✨Highlights and Bombshells💥

[BreukelenAnima]

I really love this thread and so appreciate everyone's opinions and voices. There is a lot here to cherry pick and write additional thoughts on, but I think the only thing I would add is that the conversations that I've had on Lit are very important to me. I always refer to Lit as "an erotic literature site" and not a porn site. I don't mind / definitely enjoy risqué conversations, and one can definitely lose themselves in all kinds of kinks and fetishes, but the best part of this site so far has been the people I've met and the discussions / dialogue that have taken place. I love lending my opinion to the Daily Song Challenge and am excited when someone post a song I never heard before and I listen to it and immediately love the song. It makes me want to message the person (which I have done) and strike up a conversation. I want to know them... I want to know what else they like... What kinds of music, films, art do they like? What book are they reading? I'm interested in what moves people... what inspires them?

I've spent most of my life as a professional writer and a teacher, and so much of that is a solitary endeavor -- I've learned that I really value the correspondences that I've made... It crushes me when people disappear or suddenly ghost me over a silly disagreement or for whatever reason... I love the dialoguing and I do value every single person that i've met on here. If it's a worthy connection -- I actually yearn for it and want to keep it.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I really love this thread and so appreciate everyone's opinions and voices. There is a lot here to cherry pick and write additional thoughts on, but I think the only thing I would add is that the conversations that I've had on Lit are very important to me. I always refer to Lit as "an erotic literature site" and not a porn site. I don't mind / definitely enjoy risqué conversations, and one can definitely lose themselves in all kinds of kinks and fetishes, but the best part of this site so far has been the people I've met and the discussions / dialogue that have taken place. I love lending my opinion to the Daily Song Challenge and am excited when someone post a song I never heard before and I listen to it and immediately love the song. It makes me want to message the person (which I have done) and strike up a conversation. I want to know them... I want to know what they else they like... What kinds of music, films, art do they like? What book are they reading? I'm interested in what moves people... what inspires them?

I've spent most of my life as a professional writer and a teacher, and so much of that is a solitary endeavor -- I've learned that I really value the correspondences that I've made... It crushes me when people disappear or suddenly ghost me over a silly disagreement or for whatever reason... I love the dialoguing and I do value every single person that i've met on here.

*high five to a fellow teacher! May is rough, isn’t it?? Sheesh …

And yes, the friendships here are real. And so is the heartache. Ghosting is a gut punch that sure hurts for a long time. And it confuses me too. Bc I don’t know why. And then there’s the cycle…

This is one of the many things I feel like I should have grown out of my now. How old am I? And these things still bother me? They shouldn’t, should they? And actually most of the time, they don’t. But I will catch myself thinking, “if only I’d said ____ to that person three years ago, maybe this would have been avoided, but wait, I didn’t know ___ then…” and you just keep going around and around.

Or maybe it’s just me. This is when I know that it’s time to take a walk or talk to a friend or do some laundry or whatever else but think of things that could have been.

I come back to you just do the best you can with the information you have at the time. And that’s the best I can do.

Well that was a rambling tangent. sorry folks, and @BreukelenAnima but I guess that’s just what was on my mind.

 

[BreukelenAnima]

*high five to a fellow teacher! May is rough, isn’t it?? Sheesh …

And yes, the friendships here are real. And so is the heartache. Ghosting is a gut punch that sure hurts for a long time. And it confuses me too. Bc I don’t know why. And then there’s the cycle…

This is one of the many things I feel like I should have grown out of my now. How old am I? And these things still bother me? They shouldn’t, should they? And actually most of the time, they don’t. But I will catch myself thinking, “if only I’d said ____ to that person three years ago, maybe this would have been avoided, but wait, I didn’t know ___ then…” and you just keep going around and around.

Or maybe it’s just me. This is when I know that it’s time to take a walk or talk to a friend or do some laundry or whatever else but think of things that could have been.

I come back to you just do the best you can with the information you have at the time. And that’s the best I can do.

Well that was a rambling tangent. sorry folks, and @BreukelenAnima but I guess that’s just what was on my mind.

Thank you for your feedback and for starting this thread... I love your line about doing the best you can with the information you have at the time... That's all you can do, and it's important to recongize it then and now. I miss the friendships that ended on here... (particularly a recent one -- I wish she'd read this). Perhaps I was misinterpreting things or rushed to an assumption...? Either way, I try to do the best I can and always have good intentions... especially for like-minded souls on this site who are fighting the good fight like I am, and who are doing their very best every day -- as am I.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

. I’m envious. I want to have those deep, bare-your-soul talks,

bear? bare?

I switched it to bare. Yes?

 

[SimonSex]

bear? bare?

I switched it to bare. Yes?

Anything you wish to bare is good with us!

 

[Mei5ter]

I’m an ENFJ

I am an INFJ

I've always imagined Myers Briggs results being sung to YMCA with suitable actions for the personality type.

Girls? Go!

 

[hotwords229_A]

Reading above, quick question—If you have been ghosted, have you ever tried to contact the person and ask why?

I suppose I’ve been ghosted by a friend, I reached out, she didn’t reply and that’s all I could do. I have no further questions about her. That’s who she is.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Reading above, quick question—If you have been ghosted, have you ever tried to contact the person and ask why?

I suppose I’ve been ghosted by a friend, I reached out, she didn’t reply and that’s all I could do. I have no further questions about her. That’s who she is.

Yes. There was … no reply.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Reading above, quick question—If you have been ghosted, have you ever tried to contact the person and ask why?

I suppose I’ve been ghosted by a friend, I reached out, she didn’t reply and that’s all I could do. I have no further questions about her. That’s who she is.

I don't think I've ever been ghosted by someone while they remained active on Lit. That would be tough, to see someone here and posting while they are ignoring you. The few times I've been ghosted, things seemed to be going well then the person disappeared. My first instinct is to worry and message them asking if everything is okay. If I don't hear anything back after a few days, I will send another message saying that I hope they are okay and that I enjoyed talking with them.

My worst experience was being ghosted in "real life" by a person who had been one of my closest friends for six years. We saw each other weekly for Pilates for all that time. In 2023, she had some life changes and had to quit Pilates. We promised to make time to see each other every couple months. That happened once in 2023. We occasionally exchanged texts. In January 2024, I texted her on her birthday. The message was never read. I sent a second text a couple months later telling her that I missed her and our friendship, that I wasn't sure if I'd done something to upset her, and that I would love to reconnect. That text was never read as well.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Yes. There was … no reply.

Same. I think @hotwords229_A is right that you just have to accept that’s who they are. Even if that feels awful and there’s no closure.

 

[BreukelenAnima]

I was recently ghosted by someone who is still on Lit and who posts semi-regularly. It was extremely disheartening at first and I did reach out, foolishly believing that my explanation could soothe things over. We're all here for different reasons, but I think Lit serves as a form of escapism from the real world, and the contacts we make on here can be meaningful / are meaningful to most of us. With that said, I really feel that grace needs to be afforded to one and all. Sometimes our words inside of a message can easily be misconstrued or our intentions might not necessarily reflect our thoughts or true feelings of who we really are, or even in that moment, yet we're suddenly labeled and our explanation is overshadowed by that person's sudden interpretation on who they think we now are. It's a terrible box to be placed in, but if we choose to believe that everyone is acting in good faith, then maybe people can find the grace to continue the dialogue and offer a 2nd chance. It's been my standard practice on Lit and it seems to be working fine. We all deserve grace -- on Lit and in our lives.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Same. I think @hotwords229_A is right that you just have to accept that’s who they are. Even if that feels awful and there’s no closure.

I do accept it. I’m just disappointed.

I can’t imagine cutting someone off with no explanation, especially if they extended an olive branch. It is one thing to move on. It’s another to be cruel about it. All it takes is an “I am in a different place now.” Or “you really hurt me, and I don’t think we can move forward from that.”

However, things like this make it easy to see who shares the same values that you do.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I do accept it. I’m just disappointed.

I can’t imagine cutting someone off with no explanation, especially if they extended an olive branch. It is one thing to move on. It’s another to be cruel about it. All it takes is an “I am in a different place now.” Or “you really hurt me, and I don’t think we can move forward from that.”

However, things like this make it easy to see who shares the same values that you do.

Not that I'm defending ghosting... I think it's horrible and I feel bad that I've done it in the past. But I have to say that it might not always be out of cruelty or lack of caring. Sometimes it's possible to get in a place where you don't think anyone will care or notice that you disappear. Even when they are telling you they do. It doesn't seem real or authentic. Depression plays havoc with natural thought processes.

 

[Girly_girl]

*high five to a fellow teacher! May is rough, isn’t it?? Sheesh …

And yes, the friendships here are real. And so is the heartache. Ghosting is a gut punch that sure hurts for a long time. And it confuses me too. Bc I don’t know why. And then there’s the cycle…

This is one of the many things I feel like I should have grown out of my now. How old am I? And these things still bother me? They shouldn’t, should they? And actually most of the time, they don’t. But I will catch myself thinking, “if only I’d said ____ to that person three years ago, maybe this would have been avoided, but wait, I didn’t know ___ then…” and you just keep going around and around.

Or maybe it’s just me. This is when I know that it’s time to take a walk or talk to a friend or do some laundry or whatever else but think of things that could have been.

I come back to you just do the best you can with the information you have at the time. And that’s the best I can do.

Well that was a rambling tangent. sorry folks, and @BreukelenAnima but I guess that’s just what was on my mind.

@Love_Is_Blonde I couldn’t agree with you more and you described ghosting perfectly. It is a brutal gut punch and the not knowing what happens makes it that much more painful. I’m sorry this happened to you, for what it’s worth it’s their loss because I think you’re an absolute gem.

I was recently ghosted by someone who is still on Lit and who posts semi-regularly. It was extremely disheartening at first and I did reach out, foolishly believing that my explanation could soothe things over. We're all here for different reasons, but I think Lit serves as a form of escapism from the real world, and the contacts we make on here can be meaningful / are meaningful to most of us. With that said, I really feel that grace needs to be afforded to one and all. Sometimes our words inside of a message can easily be misconstrued or our intentions might not necessarily reflect our thoughts or true feelings of who we really are, or even in that moment, yet we're suddenly labeled and our explanation is overshadowed by that person's sudden interpretation on who they think we now are. It's a terrible box to be placed in, but if we choose to believe that everyone is acting in good faith, then maybe people can find the grace to continue the dialogue and offer a 2nd chance. It's been my standard practice on Lit and it seems ti be working fine. We all deserve grace -- on Lit and in our lives.

Sorry you were ghosted. As for being ghosted by someone here and seeing them still active, I can’t imagine how disheartening that is. Your post is beautifully worded.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Not that I'm defending ghosting... I think it's horrible and I feel bad that I've done it in the past. But I have to say that it might not always be out of cruelty or lack of caring. Sometimes it's possible to get in a place where you don't think anyone will care or notice that you disappear. Even when they are telling you they do. It doesn't seem real or authentic. Depression plays havoc with natural thought processes.

I can see that. I think that is very different than when someone does it out of spite or when they are still around but just not talking to you.

Depression is an awful weight to bear and sometimes you just have no choice.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

@Love_Is_Blonde I couldn’t agree with you more and you described ghosting perfectly. It is a brutal gut punch and the not knowing what happens makes it that much more painful. I’m sorry this happened to you, for what it’s worth it’s their loss because I think you’re an absolute gem.

Sorry you were ghosted. As for being ghosted by someone here and seeing them still active, I can’t imagine how disheartening that is. Your post is beautifully worded.

*pounce*
Hey GG and thank you

 

[hotwords229_A]

I’ve told this story before, but years ago on Lit I was contacted by two separate women at two separate times and they both told me I was a jerk becuase I was ignoring them.

Apparently, they had responded to things I said within threads and I didn’t reply back.

I was totally unaware that I was doing it, it wasn’t intentional at all. But they both called me out on it. Although I disagreed with the calling me a jerk part, I liked that they confronted me. We PM’d a few times and everything was cool.

That’s not the same as ghosting, but it’s kind of similar. That’s why I asked about contacting the person just to make sure there isn’t a miscommunication.

 

[Girly_girl]

I’ve told this story before, but years ago on Lit I was contacted by two separate women at two separate times and they both told me I was a jerk becuase I was ignoring them.

Apparently, they had responded to things I said within threads and I didn’t reply back.

I was totally unaware that I was doing it, it wasn’t intentional at all. But they both called me out on it. Although I disagreed with the calling me a jerk part, I liked that they confronted me. We PM’d a few times and everything was cool.

That’s not the same as ghosting, but it’s kind of similar. That’s why I asked about contacting the person just to make sure there isn’t a miscommunication.

In another lifetime, aka who I once was before I self reflected… I was close to someone here for many years, at least it seemed like it. When it all came down he really did not treat me very well so I walked away from him, he had ghosted me on many occasions and I had reached out and was greeted by months/ years of silence. Who I am today I just can’t be the one who reaches out, a very wise and dear friend taught me, “If they wanted to, they would”.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I’ve told this story before, but years ago on Lit I was contacted by two separate women at two separate times and they both told me I was a jerk becuase I was ignoring them.

Apparently, they had responded to things I said within threads and I didn’t reply back.

I was totally unaware that I was doing it, it wasn’t intentional at all. But they both called me out on it. Although I disagreed with the calling me a jerk part, I liked that they confronted me. We PM’d a few times and everything was cool.

That’s not the same as ghosting, but it’s kind of similar. That’s why I asked about contacting the person just to make sure there isn’t a miscommunication.

That’s an important clarification. Miscommunication isn’t the same as ghosting. People get signals crossed all the time and that’s what it usually is. It isn’t usually ghosting. But this was. It happened to me twice. One person got his feelings hurt because I didn’t respond quickly enough to his message and he took offense to that so he decided to stop talking to me. (This is what I think, but I don’t really know because he never responded to my repeated attempts to ask him if that is what was happening). But you know how online communications are; messages come in at different times, or they lag, or you’re looking in one place while the message comes in to another. Anyway- it was not intentional. At first I was sad because I felt badly that I’d hurt his feelings. Then I got over that. I did not mean hurt his feelings. I apologized for doing so. He did not respond. That was the best that I could do.

This was quite a while ago so I’m over it and I’m sure he is too.

 

[hotwords229_A]

That’s an important clarification. Miscommunication isn’t the same as ghosting. People get signals crossed all the time and that’s what it usually is. It isn’t usually ghosting. But this was. It happened to me twice. One person got his feelings hurt because I didn’t respond quickly enough to his message and he took offense to that so he decided to stop talking to me. (This is what I think, but I don’t really know because he never responded to my repeated attempts to ask him if that is what was happening). But you know how online communications are; messages come in at different times, or they lag, or you’re looking in one place while the message comes in to another. Anyway- it was not intentional. At first I was sad because I felt badly that I’d hurt his feelings. Then I got over that. I did not mean hurt his feelings. I apologized for doing so. He did not respond. That was the best that I could do.

This was quite a while ago so I’m over it and I’m sure he is

To quote @Lord Pmann ”He sounds like a delight”.

It sucks to lose a friend, or more accurately, to find out a friend is actually an emotional nut job that you’re better off without.

In this case, it sounds like he is the kind of person who holds people hostage with his emotions.

I guess there is no correct answer to this one. People are weird.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I had to think long and hard about this. Of course I've been ghosted, I would bet each of us have. The friends that slip off and you don't hear from them for months, I'm always willing to pick up where we left off when they return.

Others I've invested time into getting to know in a deeper sense - I'm just at the "fuck 'em" part of life. I'm not going to put effort into that.

But. If you're my friend and you keep disappearing, I'm letting that go. Some have my phone number, and if they can't be bothered - I'm not losing sleep.over it.

Relationships are different and, thankfully, those have always ended on good terms.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

This topic seems to come up every few months in different forms and in different threads. You’re right, BFG, it does seem to have happened to us all at some point, and if it hasn’t, then count yourself lucky.

I think that’s testament as to just how real these friendships and relationships are. Whenever I see someone say something like, “It’s just an online relationship or friendship, it doesn’t mean anything,” I think about how real those feelings of loss are when someone just disappears.

 

[BreukelenAnima]

This topic seems to come up every few months in different forms and in different threads. You’re right, BFG, it does seem to have happened to us all at some point, and if it hasn’t, then count yourself lucky.

I think that’s testament as to just how real these friendships and relationships are. Whenever I see someone say something like, “It’s just an online relationship or friendship, it doesn’t mean anything,” I think about how real those feelings of loss are when someone just disappears.

Yes, I believe you are exactly right... and your last sentence lies at the heart of the issue for me personally. The feelings of loss are real when a person simply disappears. That feeling of loss is a clear reflection of how positive the exchanges started out and how they made you feel. It's wonderful when words can make a new friend or draw you close to someone... and when it ends so abruptly, or your efforts to repair your words in order to create a deeper understanding go ignored... It is definitely a loss... sometimes extremely hurtful and painful. You can't help but wonder how deep it might've gone, how real could it have become, and might it have leapt off the pages of Lit and into our real lives? The nature of the Lit makes something like that far reaching and a bit of a dream, but one does wonder what might've been. At the very least, a good and loyal friend on here is a very good thing...and most of us are open to such a friendship.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

The last thing I’ll say about all of the above is that some things you can control and some things you can’t. Focusing on what you have the power to change is the healthy route. It’s not good to linger.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]