Tanka Poem

[WCSGarland]

How's everyone doing...? Sorry...I've been very absent...

Heh, just spent the last 2 weeks driving out of town to go babysit our grand-daughter while her parents went to a concert one night last week.

 

[NivKay]

Heh, just spent the last 2 weeks driving out of town to go babysit our grand-daughter while her parents went to a concert one night last week.

But that’s lovely! I bet your grand daughter enjoyed it!

 

[NivKay]

It’s been awhile now
And life flows in rivered time-
Did the tree get felled?
The world revolves in ancient
Rhythms, whimpering, endless

 

[WCSGarland]

But that’s lovely! I bet your grand daughter enjoyed it!

She's a blast... just turning 6 today. Took her to the science museum and spent the day with her while she ran around and explored whatever she wanted to play with.

 

[_Land]

How's everyone doing...? Sorry...I've been very absent...

Fists whisper through air,
like thunder held in silence—
water learns his shape.
Philosopher in motion,
he broke walls by flowing through.

 

[NivKay]

She's a blast... just turning 6 today. Took her to the science museum and spent the day with her while she ran around and explored whatever she wanted to play with.

There is so much joy, isn’t there, in just stepping back and watching that? Warms my soul…

 

[NivKay]

Fists whisper through air,
like thunder held in silence—
water learns his shape.
Philosopher in motion,
he broke walls by flowing through.

Some good lines there, mate!!

 

[_Land]

Some good lines there, mate!!

Thank you

 

[AoiEndo]

The tanka is a thirty-one-syllable poem, traditionally written in a single unbroken line. A form of waka, Japanese song or verse, tanka translates as “short song,” and is better known in its five-line, 5/7/5/7/7 syllable count form.

History of the Tanka Form

One of the oldest Japanese forms, tanka originated in the seventh century, and quickly became the preferred verse form not only in the Japanese Imperial Court, where nobles competed in tanka contests, but for women and men engaged in courtship. The tanka’s economy and suitability for emotional expression made it ideal for intimate communication; lovers would often, after an evening spent together (often clandestinely), dash off a tanka to give to the other the next morning as a gift of gratitude.

I am surprised and also overjoyed to discover this conversation.
So surprised! Because to see a well-lived art form in my country discussed here in Literotica.. it is so delightful.

The Tanka is very popular, and often, young lovers today, write Tanka letters to each other..!!

Aoi

 

[WCSGarland]

I am surprised and also overjoyed to discover this conversation.
So surprised! Because to see a well-lived art form in my country discussed here in Literotica.. it is so delightful.

The Tanka is very popular, and often, young lovers today, write Tanka letters to each other..!!

Aoi

Welcome to the thread. We all mean well. Hopefully you will not be disappointed with our attempts.

 

[AoiEndo]

Welcome to the thread. We all mean well. Hopefully you will not be disappointed with our attempts.

I do not wish to judge. I’m not disappointed.. sometimes I feel, that art is meant to be transformed. Art is tradition, but art is also spirit. There is no disappointment.. only joy!!

 

[_Land]

I am surprised and also overjoyed to discover this conversation.
So surprised! Because to see a well-lived art form in my country discussed here in Literotica.. it is so delightful.

The Tanka is very popular, and often, young lovers today, write Tanka letters to each other..!!

Aoi

Sensual Love Letter in Tanka – The Orchid Series


---

Veins of my orchid
quiver beneath softest touch—
you, the morning sun
coaxing bloom from shaded roots,
tongue fluent in unfolding.


---

I drank your whisper
like dew pools in velvet throats—
each syllable slid
down the spine of my petals,
teaching ache how to tremble.


---

Your breath, humid heat,
ghosts against my open mouth.
I am pollened pulse—
fragrant with your wandering,
petaled wide in invitation.


---

What you left in me
was not ruin, but rapture—
a stem grown stronger
from the weight of your worship,
lush with the hush of longing.


---

Return to this bloom.
Let my orchid call your name
in lilac exhales.
I have saved each moan of dusk
for the garden of your hands.

 

[AoiEndo]

New Batteries
(An Ode to the return of Rowdy Ted, Formerly Known as Al Pacino)

Rowdy Ted once buzzed
beneath a bachelorette’s bed—
forgotten, lipstick
smeared where love left its imprint.
He dreamed of power returns.

She called him “Big Red,”
then later “Al Pacino”
(‘cause he brought the heat).
He did impressions at night—
“Say hello to my lil’ friend!”

Batteries went dead.
He slept through one president,
two bad hookups, and
a pandemic of silence—
until she found him, dust-cloaked.

Fresh charge in his bones,
he roared like resurrection—
vibrato reborn.
“Jesus, Ted!” she whispered loud,
as saints wept in the drawer next.

Now he hums with pride,
vintage but still fully charged.
Legacies don’t die—
they just need a reboot and
someone brave to press ON twice.



Oh Angeline the stories good old Ted could tell

And this is called a Renga.. a many Tanka in one poem. I love this!!

 

[_Land]

And this is called a Renga.. a many Tanka in one poem. I love this!!

Thank you I enjoy the many forms of poetry(except the English sonnet )

Each form creates a shape that's so different and give unique voice to the imagery

 

[AoiEndo]

Sensual Love Letter in Tanka – The Orchid Series


---

Veins of my orchid
quiver beneath softest touch—
you, the morning sun
coaxing bloom from shaded roots,
tongue fluent in unfolding.


---

I drank your whisper
like dew pools in velvet throats—
each syllable slid
down the spine of my petals,
teaching ache how to tremble.


---

Your breath, humid heat,
ghosts against my open mouth.
I am pollened pulse—
fragrant with your wandering,
petaled wide in invitation.


---

What you left in me
was not ruin, but rapture—
a stem grown stronger
from the weight of your worship,
lush with the hush of longing.


---

Return to this bloom.
Let my orchid call your name
in lilac exhales.
I have saved each moan of dusk
for the garden of your hands.

You wrote this?

 

[_Land]

You wrote this?

Yes that's my work it's been edited and refined for a bit now but you prompted me to post it

 

[AoiEndo]

It is very beautiful.. but may I make one observation?

 

[_Land]

It is very beautiful.. but may I make one observation?

Of course...
This is the poetry forum

 

[NivKay]

I am surprised and also overjoyed to discover this conversation.
So surprised! Because to see a well-lived art form in my country discussed here in Literotica.. it is so delightful.

The Tanka is very popular, and often, young lovers today, write Tanka letters to each other..!!

Aoi

Uh oh.. we’re in trouble now!!

 

[AoiEndo]

Of course...
This is the poetry forum

First I ask your forgiveness. My English is still growing.. but when I read English, I use my senses, which may not correspond to the meaning of them..

But, in Tanka.. the first three lines are descriptive.. they are pictures, like images of the world.. then, the last two lines are reflections, or.. maybe they are, the consequences, of the pictures.. do you n understand?

 

[WCSGarland]

First I ask your forgiveness. My English is still growing.. but when I read English, I use my senses, which may not correspond to the meaning of them..

But, in Tanka.. the first three lines are descriptive.. they are pictures, like images of the world.. then, the last two lines are reflections, or.. maybe they are, the consequences, of the pictures.. do you n understand?

This observation is much appreciated around here!

 

[NivKay]

Uh oh.. we’re in trouble now!!

No, please.. if I make you feel this way, I’m sorry.. I just feel joy that we can communicate this way, across cultures.. no terrible!!

 

[_Land]

First I ask your forgiveness. My English is still growing.. but when I read English, I use my senses, which may not correspond to the meaning of them..

But, in Tanka.. the first three lines are descriptive.. they are pictures, like images of the world.. then, the last two lines are reflections, or.. maybe they are, the consequences, of the pictures.. do you n understand?

No forgiveness is needed

And you would be correct in the more formal original format of tanka...

However there's also a "bastardized" version

Modern/Western Tanka – English or American Style

Structure: Still 5 lines, but often less strict with syllable count; emphasis is on brevity and rhythm, not exact 5-7-5-7-7.

Tone/Content: Broader themes including romance, personal reflection, sensuality, trauma, identity, etc.

Language: Modern, conversational, or poetic; often more raw and visceral.

Imagery: Tends to use metaphor, layered emotion, and open-ended reflection rather than seasonal cues.

Flexibility: Greater liberty in punctuation, line breaks, and style. Often no kigo or pivot word, but may include an emotional shift mid-poem.



That said if you look at the structure of the tankas that I wrote I chose to follow more Western theme because it allowed for better flow from one tanka to the next. My goal was to honor the rhythm and spirit of tanka but create a beautiful flow and symmetry that had eloquence in the imagery.

This would be very clunky from my perspective if I tried to utilize a kigo,kakekotoba or makurakotoba in every one in order stay true to traditional form



_Land

 

[_Land]

First I ask your forgiveness. My English is still growing.. but when I read English, I use my senses, which may not correspond to the meaning of them..

But, in Tanka.. the first three lines are descriptive.. they are pictures, like images of the world.. then, the last two lines are reflections, or.. maybe they are, the consequences, of the pictures.. do you n understand?

So if I were to write this in traditional tanka form which is where this actually started before I transitioned because I wasn't happy with the flow........ Most of the readers that come across my poetry read English.....

They would not appreciate it in the same way that somebody who is familiar with the Japanese format of tanka would.

Here is the original prior to editing it to a more Western format

Silk-white morning haze
clings to my breathless edges—
you were once the light
breaking through my shaded roots,
orchid bloom before the thaw.


Purple wind arrives,
curling past the paper screen—
my sleeve hides nothing.
Even in your absence now,
orchid scent betrays my blush.


Dawn's first hush still burns—
your hand slipped beneath my shade,
fingertips of sun.
Summer left its breath in me,
orchid flushed and unaware.

Salt wind, morning tide—
one petal clings to my lips
long after you’ve gone.
Orchid weeps in silent drops,
dew or sorrow—who can tell?


Crimson dusk dissolves,
curling like steam from my skin—
no more dreams to hold.
Yet this orchid lifts its face,
still reaching the empty dusk.


This will probably feel more correct to you


_Land

 

[_Land]

So from the American perspective the first series i posted has a lot more sensuality, not that the original traditional tankas did not but it's lost on most American readers.