What are red flags in a potential BDSM partner?

[Dhabidommetrix]

Hello community

Inputs would be appreciated. But for me watch out for people who pressure you to play without limits, ignore consent, or call themselves a "true Dom" while dismissing your needs. consent, safety, and also when mutual care are non-negotiable.

Cheers
Lili

 

[MasterDarcy]

- Being overly agressive early on in your conversation.
- Demanding that they call them "Master," etc, on their initial message.
- Moving too fast e.g expecting you to be their submissive within a day of knowing them.
- Not wanting to get to know you as a person.
- Not willing to listen or compromise when it comes to your limits.
- Not respecting your hard limits.
- Not willing to show patience when it comes to getting to know you.
- Not willing to listen about your life and experiences, etc.
- Not willing to talk about themselves.
- Jumping straight into BDSM/sex talk.
- Jealousy if you reveal that you're talking to more Dominants.
- Not showing you respect and treating you with kindness in the "getting to know you" stage.

 

[cdstefi]

If they're somebody you wouldn't want to know in real life, not just sexy life, it's probably a red flag.

 

[dct10538]

Hello community

Inputs would be appreciated. But for me watch out for people who pressure you to play without limits, ignore consent, or call themselves a "true Dom" while dismissing your needs. consent, safety, and also when mutual care are non-negotiable.

Cheers
Lili

Talk. At least a handful of longish talks over the course of at least a couple of weeks. Talk in all her moods and yours. Is it real? I want real.

And so the red flag: a lack of discussion over a period of time. Hurrying you.

 

[SissySalina]

If you don't know them then you don't want BDSM with the.
Both parties need to know each other and their desires, this only come from good communications and time.
Giving someone total control is not a split second decision. You need trust and faith in the other person.

 

[MagicFlute]

- Being overly agressive early on in your conversation.
- Demanding that they call them "Master," etc, on their initial message.
- Moving too fast e.g expecting you to be their submissive within a day of knowing them.
- Not wanting to get to know you as a person.
- Not willing to listen or compromise when it comes to your limits.
- Not respecting your hard limits.
- Not willing to show patience when it comes to getting to know you.
- Not willing to listen about your life and experiences, etc.
- Not willing to talk about themselves.
- Jumping straight into BDSM/sex talk.
- Jealousy if you reveal that you're talking to more Dominants.
- Not showing you respect and treating you with kindness in the "getting to know you" stage.

THIS!!! So many littles feel pressured early in a relationship to go extreme "to prove their willingness to submit". I keep telling my submissive friends to be careful and revel in the strength of their submission. Submission is a gift not to be handed out to the undeserving.

On the other hand, as a Dom, I take issue with subs who want to start extreme without working through the basic communications. Subs who are too eager to please and have no desire to look at other aspects of the dynamic other than pain.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

When chatting online with prospective subs I try to learn as much as possible upfront. There have been too many people that for some reason say they are submissive but are truly dominant as they want to call all the shots.
I get that everyone has in their own mind what they fantasize being submissive is and it has to be erotic for both parties.
I do try and figure out where their line in the sand is, what they will and will not do. Trust is such a big factor in this type of play if you are being smart about it.

My biggest warning for submissives is do not fall for a narcissist. They are the worst kind of person to be involved with and even worse if they are an alcoholic.
Know up front narcissist behaviors so you can spot them before you get sucked into their spiderweb of deception. They will cut you off from your family, friends and the outside world.
If you have questions I will be happy to chat what my experiences have taught me

 

[Dhabidommetrix]

Talk. At least a handful of longish talks over the course of at least a couple of weeks. Talk in all her moods and yours. Is it real? I want real.

And so the red flag: a lack of discussion over a period of time. Hurrying you.

Well said.

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

I dated a lady that was cruel didn’t ask if I had boundaries and didn’t give a thought to aftercare. It was my second domme/sub relationship. Finding someone who had the same kinks that I had was difficult and I thought I had to except how it was.