as we know is a solitary thing tailor made for introverts and anti-social people. Best to keep it that way.

Sadly, I couldn't agree more. Writing groups can be helpful for a very specific type of writer, but if one is not that very specific type of writer, best to steer well clear.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

If there is one thing that I have learned since coming to this forum a couple of years ago it's that writers by and large are bloody arrogant. The other site that I'm on right now is a poker site. The poker players as a group are nowhere near as full of themselves as writers are, and yes that surprises me quite a bit. Obviously there are some very down to earth genuine folks in here and yes there are some total rude swaggering dicks playing poker, but on the average, the poker crowd is far friendlier and easier to hang out with. It's not really close. I'm just sayin'.

 

[lovecraft68]

If there is one thing that I have learned since coming to this forum a couple of years ago it's that writers by and large are bloody arrogant. The other site that I'm on right now is a poker site. The poker players as a group are nowhere near as full of themselves as writers are, and yes that surprises me quite a bit. Obviously there are some very down to earth genuine folks in here and yes there are some total rude swaggering dicks playing poker, but on the average, the poker crowd is far friendlier and easier to hang out with. It's not really close. I'm just sayin'.

I think most creative types have that swag I mentioned, you need it. Just depends how much you show.

Going with your comparison I have spent what at this point is decades playing in 8-ball and dart leagues. I find the pool crowd to be more laid back, less cocky, more out to enjoy the night out and appreciative of good play even when its against you. Lot of good sportsmanship and not a lot of drama in general.

The dart leagues and I've played in a few different ones, are full of bragging, ball busting, trash talking and in many cases damned near belligerent about it. Its a bit of a different crowd, the pool league seems to have more women and also more white collar types, the dart leagues are more your roughneck type and they also tend to drink a lot more.

I'm one of those play to the level of types. I have a good time in the pool league and don't tease or provoke anyone. In the dart leagues I'm a shit talking assholes. I met my wife at a play off night in one of my leagues so I guess I'm good at being a jack ass..

 

[Comshaw]

I wouldn't mind getting a small following for my baking. They are less likely to scare/overwhelm me than fans of my writing, lol.

baking...As a kid my grandmother (who raised me and my siblings) would do the family baking on Wednesdays. I remeber coming home from school and smelling that fresh baked bread before I got in the front door. The kitchen table would be covered with loaves of bread and fresh buns. Nothing compares to a warm bun slathered in homemade butter and blackberry jam for a hungry teenager, or an old man for that matter. I think you should try some Muffindoodles. Snicker Doodle muffins.

Ingredients:
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 eggs
3/4 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. cream of tartar
3/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 and 1/4 cup sour cream
2 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup additional sugar and 2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon mixed together for rolling

Directions:
Preheat oven for 350 degrees. Cream the butter and sugar until soft about 3 minutes. Add in the vanilla, and then the eggs one at a time and mix until each is incorporated.

In a separate bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, cream of tartar, nutmeg and cinnamon. Add the flour mixture and the sour cream alternately to the egg-butter mixture, scraping the bowl occasionally.

Using an ice cream scoop, scoop out muffin batter one at a time and drop into a shallow bowl filled with the cinnamon sugar mixture. Roll the "ball" of batter around in the mixture until it is covered completely in cinnamon sugar, and then place into a prepared (either greased or with liner) muffin tin. (Each ball of batter should fill about 3/4 of a muffin tin.) Depending on the size of your tins, you should get about 14 to 18 muffins. Bake them for approx. 20-22 minutes or until they are golden brown.

This softer dough is definitely not as easy to roll in the cinnamon+sugar mixture as normal cookies! So don't fret about creating beautiful, perfectly-shaped little balls to place in your tins. Mine were quite odd-looking, but the muffins turned out great!




Comshaw

 

[Erozetta]

baking...As a kid my grandmother (who raised me and my siblings) would do the family baking on Wednesdays. I remeber coming home from school and smelling that fresh baked bread before I got in the front door. The kitchen table would be covered with loaves of bread and fresh buns. Nothing compares to a warm bun slathered in homemade butter and blackberry jam for a hungry teenager, or an old man for that matter. I think you should try some Muffindoodles. Snicker Doodle muffins.

Ingredients:
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 eggs
3/4 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. cream of tartar
3/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 and 1/4 cup sour cream
2 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup additional sugar and 2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon mixed together for rolling

Directions:
Preheat oven for 350 degrees. Cream the butter and sugar until soft about 3 minutes. Add in the vanilla, and then the eggs one at a time and mix until each is incorporated.

In a separate bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, cream of tartar, nutmeg and cinnamon. Add the flour mixture and the sour cream alternately to the egg-butter mixture, scraping the bowl occasionally.

Using an ice cream scoop, scoop out muffin batter one at a time and drop into a shallow bowl filled with the cinnamon sugar mixture. Roll the "ball" of batter around in the mixture until it is covered completely in cinnamon sugar, and then place into a prepared (either greased or with liner) muffin tin. (Each ball of batter should fill about 3/4 of a muffin tin.) Depending on the size of your tins, you should get about 14 to 18 muffins. Bake them for approx. 20-22 minutes or until they are golden brown.

This softer dough is definitely not as easy to roll in the cinnamon+sugar mixture as normal cookies! So don't fret about creating beautiful, perfectly-shaped little balls to place in your tins. Mine were quite odd-looking, but the muffins turned out great!




Comshaw

Yeah, I will definitely be making these next time I'm at work.