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Another weird day on Lit :D

For about a month me and another user were co writing erotica together. Dirty stories to get off to, basically. We've been doing it daily and it's been a lot of fun. Unfortuantely that came to an end this morning. I don't really think they have been entirely fair with me, and it's been a rather one sided "please me" primialry affair, which I was largely ok with. But on two occasions they have used the N word. I wrote a black (i'm not) character for their 'bbc' fantasy. Now taht in and of itself may be racist, if so mea culpa. I let the first instance slide, but the second time I said "can we not". I think my partner got bent out of shape by it but refused to say so, saying "well black guys laugh about it/use it themselves" which is a pretty weak excuse IMO. Persaonlly i don't think there is any good context to use that word, especially between strangers.

i don't really think there's any coming back from this. They've kind of made their mind up evne though I don't think they are being entirely honest. In fact they said my reaction was, bascially, over sensitive. It's the most racist word in the English language, it only exists to hurt. I know PoC use it themselves, but many also don't like that. I think it's crazy to assume that anyone, a writing partner or whowever (we're both white) would or even should be ok using that word. I certainly wouldn't use it.
 
dkak001 said:
I'll take honestly up front over wishy-washy indecision or similar BS. If you aren't interested, just say you're not interested.

I was stood up on the very first blind date I was supposed to go on (it was the last one I tried!). I drove hours to get there. Was not pleased...
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That's just awful. But, you dodged a potential bullet. 🤬🤬
 
Quimpossibility said:
Another weird day on Lit :D

For about a month me and another user were co writing erotica together. Dirty stories to get off to, basically. We've been doing it daily and it's been a lot of fun. Unfortuantely that came to an end this morning. I don't really think they have been entirely fair with me, and it's been a rather one sided "please me" primialry affair, which I was largely ok with. But on two occasions they have used the N word. I wrote a black (i'm not) character for their 'bbc' fantasy. Now taht in and of itself may be racist, if so mea culpa. I let the first instance slide, but the second time I said "can we not". I think my partner got bent out of shape by it but refused to say so, saying "well black guys laugh about it/use it themselves" which is a pretty weak excuse IMO. Persaonlly i don't think there is any good context to use that word, especially between strangers.

i don't really think there's any coming back from this. They've kind of made their mind up evne though I don't think they are being entirely honest. In fact they said my reaction was, bascially, over sensitive. It's the most racist word in the English language, it only exists to hurt. I know PoC use it themselves, but many also don't like that. I think it's crazy to assume that anyone, a writing partner or whowever (we're both white) would or even should be ok using that word. I certainly wouldn't use it.
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I agree with you, Quim. If POC want to use that word amongst themselves or in their music, I think they can. Some use it as a power word. But it is not a word for white people to use.

You are not being over-sensitive. They're being racist. You can find other writing partners with whom you click. 🫂
 
Lilianna23 said:
I agree with you, Quim. If POC want to use that word amongst themselves or in their music, I think they can. Some use it as a power word. But it is not a word for white people to use.

You are not being over-sensitive. They're being racist. You can find other writing partners with whom you click. 🫂
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I don't know if the BBC fantasy was racist. But I firmly believe you cannot just assume someone is ok with it, not without checking. Even then just because some black people use it isn't a license for us, as whit eppl, to use it. Racism is an absolute redline for me. I just can't concieve of how it's ok to assume that I, your writing partner woudl ever think it was. Even in the context of a silly private fantasy.

They are quite a well to do person and I think they aren't really prepared for taht kind of critique and weren't really itnerested in what I had to say. I asked them not to use that word and considered the matter closed. They said no more. I ended the scene and never heard back until this morning when I had to coax it out of them. I guess that really was a partnership that was never going to work.

I think if there's one thing Lit has taught me it's that you have to be absolutely true to yourself, not just honest with others.
 
Quimpossibility said:
I don't know if the BBC fantasy was racist. But I firmly believe you cannot just assume someone is ok with it, not without checking. Even then just because some black people use it isn't a license for us, as whit eppl, to use it. Racism is an absolute redline for me. I just can't concieve of how it's ok to assume that I, your writing partner woudl ever think it was. Even in the context of a silly private fantasy.

They are quite a well to do person and I think they aren't really prepared for taht kind of critique and weren't really itnerested in what I had to say. I asked them not to use that word and considered the matter closed. They said no more. I ended the scene and never heard back until this morning when I had to coax it out of them. I guess that really was a partnership that was never going to work.

I think if there's one thing Lit has taught me it's that you have to be absolutely true to yourself, not just honest with others.
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There's nothing wrong with a BBC fantasy. Just leave the racist word out. There are lots of words in the English language to describe a person and/or body parts. No one needs to use objectionable words.

You are well rid of this person, Quim.
 
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